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TGS goes on a forced hiatus in Tracy's absence, so Lemon looks to the staffers to maintain solidarity. This plan goes down about as well as you might expect, with Frank abandoning ship for stand-up gigs, Pete returning to his teaching career, and Jenna relying on her culturally stereotypical "Jenna Babies," who spout such phrases as "Excuse me, G.I., do you miss your girlfriend? I'm good at math." As such, Lemon quickly recognizes that she needs to explore other options. Other options, apparently, means Aaron Sorkin. Just when Lemon thinks all hope is lost, Kenneth lets slip that Tracy often eats slices from a local pizzeria when they video-chat. Lemon realizes that Tracy is nearby and can forestall the forced hiatus. Hurrah!
Meanwhile, Jack tries to satisfy his conservative money men by presenting the symbol of a new, extra-gay demographic. That symbol is Devin Banks. And with an extended "Itsy Bitsy Spider" metaphor, Devin outwits Jack yet again... by bringing a baby to a business meeting. Is this making sense? No? It shouldn't. Just when Jack thinks he should hand over the reins, Devin misses his life in Brooklyn. It should serve as a moral lesson for new father Jack, but this is a Donaghy we're talking about. Story to be continued...
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!30 Rock. Lemon scrambles into Jack's office to get a broken vending machine fixed. He reveals he broke it because he knew it was the fastest way to get her into his office. Cue faux melodramatic outburst from Lemon, complete with wailing and pounding on Jack's chest. Jack brushes her off, asking for an update on Operation: Tracy Take Back. Lemon says he's still in "Africa," and we cut to a video chat she had with him yesterday. Tracy proudly proclaims, "I'm doing God's work here in Africa. Why just yesterday, I kicked two naked people out of a garden!" Lemon pleaded for Tracy to return, but he shouted only "Simba Rafiki, click-click-click!" which he explained was him putting her in her place in African.
Jack says they must get Tracy back. Without him, the show will go on forced hiatus. Jack suggests she sits down the staffers individually and paint a pretty picture that the show will be back ASAP. In the meantime, he's doing as much desk pounding and "power wagging" possible on TGS's behalf, but he lost a lot of bargaining power when he bought a new gay-centric network for Kabletown. It's called TWINKS and although it has yet to find its footing, despite such obvious winners as Gay Sports Center, he thinks the network caters to an audience that is highly coveted by advertisers. To wit, he says, "When I was with D'Fwan on Queen of Jordan, he spent $4,000 on Chihuahua outfits... for himself." Lemon reluctantly says she'll take care of the hiatus issue herself. As she walks out, Jack calls to her, "Thank you, Lemon. I'd like to help, but I'm afraid My Hands Are Tied... is the only show anyone's watching on TWINKS." Credits.
Downstairs, Lemon tells Frank about the forced hiatus but assures him everything is going to be fine. And before you can say "Harriet Tubman Nursing School" -- not to mention before Lemon even moves a foot to exit the room -- he's on the phone with his agent proclaiming the death of TGS and asking him to book stand-up gigs. At black women's colleges. As you do. Lemon takes umbrage that Frank doesn't believe in her, but he says forced hiatus means it's time for Plan B. Pete's Plan B is to go back to substitute teaching. He tells her proudly that last time he taught he was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, then clarifies, "by which I mean I got fired." Lemon insists the hiatus is only temporary, but Pete just chuckles and pats her patronizingly on the shoulder. up is Jenna, who takes an air of solidarity... until Lemon realizes that the "we" in Jenna's claim that "We'll get through this" is actually referring to Jenna and her Plan B: Jenna Babies she sells on QVC. They are broadly cultural (read: racist) figurines with such identities as Asian Jenna Baby, who parrots, "Excuse me, GI, do you miss your girlfriend? I'm good at math." That last statement, assures Jenna, is "so it's not offensive." Later, out in the hall, Lemon learns Sue is returning to Holland for her Plan B, a cop show based on her called Van Der Hoot: Psychische, translated as De Mentaalist. We even get a scene in which the clues include a wooden shoe and a windmill... so it's not offensive. Lemon moans that she's being left alone with Toofer, who quickly breezes past to tell her that he's got other options on the horizon. He blusters, "With my degree, I can always go into architecture or medical nanotechnology." Lemon asks what he majored in, and a quizzical look crosses his face. You see, at Haaaaaarvard, they're called concentrations. For that one, Lemon shoves him into the elevator.
