The Pelican Grief

S03E17

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.

There are no less than three references to The Pelican Brief this week. Just because.

As Lemon & Co. celebrate the 50th episode of TGS, Jack spoils the party by telling her that cutbacks are afoot. He informs her she must make a presentation to their parent company, who will be going over the show's annual budget with a fine-tooth comb. High off her 50th show, Lemon's all, "I got this." Then the budget guy (OMG Roger Bart squee!), unimpressed by her Steve Jobs-meets-Off-Broadway presentation, demands she cut 25% of her budget. Lemon confers with Jack to no avail. However, while waiting, she encounters a desperate department head who plants the seed in Lemon's head to sex her way out of this financial bind. She books a date with the number cruncher, during which she impersonates a low-rent streetwalker on Hollywood & Vine -- or a Real Housewife of New Jersey. The unspoken exchange for budgetary freedom goes awry because of its fundamental unspoken-ness. Lemon gets a slap on the wrist for sexually harassing a company consultant. Frankly, it's a much better deal than he got, though, since he is left weeping and alone after cashing in his widower V-card to Lemon. I suspect Benny Ninja would deem this tête-à-tête "Sow-wuh!"

Kenneth the downtrodden also suffers from the cutbacks when Jack fires Jonathan and taps him to be his new assistant. Run ragged, Kenneth asks Tracy to visit his apartment and feed his bird, Sonny Crockett, though he warns him direly not to go into his bedroom. Tracy arrives, only to receive a double-dog-Don't-Go-In-There from the bird. In Tracy world, that's all it takes to jump to the conclusion that Kenneth must be a serial killer. Tracy runs said theory by Jenna -- who has extensive knowledge on the subject thanks to her role in a Lifetime miniseries I am dying to see -- and she backs him up. They light their torches and start marching toward Castle Kenneth. Turns out, Kenneth was just fumigating his room. Jenna and Tracy, who have snuck in to collect the dead bodies, flee and leave the bug bomb to spread its noxious fumes and asphyxiate poor Sonny Crockett. Tracy and Jenna ultimately apologize for their misjudgment and make it right by giving Kenneth the gift of many, many birds. None of them appear to be pelicans.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vlogger Sean Crespo thinks 30 Rock should emulate Cheers in No Prior Knowledge!

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Lemon and the TGS crew return jubilantly from their 50th show to find Jack's generous gift of empty wine bottles, or, as he calls, them, "decorative air holders." He asks for a word with Lemon. They head into her office, where he tells her that the whole company is undergoing cutbacks. Even he has suffered. He had to let Jonathan go earlier. Cue clip of Jonathan singing "I can't liiiiiiiiive, if livin' is without youuuuuu." It's no Bridget Jones at the company Christmas party, but it'll do. Jack warns Lemon that the parent company is hiring consultants to come in and trim the fat. As such, she'll have to whip up a presentation justifying her budget. He wonders if she can handle is. She is confident she'll be fine -- cocky, really. Jack heads upstairs to make more cuts, while Lemon addresses the Trix up her sleeve. Credits.

The day, Kenneth reports for duty as Jack's new assistant. Jack instructs him on the "Three D's": Discretion, Docility and Don't Use My Bathroom. The phone rings, and Kenneth takes his first call. Jack pulls the old "I'm not here" maneuver, much to Kenneth's consternation. This is not going well at all. Kenneth, impressed with the corporate intrigue, says he feels like he's in The Pelican Brief, then shiftily looks around, whispering, "Do I already know too much?"

Downstairs, corporate consultant Brad Halster (a.k.a. psychotic pharmacist George Williams, a.k.a. Dr. Frederick Frahnk-in-steen, a.k.a. Roger Bart) marches up to meet Lemon for the presentation. He starts for the conference room, and she's all, "Not so fast there, y'old stuffed shirt!" Cue Steve Jobs-esque presentation of the three fundamental components of TGS: comedy, musical, live. So far so good. She actively foregoes mentioning any numbers and instead lists just a few of the accolades and exclusives the show has accrued (see quotes at end), then unleashes a shit storm of TGS's greatest hits. These include fat, vomiting Tracy in drag, roller dancing fat Jenna, fart science, Flavor Obama, The Bear and Robot Talk Show, rapping Suri Cruise, more fart scientists, and Tracy as a Martian. The presentation reaches its thrilling denouement with the entire cast running out on stage buoyantly. And, oh yes, there is raining confetti. A home run, right? Budgetary Brad: "So where's that conference room?" Guess there should have been more confetti? And maybe a cow costume?

