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This is the week when Jane's tenuous hold on reality finally snaps. She tries to tell a couple of NYPD detectives about how Peter Kramer murdered another partygoer with his trusty hatchet and tried to murder her on Halloween, but of course there's no evidence of that anywhere. While one detective clearly thinks Jane is belongs somewhere padded and equipped with sedatives, the other detective, Cooper, is one of those hunch-in-my-gut fellows, and he believes her.
The one who doesn't believe her? Henry. Laurel has poured some poison in his ear about how the only way for him to achieve his brand-new dream of being king of New York is to dump crazy Jane, and the way Jane's acting this week, he starts to believe it, especially when Jane starts shrieking about how she wants to go back to Indiana. Jane's crazy is pretty convincing, but that doesn't mean Henry isn't being a spineless, faithless weasel.
Gavin is dealing with the theft of his precious red box, which is now in the clutches of one Mr. Victor Shaw, who seems to carry a mighty grudge against Gavin. Shaw is the one who had Olivia drugged and kidnapped and almost run over last week—with some help from Gavin's formerly faithful and also formerly headed lieutenant, Sam—and now his job seems to be slithering into scenes and smiling too much.
Also on Gavin's plate is Dr. Scott Evans, a rent-delinquent tenant who happens to have a massive gambling problem. Which is a total win for Gavin, because he bails Scott out and then ropes him into being his go-to corrupt doctor. Poor stupid Scott. He gonna die.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously on 666 Park Avenue: Kandinsky tried to shoot Henry, and Laurel is a pushy publicist who wants to turn Henry into the Subway Hero. Brian Leonard is jealous because his wife, Louise, keeps playing doctor with hot Dr. Scott, while Alexis seems to want to nail both Brian and Dr. Scott (can't blame her there). Jane's creepy ghost grandmother and her ghost great-grandfather both showed up and Great-Granddad killed someone, while a guy in a gas mask kidnapped Olivia and stole something from Gavin's safe. And if no one screams, "WHAT'S IN THE BAAAAAAAAAX????!!!" during this episode I might cry rageful tears of boredom.
Jane's in the shower. Someone opens the bathroom door and comes in, and through the shower curtain it looks like Peter with his hatchet -- but then Jane wakes up in her own bed, with Henry asking if she's all right. Dude, your ladyfriend is cray-zay. Henry murmurs that it will take Jane some time to get over her ordeal last week, and that two police detectives will be coming over later to talk about what happened. He reassures her that the police will catch "that psycho." Yeah, they're going to respond really well to her story about her great-grandfather popping out of a filthy old suitcase from the basement. Jane's roots and eyebrows don't believe her story either.
In Gavin's penthouse office, a man, Sam, is telling him that four of Gavin's other buildings had their security systems attacked on Halloween. Gavin observes that someone is sending him a message that he's vulnerable. He tells Sam (who is being played by Peter Friedman, whom you may recognize from every cop show ever but who I know as Ashley Judd's brother-in-law in my absolute favorite sick-day movie, the risible and wonderful Hugh Jackman starrer Someone Like You) not to say a word to Olivia about the robbery because being kept in the dark about things that affect her husband is every wife's ideal way to live. You know, if you're Dottie Sandusky or Ruth Madoff or some other willfully oblivious bitch. Gavin says he wants the perpetrator found, quickly.
Some filthy warehouse. A man walks into what looks like a storeroom that someone's been living in and begins unpacking surveillance equipment from his bag -- and also Gavin's box. It appears to have a Mayan calendar carved on it. Ooh, does that mean this show disappears on December 21? The man's phone rings and a voice on the other end asks if he has it. The man says he does, and the voice says Mr. Wallace can pick up his million dollars at Gramercy Park at noon. Wallace asks what's in the box, and the voice says it's not important. Wallace says that maybe the box is worth more to someone else, and the voice promises him three million but only on the condition that he doesn't open the box. Well, now that you've mentioned it.
