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Lemon is still searching for a new cast member that appeals to the "real America" (you know, the one she doesn't believe in?), and she continues to displease Jack by searching in elitist, intellectual enclaves like San Francisco and Toronto. By gum, real people aren't smart or well-connected. They're the salt of the earth! Kenneth piques Jack's interest with some fundamentally creepy tales of a comedy club back in his hometown of Stone Mountain, Georgia. So off Jack and Lemon go. During the car trip, they continue to debate the existence of a "real America," and Lemon enlightens us with her sandwich-based theory of humanity. Ironically, it's a sandwich containing deep-fried carp and pig offal that lands in the hotel bathroom for most of the trip. During her stint in the vomitorium, Jack heads over to the club Kenneth suggested and finds a hayseed ventriloquist Rick Wayne and his silver-tongued dummy Pumkin. Lemon insists she see them before Jack can extend the job offer, so she loads up her heckling guns and heads down to The Laugh Factory. Let's just say Lemon is outmatched and that Jack goes absolutely, spectacularly apeshit, then leave it at that. I'm still a little scarred from the smut that came out of that buck-toothed dummy's latex lips. Shudder.
Meanwhile, Frank is trying to ensure he, Toofer and Lutz have a hot and happening Halloween planned. Simultaneously, Jenna is looking for something only they can provide -- priority status when the new cast member arrives. Their nefarious, self-propelling plans become one when Jenna introduces her gay friends to the writers. Cerie tells Frank that The Gays have the best Halloween parties, with all the hot drunk girls, so Jenna blackmails the writers into giving her top special treatment in exchange for entrée into the Hallowiener party.
In the background, Tracy is scrambling to save his own life. After learning that two celebrities have died that day, he infers from the Rule of Threes (famous people tend to croak in groups of three) that he's a marked man. After some antics with Betty White and Jimmy Fallon, Tracy is spared when a certain peach-lovin' doll kicks the bucket.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see who we think are the best and worst 30 Rock guest stars!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Lemon walks into her office ripe from a long plane trip. Lacking any deodorant or body splash, she starts rubbing a candle on her armpits. Of course Jack walks in on this. He asks how the talent search is going for the new cast member. She tells him she's seen people in San Francisco and has an auditions set up in Toronto. Jack is not pleased with these hippie, Lefty enclaves. He tells her to forget smart comedy and think about what makes people laugh. On cue, Lutz walks in with a tray of parfaits, trips over a chair, and makes a spectacular pratfall. Lemon and Jack crack their shit up... then attend to Lutz, who may or may not be bleeding profusely. Awesome.
In the studio, Frank is telling Tracy that the rotund man who inspired Pac-Man has passed away. Kenneth adds to that a famous clog dancer. Frank wonders who'll be , since celebrities always die in threes. He tells Tracy to be careful. Tracy scoffs at the urban legend. He stands up and walks away from his chair, at which point a light falls on it from the beams overhead. Credits.
Outside, Jenna calls out to a writer, then lights the script that contains her edits on fire. She tells Kenneth she wants to make it known that she is in charge so that there won't be any power redistribution when the new cast member arrives. Kenneth tells her she'll attract more flies with honey than vinegar, but she thinks the only way to survive in the business is to be cutthroat and power-hungry. Kenneth tells a little anecdote about Florence Henderson baking cookies for the writers of The Brady Bunch -- "and in exchange they wrote her the role of a lifetime, as her own Grandma Hutchens!" Jenna ponders this intriguing idea of being nice.
Jack's office. Kenneth checks to see if Jack is going to participate in the annual company pumpkin-carving contest. That'd be a no. Jack asks Kenneth what he, as a Middle American (well, Southern, but for all intents and purposes...) finds funny. Kenneth tells him about a pig farm-slash-butcher back in Stone Mountain that would turn into a comedy club at night. Cut to Lemon's office. Jack walks in to tell her they're heading down to Georgia. Lemon's response: "After these messages?" Commercials. Wow, this show is getting really into the meta.
