In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Jack heads down to D.C. as NBC's front man in a congressional hearing about the Kabletown merger. He successfully scares the representatives into accepting vertical integration, but rhapsodizing Rhode Island representative Regina Bookman (Queen Latifah) becomes a thorn in his side when she threatens to thwart the merger if Jack doesn't racially diverse NBC. Jack panders to her demands by consulting Tracy and promoting Toofer to Co-Head Writer with Lemon. Lemon sees Toofer's promotion as a welcome promotion, since she feels under-appreciated and over-mocked by the writers. Needless to say, Lemon's plight only worsens when the writers embrace Toofer over her. So she does the logical thing and crashes an interview Toofer has booked with African-American talk show Right On and comes off as a flaming racist.
Meanwhile, Tracy gets to work on producing a pilot Dot Com wrote that sounds a lot like American Dreams, but with black people... and a talking dog (Grizz's suggestion). In between failed test audiences, he visits with Congresswoman Bookman, who has dropped by NBC to check on Jack's progress. In five minutes time, he manages to make the atmosphere at TGS not unlike that of a soda fountain in 1960s Birmingham. Even Jack can't save the scene by presenting Toofer with a medal. Ironically, Rep. Bookman finds Lemon to be the only saving grace at NBC. Jack takes the Congresswoman aside and promises to wow her within the three months, at the peril of the merger.
In the midst of all this, Kenneth finds that re-applying to the Page program is more competitive than it used to be, including but not limited to a newly instituted talent portion. He inadvertently likens it to a pageant, so veteran beauty queen Jenna offers her services and begins the arduous process of tearing Kenneth down to build him back up. The results are predictably JonBenét-level terrifying, with a song, dance, and sequin jacket that rips open to become an NBC flag. The plan backfires, leaving Kenneth rejected and Jenna transformed into her stage mom Verna. She vows to make it right, but it takes Jack's intervention to get Kenneth's job back. Since Kenneth apparently snatched the job right out of the hands of a Native American named Wantsasandwich, you can imagine how well that goes over with Rep. Bookman. On the upside, Kenneth is no longer in that red blazer. It did nothing for his coloring.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then check out our guide to the show's best and worst guest stars!
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!30 Rock. Lemon walks into Jack's office in a huff because the writers have been putting mocking nameplates on her office door with such clever sobriquets as F. Krueger, Fart Barfunkel, and the inexplicable Paul Simon. Jack appreciates that she doesn't get respect but can't talk about it because he has been chosen as the front man for NBC at a congressional hearing on the Kabletown merger and is on his way to D.C. He has to assure the House Subcommittee on Baseball, Quiz Shows, Terrorism & Media that vertical integration is a good thing, despite its inherent susceptibility to corruption. He illustrates this susceptibility with a colorful example about a hypothetical corn chip manufacturer who also owns a diarrhea medicine plant. You get the point. Lemon tells him to "ask Congress where they put the USA Network" because she's been looking for Monk "for, like, three months." Jack disdains the type of person who is elected to Congress these days and is steeled to bring them on board with his and Kabletown's agenda. As they step into the elevator, Jonathan grows positively giddy at the possibility that unexpected circumstances might force them in the same room that night. Credits.
Later, downstairs, Pete comes to Lemon with a legal problem about a Johnny Appleseed skit they're doing. Apparently "Johnny Appleseed was a real guy, and his descendants are very litigious." Legal has cleared only one alternative name: Jerry Bananaseed. Lemon is frustrated either way, because she worked hard on the Johnny Appleseed sketch and will now have to rewrite it. She doesn't even get to finish her rant about how hard she works because Pete gets a text that someone named Jerry Bananaseed just killed a bunch of people in Portland. That's live TV for you.
Elsewhere, Jenna finds Kenneth -- how shall we say? -- reacquainting himself with the NBC sign out in the corridor. She's glad he's back, because she has a discreet errand she needs him to run. He tells her he's not officially on board yet. He's still in the application process, and it's a lot harder than it used to be. The other Page prospects are doing full-out singing, dancing extravaganzas, and he says with chagrin that it's turned into a pageant. Jenna lights on the word "pageant" with a thrill and says she is exactly who he needs to get him through his interview with flying colors (and flaming batons!). "When I was pageantizing," she tells him, "my mother told me, 'There's only three things standing between you and winning -- your breasts and wanting it bad enough.'" Kenneth starts to say that this motto doesn't apply to him, but Jenna interrupts with him a firm slap in the face and tells him ominously, "We've already started."
