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The Powers That Be hand Jack down a mandate to make the network more friendly. Jenna offers to record a country crossover song for their sports promos, but that's not enough. Jack charges Lemon with finding a new cast member who will appeal to "real America" since Tracy and Jenna are, at turns, too urban and too actress-y. Lemon and Pete spend the entire episode sneakily hitting up comedy clubs after work, uncomfortably touching knees under teeny tables at said comedy clubs, and ultimately telling the writers that they're "intercoursing each other" in a desperate attempt to cover up the talent search. The reason? Writers hate talent, and talent (ah-hem Jenna) will do anything to maintain its place in the spotlight, including but not limited to maiming enthusiastic blonde interns.
While all this is happening, Kenneth mistakenly gets hold of Jack's paycheck. This is only a problem because Kenneth had earlier raised some concerns about Page overtime compensation being cut to the Boss Man. Jack claimed there was no extra money to pay the Pages, an assertion disproven when Kenneth laid eyes on a Donaghy-bound bonus check with an eye-popping number of zeroes. Kenneth mobilized the pages -- plus a blanket union composed of mall Santas, horse whisperers and bucket drummers -- to stage a picket. They thought they'd be getting overtime and more sanitary beards, amongst other things. In the end, Kenneth manages both to outsmart Jack in a game of high-stakes minion chess and to accomplish absolutely nothing in the way of compensation and working conditions improvement for his fellow union members.
And Tracy. We could never forget Tracy. He takes to heart Jack's assertion that money and fame have made him lose touch with his humble beginnings. He goes on an odyssey to break out of his "mermaid booby" shell, in the process accosting myriad tourists and Rockefeller Plaza employees in the process. When drive-by realness leaves him empty-handed, he joins the ill-fated strike and proves that he knows how to count… up to 18 at least!
Jenna also shows up briefly at the protest after she learns about Lemon and Pete's talent search. When she's not doing that, she's wearing Daisy Dukes or a white hot-pants onesy to record her "Tennis Night in America" country music promo. And then there's Josh, the forgettable actor-writer who plays a supporting role in this episode. He was mentioned and/or appeared at least three times during the episode, and only one of those times did I not scratch my head or consult IMDB. And, to be fair, that was kind of the point, but my apologies to Lonny Ross regardless.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why we think 30 Rock needs an NCIS!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Jack welcomes Lemon, Tracy and Jenna to Season Four -- the hottest new Asian Fusion restaurant in Manhattan. The waiters present what is literally a hot dog covered in cheese and wrapped in a crepe. It's called a Cheesy Blaster, and Lemon, of course, knows the jingle. Tracy objects to this low-brow fusion fare. Jack responds that that kind of elitism is exactly why he's brought the crew here. With the parent company struggling financially, he thinks TGS needs to reconnect with Middle America and gain back some much-needed viewers. He even accuses Tracy of becoming distant from his audience. This thought troubles Tracy. Jenna offers to record a country music album to get some publicity for the show. Apparently it's just as good as going gay for that purpose. Jack okays the twang-tastic PR stunt, and makes a toast to winning back the "real America" and its homespun family values. Methinks Lemon will be donning a half-up beehive and some Kawasaki 704 glasses any day now. Credits.
As they leave, Jack pulls Lemon back to ask her when she's going to move forward with the talent search for a new cast member. He claims Tracy (who's burning money... again) and Jenna (who's simultaneously hooked up to at least two wireless devices) aren't relatable to Middle America. Lemon is reluctant to add more work (and high jinks, no doubt) to her load, but Jack insists.
Inside 30 Rock, Pete is unenthusiastic about scouting a new actor. They vow not to tell anyone (i.e. Jenna) so as to avoid any hazing rituals and/or violent abductions. (See below.)
