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When he finds out everyone's been changing his clocks to get him to work on time, Tracy plays the race card, both literally and by sending a gibbon monkey to take his place. Lemon and the whole TGS crew are fed up with Tracy's antics, so she demands he start acting equal to everyone else. Dot-Com and Grizz fear his retaliation, but Tracy actually shows up on time and performs like a total pro. And then! He exploits this newfangled office-wide equality to make a fool of Lemon, putting her up to such humiliating tasks as changing water coolers, smelling writer farts, and hitting up the titty clubs. She sticks it right back to him by making him slave (no pun intended -- equality!) over rewrites while she takes the fellas out to "see some naked daughters and moms!" Both of them have a horrible time of it and decide things should back to the way they were.
Jenna finds much anthropomorphic pleasure with the aforementioned gibbon. She names him "Little Jenna" and dresses him up in a Mariachi costume. Kenneth repeatedly warns Jenna that treating animals like humans is unnatural, but it doesn't really sink in until she dresses him up as a little sailor, and he reaches a breaking point... as you would. Long story short, he tries to mate with her face... as you would.
Jack intends to console her mother on the 35th anniversary of the day his father left her. He shows up for dinner, only to find that she's taken up with a younger man -- four years younger, to be exact. Immediately suspicious, Jack hires a private dick (Buscemi!!!) and finds out that Colleen's cub is married. Jack decides to retroactively stand up for his mother the way he couldn't when his father abandoned her. This does not go over well with Colleen, who knew that her new fella was married -- apparently, Florida is a swinger's paradise, and a man who can drive at night is a real catch. (It's an old person thing.) They have a shouting match that turns into a heart-to-heart, and all seems well... until the day when Jack watches Some Like It Hot in honor of his parents, who went to see it at the theater during one of their many on-again moments. Only when Lemon mentions that the film was released in 1959 does Jack realize that he was conceived in 1958, smack in the middle of a two-year period when his father was out of the picture. Jack's a bastard, y'all.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vlogger Sean Crespo thinks of 30 Rock when he has No Prior Knowledge!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!TGS rehearsal. Lemon and Pete are irritated that Tracy is nearly three hours late. No one is angrier than Jenna, though, who wasn't even allowed dispensation to leave set for her anger management class. Cue set destruction. Lemon, Pete and Kenneth go over all the ways they tried to ensure Tracy would be on time to rehearsal, including printing up a fake call sheet, telling Grizz to lie to him about the time, and changing all of his clocks from AM to PM. Just as Lemon realizes they may have gone overboard, Tracy storms in demanding to know what time it is. Tracy quite succinctly jumps to his stock conclusion that the crew must be racist because they treat him like a child. A toddler in a tiara, specifically. Lemon tries to talk sense into him, repeating the sage words that "you teach people how to treat you." Tracy, for example, is teaching people to jam a flipper into his mouth. At this, Tracy pulls out the race card -- yes, an actual index card with the words "Race Card" on it. White people sufficiently stunned, he walks away.
Jack's office. Lemon heads in to let him know that Operation: Reset Tracy's Clock has failed. Jonathan interrupts to tell Jack that he has 4:30 dinner and -morning brunch reservations with his mother Colleen. Lemon offers to take Colleen off Jack's hands so she can torture some restaurant hostesses, but it's no dice. Jack feels like he should be by his mother's side, because today is the 35th anniversary of the day his father walked out on them. Jacks runs down the list of his father's grievous sins and confesses that he deeply regrets not standing up to him. Lemon sympathizes.
Lemon heads downstairs for rehearsal. They've already started the second run-through. "Why the efficiency?" you ask? Tracy has sent a gibbon with a T-shirt that says "Tracy" to take his place. And the monkey is a real pro! Tracy trudges down the stairs, slow-clapping to show that they have just proven his point. Lemon again, futilely, tries to talk sense into him, saying that his antics cost the show money, but he is dogged about the fact that this is a race issue. He says he wants to be treated like everyone else. And so Lemon does. She takes away his insane Tracy perks one at a time and demands he arrive on set tomorrow, on time and with his lines learned. Everyone's all, "Ohhhhh shit!" Tracy says he can do it and that he will have the last laugh. Then they both laugh maniacally for about three hours while they back away from their race-off. Credits.
