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This episode, all three storylines were about relationships. Lemon has dating sea legs. She makes a date with Dr. Baird at her apartment on Valentine's Day; that's a no-no in the dating manual. It's awkward, and gets even more awkward when the cheddar stew she serves for dinner backs up on her. There's a draft, a window gets raised, a bathroom door blows open, and Dr. Baird finds himself staring at Lemon on the can with her pants down around her ankles. It's already the second time she's exposed parts of her body to the doctor that night; over dinner, one of her boobs fell out of her blouse. The night reaches a premium when Dr. Baird's teenage daughter Bethany gets dropped off unannounced by his ex-wife. He explains that normally his mother could help watch Bethany, but she's sick in the hospital, and then he proposes something interesting. Between the boob slip, the bathroom blooper, and now this, why don't they continue the date, warts and all? He calls it the express train to a relationship, and asks if Lemon's on board? "I'm on the train," she says. stop: dying mother. That must be the town in between "molesting uncle" and "sister with a plastic surgery fetish."
Dr. Baird's sister calls to tell him their mother has taken a turn for the worse. Lemon assumes he'd want to call off the date but it's quite the opposite. He asks her to join him at the hospital. When they get to his mother's waiting room, Lemon receives a cold reception from Dr. Baird's sister before his mother asks to speak with her son alone. All the other family shuffles out, but Dr. Baird clasps Liz's hand tight and doesn't let her leave. When he goes to look at his mother's chart, the old, befuddled matriarch takes Lemon by the hand. She confuses Lemon with her son's ex-wife, and tells her to tell him that the woman he thinks is his sister is really his mother. So Dr. Baird's "mom" is really his grandmother. (In Spanish it's abuela.) "You have to tell him, or I won't get into heaven," she says to Liz. Then she dies. Awkward, but it would have made for a great graphic on an episode of Blind Date. Therapist Joe says: Men lied to all their life are hostile toward women.
Jack and Elisa's fine romance begins with the two of them on the couch feeding each other McFlurries. It's a calorie-imbalanced celebration of the fact that Jack's mother has finally moved out of his house. They talk of their love of McFlurries, but for Jack it is mere preamble. He tells Elisa that, on Valentine's Day, they will be served the world's greatest dessert -- the "Lover's Delight" -- at a restaurant named Plunder. Imagine a dessert for two with Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream in a pool of Cognac, drizzled in the world's most expensive chocolate, covered with shaved white, black and clear truffles, and topped with edible 25-karat gold leaf. The problem is, Elisa has plans. On Valentine's Day, she's all ready to be served the world's greatest consecrated wafer at a Catholic church. It's a ceremony called the Feast of the Martyrdom of Saint Valentine, and, like most any other religious conviction, it's non-negotiable. Jack thinks it through. He hasn't been to church since he was 12 years old, and he doesn't want to miss out on the most decadent dessert since Caligula brought peanut butter to a chariot race, but Elisa and her divine bosom are equally irreplaceable. Her bosom wins out, and Jack convinces himself that they'll have time for both church and dessert. Foolish boy, he's never heard of C.P. time? Catholic people's time.
The service at church runs longer than Jack could anticipate. Kneeling beside Elisa in prayer, he cups his cell phone inside his hands and calls Jonathan. While everyone else says the Lord's Prayer, Jack tells his assistant to call Plunder and push back the table reservation. Elisa reminds him that before they can go, the two of them have to do confession. Have I mentioned that I'm Catholic yet? Confession is a great time in the life of a kid in junior high school. It's really the only age when a boy gets to open up to complete strangers about how many times he masturbated to nude drawings of She-Hulk. "How many rosary prayers am I in to you for this week, Father?"