Lemon goes to her last resort: Kenneth. He assures her he knows that their problems are just temporary, because he has his own notions about saving the show. Then he takes out his "Idea Journal" to find that, in fact, he only has one idea: "Bird Internet." While he mulls that over, Lemon calls her agent to find out what her Plan B should be. Instead of diminishing her fears, her 15-year-old-looking agent nearly collapses in a panic attack and starts mumbling about doing "something with vampires." He says he hears Twilight and The Vampire Diaries are big, though he's not allowed to see them. Just as he's offering her an audition to star in an Alpo commercial, Lemon cuts him off, reminds him she's a human, and tells him to find her a writing gig.
That night, Jack meets Hank Hooper of Kabletown to assure Hank TWINKS is on track to succeed. Hank tells him, "There's lots of things I like: Fishing, marches by John Philip Sousa, telephones that look like footballs... but there's one thing I don't like -- losing money." Through a tight grin, he says Jack failed and the only fix would be if there were such thing as a gay Jack Donaghy. In a stroke of brilliance, Jack says he knows the very man: Devin Banks. Cut to Devin (Will Arnett) waking up in the middle of the night and throwing a black satin sheet like some sort of homo super hero to run to Jack's rescue.
The morning, Jack tells Lemon of his plan to hire Devin to run TWINKS. Lemon thinks it's a bad idea, but Jack insists Devin is desperate for re-entry into Jack's elite circle after his social stock with Obama plummeted. As such, he has tracked Devin down in Brooklyn. He plans to spring Devin on Hank Hooper, who is such a traditionalist that "he had his first heart attack when he saw pineapple on a pizza." He thinks Hank will most certainly shy away from Devin, leaving Jack alone to run TWINKS on the DL.
With Jack's problems seemingly solved, Lemon moves on to her own. She asks whether he thinks networks would go for a show about "a girl comedy writer trying to have it all in the city... and maybe she's a vampire." Jack says he likes the last part. He asks why she has a blank notepad with the title "Plan B" at the top. She tells him how the writers fled when she told them about the forced hiatus. He can't believe she wouldn't use more delicate language after their conversation, saying, "I thought we understood each other." She reminds him, "I thought we understood that you were never to think that I understood anything." He is shocked that she hasn't been preparing for the possible cancellation of TGS for the last two years. In her defense, "There have been a lot of Amazing Races on since then, and I had to watch them and go online and comment on them." Jack says she could go to L.A., but she's not interested ever since she had a bad experience driving around in the riot-infested streets of the Rodney King era. Jack scrapes the bottom of the bucket and offers to get her a meeting with Nick Lachey for The Sing-Off.
A bit later, Lemon is waiting for her meeting with Lachey when who is sitting to her as a fellow candidate? Aaron Sorkin. Sorkin invites Lemon, "Walk with me," and takes her on a Sorkintastic meandering monologue through the halls of NBC. By the time he's wondered why no one pokes him on Facebook and instructed her how to beat a level on Angry Birds, they end up back where they started. He cautions her, "We make horse buggies, and the first Model-T just rolled into town." Lemon agrees that they're dinosaurs, and he pooh-poohs her use of mixed metaphors. Just then, Sorkin is called into his meeting with Lachey. He walks in simpering that he's a huge fan and has all of Lachey's albums.
The day, Kenneth proudly tells Lemon went to the Today show plaza with a sign soliciting ideas from the viewing audience. He is certain the ideas will start rolling in any minute. Frank happens by and tells Kenneth he needs to get the fans involved in saving the show, like how viewers sent in light bulbs to keep Friday Night Lights on the air, hot sauce to express their love of Roswell, and douche bags in solidarity for Entourage. Kenneth latches onto Frank's idea and starts wondering what fans can send Hank Hooper to show their love of TGS. He pulls out his Idea Journal to see if the answer is there. Yep, still just "Bird Internet."