In the Drake penthouse, Dr. Scott is taking blood from Olivia, and says she shouldn't be worried about "fainting" last night -- it's probably just good old normal alcoholism -- but he'll rush her results anyway. On the way to the elevator, Gavin asks Scott to give him the test results personally, and says in exchange he'll overlook Scott's shortfall on his rent this month. Scott says maybe he was too ambitious, signing a lease in a building like the Drake, and says he has a lot of student-loan debt. Gavin says people trust Scott with their lives, so surely Gavin can trust Scott with a loan. And exchanging one loan for another helps him how? At least Sallie Mae can't suck him into a damn wall. Come on, Scott. You used to be in the FBI. Try not to be too stupid to live. Although Scott is a little uncomfortable, Gavin asks how much he needs, and Scott says fifty thousand. Jesus Christ!
Apt. 3B. Detectives Jarvis and Cooper show up to talk to Jane. Jane shows the detectives and Henry the dumbwaiter she used to escape from Peter last week. She says she barely got out of the dumbwaiter on the fifth floor before Peter cut the rope. Jarvis asks her to take a look -- there's nothing in the shaft but cobwebs. Jane doesn't understand. Jarvis asks Henry if he saw the killer or the man he killed, and Cooper offers that maybe it was a Halloween prank that got out of hand. Henry says he doesn't know why there's no actual evidence, but they need to look into this attack on Jane. Cooper assures him they are.
Gavin calls Tony into his office, and Tony apologizes for misplacing Olivia the night before. He also thanks Gavin for saving him from that rather medieval death Gas Mask had in mind for him. Gavin says Tony can repay him by looking into the man who tried to run over Olivia. He gives Tony a copy of the suspect's driver's license.
Warehouse. Two men break the door in. On the table, Wallace is gasping what look like his last breaths, and one of the men observes that he couldn't follow instructions not to open the box. The man, and let's just call him Victor Shaw because that is what IMDb says his name is, picks up the box and tells his associate to burn the room. Which he does, by pouring gasoline all over Wallace. Bye, Wallace.
Jane is pecking pensively at her computer. Henry asks why she's up so early, and she brushes off his questions with an offer of pancakes. She heads to the kitchen and he pulls up the window she just minimized -- Craigslist apartment listings in Brooklyn. Smart move, for once.
Scott is telling Olivia and Gavin that the blood test results showed that she was just hammered and should've had dinner. She says she sometimes forgets to eat when she's busy and offers Scott more coffee. Olivia leaves the terrace and Scott tells Gavin that there was chloroform in Olivia's blood. Gavin says she was the victim of "some foul play" and says he appreciates Scott's discretion. Ah, "some foul play." You know, like "some vehicular manslaughter" or "some indiscriminate carpet-bombing." He asks if Scott received the wire transfer. Scott did. And he at least has the sense to look a little freaked out by what he stepped into.
Later, Scott is in his apartment watching horse racing, and he loses. He opens his book of bad bets and crosses off some names. So it looks like getting sucked into a wall would be a merciful way for old Scott to go. Stupid Scott.
Henry hails Detective Cooper outside his precinct house. He says he's just checking in on Jane's case, and Cooper says there aren't any leads. Henry says that's unacceptable, like there's something Cooper can do about a complete lack of evidence in the case. Henry continues that Jane is so freaked out that she's ready to move. Cooper asks if everything is okay between Jane and Henry. Henry says they're fine, but Cooper says sometimes when people are upset they see things that aren't really there. Henry insists Jane was really scared, and Cooper asks if there's any mental illness in Jane's family. Just then, Jarvis pops up to continue recapping the absence of physical evidence at the Drake, and she has the best WTF face, like she's thinking, "There is legitimate crime in this city and I have to spend my morning interviewing delusional rich white ladies?" Cooper says they will keep working the case, but if Jane has gone round the bend, maybe Henry should see about getting her fitted for a size-four butterfly net.
Laurel calls Henry, because she's still around. She launches into how he needs to have lunch in an hour with people who can jump-start his political career. Despite protesting that it's a bad time, Henry caves in an instant, because he's going to be the Eliot Spitzer, by gum!
Jane thanks Olivia for taking her out for lunch, and Olivia says it's the least she could do after her bad night. She asks if the police have any leads, and Jane says she feels like it's hopeless. Olivia tells Jane she doesn't want her to feel unsafe at the Drake, but Jane says she feels like she doesn't belong -- maybe that's because Olivia keeps calling her a barefoot hobo who can't get her colorist to stick with one shade -- and excuses herself.