Jack sits in confession but doesn't confess until he goads himself into an intellectual argument with the benign priest. Jack lists off his sins like they're worth a nickel at a penny factory. (Right? I just made that up.) The priest asks to know the real reason behind Jack's visit to the church, and Jack explains it to him as only a man in love with an incredibly curvy Hispanic woman can. It only takes two sentences before he's describing in great detail the feel and shape of her breasts. The priest starts sweating like Richard Chamberlain. He runs out of the confessional, away from the temptation. Jack exits the confessional, only to be confronted by a very stern-looking (and bosomy) Elisa. Have I mentioned her tits yet? Elisa and Jack have it out outside the church. Elisa's problem is that Jack has no faith. He intellectualizes everything with his big head. "Well, you have big boobs," snaps Jack. Elisa questions the basis of their being together. She believes that maybe the church experience is a sign; maybe they shouldn't be together. To Jack, divinity is not a factor. "God wants us to leave here, get a good meal, and go to town on each other." Elisa smacks Jack in the face and refuses to go with him to the restaurant. Jack goes to Plunder alone, and watches his $1,000 dessert drip off his spoon without a bite. Back at the church (she's still in church!), Elisa is handed the donation plate and pulls out a coupon for a McFlurry. She takes it and leaves for McDonalds -- the one in Union Square. When she arrives, Jack is in line ordering his own McFlurry. Elisa tells him that the McFlurry coupon was a sign from God. Jack believes it was a sign from corporate America. Maybe it's God, or maybe it's Ray Kroc? Either way, they kiss and make up.
The third romantic storyline involves Kenneth and a cute, redheaded blind girl hired by TGS to edit reruns. Frank asks Kenneth to take care of the blind girl so that he can attend to a pressing catfight, but when Kenneth meets Jennifer he's tongue-tied and speechless. He's so overtaken by her beauty that words fail him. It's a deaf and blind romantic courtship. As always, Tracy is lurking in the hallway. He can tell how taken with the young lady Kenneth is and offers to help. The help comes when Jennifer walks past Kenneth's desk and Tracy pours water on the floor. She slips and falls, and Kenneth rushes over to help her up. They hold hands, and this time when Kenneth turns speechless, Tracy swoops in like Cyrano de Bergerac. He pretends to be Kenneth, and charms Jennifer off her feet. "Well, cotton and fiddles! I enjoy your smile!" Tracy, as Kenneth, asks Jennifer out on a date. She happily agrees. The rest of the storyline plays out like an old-timey, '80s-comedy, madcap disabilities romp. Tracy and Kenneth turn the TGS studio into a makeshift restaurant, and, aided by Jenna, Grizz and DotCom, they trick Jennifer into believing they're in an actual restaurant. She asks about the live music. Tracy (as Kenneth) tells her it's Michael McDonald! Jenna is obliged to do a horrible Michael McDonald impression. It sounds like Michael McDonald on drugs. The date ends too well. When Jennifer moves in for a kiss, Kenneth owns up to the deception. Jennifer forgives him, so long as Kenneth really means the kind things that Tracy told her; she wants to be with him. She feels his hands, his arms, his face, his hair, his chin-- she stops at the chin. Her face grows puzzled. "Oh, look at the time. I forgot I have a... a thing." She turns and walks away. See? Even a blind woman gets to call you ugly if you're from the South. I think that's the lesson.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see which TV character Jack Donaghy should really be dating in our Valentine's Day Match-Up!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Who got to decide that Cupid is the international symbol of Valentine's Day? Cupid is, of course, the Roman god of beauty and erotic love. "Erotic" is what a Vermont librarian mouths to herself about the high-schooler, working as a clerk, at the General Store when her husband Roy isn't paying attention. Then she stares at him in the store from the passenger seat of Roy's pickup, and somehow lives off that for the 20 years of marriage. What I am saying is that Cupid is really the God of the Lifetime Channel. Eros is where it's at: Greek, nimble, the son of Aphrodite and Ares... He's a lover and a fighter. Most importantly, he's the primordial god of lust, love and intercourse. Now that's a title. Boom! Just let it lay there in front of you. Intercourse. You know how many times they used the word "intercourse" on the Oxygen network last year? Once, in a documentary about Elayne Boosler. So there you have it: my Valentine's Day riff. It's a touch more cerebral than, say, Andrew Dice Clay: "Jack and Jill went up the hill, both with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with a reduced sense of self-worth." It's that kind of thing.
Lemon and Dr. Baird run into each other in the lobby of their apartment building and make date plans. Dr. Baird suggests they go out on Friday, but it's no good for Liz because of TGS. She recommends Saturday, and Dr. Baird appears a little off-kilter: "Okay, that doesn't have to be weird." Lemon doesn't understand the reluctance until his very comment: "Valentine's Day it is." She recoils in regret, and then rues her mistake. "Saturday is Valentine's Day? Nords!"
