I have to give a shout-out to my friend Mary, who loaned me her tape of this episode when I got screwed by Daylight Savings Time.
Previously on The Real World: Julie played a joke on Matt, but Matt wondered if it was a joke, or if Julie was jealous that he liked another girl. David said everyone was "hating on [him]" because he's brilliant. I guess that's what he tells himself to make it through the day. Then he told Julie that he couldn't give her five minutes, or he would become "stagnant." Julie got really mad and slammed the car door. Really hard! Because she's mad! And she's not going to take it anymore! And later in this episode, the roommates will confront David, and we are all very excited to see that. I hope it's the opening scene!
No such luck. Julie, Matt, and Melissa are riding in the Yukon. Julie says that she had a big argument with David yesterday and hasn't talked to him since. Melissa wants details. Matt wants me to take issue with his dorky hat. No, he really does! I can't think of any other reason why he would wear it. Julie explains that David feels people resent him because he does everything "phenomenably." Maybe that's a special Mormon pronunciation. Julie says she told David that she resents him for being "arrogant as hell." She tries to give it the old one-finger-in-the-air-bobbing-the-head thing, but white girls from Wisconsin just shouldn't do that. I think there's a law on the books in Wisconsin. Someone should call Sean from the Boston season -- he's a lawyer in Wisconsin now, right? Maybe he could tell us. Then again, it's Sean. Probably not. Melissa encourages Julie. In an interview, Melissa says that it takes "time, effort, and balls" to get David to understand. Matt and his hat say that if you "throw your fists up to David, he'll throw his up stronger." Julie doesn't think that David is stronger, and after their conversation in the Yukon, she walked away feeling like she "had made a point, and he had not." Well, of course she felt that way. I'm sure David feels exactly the opposite. All this conflict must be leading somewhere. I bet the confrontation scene is coming right up! In an interview, Matt travels back to the Roaring Twenties with the infamous raccoon coat. He says, "Twenty-three skiddoo! I don't like when people talk about the six of us, thus inferring [sic] that David is the odd man out. David is the bees' knees! I am the cat's pajamas!" Julie continues her "guest on Jenny Jones" speaking style when she says that David needs to "learn that he cannot always function that way because no one is going to like him." Doesn't that imply that some of them like him now? I don't think we've seen evidence of that in any recent episodes. Maybe Matt. I'm not saying I blame any of them for disliking David -- he certainly hasn't been peaches and cream to them.
Nope. Kelley and Julie go into a hair salon. The stylist checks out Julie's hair, and then the camera focuses on a Chihuahua in the background for some unknown reason. The stylist starts trimming, and asks who Julie is dating. Julie says no one, and the stylist keeps getting all up in her business, while Kelley giggles in the background. In a confessional, Julie says that you don't kiss everyone -- "It's like art. You exercise it." How do you exercise art? I swear no one is making any sense this week. Or this season. Or on this show, ever. The stylist thinks Matt is stupid for not kissing Julie. In an interview, Julie says she lives for the feeling she got when Matt first walked into the house, the way her heart jumped. I thought we had disposed of this crush a few episodes back. She's still in love with him? Whatever. Kelley explains to the stylist that Matt doesn't kiss, and the stylist concludes that "there's something wrong with him." You're telling me. Julie says that Matt wants the girl he kisses to be the girl he marries. The stylist is all, "That's why he doesn't want to kiss you! Hello!" Hee! I wish my stylist gave me life advice. Instead, she talks about how hung-over she is. Or I just read a magazine and don't talk to her. In a confessional, Julie says that Matt needs to "exercise his lips," and that his lips are "gorgeous." Oh, hello Halloween candy that I scarfed down earlier. Nice to see you again. Julie tells the stylist that if she touches Matt he gets "all tensed up, and he starts shaking." Kelley and the stylist make ribald jokes about Matt's "love muscle." Everyone giggles. It's just like Steel Magnolias. Except Julie doesn't have diabetes. That I know of.
Julie and some boy are getting into a car as Mandy Moore's "Candy" plays in the background. They have used more TRL hits on this episode than any other. Weird. Anyway, Julie explains that the boy is Jacob, and she met him at her brother's concert. It must be said that Jacob looks about fourteen. I'm surprised that he has a drivers' license. They go in the house, and Julie introduces her date to Matt and Melissa. Melissa makes small talk, and Matt says to Jacob, out of nowhere, "You need to speak up, punk-ass." What? Where did that come from? Also, Matt has a sunburn on his face and huge white patches around his eyes from his sunglasses. Julie kicks him, and Matt tries to defend himself by saying he couldn't hear Jacob. Apparently, the phrases, "Excuse me?" or "I'm sorry, what was that?" haven't made it to Backasswardsville, Georgia yet. Julie tells him not to be rude to her guest, and Matt says if he didn't like Jacob, he wouldn't care what he had to say. Is he drunk? He's acting so strange. In a confessional, Julie says that Matt is always making "rude remarks under his breath" that make both her and Jacob feel uncomfortable. Julie and Jacob leave (and walk past David hanging out on the porch alone), as Julie explains that Matt gets pissed off when she has a friend. Jacob says, "Maybe he likes you." Julie doesn't respond. Ah, wise young Jacob. So young, and yet so wise in the ways of the world.
