Sickos

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Tonight’s episode dealt with flu and cold season. How appropriate, since I write this at what I fear to be the beginning stages of a lengthy -- possibly month-long -- bout of sickness, fever, cramps, ill throat and more ill disposition. In short form: I be illing.

The sick storyline starts with Kenneth. He is wheezing in Lemon’s face. Lemon does not appreciate it, which is perfectly understandable. She has a vacation planned on a French(ish) beach, where people wear dark socks, and she wants to avoid a cold. Stoic Kenneth refuses to go home, and it’s an even more difficult endeavor because it’s not just Kenneth -- the entire crew of The Girlie Show is sick. Jack collars her into Dr. Leo Spaceman’s office, where he is getting a vaccination. I did say Dr. Leo Spaceman in that last sentence. This episode has the gold stamp of approval already, because there has never been an episode involving Dr. Leo Spaceman that was a disappointment. Spaceman and Jack tell lemon that there are only five vaccination shots to go around and that, because she is part of the elite, Liz gets one of them. Lemon, progressive to the end, refuses and makes some reference to Cuba. “What a surprise. You saw the Michael Moore movie,” says Jack. Actually, she saw the trailer that came on before Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Lemon’s decision to forego the flu shot was in the name of equality, but made easier by the fact that she was unable to book a flight to her vacation island. Word spreads about Lemon’s decision, her Norma Rae moment that honored the working person, and soon the entire set is in her corner. Or, if not in her corner, they don’t hate her like they used to. Opportunism, though, comes in short order. Cerie tells Lemon that a flight opened up for her to go to her fantasy island vacation because of people cancelling flights due to the sick bug. The good news comes on the heels of Lemon getting a congratulatory meat plate from a sick set worker. Suddenly, everyone looks like the walking dead to her. Lemon ditches the meat and runs back to Dr. Spaceman’s office to ask for the shot. He demands that she dance for him. She does the wop, the running man and the robot, and he gives her the vaccination.

Now Lemon can’t do enough to avoid her infirmed new fan club around the set. Jack also shares with her that the shot causes a rash on your arm. Lemon runs to wardrobe to put on a jacket that will cover up her rash, but during a “feel better” comedic performance by Tracy and Jenna, two pies are thrown at Lemon. It forces her to take the jacket off in front of the entire set, revealing the nasty rash -- a mark of Cain, at this point, to the underprivileged denied the vaccination. Wow. It’s kind of a dystopian storyline if you view it from the prism of that sentence.

Jack! He is still dating Elisa. So we get Salma Hayek for another episode. Great, if you are a fan of attractive women. Not as hot if you don’t devalue comedy. Jack wants to spend more time with Elisa, but she has no time. She works two jobs -- when she isn’t nursing his mother, she is taking care of an old man with no family or friends. Jack convinces her to go see The Lion King on Broadway with him, and they drag along the poor, infirmed old man in his wheelchair. We get a neat little montage of the night’s activities, accompanied by an original song. Elisa has such a good time she agrees to another night out on the town -- just her and Jack, and the old man and his wheelchair. But when Jack picks her up at the old man’s place, the old man’s son shows up at the apartment, on a visit from London. It forces Jack to hide behind a curtain until Elisa can distract the son’s attention away from the living room. Jack tiptoes out, but not before apologizing and explaining his behavior to the old man. He’s lost too many good things because he didn’t make time for them, and Jack refuses to make the same mistake with Elisa. “Elisa the Puerto Rican?” asks the old man. “Wow that really doesn’t sound okay, but yes,” answers Jack. The old man promises to not tell his son about their late-night escapades, but he also makes it clear that the time they go out he wants to visit the place in New York where he proposed to his wife. “And then, I want to go to a Negro bar.”

Those were the basic storylines, in a nutshell. It was a very good episode. It brought the laughs -- full-throated ones -- unlike last week’s storyline. And now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go puke in a hat, put ice cubes on my forehead, and then listen to 15 straight hours of stories about the plane crash. Tootles.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vlogger Sean Crespo thinks 30 Rock is headed for Cheers territory in No Prior Knowledge!

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When Lemon arrives to work she asks the crew where they plan on going for vacation week. "Nowhere. We don't get week off," is the reply. She sees Kenneth in the hallways and he sneezes in front of her. Lemon is aghast. She has four days until her annual trip to the private beach St. Bartleby and doesn't want to get sick. At the beach, people get served soft-serve ice cream, and they wear dark socks, according to French custom. Cerie approaches and Lemon shows the two of them her new swimsuit, as seen in US Weekly worn by Dame Judi Dench... 's mother. Kenneth assures her he's not sick and has the constitution of an ox. Then he vomits on his desk. "Oh no. I must have ox fever. When did I walk barefoot near an ox?" Lemon runs away, and Cerie chases after her. She tells Lemon that her trip has been cancelled because the hotel was overbooked, but it's the first time Lemon is hearing the news. "I texted you," says Cerie. She looks at her phone. "I forgot to hit send," which she does before she struts away. Can we have more Cerie scenes please? Not necessarily for the comedy

Speaking of... Elisa walks into Jack's office and climbs into his arms. They kiss. She can only stay for a minute before going back to work. "I thought it was your day off?" asks Jack. Elisa has two jobs. When she isn't taking care of Jack's mother, she takes care of an old man with dementia. Jack offers to cook her dinner when she returns to work for his mother, but Elisa can't afford to treat her workspace like it's Jack's house. She also thinks that Jack's mother doesn't like her. Jack reassures her that his mother hates every woman he dates. It's not because... "What do you call yourself?" "A Puerto Rican," says Elisa. "No. I know you can say that but what do I call you?" "A Puerto Rican," again says Elisa. "Wow," responds Jack. "That does not sound right."