"It's so sexy when you say that," says Jack, but not to Liz. He's talking to Elisa, who repeats, "Your mother has gone back to Florida." The two of them are entwined on his couch, eating McFlurries, in celebration of his mother's departure from his house. They talk of their love of McFlurries, but for Jack it is mere preamble. He tells Elisa that on Valentine's Day they will be served the world's greatest dessert -- the "Lover's Delight" -- at a restaurant named Plunder. The problem is, Elisa has plans. On Valentine's Day, she's already going to be served the world's greatest consecrated wafer at a Catholic church. It's a ceremony called the Feast of the Martyrdom of Saint Valentine, and, like most any other religious conviction, it's non-negotiable.
Now over to the hallways of 30 Rock: Frank doesn't mind a chick fight, so long as it's not over him. Right now, he's dropping everything to watch three of the show dancers fight over the same guy, and by everything, he means a blind girl. I must pause a moment and ask why a sketch comedy show would have dancers post-1992? TGS never struck me as courting the same audience as In Living Color. Anyway, Frank tells Kenneth to watch after the blind girl, who has been hired to edit reruns. I think that's a joke, but it's not an obvious one. Kenneth turns around and sees a very attractive, redheaded woman struggling to make coffee. It's the blind girl. [a.k.a. Coppertop from Strangers with Candy, who was coincidentally married to Jack McBrayer's character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. - Zach] Kenneth runs over to aid her, and as she turns around the stars fill up in his eyes. She thanks him kindly, and Kenneth absently pours out coffee, missing his cup, onto his shoes. He's so smitten by her that he hardly even notices. The blind girl's nose perks up. "Is everything okay? Because now I smell burnt plastic." As Kenneth silently backs away, Tracy observes the whole painful encounter and nods his head in disbelief.
Up in Jack's office, Lemon is explaining her dilemma to him. A first date on Valentine's Day is a delicate situation to begin with, and it's made all the more delicate given that handsomeness is involved. She shows Jack a picture of Dr. Baird on her iPhone. "What is this Lemon, a green card thing? Closet case? Slump buster? Bundy-esque serial killer?" Jack takes control of the situation. He tells Lemon to avoid the public by inviting Dr. Baird over for a nice, home-cooked meal. "A stew?" asks Lemon. No, not a stew. His important message to her is try to forget it's Valentine's Day. Jack will be doing the same, thanks to his date with Elisa's Catholicism. He laments the sacrifice, and then, with far away eyes, he offers a food lover's description of the $1,000 Valentine's Day dessert served at the restaurant Plunder. Imagine a dessert for two with Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream in a pool of Cognac, drizzled in the world's most expensive chocolate, covered with shaved white, black and clear truffles, and topped with edible 25-karat gold leaf. On the other hand, he hasn't been to church since he was 12 years old. It doesn't seem like a fair fight. To miss out on the most decadent dessert since Caligula brought peanut butter to a chariot race would be tragic, but Lemon encourages him that he could do both. Go to church with Elisa and then hurry over to Plunder to eat in total decadence. It's what the founders would have wanted: the separation of Church and taste. Yeah? Church and taste... church and state, it's a play on words. I'm so tired. I AM REALLY tired. I'm going to go to bed now. That pun made me... very sleepy. I feel like a bumblebee rubbing its tummy in a vat of molasses, reading blogs by Brad Taylor Negron.
Tracy tells Kenneth that he needs to pull it together, act on his impulses, and ask the sexy and blind Jennifer out on a date. It takes some convincing because, as Kenneth puts it, "There's something about her that makes me all carsick inside," but Tracy accelerates him out of his position of indecision by pouring out water on the floor before Jennifer walks by. She slips and falls, and Kenneth again comes rushing to her aid. Again, they hold hands, but this time when Kenneth goes speechless Tracy swoops in like Cyrano de Bergerac. He pretends to be the silent Kenneth, and charms Jennifer with silky words. "Well, cotton and fiddles! I enjoy your smile!" Tracy (as Kenneth) asks Jennifer out on a date and she agrees.
It's date night inside the Lemon household. She and Dr. Baird finish their stew in the living room. "It's my own recipe, where I use cheddar cheese instead of water," says Lemon. Dr. Baird tells her he's happy they decided to stay in on Valentine's Day and take things slow. They make the usual small talk. Lemon is about to spill to him the charming personal story behind where she grew up but then one of her boobs spills out of her blouse. Dr. Baird is a gentleman and lets her know. "I can see all of it," he admits.
