Now we get to see the cast arriving at the house. Teck is first. Teck talks about how racially tolerant he is, while they show his audition tape on which every single person is black.
Teck gets in a cab which goes to pick up Ruthie. She tells us she is thinking about Jess. (Hmm, Jess could be a boy or a girl.) They show a clip of Ruthie and Jess hugging on the beach -- still unsure. Finally they show their faces and -- hey, Jess is a girl! Boy, those producers are tricky. Anyway, the cab pulls up and Ruthie gets in.
, we see Matt. One question: why would you wear a Hawaiian shirt in Hawaii? He tells us he's ready for a serious relationship. Matt picks up Amaya, who is 21 and from Oakland, CA, and also a student at UCLA. Amaya says she has wanted to work in the entertainment industry since she was 3. Matt has one of the funniest lines of the episode: "When I was 3, I was crapping my shorts and watching Sesame Street." Amaya and Matt must have been having a boring conversation because they don't show them much more.
That's probably because Teck and Ruthie have arrived at the house. Ruthie does this really annoying giggle after every sentence. Teck keeps looking at the camera and making faces. It bugs me. As the gates open at the house, I hope that velociraptors are going to pop out and eat them, because it looks like a smaller version of the gate from Jurassic Park. No such luck. Instead, they decide to go skinny-dipping. Really, they do this all the time. It has nothing to do with the camera being there.
After the commercial, Matt and Amaya arrive to find their roommates naked in the pool. Teck invites them into the pool. Call me a prude, but I agree with Matt -- no naked, especially not on the first day. Matt continues to stand around looking awkward in the dorky Hawaiian shirt that I still can't believe he wore.
cast member is Tetanus Girl who says, "It's not JUST that I have so much charisma when I walk into a room, people look at me -- it's that I back it up." On behalf of Sars, I would like to award this woman the Golden Stepladder Award. The trophy is a gigantic golden stepladder, as big as her ego (and that's big) which she should use to climb up and get over herself.
Matt tries to find someone else who is as uncomfortable with nudity as he is. Guess what, brother -- Tetanus Girl's not it. , Matt furthers his humiliation by trying to hit on Ruthie who has a GIRLFRIEND! D'oh!
Justin arrives . He's obviously not long for this house because he's moral, smart and gay. Teck yells out "Are you gay? Are you gay?" and Justin says "Yes." Inexplicably, everyone cheers. While this is better than beating him up, it still seems weird. Why make a big deal about it? Matt continues to look for someone else who is uncomfortable too.
Colin finally arrives, and most of the cast members are surprised to see him, since he was a REJECT and all. That noise you hear that sounds like an approaching helicopter is the collective sound of the casting directors patting themselves on the back for being SO DARNED CLEVER! Like we didn't all figure it out anyway. Amaya annoys me further by saying "Wait a gosh-darned second here!" Why does every word out of her mouth sound like she's reading a script? Colin has the key, and they enter the house.
Of course, the house is great. Do you think the New York and LA people are bitter? I mean, their places were okay, but nothing compared to the last three seasons.
Matt shows off his judgmentality by not wanting to room with Justin, because Justin is gay. So he rooms with Ruthie and Amaya, because he thinks Ruthie is hot. So, let me get this straight. It's not cool for Justin to potentially hit on you as his bunkmate (which he wouldn't, because you're a dork) but it's okay for you to hit on Ruthie as your bunkmate. Oh, I see. You're not just judgmental, you're a hypocrite too.
Teck and Tetanus Girl room together. We find out Tetanus Girl is a vegan and Teck is a convenience store, since his motto is "all day, every day".
Justin and Colin get stuck with the bunkbeds. Wait, they have this huge, beautiful, multi-million dollar house, and then they have bunkbeds? What's up with that? But the producers don't try to stir up controversy. Because you wouldn't be sour about getting the bunk beds when everyone else got these beautiful rooms with like king sized beds, would you?
Tetanus Girl and Justin have a nice talk, and she tries to make him feel more comfortable there. Then she takes off her shirt for no apparent reason. Then she says, "I also really, really, really like looking at myself." I hate her.
Amaya has trouble with the word "breasts." So far, she has said "the twins" and "na-na's". Just say "breasts"!
Ruthie cries about her girlfriend to Justin. Colin claims that the castmates are lucky to be there, and then they all drink a lot of alcohol.
The morning, Ruthie's up early. Kaia is writing a poem on the computer. Matt comments on how much Ruthie drank last night. (Clever use of foreshadowing here!)