Outside, Tracy runs into a bedraggled Kenneth. He admits he's overworked. Tracy offers to help, though of course he doesn't really mean it, and Kenneth takes him up on the disingenuous offer. Tracy bemoans Kenneth's inability to read human facial cues, but agrees to make good on his offer anyway. Kenneth asks Tracy to head over to Chez Kenneth and feed his beloved bird, Sonny Crocket. However, warns Kenneth sternly and with a little eyebrow arch, Tracy must not enter his bedroom. Eep! Scary Kenneth!

Down the hall, Lemon grumbles to Pete that she's supposed to cut a quarter of her annual budget. Pete suggests she fire their announcer with the speech impediment -- he was never quite the same after that lightning strike, you know. But Lemon feels bad about cutting off his health benefits and vetoes that idea. idea: Food budget! Vetoed vis-à-vis a desperate yelp from Lutz. , Pete turns to the $1,200 per year straw budget. Lemon thinks that's an easy cut and announces that everyone will have to drink straight from the can from now on. Then she looks back to find a rat scampering (and presumably defecating) all over the mouth of the soda cans. So straws are back! Budgetary Brad interrupts to tell Lemon he needs her revised budget by the end of the day. She hems and haws, so he warns that he'll make the cuts for her if necessary.

Donaghy's office. Jack is in the middle of firing the head of the outdated Boom Box Division when Kenneth rushes in to tell him about an amazing, one-time-only offer from the cable company. Free Showtime for three months! Jack brushes him off, annoyed that Kenneth hasn't yet grasped what is urgent and what is telemarketing. Jack hands the Boom Box VP a box of tissues.

Chez Kenneth. Tracy walks in to discover a towel muffler positioned in front of Kenneth's forbidden bedroom door. He starts to feed the bird but can't resist walking over to take a quick peek. Sonny Crockett starts squawking, "Don't go in the bedroom! Don't go in the bedroom!" Tracy runs out, spooked.

Back at Donaghy's House of Doom, Lemon arrives. Kenneth does a quick theatrical change-up (i.e. wipes his hand down over his face) to switch from "Kenneth the Page" to "Kenneth the Assistant." He is hesitant to let Lemon in, but she says it's about the show's budget. He opens up Jack's office to expose a weeping executive and a very flustered Jack. He switches back to "Kenneth the Page" to admit to Lemon that this job shuffling is harder than it looks. Switch back to "Kenneth the Assistant," who calmly, courteously asks Lemon to take a seat.

Lemon sits down across from a woman powdering her nose and speculating about the firings. She unrolls her plan to seduce Jack into keeping her and her staff. Lemon is aghast, especially when the VP of Seduction asks Lemon to join her in the firing room for a little tag-team action. Jack's latest victim comes out in tears, and Kenneth tells Lemon Jack is ready for her.

Lemon lays out her quandary for Jack, but he is entirely unsympathetic, having to exercise the same cold-hearted fiscal strategery himself. And thus endeth the era of late-night, long-distance crank calls to Seattle's Richard Sackmuncher. Lemon wonders why Jack can't cook some numbers, shred some documents and "do some Pelican Brief stuff." (If you're not taking shots by now, you should be, FYI.) Jack wonders why everyone is talking about that movie. Lemon says it's been on Showtime. Jack orders Kenneth to get him Showtime. Kenneth's heart explodes inside his frail, farm-boy rib cage. Jack apologizes that he can't be more helpful. Lemon alerts him that his meeting will involve an indecent proposal. He's all, "Ugh. Not again!" but does note the instances in which sexual bartering has worked -- Salome, Mata Hari, Deborah Norville. He sends her downstairs to work it out, warning her not to cut the straw budget because he's already cut the exterminators.

The morning. Jenna's dressing room. Tracy enters to run a theory by Jenna: Kenneth the Ripper! Jenna taps into her extensive knowledge of serial killers' behavior tics, and they determine that it's very likely Kenneth is a homicidal maniac. They resolve to tell Jack. Jenna notes the added bonus that it could make them both famous... or destroy Kenneth's life. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to...

Elsewhere, Lemon walks down the hall, only to be faced by all the destruction wrought by Budgetary Brad's cuts. Lutz whimpers for food, Lightning-Struck Announcer Guy slurs his last goodbye to "Luuurz," and Pete faces the horror of a return to teaching high school math and combating the insidious blossom of female bodies. The whole crew pleads with Lemon to save them. She marches down the hall, makes a horribly inept pass at Budgetary Brad, and books a drinks date with him for that night.

