Previously on The Real World: Colin admires Ruthie's strength and is glad she came back. Ruthie is curious to know what her other roommates think about her, but she won't ask them. Annoying definitely doesn't want Colin anymore. So this episode will be about Colin and Ruthie's friendship, and Annoying's attempts to move on. I would also like to say how pleased I am that this season is almost over, because I don't know how much more of these morons I could take. Also, if you missed any episodes, MTV is holding a marathon on November 6th, so check your local listings.
The episode opens with a band playing at Local Motion. The band is called "The Hawaiian Style Band" and they play a song called "Hawaiian Style." Annoying tells us that she spotted "a very nice young man" playing keyboards in the band. I don't know who she's looking at, but the man I'm looking at is definitely not young. I would guess he's thirty-five at the outside, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was forty. Not that forty is old, but it's definitely not young. Unless you're Wonder Bread, the seventy-five-year-old man. But I digress. The "young" man's name is Michael. Tetanus Girl tells us that she will "check out this dude" for Annoying. In a confessional, Annoying tells us that she and Tetanus Girl are very different people. Annoying is more of a "maternal soccer mom." As opposed to a paternal soccer mom, I guess. Tetanus Girl is more of a "crystal lady." But they are allies, now. I find it telling that she said "allies" instead of friends, since it seems they have united to defeat a common enemy -- Ruthie! When Michael the "young" keyboard player wraps up his show, Annoying takes off at a full sprint to catch up with him. She asks him when his birthday is. He says September 12, so he's a Virgo. Hey, me too! Annoying says she's really cheesy, and I laugh and laugh. But I guess she meant she was cheesy because she believes in astrology. Well, that's true too. Annoying tells Michael that she's going to give him her phone number, and then they'll go out to dinner, and then run wildly away together. Really, she said that. I thought I was bossy! Michael agrees. In a confessional, Annoying tells us that she's been avoiding other guys who have been asking her out, and put her life on hold, and she thought she had a good reason. In case we missed the point, they show a shot of Colin. Tetanus Girl tells her to "get on that, girl," and Annoying yells as loudly as she can, "I'll get on that!" and then looks around to make sure Colin heard her.
Ruthie and Colin are walking down the street, and Ruthie asks him if he's going to Kauai with Tetanus Girl. He says they're going to Maui, and asks if she wants to go with them. Ruthie says yes. Colin says that he thinks they will have fun, and that Tetanus Girl tends to want to get all deep about things, instead of just having a good time. That's actually a rather astute observation by Colin. In a confessional, Colin says he didn't know if Ruthie would resent him when she got back. Back on the street, Colin tells Ruthie that if he had known she wouldn't hate him when she got back, he would've arranged the trip with her earlier.
Annoying, Teck and Tetanus Girl walk into a building somewhere. Annoying talks to a guy at a computer, maybe about fliers they are having printed. It's really not clear. Teck and Tetanus Girl start making out. Like, maybe they are joking around, but they are totally hugging and rubbing one another and kissing. What the hell was that? Annoying tells them to cut it out and everyone laughs. Huh? Teck asks Annoying about her hot date as Tetanus Girl mimes playing the keyboard. She is such a dork. Why would she mime playing the keyboard? Anyway, in a confessional, Teck tells us that Annoying wants to let Colin know that he's not the only one on the island who can have her, and that "Mike" is "the rebound cat." Annoying says, "He's nice. He's shy. He's a Virgo." Okay, I'm a Virgo and I am neither nice nor shy. So, astrology is crap. Teck adds that Michael is sexy. I add that he's middle-aged.
Colin and Ruthie are eating subs at some restaurant. I know this because every other shot in this scene is Ruthie chowing down a big sub and talking with her mouth full. Colin gets a page, and he shows it to Ruthie to ask her what it means. Ruthie reads it: "Kaia did not get money to go to Maui. I'm sorry but it all worked out in the end much." In a confessional, Tetanus Girl tells us that she sent Colin a page to tell him she's not going to Maui. Tetanus Girl has very scary eyebrows in this scene. Colin doesn't understand the page. Ruthie explains that Tetanus Girl isn't going, but maybe it's for the best. Was that so hard to understand? In a confessional, Tetanus Girl says that the original plans was to go with Colin, but when she found out Ruthie was going too, she decided not to go. Ruthie tells Colin that she hasn't spoken to Tetanus Girl since the boat cruise, and come to think of it, she didn't talk to her then either. Colin says maybe that's why Tetanus Girl isn't going. In a confessional, Tetanus Girl tells us that Ruthie is threatened by her friendship with Annoying. Colin tells us, also in a confessional, that he invited Ruthie to Maui to get to know her as she is now, and see how she has changed.
Colin and Ruthie wake up and are late for their flight, so they "haul ass" to the airport. Colin is driving the van. Did they leave the van in airport parking the whole time? Couldn't one of their roommates have dropped them off? Anyway, Colin says, "I cut through traffic like cheese. I also cut cheese while I cut through traffic." Now, I'm always up for a good fart joke. But, to quote Sars, "Like, ha ha. Not." Colin and Ruthie run through the airport and nearly miss their flight. Isn't Maui really close? Wouldn't there be flights leaving every hour or so? I honestly don't know, but you'd think so. Anyway, they arrive on Maui and meet up with Melanie, a friend of Colin's stepmom. They arrive at their campsite and find out that they're going to "launch" early tomorrow. I must have missed what they are going to launch. Ruthie shows off her manners and class, by announcing to their hosts that they will all be getting up at "the butt crack of dawn."