Upstairs, Kenneth approaches Jack about the new Page policy. Under "Comrade Obama's recession" (Jack's words, natch), the company can't afford to pay overtime anymore, so Pages are no longer allowed to work more than 16 hours a day. Kenneth has no problem working the extra hours for free, he just doesn't want to taint the Parcell family name by signing an inaccurate timesheet. He says his family is synonymous with honesty and then recites a yokel phrase to prove as much. God bless Jack McBrayer and his flair for dialects... I don't even know how to transcribe that, but it's worth a watch. Trust. Jack tells Kenneth that everyone is making sacrifices in the current economic climate. He tells Kenneth he can report, and be paid for, a truthful timecard when the money is available. For now, just sign the damn thing. Kenneth glumly signs, then spits out another unintelligible -- though I'm sure wisdom-laden -- phrase from back in the hollers.
Downstairs, Pete hands out Kenneth's paycheck. Lemon approaches, so he hands over her paycheck, too. They look each other conspiratorially and act all cagey towards Kenneth before scampering off to plan that evening's scouting trip. Frank walks by and nearly finds them out, but luckily they're really good liars. By which I mean they just laugh loudly and scare him off.
Tracy's in his dressing room ranting at Grizz about how he and Dot-Com have disconnected Tracy from everyday folks. He's interrupted when Dot-Com brings in a custodian, who literally causes Tracy to shriek out, "Eep!" and recoil in horror. Dot-Com introduces Raleigh, a maintenance man from Brooklyn who works in the building. Tracy immediately connects with Raleigh because his "dear friend Moby" just opened a tea spot in Park Slope. Unfortunately, Raleigh doesn't know him. So Tracy moves on to a more general topic: Have you ever lost a remote. It seems to go well, until Tracy and Raleigh realize their respective remote controls have very different functions. (Hint: Tracy's isn't for a TV. See below.) So much for Tracy reconnecting with his roots. Raleigh makes a swift exit, and Tracy returns to his rant. He storms out -- after getting Grizz and Dot-Com to point him towards the elevator he's not afraid of.
Out in the hallway, Kenneth discovers he's been given Jack's paycheck instead of his own. He marvels at all the zeroes, then folds out an extension on the paycheck and squeaks in disbelief (maybe agony).
Lemon runs into Pete in the writers' room, and they act all kinds of weird and suspicious in an effort not to let the writers catch on that they're heading out together that night. Yeah, awesome liars!
The morning, Kenneth acts as a formal spokesperson for the Pages when he approaches Jack to get their overtime back. He says he saw Jack's paycheck and thinks "all those zeroes are un-American." Jack counters that those bonuses are absolutely American because he is more skilled and, thus, more valuable and, thus, deserves a bonus. Kenneth is shocked that that check was merely a bonus, since Jack said there was no extra money to be splashed around. ("And bonus means extra -- I know that from game shows!") Jack gets down to the nitty-gritty, asking what Kenneth needs to move on. Since Jack made a liar of Kenneth, Kenneth wants Jack to sign his name to a piece of paper that says, "I'm a big, ol' liar!" Jack says no dice, so Kenneth decides to enact a Page strike. He tries to make a dramatic exit via the elevator, but it's totally full-up (including a terrified Tracy), so he waits.
Later, Jack returns to 30 Rock in a limo and must cross the Page picket to get in.
Upstairs, he sees Lemon and loudly asks her how the talent search is going. She says it's horrible, what with all the lying and the accidental knee-knocking with Pete under the tiny comedy club tables. She starts to ask Jack exactly what he's looking for, but cuts off when she sees Jenna strut up in her Daisy Dukes, straw hat, and cowboy boots. Jack tells her she's going to record a rollicking new sports theme for the network. Jenna lets out a hearty "Yeehaw!" Lemon wonders what sports they're even carrying these days. Jack: "Oh, off-season tennis." He starts walking off and says he'll need Jenna the whole day.
Lemon follows him, protesting that midweek rehearsals are very important. They stop walking when they see packages, flowers, pizzas and befuddled delivery men encircling Kenneth's desk. Lemon wonders where he is while the phone rings off the hook. Jack explains the situation, and Lemon calls bad form on taking a bonus when others' paychecks were being cut. Jack tries to answer the phone and fails, so Lemon suggests he give them their overtime out of his bonus. He vows to end the strike post-haste. He walks off, leaving the phone on speaker. From it, we hear Tracy's voice desperately describing his environment. There's a tunnel and a man in uniform and a dog. "Oh," says Tracy, "it's sunny!"