Doom-aghy's office. Kenneth reports in, and Jack tells him to buck up, focus, stop making mistakes, and think before he speaks. He asks if Kenneth understands. Kenneth pauses for approximately 12 and a half minutes before answering simply, anxiously, "Yes." Kenneth heads back out to his desk, where Tracy and Jenna come to a terrified standstill at the sight of a strangely expressionless Kenneth at Jonathan's desk. Tracy asks about Jonathan, and thus begins the "Kenneth as serial killer" shtick. With each question, Kenneth speaks veeeeeery, veeeeeery slowly and creepily calmly, referring to his recent "terrible mistakes." They assure Kenneth that their meeting with Jack is not about him, but instead about a friend of Tracy's in Canada who might be a serial killer. Oh, and his name is Kenneth. D'oh! Kenneth and his dead eyes promise to let Jack know as soon as he's done firing Steven Lee from Microwaves... who just happens to be sitting right there. Guess talking slowly ≠ avoiding errors. Jenna and Tracy, certain that they will be heroes, decide to rush to Kenneth's apartment and rescue whoever they can. Quoth Tracy, "Yeah, like Julia and Denzel in The Pelican Brief!" You drunk yet?

Downstairs, Lemon preps for Operation: Budget BJ. She emerges from her cheap date makeover, and it's just as awful as you might expect. Think this, meets the seedier parts of Atlantic City. The crew cheers her on, slow clap and all. Lemon: "They may take my dignity, but they will never take our straws!" Raucous cheers.

Chez Kenneth. Jenna and Tracy stand outside Kenneth's bedroom door, one whimpering about Kenneth's creepy towels, the other promising to throw up all over Jenna's face. They open the door, scan the room, and find a bug bomb in the middle of the room. They run screaming, leaving the door to the bedroom open behind them. R.I.P. Sonny Crockett.

Lemon's doorstep. She and Budgetary Brad share an awkward "are we or aren't we" moment, so she cuts to the chase. They go back and forth (or so it would seem) until they strike a deal that allows BB to make a detour by first base on his way to home. And there will be sounds, courtesy of Lemon. Sexy times, ho!

The morning, Jack asks Lemon about her date, then reveals that it was all for naught because her set is still being steadily taken over. She steams that she had a deal. Jack thinks she played her hand wrong.

Down the hall, Tracy and Jenna come clean to Kenneth about thinking him a serial killer and inadvertently murdering his bird. They consider the problem solved and start to prance away, all easy-breezy. Kenneth stops them and tears them a new one for not trusting him. He considers it unforgiveable. Furthermore, he thinks their attitudes are for crap in this terrifying time of cutbacks. He says he may be a 'non-special,' but their behavior was inexcusable.

Meanwhile, Lemon charges down the hall to pull a Kenneth on old Base-Rounder Brad. She chews him out for not coming through on his end of the deal, only to discover that he didn't realize they were engaging in a deal to begin with. When he mentioned that he wanted the night to be worth it, he was actually referring to having sex for the first time since his wife died. He dissolves into pathetic sobs, shouting, "What kind of a person are you?" He looks upward and apologizes to his wife in Heaven for choosing someone so unworthy. Guess who's the monster now.

Upstairs, Lemon, Jack, and a representative from HR go over the finer points of Bitch-Tears Brad's sexual harassment suit against Lemon. HR Guy deems her a "filthy prostitute." He says that, since it was a first-time offense and since Jack explained the "mitigating circumstances" (menopause!), she'll get off with a two-week unpaid suspension. Jack chips in that clearly Brad can't function in this hostile environment, so the budget review process will start over again, this time under Jack's supervision. The HR peon castigates Lemon that harassing others sexually doesn't always work out in the end. (Except in this exact situation, but he doesn't need to know that.)

Kenneth barges in to tell Jack about a spider on his desk. He notices pervasive silence and wonders if this is another firing meeting he's interrupted. "It is now," says Jack, and invites Kenneth to sit down.

Later, Kenneth seems surprisingly unfazed back at his Page desk. Tracy and Jenna approach to apologize for real, with just a hint of casual racism (thanks Jenna!). They tell him they want to make it up to him. Cut to Kenneth entering his apartment for the first time in an untold number of days. He is greeted by a dove, then looks around to see scads of other birds of many varieties (other than pelican, sadly). "Looks like I've got some naming to do!" he delights. "Pat. Balthazar. Donna. Lorne. Michaels"... and so it goes.

Fiscal funnies anyone?

One of These Does Not Belong With the Others
Lemon: Okay, guys, I just want to say congratulations on our 50th show -- 50 hours of comedy, over 300 sketches, one unsolved crew death, and an Emmy... magazine cover story!

Don't Ya Just Hate When That Happens?
Lemon: Handle a presentation? Jack, I put on a live show every week... unless there's wrestling. I'm on it.
Jack: Good, I've got some more downsizing to do upstairs, so I've got no time for hand-holding. Let's get this right.
Lemon: I've got some tricks up my sleeve.
Jack: That's my girl.
Lemon: No, Trix the cereal -- I've got some up my sleeve. It's sticking to the fibers!