Annoying is going on her date and she squeals like a piglet when she sees Michael. She tells us they went to Don Ho's restaurant. I would think only tourists would go there, you know? You'd think someone who lives on the island, like Michael, would take her to a hidden gem of a restaurant that only the locals know. At dinner, Annoying puts her face really close to Michael's and smiles a lot. I guess she's flirting with him, but it's scaring me. Also, there are other people sitting at the table with them, but that is never mentioned. It goes against the storyline of their romantic first date. Annoying tells us that it's a different experience going out with a goofy nineteen-year-old than going out with a "more settled twenty-nine-year-old." Twenty-nine, my ass. Annoying tells Michael that she's only twenty-one, and that she was born in the 70s. Unlike all the twenty-one-year-olds born in the 60s, I guess. Michael says he was born in '66. Why would she lie and say he was twenty-nine? Because being born in 1966 would clearly make him thirty-three. Actually, at the time of taping he would have been thirty-two. I wonder if the editors caught her in that lie on purpose. Anyway, Annoying tells us that Michael is a sign that she's ready to move on. In the restaurant, Annoying kisses him as the music says, "I sell my soul to anyone." Wow, the producers really don't like her, do they? Annoying and Michael go for a walk, and kiss some more.
Annoying and Tetanus Girl are in the van together, and Annoying asks Tetanus Girl if she hates it when people ask if they can kiss her. That's never happened to Tetanus Girl, I'm sure. Anyway, Tetanus Girl says it's cute that Michael asked, and Annoying tried to pretend she wasn't referring to Michael. In a confessional, Annoying tells us that she got "a good vibe" from Michael. Tetanus Girl says that Michael wanted to kiss Annoying because she wore "a cleavage shirt." Not to be mean, but isn't pretty much any shirt Annoying wears a cleavage shirt? Except maybe a turtleneck or something. Anyway, Annoying says that she changed into the "non-cleavage black tank top." In a confessional, Tetanus Girl says that she likes the "airiness" about Annoying. In the van, Tetanus Girl tells Annoying that she feels her energy so strongly right now, and that Annoying is inwardly happy. Annoying says she feels cleansed. Someone please shoot me now, because I can't deal with these two in conversation. In a confessional, Annoying says that it's nice to finally meet someone in Hawaii who is so wonderful. I thought she was talking about Kaia, but I guess she was talking about Michael. Then again, she could have been talking about Colin for all we know. Annoying tells Tetanus Girl that she's going to call Michael to come over and that she'll have to wash her sheets. Look, I don't mind if Annoying wants to have sex and all, but do I have to hear about it?
Wonder Bread is standing in the kitchen looking at a magazine and he snickers. Ruthie asks him what's funny. Wonder Bread reads, "I sued the man who gave me an STD and won." Gee, leaving that magazine out is kind of like ripping a page out of your journal and leaving it on the counter, huh? I mean who would do that? Oh, that's right, David did that last year in Seattle. Anyway, Ruthie talks about how "her friend" has an STD you can't get rid of and she's always telling Ruthie to be careful. Wonder Bread says, "Hello, my name is Matt. Small penis, clean penis. Let's get it on. With a condom." If that's the approach he's using, I can't imagine why he hasn't so much as touched a girl while in Hawaii. And is anyone surprised that he has a small penis? And did I need to know that? Ruthie says that some girls don't even think about STDs and some don't get checked because they don't want to know. Wonder Bread continues the public service announcement by telling us that when you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with everyone that person has had sex with. Thanks, but I'm sure we all took Health class. Teck walks in and read the headline, and Wonder Bread says, "I stopped on it too, like 'Why is this page open? Does somebody have an STD in this house?" I was wondering if he could be a bigger asshole. I didn't think it was possible after the whole Ruthie fiasco, but clearly I was wrong.
Annoying is on the phone with her friend Ellen, and says that she's having a crisis. Ellen says, "Pregnant?" and Annoying says no, someone may have given her something. Ellen says, "Like herpes?" and I don't know why that was her first guess, really. Annoying says that she doesn't know what it is, but she thinks someone from her past gave it to her, not Michael or Colin. Then again, it could just be a reaction to underwear, she says, and she's freaking out. While I want to be sympathetic to Annoying's plight, would you tell the whole world before you were even tested? And even then? In my mind, news of an STD is something you only share with perhaps close friends and definitely potential sexual partners. And that's it.
Annoying is confiding in Wonder Bread for some reason, since that has worked out oh-so-well for everyone else in the house. Wonder Bread is wearing that shirt. She tells him that she's confused and it's made her shy away from Michael who "wanted to get a little too close." In other words, he wanted to have sex and she doesn't think she should since she might have herpes. I think she made the right choice! In a confessional, Annoying tells us that her fear of having a virus makes her not want to be intimate with anyone. Again, good choice. If she's so adept at making good choices, why is she talking to Wonder Bread? Annoying feels bad because Michael likes her a lot and she doesn't know how to tell him about her problem. Wonder Bread says she should just be honest. Annoying says she's had the longest day. This has definitely been a long half-hour for us viewers! Annoying calls Michael to tell him he's going to be mad but she is going out with Pam. She barely has the words out of her mouth before he says, "Cool!" so I'm guessing he's not that upset.