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It’s going to please a whole lot of people to know that tonight’s episode had no special guest star. (No offense, Chris Parnell.) It also lends itself to the argument that this is a better show when it focuses only on the core characters. Lemon and Jack have an adventure on their own, allowing for both Jenna and Tracy to have separate storylines that involved Frank and Kenneth, respectively. The three threads went as follows:
Jack is giving the keynote address at a Six Sigma “Retreat to Move Forward.” He asks Lemon to accompany him, because he’s nervous about meeting business colleagues he hasn’t seen since he rejoined GE. Lemon makes a few jokes about summer camp, but none, as far as I can tell, reference the movie Meatballs (one of the top 10 greatest movies of all time). Lemon catches Jack talking to himself in the mirror. He’s trying to psych himself up before meeting the Six Sigma’s. When Jack and Lemon go to meet the Six Sigma’s he is quickly escorted away to meet “a guy at War Machines.” It leaves Lemon all alone with two assistants.
When he returns, Jack awkwardly invites Lemon to join him for lunch. Only, what he really means is L.U.N.C.H.: Lego Utilization for Negating Crisis Hierarchy. It’s a team-building exercise that requires a leader to instruct his or her group members on how to construct a Lego model from a design plan only he or she can see. Lemon dominates the group by yelling at leader Jack, and nicknaming him “haircut” while they try to build a Lego locomotive. Donaghy’s group eventually wins the L.U.N.C.H. challenge and Lemon gloats at the other group’s failure. One of the Sigma’s Six pulls Jack aside and quickly scolds him for allowing a subordinate to behave out of line. It makes Jack puts his foot down. He tells Lemon to be more reserved in public, and to call him by his last name, instead of “haircut.” Lemon has flashbacks of being abandoned by kids at summer camp. She’s so angry she ignores Jack. She ignores him up until moments before his big keynote speech. Jack is unaware that his microphone is on while he is backstage, psyching himself up in the mirror. Everyone at the retreat hears him. They laugh at him, and Lemon runs backstage to warn him, but by the time she arrives it is too late. Jack is a laughing stock, and he lies down on the floor defeated. However, Lemon is not so easily dismayed. She runs out on stage alone to try and cover for him, utilizing her previously referenced skills as a improv comedian doing corporate retreats with Jenna. First she tells the crowd that the voice they heard was her doing a Jack impression, but no one buys it. , she tries doing her best impression of Slingblade and Marion Ross from Happy Days, but to no avail. Then it’s on to crowd participation. She asks a man seated near the front “what’s the craziest thing that’s happened to you this weekend?” His answer is hearing Jack Donaghy on that microphone. The room erupts in laughter. Lemon has to go big. If she wants to sell this, she has to go really big. She starts to sing “Everybody Dance Now,” while dancing. Then she rips her shirt open to reveal her bra. It’s like a woman’s soccer sudden death playoff celebration, minus any of the appropriate context. The room is audibly hushed. It works though, and Jack’s antics on the microphone are long forgotten. Jack and Lemon make up, and Jack thanks her for the support. Lemon answers, “That’s what friends do, Jack. Duh.”
The second storyline revolves around Jenna and Frank. Jenna walks into the writer’s room to announce that, in order to prepare for her upcoming role as Janis Joplin, she will be employing the “method” method of acting. At her request, the staff is to address her as Janet Jopler (for legal reasons). By the way, has Eugene Mirman always been a writer at TGS? The opportunity does not escape Frank. He tells Jenna she should do her Joplin research on Wikipedia, “because people are finding out new things about Janis Joplin everyday.” Jenna loves the suggestion, and as soon as she leaves Frank starts updating the Janis Joplin Wikipedia page with facts like “Janis Joplin speed-walked everywhere and was afraid of toilets.” Soon Jenna is walking around the hallways, dressed as Janis Joplin, and making her favorite drink, made out of cherry juice, buttermilk and tequila, called the Frank Schlong. The situation gets rather out of hand when Frank catches Jenna in her dressing room about to eat a cat. He admits to her that he made up facts on Joplin’s Wikipedia page, and Jenna is furious. She throws a leg brace (she also thought Janis was disabled) at him, but then that same anger begins to work as an aphrodisiac on Frank. He likes damaged goods. Jenna likes compliments. So when Frank tells her that if she displays this kind of emotion in her performance she will win an Oscar, Jenna jumps his bones. Frank and Jenna become the second ever 30 Rock workplace hookup. The other was Lemon and Grizz. The day Frank tells Jenna to forget that it even happened. This confuses the hell out of Jenna. “It was my mistake, not yours. I’m the one who had to take the Silkwood shower this morning.” Frank is happy to agree, so long as she not mention a word to anyone about them hooking up. The contradiction in Jenna’s mind festers. She sees Frank, later in the hallway with a group of people, and announces that the two of them did it yesterday. It! Frank buries his face in his hand. “This is a mistake,” he tells her. Later, Jenna gets her hair scrubbed by a middle-aged female hair stylist. The woman tells Jenna that she heard about her and Frank. She doesn’t seem too pleased. “You shouldn’t have done that, Jenna.” She protests that Frank belongs to her, and then the shampoo in Jenna’s hair causes her scalp to burn. Frank sees the problem and rushes in. As Jenna grabs a broom for protection, the hairstylist yells at her to “Stay away from my Frank!” Jenna runs away, and then an even older immigrant cleaning lady walks into the room. “Who was with my Frank?” They both look at Frank, and then at each other. Frank interjects: “Katie. Nzebia. Let me explain.”