We find him walking downstairs. He has literally just gotten out of the building. God knows how long it's been. He's wandering around like an Alzheimer's patient who's cut loose from the nursing home. He approaches a series of people and asks one bizarre, rich person question after another. It goes predictably awry. (See below.)
Upstairs, Jack meets with Lenny the P.I. (a.k.a. Steve Buscemi!) to run down his options for shutting down the Page strike. Lenny offers to go undercover to infiltrate the Page union and take out Kenneth from the inside. "They used to call me 'The chameleon, '" he assures, "Because of my slender frame and big, wet eyes."
Writers' room. Lemon looks for her wallet. Pete suggests she may have left it in a friend's car the night before. They have another ineptly cagey, transparently sneaky conversation in front of the entire staff. Frank calls them out on their weird behavior. He's noticed them leaving together, then saw Lemon in front of a comedy club. Pete tries to deflect, screaming, "Uterus!" But Frank jumps to the obvious conclusion: They're "doing it." Lemon awkwardly agrees, proclaiming that she and Pete are "intercoursing each other."
Naturally, Mrs. Hornberg walks in at this very moment holding Lemon's wallet. She looks angry, then flips the switch and tells Lemon -- in front of everyone -- that she is welcome to join their lovemaking. She continues to overshare details about the Hornberger intercoursing until Lemon stops the insanity. She admits to the writers that she and Pete have been sneaking around to look for a new cast member. The writers begin moaning and groaning. Lemon makes them promise not to tell any of the actors. At which point Josh (both an actor and a writer) stands up in a huff. He declares that he doesn't need people who won't remember him because he "can have a job tomorrow... in the Air Force!" He screams, "I quit!" then moves to toss over the writers' table. Long story short, about 10 other writers have to help him out.
Downstairs, the Page strike is gaining steam, but Lenny, a.k.a. Brandon, has begun his infiltration.
Elsewhere in the plaza, Grizz and Dot-Com find Tracy to ask how his plan to connect with average Joes and Janes is going. He sarcastically says it's going great and introduces them to his "new friends: Nobody and Susan Walters-hyphen-Nobody." He says he doesn't think he'll ever get back to his roots. When, lo! He hears the percussive rhythms of bucket drummers and runs off in their direction.
Tracy joins the protest in progress, with the drummers banging their buckets, encircled by Santas rallying for "NO MORE FLAMMABLE BEARDS" and Pages agitating for overtime. Tracy is invigorated by finding his people, so he joins the strike, grabs a megaphone, and shouts, "Two, four, six, eight! Ten, twelve, fourteen, sixteen, eighteen!"
Upstairs, Lemon and Pete watch as Jenna films her country music tennis promo. Lemon heads over to break the news about Josh quitting, just hoping that Jenna won't realize his absence makes room for a new cast member. Instead, Jenna is in a huff about the light gels the production guys used for her tennis promo. She chews Lemon out for not doing her job. Lemon tries to explain that Josh quit (Jenna's response: "Who?"), but Jenna is having none of it. She asks what exactly could be keeping Lemon from attending to her each and every need. Lemon comes out with it: Jack wants a new cast member. Jenna's voice reaches frequencies only heard by dogs when she screeches, "If it is a blonde I will kill myself! Aaaaaaaaaah!" Cut to Jenna strutting in the picket line, chanting, "Jenna Maroney is great! No new cast member!" Tracy: "New what? If it's a blonde woman I'm gon' kill myself!"
Back upstairs, Lenny tells Jack that the protest has gone beyond his control. Jack insists he shut it down, but Lenny says Kenneth is incorruptible. He was even "impervious to the charms of the nympho co-ed Charlene La Rue," i.e. a Southern-accented Lenny in a worse-than-Zolciak blonde wig. Jack despairingly turns away from the still-wigged Lenny, looking at a picture and saying, "Guide me. Tell me what to do." He seems to be looking at a picture of Jesus, then he picks up the picture behind it. The one of Richard Nixon.