Two sad (and very blue-eyed) Jesus statues set the scene for the Catholic church where Jack and Elisa are attending the feast of the martyrdom of Saint Valentine. Jack checks his watch, pulls out his cell phone, and calls Jonathan. As Jonathan answers, everybody kneels to say the Lord's Prayer... everybody but Jack:
"Our Jonathan, who art in the office,
Hallowed be thy reservation.
If you are able, hold my table,
At Plunder,
As we will not be there by seven.
Have them delay our heavenly dessert,
And forgive us our lateness,
As we forgive those who cause lateness against us."
Elisa tells Jack something in Spanish, and in a very accusatory tone. Back at Lemon's place, she and the doctor share a moment on the couch. He looks ready to kiss her, but Lemon excuses herself to the other room. She turns up the volume of the stereo, and when she's clear of the doctor, hunches over with the cramps. "Cheese stew, what was I thinking?" It's a painfully accurate moment for anyone who has ever tried to score with a virtual stranger at his or her apartment. Any kind of bowel movement during courtship is an unwelcomed, unplanned and unavoidable madcap circumstance, especially as it pertains to cheddar. The smoke alarm in the kitchen goes off, and so Dr. Baird walks over to check on the brownies in the oven. Lemon says it's okay to take them out, "but whatever you do, don't open that kitchen window." Of course, he opens the kitchen window. A draft of wind is ushered in and blows open the bathroom door while she's still planted on the toilet. Dr. Baird sees Lemon in the bathroom and yells "Too soon!" The boob spill was like going from date #1 to date #4, but this has them at date #20. Lemon apologizes, Dr. Baird reminds her that he's a doctor, and then his phone rings. It's a call from his ex-wife Mandy. She's downstairs and is dropping off their daughter Bethany, unannounced. He explains that normally his mother could help watch Bethany, but she's sick in the hospital, and then he proposes something interesting. Between the boob slip, the bathroom blooper, and now this, why don't they continue the date, warts and all. He calls it the express train to a relationship, and asks if Lemon's on board? "I'm on the train," she says.
Elisa tells Jack that they can leave, but only after they both go to confession. Now is as good a time as any for me to mention that I'm a lapsed Catholic. Confession is a wonderful exercise in the life of a teenage boy. It's really the only age when one can open up to a complete stranger -- usually an adult male -- about how many times he has masturbated to nude drawings of She-Hulk:
"I don't quite understand, my son. These nude drawings -- they are in a comic book?"
"Not quite, Father."
"Because it would seem inappropriate for a publishing company to sell such books to young children, negligent at best."
"I drew the naked pictures of She-Hulk in my notebook, Father."
"And then masturbated to them?"
"Yes."
"Drawn or traced?"
"Excuse me Father?"
"I'm asking if you drew them? Anyone can trace, after all. To draw is an actual skill."
"Oh. Well then, I traced them, I suppose."
"Two Hail Mary's for the masturbation. Five Our Father's for the omission that you traced instead of drew. It is creatively dishonest."
Jack sits in confession but doesn't confess until he goads himself into having an intellectual argument about capitalism vs. religion with the benign priest. Jack lists off his sins like they're worth a nickel at a penny factory. (Right? I just made that up.) The priest asks to know the real reason behind Jack's visit to the church, and Jack explains it to him as only a man in love with an incredibly curvy Hispanic woman can. It only takes two sentences before he's describing in great detail the feel and shape of her breasts. The priest starts sweating like Richard Chamberlain. He runs out of the confessional, away from the temptation. Jack exits the confessional only to be confronted by a very stern-looking (and bosomy) Elisa. Have we mentioned her tits yet?
There is, of course, a third date on this Valentine's Day, between Kenneth, the blind girl Jennifer, and parrot-sounding Tracy. Kenneth escorts her down a hallway at 30 Rock. "That limo ride was weird," she says. "It felt like we just circled the block 50 times." Tracy tells her it's the only way to get to New York's fanciest restaurant. When they arrive at the soundstage, it's set up just like a restaurant. DotCom is in on the elaborate hoax, as the greeter, and Grizz is clanging together glasses and pouring water in the corner. Kenneth and Tracy, and the girl, sit down at a table by candlelight.