Lemon's office. Dot-Com and Grizz enter to warn her that Tracy will most definitely retaliate against her ultimatum to be responsible. In any case, Lemon will pay the price for asserting her authority over such an unruly scamp.
The Carlyle. Jack arrives for his late-afternoon dinner date with Colleen. She explains that there's been a misunderstanding and that she has a engagement with a "friend." Enter the post-sex old man sans trousers, asking Colleen if he can borrow one of her ties. Colleen introduces Jack to Paul Brett, her landscape-painting, soda-making lovah from Florida. Paul invites Jack along for dinner, though Colleen seems none too pleased that her geriatric booty call just got scuttled.
Back at 30 Rock, Kenneth, Grizz, and Dot-Com are all set to leave when they realize that they've forgotten to find accommodations for Gibbon Tracy. They figure sending him down the elevator on a cart with a sign that reads "Take Me To Indonesia" ought to do it, but Jenna intercepts them before they can push the button and release GT back into the concrete jungle. Jenna sees a kindred spirit -- and a shot at unconditional love and attention -- in the tiny-brained monkey and decides to adopt it as her own.
The morning, Jack appraises Lemon of Crisis: Colleen. He thinks Paul is trying to take advantage of her. Lemon tries to mitigate his fears, but Jack will not be swayed. He heads off to phone his private investigator. Cerie heads over to tell Lemon that Tracy is ready for rehearsal, slipping in a nice barb: "You know, this food area is always the first place I go to look for you!"
Inside the studio, Tracy is primed and ready to go in his best Bill Cosby sweater and "serious actor" spectacles. He knows his blocking, foregoes the script and even practices a kicky jazz number. All in a day's work, I guess. Lemon is elated that Tracy is being cooperative and steps over to him to thank him privately. He turns the conversation into a public announcement thanking Lemon for showing him the merits of equality. Oh dear, this is going to turn ugly real quick. He tells her that he has realized the error of his ways that no one should be treated differently than anyone else, not even "Black comedy superstars" or women, to name a few. That's when he announces that he's parched and asks Lemon to get him a glass of water. Naturally, she has to change out the heavy, unwieldy water cooler. And since everyone is being treated equally now, she can't ask a man for help. Lemon = covered in water. Tracy = quenched (and partially avenged).
Elsewhere, Jack meets up with his PI. (Steve Buscemi!) The dick apologizes because he has found absolutely nothing unusual about Paul Brett. He isn't, for example, wearing a child's Halloween costume under his rumpled suit, as one of the men at this meeting is (and it's not Jack). In fact, Paul is a stand-up guy who has been married to his wife for 35 years. A-ha!
Back at 30 Rock, Kenneth delivers a ukulele for Jenna. She says it's for Little Jenna, who is in a Mariachi band that day. And if that's not enough cultural references for you, we get a vintage Ken-ecdote (see below) as the plucky page tries to warn Jenna about the hazards of humanizing wild animals. Nut sacks will be destroyed, I tell you! Jenna remains blissfully, purposefully ignorant to the harm that will inevitably befall her... because she's Jenna.
Out in the corridor, Lemon tries to grouse to Pete that Tracy is exacting revenge on her, but her plea falls on deaf ears, since a vengeful Tracy is currently translating to a professional Tracy. Lemon enters the writers' room, where Tracy reminds her that she has agreed to be treated equally under their new armistice. Now she'll have to smell the sweet aroma of Frank's farts and flop sweat as she joins them for Lutz's fake bachelor party. (He realized he'd never get married because of his "gland thing" but didn't want to miss out on the possibility of fake-cheating with a glorified hooker. Can you blame him?) And the gifts start giving right away as Lemon takes a whiff of orange-flavored egg (a.k.a. Frank's flatulence) and a smell that's so horrible she can't even describe before fleeing the room (Lutz's). Tracy = vindictively breathing through his mouth.