Kenneth's apartment. Jack knocks on the door. Kenneth opens it, and Jack invites himself in. Kenneth offers Jack something to eat, but Jack's just fine with a Halloween-decorated glass and a shot of cough syrup. He philosophizes for a while, finally acknowledging that Kenneth has the moral high ground. Jack, however, has the power. He threatens to shut down the Page program forever if Kenneth doesn't order them all back to work the morning. Kenneth can't believe his ears. Jack only lets out a menacing laugh before exiting the hovel.
The morning at 30 Rock, Lemon and Pete stress over how to put a show on air without actors. Pete blames Lemon for letting the cat out of the bag and tells her to start praying they end the strike soon. Lemon wonders if she really wants these people, who make her life Hell, back so soon.
Downstairs, Jack gets out of his limo to find Kenneth and his Page posse (plus some Santas, horse whisperers and bucket drummers) still protesting. Kenneth says that he reasoned that, since Jack doesn't even have enough money to pay Pages overtime, then he definitely doesn't have enough money to hire people who would demand fair wages and health insurance. Kenneth, it seems, has the upper hand. Jack caves and concedes to Kenneth's one wish, writing "I'm a big, ol' liar." on a piece of paper. Kenneth calls off the strike. The Pages and other blank union folks cheer for their demands being met. Kenneth squeals that their demands haven't actually been met. Under questioning from another page, Jack tells him to massage the truth a bit. Kenneth proves ill-suited for this task. And that, my friends, is why they pay Jack Donaghy the big bucks.
Later, Lemon and Jack watch Jenna's tennis promo including such lyrics as "Here in Real America, it's tennis night!" as well as "So kiss my ass, New York! It's tennis night!" Jacks advises, "Step into the light, Lemon. There's nothing wrong with being fun and popular and just giving people what they want." Then he looks into the camera, Lemon smiling in the background, and says, "Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno." Love it.
Unfortunately, I don't have any "Jay Walking" skits prepared, but I do have some dictated punch lines for you. Will that make me fun and popular?
A Snack Fit for a King
Liz: Alright, Cheesy Blasters! [Singing] You take a hot dog, stuff it with some Jack cheese, fold it in a pizza -- you got Cheesy Blasters! [Stops singing] And then all the kids say, "Thanks, Meat-Cat!" And then Meat-Cat flies away on his skateboard.
Tracy: I can't eat this. I'm a foodie.
Is That Before or After You Don the Silver Sequin Glove?
Jack: Tracy, you may come from humble beginnings, but you've been rich for a long time. I think it's affecting your act.
[Flash to Tracy at a stand-up gig.]
Tracy: You know how in St. Barths people be eatin' their lobster like this -- mmm, nunununu, nunununu... [Silence.] Don't look at me in the eyes!
[Back to the restaurant.]
Tracy: Have I lost touch with my roots? I better talk to Rabbi Shmuley about this.
Does That Mean LiLo's Putting Out a Country Album ?
Jenna: Jack, if it would help the show, I would be willing to go country.
Lemon: What does that mean?
Jenna: It's a totally legitimate career move, Liz. The best way for a lady to get heat in this industry is to either record a country album or have a lesbian relationship.
Jack: Uh, we'll start with going country. Raises sake glass To TGS. We'll teach those race car-loving wide loads into watching your lefty homoerotic propaganda hour yet!
A Predecessor of the "TCB 3.0," No Doubt
Lemon: Oh, Jack, please, don't make me look for a new cast member. You make these pronouncements on a whim, and then I --
Jack: Lemon, this is a financial necessity. Every division of the company is reaching out to the middle of the country. Our new mammogram machine is called the "Git 'er Done 2000."
Mum's the Word
Pete: Another actor? Why? They have so many feelings and opinions! ...Fine, I'll make a reservation for us at some stand-up clubs. But don't tell anyone.
Lemon: Are you kidding me? Remember when Jenna thought that blonde intern wanted to be an actress?
Flash back
Intern: I'm studying acting and singing and someday I'm gonna be just like you!
Jenna smiles widely, then rips out her hoop earring.
Pete: I never did find her earlobe.
Cerie [walking in]: Know about what?
Lemon: Pete's stealing money!
Pete [Overlapping]: Liz's uterus fell out!
Cerie: Oh... [Looks at Lemon] I think I already knew that.