Victor Shaw sits down in Jane's chair across from Olivia and asks if she's enjoying her lunch. He tells her Gavin isn't who she thinks he is; he's a monster. Olivia's all, der. Shaw says he's giving Olivia the opportunity to distance herself from Gavin before Shaw tears him down. Olivia very coolly asks if Shaw thinks he's the first person to take a swing at Gavin. Shaw says Gavin took something from Shaw, and he now has the opportunity to take it back. Olivia says she doesn't concern herself with Gavin's business. Ah, that always turns out so well for the little lady. Shaw says Gavin is lying to her, and Olivia still doesn't buy it. Shaw tells her to get a blood test from a doctor Gavin doesn't own, and then to ask Gavin what's really going on.
Gavin and Sam meet in an apartment occupied only by Tony and a man with a bag on his head. Tony pulls the bag off and Gavin shows the man the photo of Olivia almost getting run down by the SUV last week. Bag-head guy, Mr. Trent, says he was just supposed to scare Olivia. Oddly, this doesn't placate Gavin. But he's more interested in who hired Trent than in cutting off all of Trent's fingers. Sam's all, I did not sign up for this Abu-Ghraib-on-the-Upper-East-Side bullshit. I did not like it when Blair Waldorf did it and I don't like it now. Gavin chases after Sam as he leaves and mocks his unwillingness to watch him rough someone up. He says Sam, of all people, should know how persuasive he can be. Sam asks what he's going to do, and Gavin replies, "The same thing I'm going to do to you." Seriously, how does this guy have any friends left?
Sam flees to the elevator -- always a bad idea in this building. It starts seizing and jerking and then the lights go out and Sam and the elevator plummet to... the same floor where he just got on? The hall in front of Sam is endless, and he starts bashing against the doors, yelling, and now he tries to take the stairs, but when he bashes open the door with a fire extinguisher, it's another endless hall in front of him. Gavin, back in the penthouse, can hear Sam hollering from his labyrinthine prison, and it seems to please him.
Jane's back on the fifth floor in the apartment where Peter tried to kill her and the birds came to her rescue. The wall he chopped is unblemished. She whirls to find Cooper there, and asks suspiciously if he's there to point out more ways she's koo-koo. He says he wants to know about a man in a photo, and he shows her the man in the devil costume that Peter killed. Cooper says his name is Leo, and his girlfriend just reported him missing. Cooper asks her to tell him everything, and Jane gives him the standard line about how he'll think she's crazy. Cooper very politely doesn't say that he already does, and merely notes that the NYPD is pretty well versed in dealing with crazy.
Downstairs in Jane's apartment, she tells Cooper that she actually did see the face of the man who attacked her. She hands him the newspaper from 1929, with the picture of Peter Kramer and his family. Cooper observes mildly, "A ghost attacked you." Jane asks if he wants to send her to Bellevue. Uh, not right now, actually. (So nice how Gavin's evil powers can change the paths of storms.) She says Henry is pretty close to committing her. Cooper says he and his grandfather were quite close, and after Granddad died, he thought he could feel his presence in the house and even smell his cigars. Turns out there was a box of cigars behind a vent. Jane asks if Cooper thinks there's a logical explanation, and Cooper says people like to think there is, that his dad actually put those cigars there so he'd stop seeing ghosts as a kid. He says he likes to keep an open mind.
Henry meets Laurel for lunch and she hates his shirt and tells him to take off his tie. She puts a new tie on him and Henry's uncomfortable with how girlfriendy it is, especially since Laurel is giving him major sex eyes. She explains he's meeting with three New York kingmakers and he just needs to kiss the ring and then his life will be made.
Penthouse. Olivia is sipping her tea on the terrace and Gavin asks how she's feeling. She says she still has a headache, and asks Gavin how much she drank. He starts listing everything that came "before the absinthe." Olivia can tell he's lying because who the hell is she, Tony Bourdain? She brushes off his offer to have Scott come back, and says she thinks a massage will fix her right up. Olivia thanks Gavin for looking after her, and he says that's what a man does for the woman he loves and kisses her hand in the creepiest way possible. Look, I'm not saying he's gaslighting you, Olivia, because he's mindfucking everyone in the building, but sooner or later you gotta read the writing on the million-dollar walls, no?