The C-plot is another Tracy and Kenneth escapade. Tracy is at the doctor’s office, and the doctor is Dr. Leo Spaceman. Spaceman is the only character clinically more insane than Tracy, so this should be interesting. The doc seems to have somber news for Tracy. “I don’t know how to say this... dee-ah–ba-tees?” Tracy has to make some serious lifestyle changes, or risk turning into a diabetic. Kenneth learns about Tracy’s risk of diabetes while standing in front of him at a table full of candy. Tracy thinks diabetes is a white myth, like Larry Bird or Colorado. So far, no one has made a Wilford Brimley joke. I welcome it. Kenneth wants to help Tracy improve his diet. He makes him a healthy meal, but it gets turned away. So Kenneth thinks on his feet. He warns that if Tracy refuses to eat his vegetables, the Hill Witch will eat him. Tracy doesn’t buy it. Even when Kenneth dresses up like a witch and surprises him in his dressing room, he shrugs him off. Then Jenna, holding a broom and bemoaning her rapidly shedding hair, runs into Tracy’s dressing room immediately after the hairdresser attack. “I’m a monster!” she screams, and both Kenneth and Tracy begin stuffing carrots in their mouth to ward the Hill Witch away.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vlogger Sean Crespo thinks 30 Rock should emulate Cheers in No Prior Knowledge!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Jack walks into Lemon's office with two almost identical pictures of himself. "Which one do you like?" he asks. Lemon is bewildered but picks the left one. "So the wacky one?" says Jack. The picture is needed because Jack is giving the keynote address at the "Six Sigma Retreat to Move Forward," and is very nervous. He hasn't seen his fellow higher-ups since he left the company and went to work for the Bush administration. Lemon reminds him that he never told her what happened to him in Washington. Cut to: a flashback of Jack in a war room. The site where the gay bomb exploded. He grabs the man to him, who looks like Dick Cheney, whispers "Please be gentle," and starts to draw him near. Back to present day. Lemon tells Jack he has camp jitters. Jack agrees, and then persuades Lemon to tag along and help calm his anxious nerves.
Jenna walks into the writer's room to announce that, in order to prepare for her upcoming role as Janis Joplin, she will be employing the "method" method of acting. At her request, the staff is to address her as Janet Jopler, or Jaime Jimplan (for legal reasons). By the way, has Eugene Mirman always been a writer at TGS? The opportunity does not escape Frank. He tells Jenna she should do her Joplin research on Wikipedia, "because people are finding out new things about Janis Joplin everyday." Jenna loves the suggestion, but as soon as she leaves, Frank starts updating the Janis Joplin Wikipedia page with factual inaccuracies, like "Janis Joplin speed walked everywhere and was afraid of toilets."
Tracy is in Dr. Leo Spaceman's office. He's just had a checkup and asks the doctor about his health. "I don't know how to say this..." Tracy's face drops. "Dee-ah-bah-tees?" half-asks the doctor. Spaceman tells Tracy that, unless he makes lifestyle changes, he will become diabetic. Spaceman warns Tracy that he could possibly lose a foot from the disease. "Could I replace it with a wheel like Rosie from The Jetsons?" Spaceman's answer is yes, but then he'd have to register at the DMV. Who wants that?