The Ooey-Gooey Center of Lemon's Budget Presentation
Lemon: Now I could stand here, Brad, and bore you with numbers. I could tell you that we're the #1 late-night show among men 9-13... and the morbidly obese. I could tell you that we're in final negotiations to create exclusive content for America's jails.

Consider It a Jurassic Perk!
Kenneth: With both these jobs, I don't know when I'm gonna be able to get home. I'm worried about my bird, Sonny Crockett. Would you mind going to my apartment and feeding him?
Tracy: Yeah, okay. Birds are like little dinosaurs, so what I'll be doing is actually pretty cool and brave.

Well That Gives "I Have 200 People Under Me" New Meaning
Sheryl: Do you know Jack Donaghy well?
Lemon: Pretty well.
Sheryl: Do you happen to know if he's a boob man or a butt man?
Lemon: What? Why would you ask that?
Sheryl: Because I don't want to get fired. So I'm going to have to go in there and boink my way out of this one. I'm Sheryl, by the way.

Lemon: You're going to try to have sex with Jack?
Sheryl: I have 15 employees. I'm responsible for them. Do you have any idea what that's like?
Lemon: Well, yeah. I have 200 people under me, but...
Sheryl: Wow! Maybe we could team up, go in there together, lez out, give him a show...
Lemon: No, Sheryl. Get a grip!

CSI: TGS
Tracy: Jenna, something weird is going on.
Jenna: You mean this budget cut? Don't worry about it, Tracy. It's just going to affect the 'non-specials.'
Tracy: No, it's not that. Jenna, you're the smartest person I know. Do you think Kenneth could be a murderer?
Jenna: What? Why would you think that?
Tracy: Well, I might be crazy... but neither he nor his bird would let me into his bedroom. And why wouldn't you want to let Tracy Jordan into your bedroom unless you got a buncha dead nurses in there?
Jenna: Well I had to study serial killers to prepare for my role as criminal profiler Jill St. Ferrari in the Lifetime original miniseries Hushed Rapings, and all mass murderers share three characteristics: Cruelty to animals...
Tracy: He grew up killin' pigs!
Jenna: ...Bed wetting...
Tracy: No wonder he's fascinated when I do that!
Jenna: ...And an inability to read human facial cues.
Tracy: I admonished him for that earlier! Three for three! He's a monstah!
Jenna: We've gotta go tell Jack! If Kenneth is actually a killer, we're gonna be heroes!

Lemon's Tools of Seduction
Lemon: Lee! I need that dress Jenna wore for the hooker sketch, the heels Tracy wears when he plays Michelle Obama, and double -- no, triple Spanx. I need a makeup artist! [A makeup artist emerges.] No! The sluttier one.

The Closer
Lemon: Thanks for dinner. You sure know a lot about sushi.
Brad: Well, you gotta be careful. They try to up-sell you real crab. Listen, I gotta get going. I gotta lot of work tomorrow.
Lemon: All right, listen, we're both adults here. We know the deal. Let's cut to the chase.
Brad: That's certainly direct.
Lemon: We go upstairs, 20 minutes, open mouth, I will work your ears.
Brad: I don't know, Liz. What you're asking to do is a big deal. If I go through with this, I need to know that it's worth it.
Lemon: Fine. Thirty minutes, I'll make some sounds, and you can say one weird thing to me.
Brad considers silently, skeptically

Lemon: All right, hard ball! Thirty minutes, sounds, top front of my body is now in play. Deal?
Brad: Deal.

Deal Breaker
Jack: Um, Lemon. I heard a rumor that you went out with one of the consultants last night.
Lemon: Well, I had no choice. I had to give him a little taste of the Lemon, my friend. And it was not sour. Not sour.
Jack: It's interesting you put it that way, because your writers' room is now the headquarters for Telemundo's coverage of World Cup soccer qualifying.
Lemon: What the what?! Brad and I had a deal. I gave him top-front!
Jack: Top-front? Good lord, Lemon, that's your worst quadrant.

But Time Won't Bring Back Sonny Crockett!
Jenna: Kenneth, you know how told Tracy not to go into your bedroom? Well, naturally we assumed you were a serial killer, and, as you can imagine... your bird is dead.
Tracy: Yep, but on the bright side, you've been downgraded from "Suspect" to "Person of Interest."
Jenna: Someday we're going to look back on this and laugh.
Tracy: HAHAHAHAHA! Time does heal all wounds!

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vlogger Sean Crespo thinks 30 Rock should emulate Cheers in No Prior Knowledge!