D.C. Jack wows the politicians with a bunch of numbers and terms like "synchronized flexibility." Congressman Rob Reiner steps up to the plate to discuss his experience with "Hollyweird." He says he has some experience with vertical integration, or what Jack dubs "the dreaded V-I." Jack cuts off Rep. Reiner to paint a colorful picture of the American farmer, and his use of vertical integration to keep his business going. He tells the politicos it's 1:32 p.m. "Mark the time, ladies and gentleman, that Congress put a bullet in the head of the American farmer." Satisfied that he has bamboozled the committee, Jack moves to a make a swift exit, but he's stopped by a Congresswoman (Queen Latifah) who wants him to answer just one question: "Why is NBC so racist?"
30 Rock. Jenna evaluates Kenneth's talents (tap dancing, singing inflammatory songs about Jesus) and thinks they're not good enough. "I'm going to have to reinvent you," she tells him, "break you down completely and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually." That's two weeks in a row with a Mickey Rourke joke. Tina Fey is going to have a pack of rabid Chihuahuas on her ass if she doesn't watch it. Kenneth tells Jenna he only wants to be himself, but she won't be deterred from her mission. She asks him to lose his "goon-y accent." Of course it gets much, much worse the minute he starts to think about it.
D.C. Congresswoman Regina Bookman tells Jack that she represents the racially diverse 1st Congressional District of Rhode Island, "from the hard working moms and dads of Smithfield, to the spoiled jags at Brown, to the thriving, flourishing Italian criminal community in Providence." Compared to her district, NBC "looks about as diverse as a Wilco concert." Jack has to reach to come up with some examples of diversity on NBC. What does he settle on? Sunday Night Football and Anthony Anderson of the now defunct Law & Order. Jonathan interrupts to tell him the show has been cancelled, and Jack is flummoxed. That aside, Rep. Bookman superciliously tells Jack she feels a responsibility to her constituents and future generations, then threatens that, without serious changes, she'll make sure the Kabletown deal doesn't go through. As we go to break, Rob Reiner leads the Representatives in a chorus of muttering: "Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb. Peas and carrots, peas and carrots..." Almost as good as South Park's "Rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble..."
Jack's office. Jack asks Tracy and Dot Com to create an African-American-themed sitcom under the guise of their production company, Dot Com Productions. They leave, and Jack updates Lemon on Regina Bookman's crusade. He takes it as a personal affront. He appreciates diversity because it has fueled this great nation: "The Chinese built the railroads. The Irish built and then filled the jails." Jack says he firmly believes that diversity is the wellspring of innovation -- he just didn't get a chance to say that to Rep. Bookman because he was "too busy trying to think of the name of the black kid on Community" (Donald Glover, FYI.) Jack dismisses the possibility that his words would have broken through. He thinks the entire hearing was political theater, and shudders at Rep. Bookman's grandstanding. Cut to a shot of her rhapsodizing like Al Sharpton: "The future! And America! Now I may have lost my train of thought several minutes ago! But if I continue to talk! Like! This! No one will notice, and when I stop! You will applaud my energy! Thank you." Wild applause.
Jack asks Lemon for a briefing on TGS's diversity. Other than Lutz, who claims to be Inuit, Toofer is the best and brightest (read: only) of the bunch. Jack decides to promote him to Co-Head Writer, a solution that is entirely amenable to Lemon in her current state of frustration. She's happy to hand him over the stupid Johnny Appleseed sketch, but Jack cuts her off to tell her that she won't be doing any such sketch. He shares a liquor locker at the opera with the litigious Monty Appleseed, naturally. Lemon growls from frustration, which apparently her doctor has warned her about because now her voice is nothing but a strained, irate rasp.
Downstairs, Jenna finds Kenneth rubbing his feet after a long day of Page interview rehearsal. She's brought her interview kit -- hair extensions and a body shaper with a reinforced penile sleeve. What, no flipper? Kenneth wants to take a break, but Jenna is in full-on Stage Mom mode, and she won't be talked down. She walks off in a huff, leaving Kenneth to spot a guy he saw in HR Coordinator Jeffrey Winerslav's office earlier. Kenneth can't believe they hired that joker, especially when he puts a stack of colored paper in the bin that is clearly marked for white paper. Kenneth runs off in search of Jenna.