Just as Dr. Baird's daughter Bethany begins to tell Lemon about the sexual favors she performed to earn the five bracelets on her wrist, Dr. Baird walks back into the room and gets a phone call from his sister Gloria. She's crying. It appears that mom has taken a turn for the worse, and now he must go visit her in the hospital. Lemon assumes he'd want to call off the date at this point, but it's quite the opposite. He asks her to join him. Bethany chugs the remainder of the wine from the bottle.
Meanwhile, on Kenneth/Tracy's date with the blind girl, a soft piano imbues the room with romance. "Entertainment?" asks Jennifer. Jenna is set to sing a romantic song, but not before Tracy can ad-lib, "Not just any entertainment. The best singer in the world, Michael McDonald." It's like an episode of Whose Line Is It, Anyway? Jennifer shrieks in enjoyment, and Jenna hammers out a horrible rendition of "What A Fool Believes." By the way, did you know February is Michael McDonald History Month? He's everywhere of late, and that's a good thing. "He's not good live," whispers Jennifer.
Elisa and Jack have it out outside of the church. Elisa's problem is that Jack has no faith. He intellectualizes everything with his big head. "Well, you have big boobs," snaps Jack. Elisa questions the basis of their being together. She believes that maybe the church experience is a sign; maybe they shouldn't be together. To Jack, divinity is not a factor: "God wants us to leave here, get a good meal, and go to town on each other." Elisa smacks Jack in the face, and refuses to go with him to the restaurant.
Dr. Baird charges into the hospital room and is immediately embraced by his sister. Lemon gets a much colder reception, and then his mother asks to speak to her son alone. All of the other family shuffles out, but Dr. Baird clasps Liz's hand tight and doesn't let her leave. Meanwhile at Plunder, Jack sits by himself, lonely, and watches his $1,000 dessert melt away without a bite. The dessert, before so cherished, suffers under a different context now. It is a sad reminder of our current economic crisis... oh, and Elisa, I guess.
At the hospital, Dr. Baird goes to look at his mother's chart, leaving her alone with Lemon. The old, befuddled matriarch takes Lemon by the hand and calls her Mandy. She thinks Lemon is her son's ex-wife, and then tells her to tell her son that the woman he thinks is his sister is really his mother. Dr. Baird's mom is really his grandmother. In Spanish it's abuela. "You have to tell him, or I won't get into heaven," she says to Liz. Then she dies. Awkward. It would have made for a great graphic on an episode of Blind Date, though. Therapist Joe says: men who are lied to for all their life are very hostile toward women.
Kenneth's date of a thousand deceptions is nearing its end. Jennifer thanks him for a wonderful time, but Tracy isn't done. He decides to be Eros, not Cupid: "It doesn't have to end here, y'allsey's!" Jennifer takes the cue and drifts closer for a kiss from Kenneth, but he begs away and then finally comes clean. He tells her that this isn't right, and she hears his voice for the first time. "Kenneth, why do you suddenly sound white?" she asks. He tells her all about Tracy -- that those words did not belong to him. Jennifer asks to know what the real Kenneth would say to her, and he obliges: that she's the sweetest, prettiest, blindest girl he's ever met. She tells him that he's beautiful on the inside, and then asks to feel his face. She puts her hands on Kenneth's hair, his cheeks, and on his chin. That's when she starts to look worried. She feels her chin in contrast, and then back to his. "Oh, look at the time. [Blindly looks at an invisible watch.] I forgot I have a-- a thing." She turns and walks away. Tracy can't believe it. "That is cold, blind lady." He tells Jennifer that she really isn't all that attractive, either. "No, I'm pretty sure I'm hot," she tells him. Tracy quickly agrees, as do I. Kenneth can only look on dumbfounded. Even a blind woman gets to call you ugly if you're from the South. I think that's the lesson.
Back at the church (she's still in church!), Elisa is handed the donation plate and pulls out a coupon for a McFlurry. She takes it and leaves for McDonald's, the one in Union Square. Dr. Baird exits his dead mother's hospital room to thank Liz for sticking around and supporting him. He bids her good night, and Lemon closes in to kiss him. "Um, Liz? You know my mom did just die." Liz tells him she has a funny story to tell him as they walk out. Back at what is clearly the Union Square McDonald's -- the one to the Heartland Brewery -- Jack orders a McFlurry. Elisa does the same, from behind him, and Jack turns around in surprise. She tells him that the McFlurry coupon she found at church was a sign from God. Jack believes it was a sign from corporate America. Maybe it's God, or maybe it's Ray Kroc? Either way, they kiss and make up. Jack spots Lemon and Dr. Baird walking past the McDonald's front window: "Boy, I hope that guy's not planning to kill her and eat her."
