Okay. This is possibly the best confessional sequence in Real World history. Melissa and Julie are in the confessional. Melissa says, "What is going on in this house? What kind of weird sexual situation are we in?" We see a shot of Jamie doing the hula on Danny's bed. Melissa continues, "So Matt's in there praying for his life to be over, while David's servicing the hos." We see a shot of Matt with his pillow over his head, then a shot of David's comforter moving around. Melissa: "Jamie's passed out in Danny's bed. Kelley comes home with Peter, and they go to bed in their room." Shots of Jamie sleeping and Kelley and Peter in bed together. "So , I get another, 'Psst! Yo, Melissa!' 'What?' I'm thinking I'm seeing Jesus and my days are through. It's just long-haired Julie. 'What do you want?'"
There's a quick edit and then Melissa continues, "face. 'Psst! Yo, Melissa!' 'What? What?' It's Danny. He don't know where to sleep. He's trying to jump in Kelley's bed, and there's already a man up in there. He don't know what to do. Try to get in his own bed, butt-naked with Jamie, that ain't gonna work." We see a security-cam looking shot of Danny running naked from room to room with his naughty bits pixellated. Melissa continues, "Try to go up in Matt's room. Matt's still over there praying." We see another shot of Matt with his pillow over his head. "David's still servicing some hos." Another shot of under-the-cover motion. "So, he jumps in my bed. Don't even know Julie's in the bed!" We see a shot of naked Danny running from room to room again. "So, let me tell you what the sex life is like. Melissa is in bed with a Mormon on the left, a naked gay guy on the right. What am I supposed to do with that?" We see Danny walking naked down the hallway again. In the confessional, Julie mock-wails, "What did I sign up for? The Belfort brothel, that's what it is!" Melissa wails, "Why? Why?" I know I did not do that scene justice, but it was hilarious. Once again proving that comic-relief Melissa is the best Melissa there is.
The song "Say My Name" plays as David's "date" comes downstairs. I'm surprised they're willing to show their faces in front of the camera. Especially since she is totally a man! I swear, I saw an Adam's apple. Plus, she's still carrying her drink, like is she going to try to pretend that she and David were just having a little cocktail hour upstairs? David, "Friend" and "Date" walk outside to the car. David bids his date goodbye, and she says, "It was nice to meet you." I have no comment on that. In an interview, David mumbles a bunch of nonsense words and then says "woo woo" a lot. Then he gets to the point: He never exchanged names with his date, "so I don't know who that really was." He grins sheepishly. Yeah, I bet his mother is proud now.
The on-screen text informs us that it us Tuesday, Mardi Gras day. Julie puts on an orange wig and paints her face, and then heads out on the town by herself. I'm guessing she is the only roommate who's not hung over or "entertaining" a friend after last night's debauchery. Well, there's Matt, but who wants to hang out with him? We see Julie walk around and dance, grab beads, get kisses from men on her cheek and generally have a great time by herself. In an interview, Julie says that Mardi Gras is all about "floats and bead throwing and just celebrating life and sin -- it's fabulous." I actually liked Julie a little bit in that segment. I liked that she went out on her own (okay, with a bunch of cameramen) and had a good time on her own terms, but that she also lightened up a little.
Back at Belfort, Danny is up and walking through the house. In an interview I think we have seen before, Danny says that he would hate for anything to happen to screw things up with him and Paul. Now, Danny is outside eating a piece of fruit. We see Jamie out on the street doing the electric slide with a bunch of strangers. In an interview, Jamie says that he wants to "experience the whole spectrum of Mardi Gras, from Bourbon Street to barbecues and balcony parties." He left out the part about cheesy late-'80s line dances. Melissa is dancing too. She says there is an "intense sense of joy that you can't explain to people who don't understand Mardi Gras." Then Melissa is in a man-sandwich, but it doesn't look like she likes it too much, since she's getting bumped around a lot.
It's night-time now, and Kelley is wearing her long blonde wig and dancing with some guy who is wearing a crazy costume. Sisquo's "Thong Song" starts up, and I really thought that song had finally disappeared. In an interview, Kelley says that Mardi Gras is "bizarre" and that she's never seen anything like it. Kelley and Dr. Peter stroll through the crowds and see lots of nekkid women. Dr. Peter stares up at them and Kelley gently leads him away. Heh. Then there are some Elvis impersonators. Then Kelley and Dr. Peter make out right on the street, but no one cares because it's Mardi Gras!
A marching band plays out in front of Belfort and we see Matt dressed up in a stupid costume, sitting on a really high chair on the porch. In an interview, Matt says a lot of things that no one cares about. The gist is that he decided he should be King of Mardi Gras. Julie is on the porch too, and Matt tells her twice that he is the King of Mardi Gras, like anyone cares. Shut up, Matt. Then, they are in the house and Julie is telling him to stand in a certain spot and look at something. He does, and she sprays him with the hose from the sink. Ha! That was a good one. Matt does that "I'm really pissed but we're in front of the cameras, so I had better pretend I think this is funny" smile and says that she "should have so not done that to the King of Mardi Gras" and that she "messed up the whole thing." Then he pretends to joke, "I quit. I can't be the King of this crap." I think someone was jealous of all the camera time Julie got earlier today when she actually did get into the spirit of the celebration.