Jack is at the hotel of the company retreat, talking to himself in the mirror. He's psyching himself up before he has to meet the Sigma Six. "It's winning time, you magnificent son of a bitch," is what he tells himself. "Make mommy proud of her big boy because he's the best." Lemon overhears it, and offers her own words of encouragement. She does the same thing in the mirror before going to a party. At the lobby of the hotel, Jack and Lemon first lay eyes on the Six Sigma: Six older, balding white men. They are the corporate titans of the largest electric appliance/artificial adornment manufacturer on the planet. Larger even than the Kenmore Eye Patch conglomerate. If that existed. Jack walks over to greet them in the way of a successful man: "Men. If I had known your wives were alone, I would have stayed in New York." They all turn around, but say nothing. Just before it starts to get really uncomfortable, though, they all let out a laugh, from the gut so that you know it's for real. Jack is quickly whisked away by the six titans and leaves Lemon alone with two nerdy assistants named Prashant and Joan. They ask what her level is. They're both M7's. Lemon explains she isn't any level, and is here for support. "J?" asks Prashant.
Tracy rolls down the hallway at 30 Rock on one roller skate, with the help of Grizz and DotCom. He stops for candy in front of Kenneth, and explains that the roller skate is a practice wheel for when he loses his foot to diabetes. Kenneth shows alarm. He insists to Mr. Jordan that he can no longer eat candy if he has diabetes. "There's no link between diabetes and diet," says Tracy. "That's a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado." Soon, Kenneth is surrounded by practically every black cast member. Tracy and DotCom both don't believe diabetes and diet are related. Toofer joins the conversation. The voice of reason. He adds: "You know, there's a conspiracy theory that, after the Civil War, the U.S. government spread false information about diabetes to keep the newly freed slaves sluggish and docile, which is why, to this date, most African-Americans don't understand that diabetes is caused by sleeping on your back." Toofer walks away. "I don't think that's right," adds Kenneth. All the black people walk away from Kenneth, but then Jenna joins him. She is in character. "What can I do for you Mrs... Jimplin?" Jenna tells him that, according to Wikipedia, she needs cherry juice, buttermilk and tequila in order to make her signature cocktail "The Frank Schlong."
Jack returns from keeping company with the Six Sigmas and, rather reluctantly, asks Lemon to join him for lunch. Only, what he really means is L.U.N.C.H.: Lego Utilization for Negating Crisis Hierarchy. One of the Six Sigma's explains it Lemon. L.U.N.C.H. is a team building exercise that requires a leader to instruct his or her group members on how to construct a Lego model from a design plan only he or she can see. Lemon joins Jack's group, along with Prashant and Joan.
Back at NBC H.Q., Kenneth is in Tracy's room setting the table for a healthy dinner. Tracy walks in, instantly offended. "What's up with this disgusting stuff?" Kenneth pleads for Tracy to eat better. "N-O-E. No. E," answers Tracy. Kenneth seemingly acquiesces, but gives Grizz the underhanded "OK" sign. Then he "hears tells" Tracy the legend of The Hill Witch: a wicked 1,000-year old shriveled crone who abducts people who refuse to eat their vegetables. One look turns you to stone, and then she gorges on your living brain. "Through the stone?" asks a doubtful Tracy. Neither Tracy, Grizz nor DotCom buy his act, but Kenneth back his way out of the dressing room with a warning of the signs of her coming: "Crops will fail, animals will run wild and my page desk will be turned sideways." Toofer tells Frank to go find Maroney in her dressing room. His Wikipedia prank is working like gangbusters. Frank does, and sees Jenna pull a drink of Whiskey and then grab a cat out of a box. "Janis did it. You can do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to eat this cat." Frank yells for her to stop. So do I, and then I turn to look at my cat, Tony, on the couch with me. He's asleep. He's so powerless. I could fucking eat him right now. What? Oh, Jenna. Frank admits to pranking her and that makes her furious. She throws a leg brace she had been reverse speed walking in at him, but then that same anger begins to work as an aphrodisiac on Frank. He likes damaged goods. Jenna likes compliments. So when Frank tells her that if she displays this kind of emotion in her performance she'll win an Oscar, Jenna jumps his bones. Frank and Jenna become the second ever 30 Rock workplace hookup, the other being Lemon and Grizz.
At the Retreat to Move Forward, Lemon has assumed command of Jack's group. She yells for the rest of the group to move faster in putting together their Lego set. Especially Jack, who is caught in suspension and unable to react. "Say something, haircut!" One of the Six Sigmas observes from the background. Jack's group eventually wins the L.U.N.C.H. challenge and Lemon gloats to no end. She screams "Suck it, nerds" to all the other groups. The Six Sigma pulls Jack aside for a what-for, and a talking to. "That woman is a subordinate of yours, but her behavior is totally inappropriate. Familiarity. Nickname-ification." He chastises Jack for allowing behavior that the old Jack Donaghy would scarcely tolerate. Lemon is still gloating in the background. "Robot penis."