Over in Brooklyn, Jack walks in on Devin's scene of domestic miss. Devin tries to claim that the babies Jack sees are mere organ farms, then begins to run away in shame. When cornered, he explains that he's a househusband now, with a trio of gaybies that he made by mixing his sperm with his black dancer husband Cashmere. Jack handles Devin with kid gloves, telling him gently that he wants to offer an olive branch in the form of TWINKS. Devin laughs that Jack must be desperate to offer him a job. Jack tries desperately to avoid any gay innuendo, then foils himself by telling Devin, "You'll be under me, and if there's one slip-up, your ass is mine." Devin unzips his hoodie to reveal a three-piece suit underneath. The new dads parse through an Itsy Bitsy Spider metaphor to determine which of them is actually on top. One thing is certain, though: They're both in over their heads.
Back at 30 Rock, Lemon finds her agent in her office. He tells her The Sing-Off passed. He tries to point out the silver lining that Lachey hated her, then realizes that might not be such a silver lining after all... or is it? Then he fires her as a client.
Upstairs, Jack and Hank Hooper have been waiting more than an hour for Devin. Jack says it's a power play and tries to foster Hooper's distrust for Devin. Just as he's getting Hooper to consider dropping Devin from the equation, Devin shows up with a baby in tow, spouting off about family values. Well played, Banks. Well played. Jack calls Devin aside and says Devin has reached a new low in using a baby to win over Hooper. "I brought the sexiest one, too," says Devin, "his cheekbones are like granite." He laughs maniacally that Hooper is in his grips.
Downstairs, Pete returns from substitute teaching and tells Kenneth it was "just like Lean on Me... in that a guy who looks like Morgan Freeman swung a bat at me." He asks what Kenneth is up to. Kenneth explains that he's taking the fan mailer campaign into his own hands by stuffing envelopes with sugar cubes to symbolize how they're sweet on TGS. And of course you know where this is going. Once the envelopes go through the mail, and the sugar cubes get crushed, the contents will look like something else entirely. Say it with me now... Anthrax! Just as Pete is putting this together, the SWAT team busts in and takes out Kenneth. The lead detective says that he never could have done it without De Mentaalist. Sue strides up, saying, "It is a gift and a curse." She tells him that, in the TV show, they would finish the episode by banging in a field of tulips.
That night, Lemon walks down the street. She sees a poster for Transformers 5, written by No One. A little girl asks what a newspaper dispenser is, and a homeless guy tells her it's a bathroom. Lemon pleads to the masses to reclaim the written word. She yells out that she has no Plan B because she has a theater tech degree with a minor in movement ("Why did my parents let me do that?!"). She hears a voice in the distance. They suddenly appear in front of her, welcoming her to the fold of "people whose careers used to be a thing." Among them, the noble travel agent, the American auto worker, and the guy who played dynamite saxophone solos in rock 'n' roll songs. They beckon her to come join them and the CEO of Friendster in their mole people community under the subway. Lemon refuses the offer and runs off, vowing that TGS isn't dead yet.
The morning, Devin floats in gloating that, while Jack was worrying all night about recapturing TWINKS, Devin has had a successful play date with Hooper's grandson and been offered a promotion to head up Kabletown's European operation. Jack chokes back what amounts to his own demotion, since he was supposed to travel to Europe the following week. "I was going to take a picture where it looked like I was holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa!" he sputters. Devin grins devilishly as he says now he'll be taking that picture -- "Do you have any idea how strong I'll look?" Devin lords it over Jack that he managed to vanquish him in just one day. As he begins to survey his plunder -- trips around the world and distance from his family -- he slowly realizes that he likes being a househusband more than he realized when he took the TWINKS job. He cries that he loves his gaybies so much and can't leave Brooklyn. Jack is disappointed, frankly. He thought Devin would put up more of a fight and had great plans to pull a Trading Places on him. Devin tells Jack he doesn't understand what it is to have children. Jack corrects him that he does now have a daughter of his own. Devin admits that Jack is stronger than he, and they have a fatherly bonding moment over Dora the Explorer. With that, Jack tells Jonathan to call his car so he can go home and see baby Liddy.