Tracy's dressing room. Tracy, Grizz, and Dot Com brainstorm the show they'll produce for Jack. Tracy says he loves cop shows and can't wait for Law and Order to start back up. Grizz breaks it to him that the show's been cancelled, and Tracy screams out in anguish, "Why? It was a tent pole. A tent pole!" Dot Com introduces a show he's created, which actually sounds kind of brilliant. It's called Let's Stay Together and focuses on a black family in Detroit during the tumultuous '70s, complete with a snappy Motown soundtrack. "It's not just about a family trying to stay together," says Dot Com, "but also a nation." Grizz quickly chips in that he thinks there should be a talking dog. Tracy is sold. Dot Com is exasperated.
Kenneth's auditionterview. Jenna watches and dances in the background as Kenneth, who looks like a creepy televangelist with a sequined blue cocktail jacket, soft-shoes and shimmies his way through a snappy little song: "Thank you, NBC. For all the laughs and tears. Once home to Kelsey Grammer, The Golden Girls, My Name Is Early, The A-Team and Cheers! So shine on and thank you, NBC. A top ten network!" With that, he drops to one knee and rips open his glittering cocktail jacket to reveal an NBC peacock flag. Cut to a look of abject horror on Winerslav's face. Jenna reminds him to "Smile!" so he pops open his trap into an even more grotesque expression of forced glee. I think he may have gotten a flipper.
Writers' room. Toofer takes Lemon's usual seat at the head of the table as she walks in, so she glosses over it and heads to her office. On the way, she passes Toofer's new office to find a "Head Writer" nameplate on his door. It is neither mocking nor cruel. A sharp contrast to the one on her door: El Tejón. Frank tells her it means "the badger" in Spanish and says he's not sure who did it. His "I DID IT" hat sort of belies that claim, though. Lemon bursts into Pete's office to gripe about how the writers have embraced Toofer. Pete lets slip that Toofer has been booked for a TV interview, so Lemon horns her way into the gig. She stomps out the door, screaming, "¡Aquí viene el tejón!"
Over in the studio, Tracy complains to a frazzled Dot Com that the only thing that worked about their Let's Stay Together read-through was the talking dog. Jack interrupts to ask how production is going, and Tracy says it's fine. Then he catches Lutz eating from Dot Com Productions' crafts table and yells at him that the TGS table is backstage. As they squabble, Jonathan runs up with a phone for Jack. Rep. Bookman is waiting on the other end. She tells Jack she'll be dropping by later that afternoon to check up on him. He says he looks forward to showing her NBC's commitment to tolerance and diversity. Tracy pops up and loudly starts into a joke Don Imus told him at dinner the night before. Jack clicks off the phone with haste.
Jenna's dressing room. Kenneth can't believe he was rejected by the Page program. Jenna harshly says it was because he screwed up his tap routine. He apologizes, but she digs into him about his sparkle. Things quickly take a turn for the Verna, when she tells Kenneth, "You embarrassed me in front of all the other mothers! If you think you're going to Sizzler tonight, Jenna, you've got another thing coming. Oh, you'll be practicing your steps in the garage until the school boat comes. If I hadn't seen you come out of me in that parking lot, Ah'd swear you weren't mah dawtuh!" Her accent having fully devolved into Verna's trailer twang, Jenna realizes she's become possessed by the past, turning herself into Verna and Kenneth into her. She tells him "You're welcome" for the last part, but realizes it was wrong. She promises to make it up to him by getting his job back -- "or my name isn't Yoshtrepa Gronkowitz! I mean... Jenna Maroney!"
Meanwhile, Toofer makes his appearance on Right On, a public access show about African-American culture. Today's topic is African-Americans' role in the media. Host Rutherford Rice introduces Toofer as Head Writer of TGS, so paleface Lemon -- who clearly doesn't give a flip about making this show that much more awkward -- butts in to clarify that he's the Co-Head Writer. The cameraman tries to pan away, prompting a nag from Lemon. She then proceeds to crap all over the interview, implying it's more noteworthy that a woman is a TV show's head writer than it is that Toofer is. When she finishes the sentence with the words "white club," it's pretty clear this can't get much worse. Oh, but wait! Then she asks Rutherford Rice's co-host whether she's wearing a bra and calls her co-head writer "Toofer." If you'll recall, he earned the moniker because hiring him represented a conscious Two-for-One minority grab on NBC's part. Rutherford Rice asks who Toofer is, and Lemon claims ignorance. Pun intended. Rutherford Rice pushes on, complimenting Toofer for all the hard work and sacrifice Lemon has put into the job. She grows frustrated that he's getting the credit and makes a big show of leaving, inadvertently calling Rutherford Rice black Jesus along the way and assuming the only white guy in the building is his boss, not the security guard.