Writers' room. Toofer looks bemusedly at Frank's Halloween party Evite. Lutz doesn't want to have another one after last year, when a hot girl from an office across the street came over and asked them to close their blinds and (implicitly) stop being so pathetic. In that scene, btw, Toofer was Kid from Kid 'n Play. Nice. Frank tells them not to give up on the magical night when women have free reign to "dress slutty and drink too much," and where they can "hide [their] bodies in bulky costumes." Toofer and Lutz are disconsolate, but Frank reassures them that anything can happen on Halloween. It's a holiday when "up is down, down is up. Good is evil... and evil is good." On cue, newly nice-to-writers Jenna enters the room with a tray of cookies. And by "cookies" I mean four still wrapped packets of ready-made dough that she didn't bother to remove from the package before sticking in the oven. She wafts the sweet aroma of burnt plastic at them.
Out in the corridor, Tracy finds Jack and pleads him to send him away so he won't fall victim to the Rules of Threes. Jack scoffs, just as Tracy once did.
Back in the writers' room, Jenna manages to drop the ultimate Lost spoiler (hint: it ends like Newhart, with Hurley in the bed) while trying to bond with the guys. They head into the men's room to speculate why she's suddenly trying to be buddy-buddy to with them. Frank is on to her scheming and says they'll get rid of her through a series of pranks. Just then, Jenna barges in and says, "Oh wow! They painted the ceiling in here!" Heh.
Somewhere on the drive between Midtown and Stone Mountain, Jack once again gives Lemon the pep talk about finding a "real American" down in Georgia. Lemon tries to debate him as to whether one part of America can be more real, or more American, than another, but she gets distracted by a restaurant called Fatty Fat's Sandwich Ranch and literally grabs the wheel to force him to turn over. Jack continues to portray Lemon as a snobby, East coast-er, so she explains her fundamental philosophy about life. Everyone wants to enjoy their own "sandwich," if you will, and it's no place of hers to put down another's "sandwich." As such, she tries to embody her own "live and let eat" philosophy by ordering that she doesn't realize contains extra pig grundle. Of course, Jack, having learned a thing or two about Georgia culture, knows what she's doing. An evil smile spreads across his face.
Back at 30 Rock, Tracy hovers over Kenneth as he trolls the internet for another celebrity death: "Who knows, maybe Andy Dick has died in the last 20 seconds." Fair play, Mr. Jordan. Tracy decides to take matters into his own hands and calls Betty White, who, it must be noted, is reading Jimmy Carter's From Peanut to President. As soon as she picks up, he shouts into the phone, hoping to literally scare her to death. No dice. He asks about her health with such specificity that she realizes he's calling to see if she's going to take his place in the Rule of Threes. She assures him she'll outlive them all.
Back down in Georgia, Lemon and Jack have arrived at the hotel. Lemon is struggling with the realization that the carp sandwich "is not agreeing with [her] worldview." The receptionist comes forward and takes his sweet time -- not like them always rushin' city folk -- in getting them the keys to their rooms. As Lemon's butt cheeks expel sounds not dissimilar to a beagle's whining, Jack worsens matters, intentionally, by asking about the local peach festival. The receptionist launches into a Bubba-style exhaustive list of all the different uses for peaches (peach jerky?). Lemon finally gets the key and makes a run for it. Jack tries for brownie points with the clerk by blasting rude types like Lemon. He succeeds... kind of.
30 Rock. Frank walks into the writers' room, where Jenna introduces him to her friends: Sasha, Michael and "Gay Michael." Sasha has only one question for Frank, accented by a disdainful hand flourish: "Why?" Frank's latest hat reads "WET TO ACTIVATE," BTW. Frank walks away to bitch to Cerie that he's had just about enough: "How can a dude in a midriff dominate me like that?" Cerie says she actually likes them and might join them in their Halloween plans, since The Gays have the best Halloween parties. Frank suddenly realizes where all the girls have been all these Octobers past. Cerie regales with all the highlights of the lesbian porn-esque shenanigans that happen when straight girls hit up gay parties on Halloween. Frank's eyes grow increasingly larger as each images flashes in the fluid-stained theater of his mind.
Moments later, Frank rushes in to abort the latest prank Toofer and Lutz are executing. He tells them his devious machination to crash Jenna's gay party so they can hit it up with all the blacked-out straight girls they can wrap their chubby (or spindly, in Toofer's case) arms around.
Georgia. Lemon is clutching the toilet and wondering whether she should repent for the time she stole a hot dog from a blind guy. Jack enters to hand her some "Peppy Bismilk" that the receptionist (Travis) brought her. Lemon lashes out that she hates how everything is different down South. Jack throws it in her face that she hates the receptionist -- "choir member, Desert Storm veteran, father of three... I made all that up, but you get my point." Lemon is far too ill to parse regional predilections with him. Jack turns on the sympathy for about five seconds by rubbing her back with the closest broom available. Then he says he has to make his way down to The Laugh Factory to scout talent. Lemon objects, but Jack promises to find someone perfect for his Middle American viewers.
