Previously, on the Real World: Okay, my tape cut off the very beginning of this, but from what I saw, Melissa said she thinks David's muscles are too big. David said "she" (Melissa?) knows he loves women and is a "playa person." I am officially tired of the word "playa." So, from those humble beginnings, we can discern that this episode will be about Melissa and David. Well, it could be worse. It could be Julie and Matt. I'm sure that will come later in the season.
After credits, it's morning at South Fork. I mean, Belfort. Jamie goes for a jog and must not come back until the end of the episode because he's barely in it. Danny still has on that gray sweater from last week. Kelley is walking around in her "pajamas," which consist of a black camisole and black boy-cut underwear. Melissa and David are preparing for a trip to the grocery store. Melissa asks David if he put condoms on the list and calls him "Mr. Lover Man." David sings out, "Shabba!" as in the song. In an interview, Melissa says that with David, the "connection was immediate" and it's "based solely on being a minority." Well, I knew she didn't like him for his personality, or his song-writing ability. As they leave the house, Melissa asks David if he has his beeper (which is an atypical meta-reference to "The Project") and tells him to call a cab. David says, "Thank you for giving me light," which doesn't really make any sense, but I guess was a reference to Melissa's bossiness, because she was all telling him what to do.
Once they are in the cab, Melissa tells David that she falls in love quickly and gets crushes really bad and that she has a crush on him. Well, she didn't say that last part, but you know that's what the producers want us to be thinking, so I thought I would just spell it out for you. You're welcome. In an interview, David says he could be faithful and that Melissa is excited, animated and she is beautiful. She reminds him of the girlfriend that broke up with him and started his whole "metamorphis. [sic]" Throughout the interview segments, there were a lot of non-sequiturs, so I started trying to guess what question the interviewer had asked to elicit the desired response. For example, I imagine that the interviewer asked David something like, "Do you think Melissa is beautiful?" because of his emphasis on the word "is" in his response. But we stupid viewers just think, "Hey, David thinks Melissa is purty!" Anyway, David tells Melissa he was fat when he was younger and he had a Jheri curl, and he was intelligent but not like he is today. So he used to be intelligent, but now he's not? This conversation is all edited to pieces, so I can't even make fun of what they're saying. Well, I can and I will, but I feel a little weird about it. Melissa says something about The Nutty Professor II, maybe referring to fat little David. In an interview, David says again that Melissa is beautiful and that she's a lot of things that Grace (his former girlfriend?) was, and he doesn't know how to feel about that. So I guess the interviewer asked how Melissa reminds him of Grace. See, isn't it fun to try to guess the questions? The responses make so much more sense that way. Back in the cab, David tells Melissa that he doesn't ever want to see Grace again and looking at Melissa makes him think of Grace constantly and makes him want to stay away, and that he thought that would be a problem, but apparently it's not. Throughout this soliloquy, David avoids eye contact with Melissa, instead looking out the window. Melissa says she's glad things worked out because since they are the "two brown people" in the house, she "won't have [him] being nasty to her."
Now they're in a different room, I think, or it might be the same room shot from a different angle. Melissa asks David if he wants to hook up. He replies, "With you?" No, with Danny. Duh! Melissa says that David needs a lot of attention but he won't give as much as he needs. David says something about attention that I couldn't hear at all. Melissa says that she wants attention from everyone in the house, and she wants "to be the star." You know, as annoying as that is, it's nice to hear someone on this show actually admit the reason why they are all there -- to get attention. At least Melissa is up front about it, and doesn't hide behind "wanting to find herself" or "meeting new people" like other cast members.
Matt is telling Melissa and Danny that his family is "awesome" and "beautiful" and "totally rad," and that he is who he is only in the context of his family, and he feels like he's part of a team. Melissa says her parents were absent because they were working. Didn't Matt's parents work, or did they just live off the fat of the land? Danny says, "Exactly," and continues that he didn't get much attention because his parents were working. And that's why he's GAY! Just kidding. You know Matt was thinking it, though. Melissa tells Matt that he has a network of people who told him it was "okay to feel sad or feel whatever," whereas she was told that if she had "something to bitch and complain about" to keep it to herself because it wasn't anyone else's problem. They keep showing non-reaction shots of Matt, in that his face is on camera but it is a complete blank. I don't know if he just hides his emotions well, or if he really doesn't care about Melissa's sob story. Melissa says she has "only respect" for her parents, but that won't keep her from dissing them on national television, apparently. She goes on to say that they weren't at "PTA meetings" and when she was in the school play, they were never there and she had to get a ride home with the kid across the street because they didn't care. Yeah, that's showing respect for your parents.
Melissa walks across the street as we hear her saying in a voice-over, "I love my parents to no end." You know, she can keep saying it, but it's not going to change the fact that thus far in the episode, she has talked about her father's problems with alcohol and the fact that her parents weren't around much for her as a child. Melissa reaches a pay phone and calls (as the on-screen text helpfully informs us) her sister, Marlene, who must not have signed a waiver because we don't get to hear her voice. Or maybe it's because it's a pay phone. Anyway, Melissa says she's homesick and then starts crying and says she's unhappy, and that she shouldn't feel this way and shouldn't be crying like a baby, and she doesn't know what's wrong with her. In a voice-over, Melissa tells us she's really sensitive and she misses her family. Wow, that was so helpful. I didn't get that from the part where she was crying on the phone and saying she was homesick. Melissa walks down the street and scarily chants to herself, "This is just one day. You'll be fine tomorrow." I can't make too much fun, because I think this is Melissa's first time away from home, and I won't bore you with stories about my freshman year of college, but suffice to say I behaved in a similar manner. Of course, I was seventeen and Melissa is twenty-two.