30 Rock. Jonathan tells Jack that Rep. Bookman is on her way up, then switches to the Indian accent Jack demanded he adopt for this visit. Before the Congresswoman arrives, Jenna marches up with Jeffrey Winerslav and "an actor emergency." She says Winerslav won't give Kenneth his job back. The PR schlub tries to explain, but Jack cuts him off and tells him to do as he's told. With that, Rep. Bookman arrives. Jack begins her tour. Tracy arrives on cue with this totally unscripted statement: "Thank you, Representative. What you're doing is very important. I can assure you that NBC is committed to making diversity a priority. Then just walk away and don't try to kiss her, Tracy, and don't say that last part." He winks at Jack and walks off. Unfortunately for Jack, Tracy doesn't get far. He stops at the very same TGS craft services table to which he relegated Lutz earlier. Inuit Lutz is having none of it and shouts that their food is separate. Tracy screams, "I'll kill you, white devil!" He lobs an orange at him and takes chase.
Jack tries to salvage the tour by carrying on. The thing they see is the bathroom doors (both co-ed), between which are the recycling signs marked "White" and "Colored" -- only the bins aren't there anymore, and (white) Winerslav walks out of the bathroom to the "White" sign. Jack introduces Winerslav to the Congresswoman, telling her that Winerslav is heading up the diversity and minority hiring initiative at NBC. He asks for an update. Winerslav opts not to make him look good, instead saying that the minority slot was filled by Kenneth under Jack's order. Kenneth happens to walk by at that moment. He's in his own world and has fully regressed to childhood thanks to Jenna's coaching. Frankly, he's acting like he has a brain dysfunction. Jack tries to justify that Kenneth is a diversity hire because Kenneth is "a hillbilly with a girl's middle name. And, because his county never rejoined the Union, a foreigner." Rep. Bookman doesn't buy it.
Jack spots Toofer, his last chance at saving this disastrous visit. He calls everyone's attention to present Toofer with the 2010 Tavis Smiley Excellence in Broadcast Award. Congresswoman Bookman asks how long Toofer has been Head Writer, and Toofer answers honestly that it's been one day. She sees through the ruse and asks who the real head writer is. Lemon shyly speaks up. Rep. Bookman strides over to Lemon, whom she deems a "lonely and tired woman," to congratulate her on being one of the 10% of the people who do 90% of the work. She tells Lemon she's the only person there she respects and gives her an "I Met a Congresswoman" sticker. Lemon begins to thank her but is interrupted when Rep. Bookman launches into another of her soapbox speeches: "This country was founded! On certain principles. Freedom! Troops! America! Flag! Now I might not know where I'm going with this. But I know! We will get there! Together!" She holds up Lemon's hand to tepid applause. She amps it up: "Who?! Loves?! Pizza?!" Wild applause.
Jack takes the Congresswoman aside and admits that he was putting on a show for her. He insists that he was only tap dancing because she made him. Natch, Jenna chimes in, "Did someone say tap dance?" and starts hoofing. Jack closes the door on her and continues. They squabble about her grandstanding and ambush tactics, finally coming to an understanding when Jack tells her how much he cares about diversity. She tells him to prove it to him by making real changes at NBC. If she doesn't see marked improvement in the three months, she'll vote against the merger. Jack's vow to improve race relations at NBC is interrupted when Tracy barges in to grab a Samurai sword, yelling, "I'm cuttin' that fat cracker's head off!" He takes after Lutz, who shrieks, "I'm part Eskimo! We were here first!" Jack abruptly departs to squash this conflict, yelling back, "Three months, Congresswoman!" Rep. Bookman tries to leave. She opens the door, and Jenna is still tap-tap-tapping away. On the bright side, the only way to go is up!
Bonus! A scene from Let's Stay Together, starring John Amos and Stanley the Dog. The protagonist comes home, complaining that his auto plant closed, axing his job of 30 years, and he didn't even get a watch. Stanley argues his life is even harder because he's got two dates that night. Protagonist: "Stanley, even for a dog, you are a dog." The doorbell rings, and there are two well-groomed poodles on the other side. Winks Stanley, "Ain't life a bitch?"
An Inuit, a talking dog, and a Lemon walk into a bar...
A Lemon by Any Other Name...
Lemon: Look at this [holds up a name placard with the words "F. Krueger"]. The writers put it on my door.
Jack: I don't know what that's referring to.
Lemon: It's referring to this one time that I got a chemical peel before work... and I was wearing a green and red sweater... and a fedora. But these douche-b's have been doing this for weeks.
Jack [flipping through Lemon's nameplates]: Lez Lemon--
Lemon: First thought.
Jack: Winona Ryder in a Hundred Years--
Lemon: Weak!