Jack's office. Lemon enters to ask if she's treated differently because she's a woman. Jack says he does indeed approach things different but declines to elaborate much on sex politics in the office because he'd rather be thinking about sex politics in his mom. He shows Lemon Paul's marriage certificate. Shocked, she asks if he's told Colleen. He wants to skip that step and retroactively seize this opportunity to stand up for his mother the way he didn't 35 years ago. He even plans to use the same speech he wrote then. Lemon questions the overall plot, but does tinker a bit with some of the pop-culture references (see below).
Downstairs, Kenneth is leading a tour group through the studio when who should emerge but Big and Little Jenna, both in spangly tuxedos. Little Jenna has placed a baby doll in Little Jenna's hands, giving her a chance not only to suck up some attention but also to claim her rightful title as a GILF.
Elsewhere, Lemon struggles with another change-over at the water cooler. Tracy arrives fresh off of practice, and Pete rallies the troops for the fake bachelor party. Tracy points out that a "dude boss" would not only join them at the strip club but also pay for the evening's festivities. Lemon happily agrees to come along, then reminds Tracy that he never submitted his comments on the script revisions for this week's script, so he'll have to stay behind. As Tracy swallows that hearty serving of retribution, Lemon beckons the writers to "go see some naked daughters and moms!" Tracy = bitch-slapped by karma.
The Carlyle. Paul greets Jack in his finest lavender sweater vest, unaware that he is about to be zinged '60s-style. He invites Jack in and begins to sing the praises of the hotel channel when Jack launches into his speech. He trips a little over the moment when he realizes that Simon Cowell, unlike Nikita Khrushchev, wasn't actually a Communist. No matter, though, Jackie's on a roll! Colleen arrives for the grand finale and asks for an explanation. Jack drops the bomb that Paul is married, but it's no surprise to Colleen. She sends Paul off and informs Jack that the sexual revolution never really left Florida's elderly population, and the guys who can drive at night are really benefiting. Jack remains appalled that his mother would cope with her grief by entangling herself with a married man. She doesn't understand why she should be coping, so he reminds her of the anniversary. She explains that Jack's father was a deadbeat and a serial abandoner, so there was never one day when she thought he'd left for good. While Jack remembers that day most clearly, she remembers simpler things, like one of the few times Jimmy Donaghy randomly came home after a two-year hiatus starting in the Spring of 1957 to take her to see Some Like It Hot. A bittersweet memory, no doubt, but whatever works, right? Colleen tells Jack to let it go because he is nothing like his father -- and he never could be. He asks what that means, but she glosses over it, promising that she loves him to death. They hug it out, and she leaves Paul to putter around while she and Jack go for a late dinner. At 6 P.M.
Meanwhile, Lemon is watching Lutz get his jollies off as she is caressed by a stripper with a square-tip French manicure (ugh), and Tracy is weeping and moaning about being at work with the custodians.
The morning, they rush toward each other, desperate to erase this nonsensical notion of "equality" from their head once and for all. As they agree to return to the status quo, Big and Little Jenna debut their matching sailor suits. In her enthusiasm, Jenna accidentally pops off the head of Little Jenna's baby doll. What follows looks like a clip from When Primates Attack. Lemon and Tracy share a hug and a "Praise the Lord we're not being attack by a gibbon right now!" before leaving Jenna to fend for herself.
Jack's office. Lemon enters to do damage control about the gibbon debacle, but Jack is blissfully ignorant as he watches Some Like It Hot in honor of his parents. Lemon notes that the movie was released in 1959. Recognition suddenly flashes across Jack's eyes as he puts the pieces together that he was conceived in 1958, when his father was still out of the picture. Jack is a Donaghy only in name.
A smiling gibbon in a sailor suit walks into a bar...
Mom-Ebola Dearest
Jack: He treated her like dirt all those years -- coming and going, taking up with other women, including more than one Unitarian. I promised myself I would tell him off. I had my speech all planned. But I always chickened out. It's the biggest regret of my life, Lemon. And I once made love to Kathy Hilton.
Lemon: Do you want a... hug?
Jack: What is this, the Italian Parliament? No. Thank you, Lemon.
Lemon: Well you're a good son. I know she's not easy.
Jonathan: Sir, your mother had me move her from The Plaza to The Carlyle. Evidently the concierge at The Plaza has a beard, and she'd rather not get raped.
Post-Racial Pissing Contest
Lemon: Did you guys know about this?