Ruthie goes to class and we find out that she was a foster child, and has gotten a lot of pressure NOT to succeed from her family.
Amaya talks about her breasts AGAIN!! We learn that she has body issues.
Matt learns more about Ruthie. He is trying to act interested in something besides getting in her pants. We learn that Jess asked Ruthie to stop drinking. Amaya says, "Ruthie drinks A LOT" over a montage of Ruthie drinking. The song in the background says, "Alcohol, alcohol". Ouch! That was me getting hit over the head with Ruthie's drinking problem. Cut it out.
Ruthie is drunk, everyone says. So she decides to go swimming. Everyone thinks this is a fine idea. Ruthie passes out and drowns in the pool. Just kidding. After swimming, Ruthie thinks she is sober, but she is still slurring her words. Amaya says, "She's drunk" AGAIN!
Dear Real World Producers: We. Get. It. Love, Kim
The roommates, sans Justin, are going out. Amaya has changed three times before leaving the house. Ruthie drinks some more and Matt is all concerned and wondering whether to intervene. Because he wouldn't want Ruthie to get so drunk, he can't take advantage of her. Come on, you know that's what he was thinking.
Ruthie sways and falls over at the bar. A bouncer carries her outside. The roommates investigate. Ruthie can barely talk at this point. Amaya annoys everyone by asking Ruthie 45 times if she needs to puke. Ruthie keeps trying to get back into the bar. Colin says he didn't realize how drunk she was and Tetanus Girl says it's no big deal that Ruthie is practically dead.
Amaya and Matt take Ruthie home. The rest of the roommates collectively shrug their shoulders and go back into the club. Once home, Amaya, Matt and Justin decide to put Ruthie in a cold shower. Poor Justin, who didn't even go out, gets stuck holding a practically naked -- and particularly comatose -- Ruthie in the shower while Matt is doing something else and Amaya is calling an ambulance. Amaya takes time out to pitch a fit because the other roommates didn't come with them. Because there's all the time in the world when someone's almost dead in the other room.
Justin realizes that he can't support Ruthie's dead body weight any more and yells for Matt to help him get her out of the shower. Matt notices that Ruthie's eyes have rolled back in her head. Matt claims that Ruthie had a seizure, but I didn't see that happen. But I wasn't there, so what do I know? If she did, it lasted maybe a second. I mean, it's still serious, but later on they talk like Ruthie was doing the jitterbug across the floor or something and foaming at the mouth.
The ambulance arrives to take Ruthie away and Amaya is crying. Suddenly, I think Amaya remembers the cameras are watching and launches into full drama queen mode -- "I hope they are dancing their asses off." Justin looks ashamed of her. Matt is hiding behind a street sign.
Matt, Justin and Amaya go to the hospital to find out what's up with Ruthie. Meanwhile, Tetanus Girl, Teck and Colin leave the club and discuss Ruthie in the cab on the way home. Tetanus Girl says that Ruthie was just doing it for the drama and that "there are better ways to get attention." How? By walking around topless all the time? By talking as if your jaw is wired shut? Colin says that Ruthie has a drinking problem. Teck says Ruthie's background is a factor, but it doesn't justify her actions.
Tetanus Girl is topless on the phone at home (because she KNOWS the appropriate way to get attention), talking to Matt at the hospital. Matt agrees to call home every half hour with an update on Ruthie's condition. Tet Girl goes back to the hot tub, where she, Teck and Colin are maxing and relaxing, while Ruthie is dying. Everybody keeps saying Ruthie was "seizuring", which I don't think is a word. Try "having seizures." When Amaya and Justin get home, Amaya acts all bitchy. She obviously knows how to get attention too. I really hate when, instead of telling you they are mad at you, people just act all pouty, and then you have to guess why they are mad, or grovel. Finally Amaya tells Teck why she is mad, and he thanks her for taking care of Ruthie.
Ruthie and Matt come home. Ruthie thinks someone slipped her a mickey, because she couldn't have gotten that messed up on just alcohol. Thankfully, Amaya tells her no one spiked her drink -- she just had way too much. In the kitchen, Tet Girl tells Amaya she is "noble" for taking care of Ruthie. Amaya says she is done baby-sitting, and that Ruthie has a problem. Meanwhile, Amaya is changing her bra or something. It's all very confusing.
Unfortunately, my tape stops here. I was watching, and I know not much else happened except that they showed little scenes from the rest of the season. We have much to look forward to, my friends. See you week.