By Lady Lola
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Jack thinks he has found his magic bullet -- the man through whom he can vanquish Representative Regina Bookman and, thus, facilitate the Kabletown merger -- in Rhode Island Congressional candidate Steven "Steve" Austin (John Slattery), whose primary platforms include dressing like a baby (symbolizing hope!) and tricking blind people into confusing him with Steve Austin the wrestler. When Steve turns out to be a Libertarian nut job prone to jabbering about alien casinos and proposing new national anthems largely composed of the words "Ooga booga," Jack's plan inevitably falls apart.
Meanwhile, Tracy is riding a wave of Oscar momentum for his film Hard To Watch. He asks Jenna for advice on how to secure a Golden Globe, and naturally she undermines him at every opportunity. She suggests he throw a party for the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association that showcases a salsa-filled piñata, Kenneth as a human sushi platter, and bribes as far as the eye can see. Her well-laid plans go to pot when she actually watches Tracy's movie and is so moved by his performance that she feels compelled to confess her sabotage plans and encourage Tracy to go forth and win that Oscar. May the EGOT be with him.
And finally Lemon finds the perfect pair of jeans. We're talking Lemon ass all up in here y'all. She parades around 30 Rock full of liberal pride because the label on her jeans reads, "Hand-Made in Usa." Eventually Jack informs Lemon that these supposedly fair-trade jeans are just as outsourced as your average dollar store product and are made by the Hand tribe (pronounce "Hahnd") not in the U-S-A but in the slave colony of Usa (pronounced "Ooh-suh"). He also takes the opportunity to debunk all her delusions about the liberal agenda by telling her that, in essence, everything comes down to Halliburton. With that, Lemon bids goodbye to her liberal idealism and her beautifully sculpted caboose. Though the idealism goes first, because she's got a Skype dance party date with Carol that night, and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Somewhere in New York, Jenna waits while Lemon tries on a pair of jeans, possibly her least favorite activity. She snarks, "Maybe after this, I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor." Jenna insists that they're at a hip new store, explaining that the strait jackets all around are a nod to the fact that the store used to be home to a mental institution. Lemon emerges from the changing room and warily shows off her be-denimed behind. Jenna tells Lemon she looks amazing, and we're treated to some waist-down shots (presumably not of Tina Fey) dancing around and posing to show off her cute new heiny. Jenna tells Lemon she's living the dream -- "boy on the bottom, girl on the top" -- and a flamboyant sales person chimes in, "O-M-God, those jeans are 'zing." Jenna clarifies that "zing" is short for amazing... or a club drug made from tooth whiteners -- "either way, you win." Lemon opts to wear these jeans out and buy 10 additional pairs for good measure, then bids the sales boy to burn the jeans she wore to the store. Credits.
Jack's office. Jonathan comes in explaining that he was late for work because he was attacked in his apartment, but Jack can't be bothered to sympathize because MSNBC is airing a segment about Rhode Island Congresswoman Regina Bookman's opposition to the Kabletown merger. Jack can't believe that Rep. Bookman has broken her promise to refrain against railing against NBC for three months so Jack can have a chance to diversify the corporation. Jonathan consoles, "It's not your fault nobody watched America's Top Black Guy!" Jack turns his attention back to the newscast where David Gregory says Rep. Bookman's re-election is being challenged by a nobody named Steven Austin, and the two candidates are in a dead heat. Jack suddenly sees his chance to eliminate one of his many life problems and orders Jonathan to get Steven Austin into his office post-haste.
Downstairs, Lemon shows off her sassy assy new jeans to all the ladies on staff at TGS. "They're from Brooklyn Without Limits," she tells them. "It's this very cool store with locations in Gay Town, White Harlem, and the Beardswick section of Brooklyn." Lemon, who is wearing a BWL T-shirt, sings the praises of the company, which promotes a green, American-made, fair trade ethic. Jenna's pride stems from a different place: "Now we both have cute butts!"
Tracy interrupts to have a word with Jenna in his dressing room. He mentions that his film Hard To Watch is garnering Oscar buzz. She says she knows because she talked about it with her therapist for 20 hours the week prior. He says he knows his rising star must be hard on her, but she assures him she has many things going on in her life, including a titillating exercise video called Jenna Gets Hard. Tracy asks for her help: Some members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association are visiting soon to do an article about him. Jenna perks up at the mention of the organization that administers the Golden Globes. She advises him to have a luncheon screening for the HFPA members, then adds, rubbing her fingers together, "and when the time is right..." Tracy responds conspiratorially, "Be bad at snapping? Got it!" She tells him she means for him to bribe the voters because a Golden Globe is a stepping stone to an Oscar. Tracy admits he's no expert at morality but still wonders if that's wrong. Then they share a belly laugh over the fact that either of them is involved in a conversation about morality at all.