Jane is wandering the hallways, hearing voices. She sees Sam running and then disappearing. So maybe Jane, like Nona, has the sight? Or maybe she's just a lunatic.
Henry and Laurel pedeconference across Park Avenue. She asks him what the problem is, and tells him the kingmakers loved him. He says they kept asking him questions about Jane, to which Laurel says that being with Jane isn't the image he needs, that being New York's Most Eligible Bachelor (TM John Kennedy Jr., R.I.P.) is what will get him noticed. Henry stops and tells Laurel that Jane is part of his life, and that's not negotiable. And that should be enough -- New York loves a power couple. (Not that "unemployed lady with a degree in architecture" is generally the description of one half of a power couple, but I'm sure Gavin can fix that.)
But Laurel is part of this show's unending conspiracy to either weld Jane and Henry together at the ring fingers or break them up, and Laurel is on Team Breakup, because she tells Henry to be honest: Does he really think Jane understands what it takes to succeed in New York? Maybe not, but if she doesn't, neither does Henry because he's just as much of an oblivious hayseed as she is. Laurel continues that Jane can't possibly understand Henry's drive to make a mark in city politics. Yeah, because that "drive" is something Gavin planted in his head like two weeks ago and also is something he's never once mentioned to Jane. The girl's crazy, but she isn't a mind reader.
Sam has decided to hang himself with his necktie. Just as he's about to step off the ottoman, Gavin pops up and says they should talk. Sam asks how Gavin knew it was him, and Gavin says that Trent never said Sam called him, but Gavin knew from the look in Sam's eye. Sam pulls his head out of his noose and says he can help get the box back. He says the man who has the box wanted Sam to set up a dinner between him and Gavin; Box Guy would bring the box and Gavin would bring ten million dollars. Gavin has the particular obstinate look of a sadistic child who really hates it when his brother touches his Tinker Toys. He picks up Sam's suit coat and hands it to him, saying that he just thought of a way Sam can be useful.
Scott is watching his ponies again. As the race is ending, Scott starts clutching his chest and then red slashes appear on his shirt. He runs to the bathroom and pulls off his shirt; a huge red splotch is spreading across his lovely chest.
Olivia stomps into Gavin's office and demands the truth. She says she got another blood test and wants to know what is up with the recreational chloroform. He tells her about the Halloween abduction and the safe cracking. She can't believe all this is because of bonds and jewelry. Gavin says it wasn't the safe in the closet. The way her eyes jerk to the wall, clearly Olivia knew about THE BAAAAAAAX. She asks if they're in danger. Gavin says he won't let anything happen to her. Like, say, her getting drugged and kidnapped in the building he owns. Gavin shows her a picture of the man responsible for the theft, and Olivia identifies him immediately as Shaw. She says he tried to turn her against Gavin by telling her about the blood test. She asks how he could have known that. Gavin says the same way he knew about the box: "Steinberg." Olivia can't believe Sam betrayed them.
Gavin brings a lovely wrapped box into the lobby and meets Scott at Tony's desk. Scott asks to talk to him and Gavin asks if this is about Scott's wee gambling problem. Scott asks what the hell is going on, how he got a tattoo on his chest. Gavin says debt is a mark against the soul, and says maybe they can just forget about the money Scott owes him and work out "another form of repayment." Scott agrees, of course, to anything and Gavin says he'd be delighted to have a doctor on call. Oh, Scott, you pretty, stupid man. This is how you end up a mob doctor!
Jane and Henry's palace of lies. Henry's at the desk reading the Peter Kramer article. Don't these people ever watch TV? He points out that everything she told the cops is in the article. She asks if he thinks she made it all up. Henry asks if she's using it as an excuse to leave the Drake, and she snits something about how he has everything figured out and then flounces into the bedroom. I hope Henry and Jane appreciate how lucky they are, having a bedroom door to slam. So many New York couples have to have these arguments in studios.
