By DeAnn Welker
Jack and Liz go ring shopping so he can propose to Elisa the right way. He coins a new term, saying Elisa's "the one." He buys a ring, but before he can propose, Elisa confesses to Liz that she has a huge secret and can't go through with the wedding. She can't tell Jack, though, so Liz needs to. But as Liz might be about to do so, Elisa storms in, all in love with Jack again, and tells Liz not tell. Soon enough, a maid tells us she's La Viuda Negra, which basically means she killed her ex-husband because he cheated on her. So, Jack goes clubbing with Tracy to make sure he won't cheat. He won't, but since Elisa followed him around and back to Liz's (where she was eating -- and singing about -- night cheese), he breaks up with her anyway.
Tracy is trying to find the perfect gift for his "the one," his wife Angie. Oh, and he made up "the one" after watching The Matrix. These guys are so original. It's been twenty years since he met her and he's deciding between a denim jacket that says "Hot Bitch" or a Slanket. Liz tells him to ask Angie what she wants (she benefits, too, because she gets both gifts). He does, and Angie wants Tracy to get a tattoo of her face and her name. He doesn't want to, because it will ruin his cred with the ladies at the clubs, since he's always lifting up his shirt so everyone would see it. Dot Com suggests he add a mane to Angie's face and some letters to make it Tangiers, a lion. You know, like the Moroccan soccer mascot. That's the tattoo he ends up with, on his back.
Jenna also finds "the one" -- a hot paramedic who comes to help Lutz after he freaked out at a mouse and ran into a wall. The paramedic gives Lutz his number for Jenna, but Lutz, concussed, eats it. Jenna keeps giving Kenneth strawberries (since he's allergic) to get her paramedic back. It works the third time, and she gets her date. But since he has a kid, she "Pffffts" him with a big thumbs-down.
If you missed last night's episode you can watch it here.