In Which We Learn Tracy Has Felt Up a Mermaid
Tracy: I blame you and Dot-Com! You two have built a protective shell around me like a hermit crab... or a mermaid booby. And now I've lost touch with the common man!
Happens to Me All the Time!
Tracy: Hey, Raleigh! You ever lose your remote control?
Raleigh: Yeah.
Tracy: And then your wife start gettin' mad because the roof won't close, and the bed that's in the shape of your face is gettin' rained on! Hahaha. [Perplexed look from Raleigh.] Can I feel the rough skin on your hands?
How To Lose Friends and Alienate People
Tracy [Approaches a lady on her phone]: Hello, fellow human being. Would you like to ask me what time it is?
[Approaches an Asian lady] Are you a large child or a small adult?
[Approaches a man] You look regular. Could I guess your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Craigford? Is it swimming?
[Approaches a rickshaw driver] Are you a pre-op transcentaur?
[Asks random passers-by] Excuse me, do you have change for a $10,000 bill?
Approaches a hot dog vendor] I would like some chicken nuggets, a beer, and some of my wife's rice to stay.
[Running at another man] Excuse me, sir, do you want to hold hands with a Black millionaire?
[To no one in particular] Does anyone want to be my friend? [Throws hands up.] I'm normal!
Top Level Strategy, People... This Is How It's Done
Jack: Lenny, this Page strike is an embarrassment to the company.
Lenny: I get it. It's like I tell my assistant -- "Your weight is a reflection on me."
Jack: I can't have that apple-cheeked goon outside screaming about my bonus. What are my options?
Lenny: Let me ask you a question, Mr. Donaghy. How do you kill a snake?
Jack: [Knowing smile.] Cut off the head.
Lenny: Of course! Thank you. Now I won't be afraid to go into my garage.
Tragedy Befalls Lemon
Lemon: Has anyone seen my wallet? It's an L.L. Bean child's wallet from the 1970s. There was no money in it, but I was one hole-punch away from a free Tasti D-Lite. Damn it to Hell, I hate my life!
The Page-y Doth Protest Too Much
Kenneth: Attention! Attention, everyone! I am happy to report that Local 415 has joined our cause!
Lenny: I think we should just give up! [Covers mouth with hand and raises voice.] Yeah, Brandon's right!
Kenneth: They are a blanket union. That includes mall Santas, horse whisperers and bucket drummers!
Lenny: Hey, dudes! I'm organizing a viral protest on Tweeter and YouTubes. If anyone wants to get in on that, just write down your social security numbers.
Jenna's Wednesday Evening, in a Nutshell
Lemon: Okay, I have to tell her that Josh quit without her getting wind of the new-cast-member part.
Pete: Well, do it now while she's drunk on attention... or in an hour when she's just drunk.
One moment later...
Lemon: You look pretty!
Jenna: Did you hear what happened? I am so upset.
Lemon: Oh no. Okay. Let me explain...
Jenna: I came in to film my tennis promo, and they had put blue gels on the lights. You know that makes my teeth look see-through. You weren't here to do your job, Liz.
Hospitality, Kenneth-Style
Kenneth: Would you like something eat? I have some leftover turtle meat from dinner. Or, as you would call it, "bonus" turtle meat.
Jack: I'll just make myself a drink if you don't mind. Where's the bar?
Kenneth: Bar? There's a bar in the shower the tenant installed to keep from slipping. He still died in there, though.
Jack: We're not so different, you and I. We both grew up poor. We both put work above all else. And yet, when people look at you, they see who they want to be. When they look at me, they see who they are.
Kenneth: Sir, you sound like the mall Santas when they come back from lunch.
Remember Meat-Cat?
Pete: Josh refuses to un-quit, Jenna and Tracy are on strike, we have no actors. Now we could rerun episode 214.
Lemon: No, no-no-no! That was the one where Tracy tore up that picture of the Pope.
Pete: In his defense, it was Pope Innocent IV because he increased taxation in the papal states.
Lemon: Argh.
Pete: Well, where are your solutions, Liz Lemon? You know this whole thing is your fault.
Lemon: My fault? Blame Jack or Kenneth or Tracy or Meat-Cat. 'Cause I've had the Cheesy Blasters for three days.
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