Gavin is at dinner, with his wrapped box. Shaw arrives and they exchange pleasantries about how lovely Olivia is. Shaw is pleased that Gavin didn't try to negotiate on the price. Gavin says this isn't about money, and Shaw says it's about justice, about him taking everything away from Gavin. He wants to get back what Gavin stole from him, and Gavin's all, finders keepers. Shaw says that's why he locked up his leverage: the red box. Gavin asks what Shaw really wants. Shaw wants the Drake, or else he'll open the box. Gavin asks if he thinks he's sure he can release what's inside, and god, this is all so oblique and spooky music and falsely foreboding. Too bad I don't care if any of these characters wind up in the East River. In fact, I'd prefer it.
Gavin thinks Shaw is bluffing. Shaw asks what Olivia thinks. He monologues about how it's so romantic that Gavin rescued Olivia from an obsessive lover, but too bad he couldn't make him disappear like the other troublesome residents. "So you imprisoned him," Shaw says. So... some dude is in the box? Shaw asks if Gavin still thinks he's bluffing. Gavin says he's going to give Shaw a chance to walk away. Shaw observes that ten million is quite an expensive dinner, and Gavin replies that the box doesn't contain money: "It's what happens when I win."
Shaw lifts the lid, and inside is Sam's head. I hope the actor got to keep it as a souvenir.
Oh goody, Christmastime give-your-loved-ones-cars commercials. Nothing I like more than those ludicrous voids of good taste.
Henry's just standing in the living room, waiting for Jane to come out of the bedroom, rather than playing Xbox in his underwear like any normal dude whose girlfriend is mad at him. Jane tells Henry she loves him, but the Drake is harshing her mellow. Henry says he loves Jane more than twelve-foot ceilings and fireplaces in the rooms and those gorgeous wood floors, so if they have to move to Brooklyn or New Jersey, that's fine. Jane's like, no. Let's hit the road back to Pawnee, where no one ever throws anyone down elevator shafts and our landlord's wife doesn't call me a ragamuffin and my great-grandfather never tried to hatchet-murder me! Henry can't even bring himself to say the word "Indiana."
Jane says she wants to stay with Henry, but she can't stay here because she's going to go crazy or get hurt. She wants Henry to come with her, but she doesn't want to ruin his fancy New York life. Henry tells her to lay out everything that's going on in her head so he can understand why she thinks she's going to get hatchet-murdered or pecked to death by starlings or whatever, and Jane says she's tried to tell him the truth, that she sees and hears things. Henry's about ready to call an exorcist. She says Peter Kramer tried to kill her, even though he's a ghost, but that it was totally real.
Henry says maybe the building is just making her crazy. He says she should start talking to someone, and she says, "I'm talking to you!" He's like, no, I mean a professional who can put you on Klonopin. He brings up how her grandmother was institutionalized (did we know that?) and she asks if he thinks she's crazy. OF COURSE HE DOES. He says he's just worried about her, and that he's going out for a walk so he can think.
Cooper is in his car reading newspaper archive stories about all the people who've died at the Drake over the years, up to and including Annie's Kandinsky story.
Gavin visits Kandinsky in prison. He says Kandinsky comes highly recommended, and asks him to come work for him. Kandinsky says there's the small problem of him being on the other side of some bulletproof glass, but that's the kind of thing Gavin does as a brainteaser before he has his coffee, like how my dad enjoys a nice Sudoku in the morning.
An ambulance arrives at the hospital and Scott responds. It's Kandinsky, who's been stabbed in the abdomen. Scott's phone rings, and Gavin tells him it's time to start repaying his debt. Scott says no way is he killing a patient, but Gavin has other things in mind, like unlocking those cuffs and getting Kandinsky some not-orange pants.
Gavin joins Olivia on the terrace, and she asks what will happen if Shaw opens the box. He says he'll never let that happen.
Shaw is in his car, sitting to the box. He does appear curious about it, as it's making a sort of mechanical clanking noise.
Jane, in her apartment, is back to her Beautiful Mind shtick with the clippings of old stuff that happened at the Drake. She uses a magnifying glass on that photo of the Kramer family and recognizes her necklace on Jocelyn's mother, just now realizing that Jocelyn was her nana. I hope no one was expecting us to be surprised by that.
week: Henry picks out a giant diamond ring. Alexis and Brian make the beast with two backs. Jane looks in Nona's closet o' crazy, and Nona knows about Jocelyn. Jane is scared and wants to go home, but Gavin says there's only one way out. And Scott has a gun.