Meanwhile, Lemon shows up with a pizza and finds herself in a wasteland formerly known as TGS. She obliviously suggests they can salvage what's left by re-launching TGS as a magazine. Kenneth tells her it's over and apologizes that he couldn't save the show. She hands him her pizza, saying she's not hungry anymore. He looks at the box and notes that it's funny that Tracy is getting this very same pizza all the way over in Africa. A Friday Night Light bulb goes off over Lemon's head. She realizes that Tracy has been lying all this time. Now all she has to do is find him somewhere in the pizza delivery zone and the show will be saved. Kenneth grabs a slice of pizza, but Lemon snatches it from him, proudly declaring, "No. I'm hungry again!" She shoves it in her face as he jubilantly throws his fist up into the air.
Bonus! More nonsense conversations with Tracy in Africa, including falling props and backdrops, sudden shifts to night, and Tracy slamming every African reference he can into one sentence. In hindsight, Kenneth realizes he should have realized sooner that Tracy was actually in New York. Then he throws it out there one last time: Bird Internet.
And now for the jokes, after which you will never look at the word "baby" the same again...
Lemonator 3: Fall of the Machines
Lemon: Hey, Jack, the vending machine's broken.
Jack: I know, I broke it. I needed to speak with you, and I knew that was the fastest way to get you up here.
Lemon: You bastard! I trusted you!
Or Relaxed Lemon
Jack: TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron -- like liberal government or female scientist--
Lemon: Or Princeton football.
Jack: We were four and three in Ivy League play last year. Our quarterback Henry Chang-- [Lemon nods at him smugly.] It doesn't matter...
The Trouble with Acronyms
Jack: I spent a lot of political capital buying a new network for Kabletown.
Lemon: Is it TNT? Are Rizzoli and Isles friends in real life?
Jack: It's a small cable network targeted towards gay male viewers. It's called TWINKS.
Lemon: That's the name of your network? Isn't "twink" a term for a young, hairless gay man?
Jack: Nonsense. TWINKS is an acronym designed to project a positive gay image. TWINKS -- Television With Individuals... Naive, Kinky, Shaved-- okay...
BABY Talk
Hank Hooper: So Jack, how's the baby?
Jack: Baby? Ahhh, yes, Black Asian Bisexual Youths. Those are viewers we want, and TWINKS is going to bring them in.
Hank Hooper: It's not a business question, Jack. I mean your baby -- your daughter.
Jack: Oh, Liddy. She's adorable. My night nurse swears she calls me koskel, which in Trinidadian Creole means "stranger."
Hasselhoff Should Still Star
Jack: Look, Hank, I'm already working on fixing TWINKS. I'm remaking Knight Rider with the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.
Hank Hooper: It's okay, Jack. You made a bad decision and bought something you didn't understand, like when I bought tickets for Black Swan. Remember when a movie was just a fellow with a hat running away from a fellow with no hair?
Jack: No.
Bittersweet Sixteen
Jack: Lemon, I've decided to hire Devin Banks.
Lemon: Banks? But he's your nemesis. That would be like me hiring that mouse who keeps pooping in my slippers.
Jack: Devin is the perfect man to fix TWINKS. He's a gay shark, like the actor who played Jaws.
Lemon: But he's going to come in and try to ruin everything, and everything is already ruining itself.
Jack: Not this time. Banks put all of his eggs in the Obama basket. When the administration started to falter because of our conspirac-- I mean... Obama's ineptitude, he tried to distance himself publicly from, uh, your president. Then he tried to rejoin us capitalists, showed up at John Paulson's Sweet 16 Billion party. Nobody would talk to him, not even Ira. And he was all, "Oh, I'll just look at these books," then he pretended to get a text and left. And we were all, like, "Whatever, we'll go to IHOP -- and not tell him!" [Laughs meanly.]
Lemon: Where is now?
Jack: I tracked him down to an address in Brooklyn. He's on LinkedIn, Lemon. He might as well be dead!
Homely Woman
Kenneth: I did it! I saved the show! Now I won't have to work in News.
Lemon: And I won't have to be the world's worst hooker.
[Flash to night, where Lemon in a purple wig approaches a car.]
Hooker Lemon: You wanna party? Five hundred for kissing, 10,000 for snuggling, end of list.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best and worst guest stars.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!