In the comedy club, a ventriloquist -- played by Jeff Dunham and his redneck dummy Bubba J -- is on stage, and it goes a little something like this:
Redneck Dummy: Hey Rick, what's the differ'nce between yer girlfriend and yer truck?
Ventriloquist: Ah don't know, Pumkin, what is the differ'nce?
Redneck Dummy: Yer truck don't yell at yoooo ever'time ya git gas!
Jack laughs hysterically and rises for a standing ovation. In the back, a mustachioed Kenneth clone smiles in approval. Commercials.
30 Rock. Frank asks Jenna what the whole gang is doing for Halloween. She says Sasha and The Michaels usually have a big party. Frank pretends that he, Toofer, and Lutz are having one, too, then suggest they combine the parties to have one big mega-party in the studio. Jenna is on board, so Frank throws up the horns at her. She continues to act down, all, "Yes! That gesture! I like people who... make do that!" Needless to say, the gays are displeased with this turn of events. Particularly Bitchy Sasha, the spokesgay. Jenna assures him it's all part of her insurance for when the new cast member arrives. Bitchy Sasha the Spokesgay tells her to read his face and throws out a facial expression that is equal parts shock and contempt. As if struck by fuschia lightning, Jenna understands.
Georgia hotel, morning. Jack interrupts Lemon watching the local news to tell her they can leave because he's found their new cast member. She doesn't think a redneck ventriloquist will resonate, but Jack thinks his folksy, simple comedy will strike a chord with Middle America. He tells her to trust him, but she refuses to give the okay until she sees him.
30 Rock. Jimmy Fallon, still getting his bearings around the studios, finds Tracy in his dressing room clutching a pillow in fear for his life. Tracy establishes that Fallon is a celebrity and offers to show him a "shortcut" to Studio 6B. A moment later, Tracy leads Fallon through the dark passageways of the studio, making sure Fallon walks in front. Just as Tracy grabs a hammer to complete the unholy trinity, Kenneth crosses their path. Fallon scurries off, still alive. Blast it! Kenneth tells Tracy he doesn't need to worry because there is no Rule of Threes. Just then, Fallon comes surging back with an ax in hand. They declare truce, but Fallon vows to kill his first guest (a dog who plays soccer) if another celebrity doesn't die before the day's out. And then some fun is had with how crappy Fallon's show is.
Georgia hotel. Lemon drinks Peppy Bismilk and talks with Pete on the phone. She tells him she plans to heckle Rick and Pumkin until they don't want to join the TGS cast anymore.
Back at the studio, Cerie in a teeny-weeny polka dot bikini shows the guys her costume: Italian senator. They high-five about their crazy night to come. That is, until Jenna comes up and tells them she could make it all go away with one word. They ask what she wants. She demands two good sketches a week, a promise to hate the new cast member, and no more jokes about her dated cultural references. She asks, "Okay? Are we cowabunga on this?" They call it a deal. She adds one last stipulation that, if she wakes up with one of them tomorrow morning, he will buy her breakfast.
Meeting with Rick Wayne. Lemon mainlines Gatorade as the last pig goes down the Chuckle Shoot. The slaughter house officially becomes The Laugh Factory and, look! There's Kennethina Purcell! Lemon psyches herself up as Rick Wayne and Pumkin take the stage. Before the act can even start, she throws out her first barb. And you better believe Rick Wayne and Pumkin give it to her good. That Pumkin is nasty. Jack takes up for Lemon, but it backfires horribly, ending in a slam from Pumkin that Jack's head is so big they could build a Super Wal-Mart in it. Then he makes the requisite homophobic punch line, prompting Jack to rush the stage to throw down with a dummy. Yep. You heard me. Kennethina watches in consternation as Jack chokes, punches, kicks, and, finally, beheads that little scoundrel Pumkin. He orders Lemon to get the keys, then chucks the head at Kennethina before making a run for it. So I guess the trip to Toronto is back on, then, eh?
NYC. Frank cuts a rug with the gays and the girls at his super-freaky Halloween party. He invites Tracy to come down from the stage and party, but Tracy says he doesn't want to die. Kenneth enters the frame and mourns the passing of Western Georgia's Most Beloved Ventriloquist's Doll. Tracy jubilantly rips his shirt off and yells at Kenneth to tell his wife he "went to Philadelphia on business. Yayyyyyy!"