Back inside, Matt explains to Melissa that he just wanted to talk to Jacob, but Julie got defensive, and now he looks like "the jealous boyfriend, and that's so not even the case." Matt has Dawson Syndrome -- all of his clothes are XXL. Melissa says, "He's cute!" Matt says, "He's also like..." and Melissa finishes, "Twelve." Hee! So true. In true B/M subtle fashion, "What's My Age Again" by Blink182 starts up in the background. What is with the Top 40 hits on this episode? Normally, I don't recognize any of the songs. I was starting to feel really old. Cut to Julie and Jacob sitting on a ledge somewhere, making out. He really is a teenager.
David is driving the Yukon, and he tells Jamie that there's going to be "a hot tub party" with strippers. In an interview, David says everyone will take off their clothes, because that's what they do for a living. You'd think with strippers (and none of my friends are strippers, so I can't really test this theory), it would be like doctors not wanting to examine their friends and relatives, like they want to leave their work at the office. Do you think strippers want to keep all their clothes on when they are off duty? I wonder. David adds that he will be "butt naked, hopefully." What does he mean, hopefully? Does he have no control over it? I bet the scene will be the big confrontation, over the party and all.
More Yukon. In an interview, Julie says that David is going to have a bunch of strippers over. He is? Since when? Julie goes on to call their house "the Belfort Brothel." In the Yukon, Julie is mad that she was the last to know about the party. Melissa says she just found out the night before. Julie thinks the whole "having sex in the hot tub" thing should be an issue, too. Jamie helpfully informs her that "spermies cannot live in the water." Melissa says, "Herpes does." Jamie guesses that there's going to be "so much bootizzy juice" in the hot tub. Everyone groans and cringes, including your intrepid recapper. But it was funny.
The all-TRL edition of The Real World continues as Destiny's Child starts singing "Jumpin' Jumpin'" on the soundtrack. David checks out the hot tub. Various shots of David talking to ladies out on the sidewalk. David voice-overs that he's got strippers coming "from three different places." It's like a stripper variety pack. Some of the strippers enter the house, as David tells us that we're "not going to want to miss this." Okay, so I figure the promised roommate confrontation is going to happen during or after the party, right? I mean, this is only the first commercial break.
Matt tells Melissa that he thought Julie was his best friend in the house, and now he's found out that she's been pissed at him for three weeks. In an interview, Melissa says that Matt truly is oblivious. Matt says he wants to "talk about something new," and Melissa laughs and tells him he's "such a boy" for not wanting to talk about feelings. Melissa tells him that girls "fixate until it's absolutely fixed, or until we realize that it can't be fixed anymore, and when we realize it can't be fixed anymore, we still think about it internally." While I would agree that I felt that way once, I think I grew out of it. I think. But I see what she's saying. Julie comes in to borrow deodorant. Call me squeamish, but I don't like to share my deodorant. Anyway, Melissa and Matt say that they were talking about her. In an interview, Melissa says that Matt wants to fix it, and Julie says she doesn't care. Julie tells Matt that she wrote him a letter. Snore. Oh, sorry, is this scene still going? Julie goes to get the letter. Matt demonstrates how he feels with a toy giraffe. I can't really describe it here, but he was trying to make the point that Julie makes him feel confused, but it came off like he was saying that Julie gives him an erection. Well, it did.
Julie gives the letter to Matt. In an interview, she says she's going to try to communicate the way Matt does, in a more organized fashion. Matt settles in to read the letter. Julie reads said letter aloud in a confessional, saying that she dislikes how Matt criticizes and reprimands her, that he's obsessed with his image, that he speaks to her like a child, and that he's critical and arrogant. Whoa! That's almost enough to get me interested in this storyline. But not really. Hey, there's another commercial. I bet that scene ended the Matt/Julie storyline and the whole rest of the show will be the David confrontation. It's got to be. Ross is still reading the seven-page letter while Rachel waits downstairs. Oops, wrong show. Matt is still reading the letter while Julie waits on the stairs. Yeah, that's it. In an interview, Julie says she doesn't know if Matt will be offended, or want to talk about it. Matt sits and thinks. It's as thrilling as it sounds. Well, maybe they just wanted to provide some continuity over the commercial break, and now comes the confrontation. Geez, there are only a few minutes left!