Dot-Com: Tracy has asked us to read this prepared statement: "Dear racist Liz Lemon: This is how you treat me, like a white-whiskered gibbon, put on this Earth to do nothing but dance around for your amusement and reduce the insect population of Malaysia."
Lemon: I don't know which of these five cell phone numbers he answers, but you get Tracy down here right now.
Pete: Why? The gibbon is on time, he knows his blocking, and he doesn't try to bite the dancers.
Tracy [slow claps]: I think I've proven my point.
Lemon: Oh my God! Like we really have time for you to walk down the stairs that slowly!
Lemon: Tracy, it costs the show a lot of money when you pull these... shenanigans.
Tracy: Don't patronize me with your Celtic slang, Liz Lemon. We have a Black president now.
Lemon: What do you care? You voted for Nader.
Tracy: This is post-racial America, and I demand to be treated like everyone else.
Lemon: You want to be treated like everybody else? Fantastic! Then tomorrow I'm sending a regular Town Car for you instead of one of those duck boats...
Tracy: Fine.
Lemon: ...and you're not allowed to point at women in the cafeteria and yell, "I wanna get that pregnant!"
Or an Over-Zealous Tourist
Jenna: What are you doing with him?
Kenneth: Oh, Mr. Jordan said he doesn't need it anymore.
Jenna: So you're just letting him go?
Kenneth: Oh, don't worry. Once it tries to mate with a child, I'm sure Animal Control will just shoot it.
Baz Luhrmann Presents: Boca Raton!
Jack: Lemon, Colleen brought her boyfriend. His name is Paul.
Lemon: What? Really?
Jack: I don't like this guy. I don't trust him. I mean, he's four years younger. He wears a pinky ring. When the waiter brought over our food, he said, "abbondanza"?
Lemon: Okay, Jack, I know this a stressful time for you and your mother...
Jack: You're right. I don't like the timing of this at all. Colleen is very vulnerable right now, and scam artists can smell that sort of thing. Have you ever been to Florida? It's practically a criminal population. It's America's Australia!
Lemon: Come on. Maybe he just likes her. You know some men like older women.
Jack: Let's not make this about you, okay?
What Do Mariachi Monkeys, Pigs, and Nut Sacks Have in Common?
Kenneth: Miss Maroney, I have the ukulele you asked for.
Jenna: Oh, it's not for me. Someone's in a little Mariachi band today!
Kenneth: Ma'am, this is a wild animal. You can't treat it like a person!
Jenna: No, he's happy. His costume is hiding his erection.
Kenneth: Well, as a child, I had a prized pig that I thought was my best friend. But then one day I picked up one of her piglets. She went crazy! She bit off my nut sack... that I kept tied around my belt to feed squirrels.
People Under Glass Ceilings...
Lemon: Jack, do you treat me any different because I'm a woman?
Jack: Well, I pay you a little less, yes.
Scott Bakula Rejoices at His Sudden Surge Back to Relevance
Jack: I have an opportunity here, Lemon: A chance to go back to the past to put things right that once went wrong.
Lemon: That's the Quantum Leap intro.
Like Dictator, Like Dickhead
Jack: Now what I originally wrote for my father may be dated. Who would be our current Nikita Khrushchev?
Lemon: Simon Cowell?
Added to My Wish List
Paul: Oh, hello Jack! I'm sorry, your mom's out shopping.
Jack: I know. My credit card company called to confirm my purchase of a book called Intercourse After Hip Surgery.
Plato's Retreat 2.0
Colleen: It's Florida, Jack! It's like it never stopped being the '70s down there. And a guy like Paul -- who can drive at night! -- you just don't say no to that.
So Much for Equality
Lemon: Okay. Which one of us is going to give up first?
Tracy: The Black one. I can't take this anymore. I hate it!
Lemon: One of those strippers took off Lutz's shirt. That gland thing is no joke!
Says The Lady Who Just Wrote a Monkey-Mates-With-Face Sequence into Her Show
Lemon: 1959. Boy it would have been fun to write back then. You could get away with crazy plot twists because audiences were so much less sophisticated.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vlogger Sean Crespo thinks of 30 Rock when he has No Prior Knowledge!