And you thought Big City folk were degenerate? Get a load of the world's smuttiest dummy...
You Forgot "Communists" and "Pornographers"
Jack: How was your trip?
Lemon: Terrible! I had to give up my window seat to some seven-year-old who had to sit to her precious mommy.
Jack: But what about the actual purpose for your trip. How is the search for the new cast member going?
Lemon: Okay. I saw a few good alternative comics in San Francisco.
Jack: San Francisco? I asked you to find an actor from Middle America. A real person. You're not going to find him in the People's Gaypublic of Drugafornia.
Lemon: Geez! Relax. I'm also setting up auditions in Toronto.
Jack: Canada? Why not just go to Iraq! The television audience doesn't want your elitist, East Coast, alternative, intellectual, Left Wing --
Lemon: Jack, just say "Jewish." This is taking forever.
All Sinners' Days, Both of Them
Frank: Hey Tracy, Did you hear? Fred Dawkins -- the incredibly overweight guy that Pac-Man was based on -- died last night.
Tracy [mournfully]: I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor.
Kenneth walks by with a box of Halloween decorations.
Tracy: Orange and black decorations. Is this Halloween or a Princeton parents' weekend? I don't know whether to be scared or proud of my cousin.
Kenneth: It's Halloween, sir.
Tracy: Proud it is.
Second in Popularity Only to Bobbing for Apples
Kenneth: Excuse me, Mr. Donaghy. I wasn't sure if you were participating in this year's pumpkin carving contest, or, if like last year, I should "go jump up my own ass."
Jack: Same as last year.
Well, If You Can't Make Light of Swine Grundles...
Jack: Kenneth, you're from Georgia, right?
Kenneth: Stone Mountain, sir. Although when the Parcells first came to America, they lived in a town called Sexcriminalboat. Do you think that's Cherokee?
Jack: Uh, no. I mean, you're a Middle American, a Joe Average. You're the only one around here who knows what ordinary people want. So tell me: What makes you laugh.
Kenneth: The usual I suppose: Two hobos sharin' a bean. Lady airline pilots! I remember growing up in Stone Mountain, my whole family would go down to the Chuckle Hut.
Jack: That's the local comedy club?
Kenneth: Oh no, sir. It's a chuckle hut. You see the chuckle is the part of the pig between the tail and the anus. But at night, the Chuckle Hut becomes the Laugh Factory. And that's a comedy club!
Three Time's a Harm
Tracy: Celebrities -- they always die in groups of three. Two already died, and I might be the to go!
Jack: That's ridiculous.
Tracy: I gotta go somewhere where nothing will happen to me. Can you get me on Charlie Rose?
Jack: Tracy, you have nothing to worry about. The Rules of Threes is a myth. It doesn't exist. Like going bald with dignity. That said, I would prefer if you take the [elevator].
Deli-osophy
Jack: Lemon, if this is going to play out like lunch, I suggest you crack your window now and save yourself the embarrassment in 20 minutes. Now they have hush puppies here, which might know better as a "knish" or a "beignet."
Lemon: I know what you're trying to do, Jack. You want to paint me as this New York snob. Can I share with you my worldview?
Jack: I'd rather hear you sing "Rocket Man."
Lemon: All of humankind has one thing in common -- the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
Jack: What a surprise, your worldview is food-based!
Lemon: And who am I to say that my delicious Italian sub is better than its Stone Mountain equivalent? Which is why I will have the carp Po' Boy with extra chuckle.
Betty "The Undertaker" White
Betty White: Hello?
Tracy: BOO!
Betty White: Who is this?
Tracy: Hey, Betty, it's TJ.
Betty White: Tracy! I haven't heard from you since that rapping grandma movie we did. You were so funny as the rapping grandma.
Tracy: So how are you feeling? Any arm pain? Shortness of breath? Plans to investigate corruption in Russia?
Betty White: Wait a minute. Are you calling because the Pac-Man guy and Jug Bercody died? Is this a Rule of Threes call?
Tracy: Ummmm, no.
Betty White: Nice try, Jordan. But I am going to be at your funeral. I will bury you!
Annnnd... Bonus Punch Line
Jack [After diarrhea-stricken Lemon abruptly exits]: I have to apologize. You know what they should do with people like her? They should round them all up put them all on an island. Oh wait, they already have. It's called Manhattan!