Jenna tip-toes into work the morning wearing sunglasses. Maybe she's hiding her eyes because they're filled with dollar signs after having humped Frank. Or not. Frank runs up to her in a panic. He asks her not to tell anybody about what they did last night. "I just want to make sure you didn't tell anyone what happened. I have a lot of irons in the fire around here." Wait, what? Jenna is confused. In her mind, Frank should want to brag about this. Frank clearly does not. "We'll be cool about this?" Jenna is flustered: "You the one cool should be!"
Jack opens his hotel room door to find Lemon standing before him, holding two plates of omelets. "First of all, there's an omelet bar downstairs. So you should probably go get yourself an omelet." Then she calls him a "jag" for having a larger room than hers. The same Six Sigma who lectured Jack before happens to walk by and tosses Jack a look of disapproval. Jack hurries Lemon inside. He tells her to start behaving appropriately. "You can't say 'a-doy' to me in mixed company." Jack wants to be referred to as Mr. Donaghy from this point forward at the retreat. He also has to prepare for his big speech later, and doesn't want to argue. The change in behavior reminds Liz of her days as a kid at camp, and getting the brush off by the much cooler kids. "No, don't worry. I get boundaries. 'Sorry, Liz, my parents' basement only has room for five sleeping bags,' or, 'No. I'll come over after prom and we'll make nachos together.'" Jack thinks Liz is blowing things out of proportion. He asks her to keep it in perspective. "Too late. Friendship over," and Lemon takes her two omelets out of Jack's room.
Kenneth is still pleading with Tracy to think about his diet and health. Tracy is oblivious, while he eats an ice cream sandwich. Kenneth gasps and points to his desk in the hallway. It's the sign of The Hill Witch! "The Hill Witch approaches!" Tracy shakes his head and walks away. Closer to the set, Frank is chatting up Lutz and Toofer about "the craziest thing that happened last night." Jenna happens to walk by and overhears. Frank tells them he found a secret skate park in Grand Theft Auto 4. Jenna walks over and chastises him. She turns to the rest of the group and tells them that her and Frank hooked up last night. They all look a combination of stunned and grossed. Frank's hat reads "Feelin' It." He puts his head in his hand. "Jenna this is a mistake."
At the ballroom, before Jack's speech, Lemon sits at a table with Prashant and Joan. Jack walks over and asks "Mrs. Lemon" to join her at his table. Lemon declines. Jack leaves to put his microphone on for the speech. Back at 30 Rock, Jenna is having her hair scrubbed in the sink by a -- I don't know, hair person? What would be this woman's title, seriously? I'm a guy, so... And not even an Al Sharpton type of guy, with his many hair functions. Hair, to me, is either a bad musical, or done in a way that reinforces my attraction to the opposite sex. Hair stylist! That's sounds right. The stylist tells Jenna that she heard about her and Frank. She doesn't seem too pleased. "You shouldn't have done that, Jenna." Jenna's scalp begins to burn hotter than Malcolm Little's. Frank sees this and rushes in, as Jenna grabs a broom for protection from the love-betrayed stylist. "You stay away from my Frank!" Jenna runs out of the room. In walks an elderly cleaning lady with a Eastern European accent. "Who was with my Frank?" They both look at Frank, and then at each other. Frank interjects: "Katie. Nzebia. Let me explain."
Tracy walks into his dressing room but the lights won't turn on. There is a vegetable platter on his table. Kenneth comes rushing in dressed as a witch, and holding a flashlight to his face. "Eat your vegetables!" he commands. Tracy is obviously not buying this. "I'm a 40-year old man. You think I'm going to be scared into eating some stuff because..." Jenna runs into the room holding her broom. Her hair is wildly disheveled. Kenneth shines the flashlight on her face as she screams, "Look at me! I'm a monster!" Tracy and Kenneth scream and drop to their knees, in fear of The Hill Witch. They start shoving vegetables from the platter in their face.