Did you know that "ha-ha" in Spanish is "ja-ja"?
Jack: "These McFlurries are amazing."
Elisa: "Let a McFlurry be what it is. The world's greatest dessert."
A Protestant:
Elisa: "Don't tell me you're one of those convenient Catholics that only goes to church every Sunday."
It's Been Sewn Shut:
Frank: "Hey Kenneth, you know how this company makes an effort to hire the disabled?"
Kenneth: "Do I? I wouldn't have this job if it weren't for the mouth on my back."
"Ditto," Expressed the Man:
Jack: "Elisa is deeply religious."
Lemon: "If I had those knockers, I'd be thanking God, too."
Weird. "Filthy Jack," Sounds Filthy, Too:
Jack: "All I want for Valentine's Day is to go to Plunder and eat the Lover's Delight."
Lemon: "That sounds filthy, Jack."
Lemon Asks My Belly an Embarrassing Question:
Jack: "Imagine a dessert for two with Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream in a pool of Cognac, drizzled in the world's most expensive chocolate, covered with shaved white, black and clear truffles, and topped with edible 25-karat gold leaf. Can you imagine anything better?"
Lemon: "I don't know, you ever put a doughnut in the microwave?"
-Nuts:
Jack: "I can fake enthusiasim when I need to. Hey, that scarf is fun!"
Lemon: "Thanks, I found it at Dunkin Dough-- wait a minute!"
Phone Manners:
Tracy: "NBC. Blah-blah-blah. Thank you."
Grizz, the Most Sympathetic Character on Television:
Tracy: "I know love at first sight when I see it. I saw it when I met Angie. I saw it the first time DotCom laid eyes on Grizz's fiancée."
Chicago Nope:
Lemon: "Mandy? Is that like a guy friend, like Mandy Patinkin?"
In Either Case, It's Not the Stew's Most Ringing Endorsement:
Bethany: "Why does it smell in here?"
Dr. Baird (same time): "It's beef stew."
Lemon (same time): "I got sick."
Places to Meet Chicks:
Priest: "And now a prayer for the pregnant members of our congregation. Anita Alvarez. Anna Alvarez. Annabelle Alvarez..."
Jack: "Honey, this is a Catholic church. We'll be here till morning."
I Need A Friend Nicknamed DotCom, Because That Joke Would Never Get Old:
Jennifer: "I didn't know it was a French restaurant!"
Tracy (as Kenneth): "Yes. I found it on my favorite website: Stop Showing Off, DotCom."
Doubtful:
Jack: "Have you ever made love to a woman, Father?"
Priest (pleading): "C'mon, man."
Lou-see, I'm Home:
Elisa: "I'm so mad at you that I'm yelling at you in Spanish, like Ricky Ricardo!"
The Archbishop of a Stetson Warehouse in Knoxville:
Elisa: "But I saw your photo with the Pope."
Jack: "That's just good business. I have photos with a lot of people: the Dalai Lama, Rabbi Yosef, Toby Keith."
Name in Vain:
Jack: "God wants us to leave here, get a good meal, and go to town on each other."
Elisa: (smacks him) "How can you say something like that so close to the statue of Santa Lucia, the patron saint of judgmental statues?"
You Blew It for All of Us, Jack:
Elisa: "You blew it, Jack, and now you will never see the crazy underwears I have on."
Jack Quite Alone at Plunder:
Waiter: "I'm sorry, is this like a Sixth Sense thing? Should I bring a place setting for your friend?"
The No-Prize Award Winner
In many ways, the waiter had the best moment of the night. Perfect delivery, great line, unexpected, and Baldwin's look at the end was the bow, however tonight's No-Prize goes to Salma Hayek. I know, I wouldn't have thought so either. She's only the *** guest star to ever win the award (I don't know the actual number, and I'm not looking it up). She was committed in this episode, had some funny lines, and her chemistry with the Jack character is surprisingly authentic. Also, look at her -- her breasts are insane. This is not just me talking and being a big pig about it; they poked fun at it the entire episode. Body parts played a part here.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see which TV character Jack Donaghy should really be dating in our Valentine's Day Match-Up!