Melissa (God, is she going to be in every scene of this episode?) and David walk down the street. I'll just mention now that David continues to wear that stupid black head wrap thing, and I'm letting it slide this week, but if it continues, I am going to have to make fun of him. But just assume he always has it on while in the house. Melissa tells him she's having "a pity party" for herself because she doesn't have "any white girls" as friends at home. She asks David if he "feels different" in the house. David says it's only different in that it's a different place, but "I brought all of me with me." I don't know what that means. I'm noticing I feel that way a lot when David talks. In an interview, Melissa says she's "the brown girl" and no one else in the house has an understanding of what it is to be bi-racial. Yeah, I'm sure Danny couldn't understand what it's like to be an outsider, or Julie, or even Matt for that matter. Maybe she should spend less time feeling sorry for herself and more time getting to know other roommates besides David. Melissa continues by saying that she can hang out with all the guys, and even with all the girls, but she walks into the house and see two blonde girls, and she doesn't even get along with girls in the first place. Okay, none of this is making me feel very sorry for her yet. In an interview, David says that he's seeing Melissa open up and actually talk about something with substance. I guess that statement was for those of you who had a jet airplane flying overhead for the forty-five seconds before. Melissa says that just yesterday, she was thinking, "Thank God David is in the house." David says he's glad she's there. In an interview, David says he and Melissa will "probably hook up" because they both talk very directly. I'm not sure what he meant by "hook up" there. In other conversations, he's used it in the sense of Teck's "chill," but that doesn't seem quite right there. Obviously, it's like the word "Aloha" -- it has many meanings.
Julie and Danny go for a jog, and Julie hurdles over some shrubs and giggles. She asks Danny to help her "resolve" herself of "a gay myth." She asks if he's interested in decoration, architecture and art because he's gay, or just because he is interested. Danny says that he likes architecture. Then they edit out like two seconds of footage for some unknown reason, and cut back in with Julie asking if Danny's into interior design, and he says no.
They're back at the house, sitting at the computer. Danny says, "You mean just because I'm gay?" which I guess we are supposed to think is a continuation of the earlier conversation, but it's clearly not. Julie says she doesn't understand it. Danny asks if it "weirds [her] out." Julie says she doesn't know if it weirds her out as much as it doesn't seem natural. She gives the example of there being "no gay bunnies," even though there are incidences of homosexual behavior in most animal species, and maybe she should use that computer to hop online and do some research before she says things like that. Danny patiently replies that at first, it didn't make sense to him either because all you ever seen on television and in society is a man and a woman together.
The roommates are at some club and the camera makes sure to linger on the two drinks sitting in front of Melissa, even though they can't be hers because they are perfectly clear (and possibly gin and tonics) and later she says she's drinking screwdrivers (which consist of vodka and orange juice, for you non-drinkers out there, so they would be, well, orange). But if you didn't know better, you'd think she was pouring the drinks down like Ruthie on a bender. In an interview, Melissa tells us she's had a bad day and to end it, she's going to have a good night, and if it involves drinking, that's fine because she's not hurting anyone. The obvious melodramatic conclusion the producers want you to draw from that line is, "But herself!"
Melissa is sitting at a table with a practically comatose Matt (wearing what I think is a 1920s beaver-skin coat and sunglasses, indoors, at night), Danny, Julie and someone else. Melissa asks if anyone is getting more drinks. In a confessional, Matt says that by getting drunk after a bad day, Melissa isn't dealing with her issues, she's escaping them. And while the intellectual side of me agrees with him, I don't think there's anything wrong with what Melissa's doing, morally. But maybe that's just because Matt is beginning to strike me as a bit of a tight-ass, and I like to be contrary. The group is out on the sidewalk now, and Melissa starts drunkenly babbling about how she needs someone to stay with her and be responsible, because she's on her third drink. She's on her third drink, and she's acting like that? I was going to make a snide remark, but I feel I should remind everyone that if they are going to drink, to drink responsibly and only in the trusted company of good friends, one of whom is the designated driver. This is a lesson many of my collegiate brain cells died to bring you. Someone (possibly Jamie or Danny) yells that she should be responsible for herself. You know, there was always that annoying friend who became a whiny drunk, and usually either got all wild and embarrassing or started sobbing, or both. I'm guessing that's Melissa. Matt is apparently leaving, so Melissa stops him by grabbing his arm and starts babbling about how she wants him to have a good time because she cares about him and "the raccoon on his back." Heh. To Matt's credit, he smiles indulgently and allows Melissa to kiss him on the cheek. In a voice-over, David says he and Matt don't drink. In a confessional, Julie says she doesn't understand why you need alcohol to have a good time. In an interview, Matt says he doesn't go from one bar to the and he thinks it's stupid. It's like the producers did a search for every possible piece of tape with one of the cast members referring to alcohol and then included them all in this one scene, whether they fit in chronologically or not. Oh wait, that's probably exactly what they did. Also, Matt, I thought you were a good Christian. Whatever happened to "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven," my brother? (Luke 6:37, for those of you playing the home game). I'm just sayin'. Julie and Matt take their leave of their roommates and start walking down the street arm in arm. Julie says that Melissa is sensitive, even though you wouldn't think so because she's "so brash." Matt says that "these people have such sensitivities" because of their backgrounds.