Receptionist: Down here we call it Sexcriminalboat.
Alas, Poor Lutz!
Frank: Stop! Stop filling Jenna's wigs with raw shrimp!
Toofer: Why?
Frank: We need to pretend to be Jenna's friends for the 24 hours. She's our ticket to a gay Halloween.
Lutz: How come when Jenna suggests it, everybody's on board?
Stay Classy, Stone Mountain
Local News Anchor: In metro news, Mary Hilton is goin' ta Gaffney fer the weekend and hopes that Martha or Stephanie will water her plants.
Lemon: Very small town. [Hears a knock on the door]
Jack: Morning, Lemon. I brought you a ginger ale.
Lemon: Schwupps Ginny Pale? This place is the worst!
Jack: Don't worry, we're leaving. Our work here is done.
Local News Anchor: Entertainment news -- local funnyman and sub shop owner Rick Wayne has been hired by a Catholic to appear on TGS with a black fella.
Breakfasts of Champions
Lemon: Stop calling them simple! You know what? You're the prejudiced one. Sure, some of these people are simple. But some of them are smart like Matlock. Or wholesome like Ellie May Clampett. And some of them are skeevy dirt bags like the Dukes of Hazzard, driving around like maniacs -- children use those roads! My point is that Americans are the same everywhere, in that we are all different!
Jack: You're wrong, Lemon. These people are better, purer. You know what I did this morning? I assisted in the birth of a foal. They named it Jack. And it was delicious... I know what I'm doing here, Lemon. We're hiring Rick and Pumkin.
Lemon: We're not hiring anyone until I see them.
Jack: Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper that you found on the beach?
Celebrity Rubric
Jimmy Fallon: Hi, I'm trying to get to Studio 6B from here. I'm still finding my way around.
Tracy: You look clean. You a celebrity?
Jimmy Fallon [cocky]: I have my own show on NBC...
Tracy: No. A celebrity.
Jimmy Fallon [dismayed]: I was in a movie with Queen Latifah once....
Post-Chuckle Heckling
Lemon: Pete, I'm not going to let this happen.
Pete: But what can you do?
Lemon: Well, Jack says I'm just an obnoxious New Yorker, so that's what Rick Wayne is gonna get tonight, and it's gonna get ugly.
Pete: Oh my God, you're going to heckle him. Like that time I invited you to see my cover band.
Lemon: Yeah. And today the world is better off without the Pete Hornberger Allen Parsons Project Project. I may be dehydrated. I may still be working a little chuckle out of my system, but don't worry. When I'm done the last thing Rick Wayne and Pumkin are going to want to do is come to New York.
Anti-Heckling & The Human Condition 101
Emcee: Stone Mountain's own Rick Wayne and Pumkin!
Lemon: All right, you asked for it...
Rick Wayne: Good ev'nin', ever'one. How y'all doin'? [The mic bobbles, producing feedback.]
Lemon: Hey! It's your first time doin' this?
Rick Wayne: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was filthy, thin-lipped hooker night here at the Laugh Factory.
Lemon: Okay. I underestimated you...
Rick Wayne: Knock knock! Who's there, Pumkin?
Pumkin: A ferret-faced skank!
Rick Wayne: Yep, I see her, too!
Lemon: Get a job, hayseed!
Pumkin: Are you still talkin'? You are one mouthy bitch. I don't go down to where you work and stop them from milkin' you!
Jack: I'm sorry, but that's enough, sir. You're out of line.
Pumkin: I'll tell you what's out of line: Your old lady's knockers. Good lord, woman! I wouldn't fuck you with Elmo's pecker.
Jack: Rick, Pumkin, what are you doing? A gentleman -- whether he's human or somehow more than human -- does not speak to a lady like that. You two are wholesome and decent.
Pumkin: Oh, I get it. You think 'cause we talk like this, we're all simple and quaint. Well, I'm an amateur astronomer, and Rick's Black wife speaks French.
Rick: Her name's Jamillah.
Lemon: See, I told you, there's no "real America."
Pumkin: You shut that dog rectum you call a mouth.
Lemon: Yes, sir.
Jack: Why are you people laughing at this? You're supposed to be better, nicer. But you're terrible, you're all terrible. Just like the people in New York!
Crowd: Boooooo!
Lemon: All God's children are terrible.
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