At the ballroom of the hotel, Prashant and Joan are making out in front of Lemon, at the table. An unseen voice interrupts, coming from the speakers. It's Jack. He's backstage psyching himself up in the mirror. Lemon turns to Prashant and Joan and asks them to help her warn Jack that his microphone is hot. Prashant is pragmatic: "Why would we? When a big one falls, four little ones move up." Jack is still at it on the microphone, and the whole ballroom is laughing. "Make mommy proud of her big boy because he's the best. You are Jack Donaghy. Titan. Maverick. Lover." Lemon runs backstage and tells Jack his mic is on. The ballroom has heard everything he's said. He collapses to the floor. Lemon pledges to help him. She takes the microphone and runs back onstage. She tells everyone that's she's from the entertainment division, and that she's fooled them with her Jack Donaghy impersonation (I imagine it would sound a little like this). She asks the crowd to shout out more ideas for impressions. "Do Jack Donaghy again," "No." Lemon changes the topic. She does her Slingblade, and then Mrs. Cunningham from Happy Days. She asks a man in the crowd's name, and then what the craziest thing he's heard on the retreat was. He leans in: "Hearing Jack Donaghy on that microphone." The crowd bursts out in laughter. Lemon must do something to top it. She has to go big. If she wants to sell this, she has to go really big. She sings "Everybody Dance Now," and starts to, well, dance. Then she rips her shirt open to reveal her bra. It's like a woman's soccer sudden death playoff celebration, minus any of the appropriate context. The room falls to a hush. It works. The day in Jack's office he tells her that because of her performance as "the bra lady" his antics on the microphone have been long forgotten. Jack and Lemon make up, and Jack thanks her for the support. "That's what friends do Jack. A-doy."
These are the jokes. A-doy.
Not Right Citizen's Brigade
Retreat Host: "The audience suggestion is Slingblade and Oprah on a date."
Lemon: (as Slingblade) "I sure do like dem french fried potaters."
Jenna: "No you don't, Oprah."
Or Forever Hold Your Peace
Jenna: "If anyone has anything to say to me -- Jenna -- now would be your last chance."
Frank: "Your hands are weird."
Toofer: "I don't think you went to high school."
Cerie: "I'm not busy Friday. I just said I was."
Close Enough
Tracy: "So how am I looking, Dr. Spaceman?"
Dr. Leo Spaceman: "Tracy, I don't know how to say this... Dee-ah-bah-tees?"
Week On Tool Academy
Lemon, to herself in the mirror: "Stop sweating, you idiot. What is wrong with you? You stupid bitch!"
Week On Charm School
Jack: "Each of them embodies a pillar of the Six Sigma business philosophy. Teamwork. Insight. Brutality. Male Enhancement. Handshakefullness. And Play Hard."
Comedy + Time (How Old is DotCom?)
Tracy: "There's no link between diabetes and diet. That's a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado."
Kenneth: "It's not a myth. Gentleman, back me up here."
DotCom: "I don't know. My dad had diabetes, and he ate whatever he wanted. Until he died on the day I was born."
Tracy Does His Talking Over Another Conversation Thing
Toofer: "You know, there's a conspiracy theory that after the Civil War the U.S. government spread false information about diabetes..."
Tracy: "Word!"
Toofer: "...to keep the newly freed slaves sluggish and docile."
Tracy: "And I heard that from Yusef Jackson."
We'll Get Lunch After L.U.N.C.H.
Jack: "We'll win this thing and then we'll go to class.
Lemon: "I don't want to go to class."
Jack: "No, Lemon -- C.L.A.S.S. It's an acronym for Consuming Lunch and Simple Socializing."
Lemon: "Now that just seems intentionally confusing."
Home Sweet West Virginia
Kenneth: "I've seen too many people back home die from diabetes and go-cart accidents to sit idly by while you ruin your health. You need to eat better."
Alf Alternate Intro
Frank: "Alf ate cats."
Tell Me Something Else Smart, Dumbass
Lemon: "Say something, haircut!"
Jack (observes the Lego train): "You can't have more wheels on one side than the other."
Lemon: "A-doy."
"I'm Supposed to Pee In It At Home."
Jenna: "I'm the one who had to take the Silkwood shower this morning."
Lemon: "I get it. You brought me here in case you needed me, but now that you have your cool Six Sigma friends I can go back to the lake with the fat kids and make bracelets."
The First Half: An Allegory on Masturbation
Lemon: "No, don't worry. I get boundaries. 'Sorry, Liz, my parents' basement only has room for five sleeping bags,' or, 'No, I'll come over after prom, and we'll make nachos together.'"
Jack: "Lemon, this is a part of our problem. I give you a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context, and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel."
Silent Comedy Award
Lemon tries to figure out the door, while she holds two plates of omelettes in her hands.
Jack: "Like a waitress."
Lemon puts one plate on the middle of her arm and opens the door.
The Sugar Shake
Kenneth: "Mr. Jordan, I am begging you as a friend to eat better. I just don't want to see anything bad happen to you."
Tracy: "I'm fine, Ken. I have so much energy my hand keeps on dancing."
Jenna's No Fly List
Hair Stylist: "I heard about you and Frank."
Jenna: "I know it's hard to believe. Now Dog the Bounty Hunter is the second grossest guy I've been with."
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vlogger Sean Crespo thinks 30 Rock should emulate Cheers in No Prior Knowledge!