David calls his mom and tells her that he's going into the studio to record some songs. His mom encourages him. Get it, his mom encourages him even though his roommates don't. David cries. In an interview, David says that he and his mom don't have any money. On the phone, he tells his mother, "It's just you and me." Then, he cries some more. His roommates stand around and look at him, and David just sits there with the phone up to his ear.
Everyone is cleaning up the house. David is sitting in the corner with his keyboard. Matt asks him what section he has, and David says the living room. Matt tells Kelley and Danny about David not cleaning, and they complain. Danny goes downstairs and asks David if he will help. David says the living room is his area, and doesn't make any move to start cleaning. You know, if David would just give them a timeline, or an explanation, or something, they would probably get off his back. Or if he got off his ass and picked up the few things in the living room, which would probably take all of ten minutes. I mean, if he said, "I promise I will clean this area, but I have to go to the studio in an hour, and I need to prepare this right now," the roommates would probably be more understanding. Matt asks David to clean with them, and David doesn't really respond in any way, but he also doesn't start cleaning. In a confessional, David says that he doesn't see the purpose in them cleaning all together, since he has a big night tonight. Jamie asks what area David is cleaning, and David says, "The living room, for the fifth time." In an interview, Matt says that he doesn't want David to be the disliked one in the house. Would Matt rather it be him? Because come on -- there's going to be at least one person on the show that people dislike. It always works that way.
Matt and David are playing pool. Did David ever clean the living room? It's unclear. Matt is asking about David's studio time. In an interview, Matt says that he wanted to go to the studio and show David some support, but when it came time to leave, David left without Matt. But did he clean the living room? The suspense is killing me. Plus, I'm getting a little worried here. There are only like two minutes left in the episode and no big confrontation yet, and David just walked out the door.
David returns from the studio, as we see a patented B/M "tension in the house" montage of streetcars and signs that say "Danger." Matt asks David why he left without him. David says he didn't "feel like having a weird vibe up in the studio." So, the decent thing to do would have been to tell Matt that when he asked to go along, right? Instead of just walking out without saying a word. In an interview, Matt says that he has "given [himself] to David in a way that no one else in the house has, and [he] gets outright dissed." Well, maybe they should confront him or something. David tells Matt, "Whatever, dude." In a confessional, Jamie says that David is a "cavity -- this decay in our house." Matt tells Melissa and Julie that this is the first time he's been "straight-up dissed." But certainly not the last. In a confessional, Melissa says, "Friendship requires reciprocation." Melissa tells Julie that David has no respect for anyone, and he can't even look people in the face when talking to them. Hey, we saw that last week when he was talking to Elton!
In a confessional, Melissa says that Matt is like, "Yahooie kablooie," and David is like, "Play on, playa. Who dis?" Even on the eve of a confrontation (I hope), Melissa is funny. Matt says that David has gone through a lot of shit before coming to the house. Julie says that a lot of them have gone through things and don't act like David. Melissa "cannot wait for the lesson to be learned." You and me both, sister! The counter is at 28:19, and unless they extended the show to an hour this week, it's not looking good. In an interview, Matt says that David is "not what every black man is. David is David." Good point, that. Wait, why am I agreeing with Matt? I'm all messed up by this episode. Melissa concludes that someone needs to tell David "he's a jackass." In an interview, Jamie says that David is "an asshole to all of [them]" and that David needs to hear what they have to say to him. Jamie sticks a sign up to the door declaring a house meeting for tonight. In an interview, Kelley says that the house is "about to explode."
Everyone gathers in the living room. Jamie says that he's calling this house meeting "on the advent of [their] departure," so that they can "leave [New Orleans] with no regrets." Jamie says it's not a meeting about cleaning, or NOA-TV, or parking tickets. It's a meeting about "openness, sincerity, the pursuit of growth, and about why, David [is] an asshole" to his roommates. David just nods and doesn't react at all. And then the dreaded words come up on the screen -- To Be Continued. No! I was looking forward to this all week! Jerks. I'd like to have a confrontation with the producers about this issue.
week: everybody yells at David. David cries. I feel a little bit bad for him. Hey, he's been a jerk, but I always feel bad when many people gang up on one person. Matt talks to Julie about her stupid letter.
Over the credits, everyone talks about why they hate David. Wow. Everyone hates him.