Jack: Fart Barfunkel--
Lemon: Indian food.
Jack: Paul Simon.
Lemon: I don't get that, but it hurts. Look, I love a good joke, but I am their boss, and at a certain point, it crosses a line. To quote Rodney Dangerfield [attempts a sad, bad impression]...
Jack: Lemon if you're about to say that you don't get any respect, you're right. I mean, in a post-Apocalyptic world, how would society even use you?
Lemon: Traveling bard.
Jack: Radiation canary.
Jonathan, Ever the Optimist
Jack: Do you know who gets elected to Congress these days? Former athletes, washed-up actors and, uh... women. I'm locked and loaded and ready for whatever these Beltway lobotomites throw at me.
Jonathan: What if we have to stay overnight, and there aren't enough rooms, so we have to share a room?! And I forgot to bring a shirt to sleep in and the stores are all closed... [elevator door closes]
We Didn't Start the Network
Jenna: Kenneth, you're back! I need you to get me something called Vagitrax. It's... for dry knees.
Kenneth: I wish I were back, Miss Maroney. I'm reapplying to the Page program, but it's a lot harder than my first time around. It's gotten really competitive. You shoulda seen what I saw in Mr. Winerslav's office. [cut to HR department]
Jeffrey Winerslav: Well your interview will be Thursday. Is there any A/V equipment you'll be needing?
Kenneth: Equipment?
Applicant [playing a keyboard and singing to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire"]: Inside Schwartz, 21, Hill Street Blues, Wings is fun! Golden Girls, Quantum Leap, Outsourced is the new Friends! [cut back to TGS]
Kenneth: The process used to be dignified. Now it's just a pageant.
Jenna: Just a pageant? That's like saying a guy is cool because he has just a speedboat.
Let's Not and Say We Did
Jack: Representative Regina Bookman is using the Kabletown hearings as a soapbox from which to complain about a lack of diversity on TV.
Lemon: Well, she has a point. I was reading the new Malcolm Gladwell New Yorker piece on my Kindle--
Jack: Did you really read that?
Lemon: No, I did not.
No Pain, No Page
Jenna: There you are. I've got hair extensions for you, and a body shaper with a reinforced penile sleeve.
Kenneth: Miss Maroney, please. My feet are killing me--
Jenna: I am trying to help you, Kenneth. Believe me, I wish you weren't such a Houston foreclosure of a human being, but I need to tear you down and turn you into someone that can actually win this thing!
More Like a Waddling and Teetering Tour
Regina Bookman: Mr. Donaghy, I'm in New York right now. Some colleagues and I are taking meetings on Wall Street, and then we're doing a Sex and the City walking tour.
Rob Reiner: Magnolia Bakery? Oh! Sorry, hips!
TGS's Legacy of Intrigue, Litigation, and Bumbling
Rutherford Rice: James, when people think of TGS, they think of Tracy Jordan, Jenna Maroney, the mysterious crew deaths, the Angela Lansbury lawsuit... What they don't think of is you. Working long hours late into the night, giving up any semblance of a life. Well, James Spurlock, you can finally take your bow. You are Right On's Arthur Ashe of the week!
Lemon [taking off her mic]: Okay, you know what? I get it. I shouldn't be here. I should have realized that when I saw the masks and the picture of black Jesus.
Rutherford Rice: That's me in college.
Lemon: Alrighty!
How Far We've Come!
Jack: What was I supposed to do? This is a multi-billion-dollar deal. There are thousands of jobs at stake. Hundreds of second homes! And your ridiculous grandstanding could ruin the whole thing -- like luffing your spinnaker during a yachting regatta. [Pause.] I know I'm not helping myself.
Regina Bookman: Sorry, grandstanding? Do you not think I believe in this?
Jack: It's just political theater. You're up for re-election.
Regina Bookman: Yes, maybe I get carried away sometimes with my love for this great country. And the troops! And the flag troops!
Jack: You're doing it!
Regina Bookman: And I apologize. But I only talk this way so I can get people to listen. I care about these issues.
Jack: And so do I! If you'd just give me a chance instead of ambushing me in front of the Congress and my own employees. You think I don't take diversity seriously? Only a fool doesn't. Diversity is the engine that drives this country. We are an immigrant nation. The first generation works their fingers to the bone making things. The generation goes to college and innovates new ideas. The third generation... snow boards and takes improv classes.
Where does 30 Rock's Kenneth rank among the funniest obsessed sidekicks in TV history? Find out.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then check out our guide to the show's best and worst guest stars!
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.