Jack is in a room with the inimitable Dr. Leo Spaceman. "Jack I need to ask you to drop your pants." Jack does and Spaceman gives him his flu shot... in the arm. Lemon walks in and Jack asks her advice in dealing with Elisa's busy work schedule. He says the relationship is turning out to be complicated, and Lemon reminds him that he said the same things about C.C. Spaceman gets out his needle to stick Lemon with what we must assume is a non-lethal injection. There are only five more shots available, and Jack asks Liz who else on her staff is deserving of the shot. "You're rationing health care? That's not okay." Jack laughs off her naïve assertion and then welcomes her to the elite class. Lemon pushes back though, invoking her working class roots in White Haven, PA., and her two grandfathers. One dug out the White Haven quarry and the other filled it back in with sludge from the eraser factory. Lemon refuses the shot. It's about fairness, which is worth the risk of falling sick.

Jack goes to see Elisa at the old man's apartment. "I brought some dinner and Monopoly. We can have a fun, low key night, unless I lose." Elisa is worried she'll get in trouble but Jack playfully reminds her that the old guy has dementia, by introducing himself as Matlock. As he rubs Elisa's neck she recounts the zero times in New York she has had the chance to take in a Broadway play or eat at a restaurant that didn't have a TV in it. She tells Jack that he can stay, but that it's not all fun and games. "Mr. Templeton's foot is still healing," she says while lifting up his shawl to reveal them to Jack. He is horrified. "What is wrong with it? Is that a beak?"

Tracy and Jenna are an ever-emerging tag-team comedy combination. They run into Lemon in the hallway while in the middle of an argument about which island is better, Kiwai or Maui? Lemon tries to corral them so that they can shoot show promos, but then she notices that Jack gave them both flu shots. Lemon scolds them with a reminder as to how sick the rest of the crew is. "If I were you two, I would be thinking up ways to thank them."

Jack offers Lemon the flu shot, again, and she declines. "If my crew can't get the shot, I'm not getting the shot." The members of the crew overhear her and one yells out to her in support. It pumps up Lemon, and soon she's Norma Rae inside of a textile factory. "We've got to fight the power! Fight the powers that be!" The crowd cheers her. "This makes me want to shoop!" Suddenly, the whole crew is chanting "Shoop! Shoop!"

Kenneth finds Tracy and Jenna in the dressing room. They both want to thank the crew "you know, for being sick." They want to buy them all soup. That means Kenneth, who is horribly ill too, has to go get hot soup for the entire crew. Kenneth is not so sure. All the other pages have already gone home sick. "Maybe you two can get the soup?" Tracy and Jenna look at him like he's a math problem. It takes some coaxing but Jenna finds enough motivation of self-gratitude to convince Tracy that they should go out and buy the soup on their own.

Jack and Elisa sweet-talk over the phone while she tends to Mr. Templeton. Jack tells her he'll be late coming over because of a special charity performance of The Lion King. Elisa gets emotional. She would love to go with him but the job won't allow it. "Why can't I have fun like an upper-middle class person?" Jack tells her she can. What follows is a romantic comedy montage of Jack and Elisa, and Mr. Templeton in his wheel chair, enjoying an evening out in Manhattan. A song called "Mr. Templeton" plays in the background. The three have a fancy dinner. They attend The Lion King, and they make out in Central Park. Jack and Elisa's lips stay pressed together as Mr. Templeton, in his wheelchair, rolls away. Jack leans over to pull him back into frame.

On set, the crew thanks Lemon for sticking up for them. They are all painfully sick from the cold, and one of them hands her a meat plate as a gesture. When she walks away she receives a text message from Cerie: "UR V8K8SH1 iz baqon." She asks Cerie to decipher it for her. It's that her vacation is back on. The flu forced some people to cancel their vacation plans. Lemon imagines herself on the beach at St. Bartleby's, her socks on, a young attractive man handing her a drink in a coconut shell, and a turtle named Oscar that walks by with a tray of food on his shell. She snaps back to reality and is confronted with a room of cold & flu zombies. She runs away while thinking "I can't get sick." Lutz staggers toward her from around an unseen corner and Lemon drops her plate of meat. She takes off in another direction, and then pulls out a mirror to make sure the coast is clear before turning another blind corner. She exhales in relief, but when she lifts her head she sees Kenneth's reflection. He chases after her to sign revision papers. Lemon runs into Hornberger. He's not sick at all. "Thank God it's you," she tells him. Then Hornberger sneezes. The lighting turns ominous. He's joined the ranks of the unvaccinated. Lemon cracks him over the head with a picture frame and runs to go see Dr. Spaceman. "Give me the shot. I want to go on vacation," she says upon entering his office. He demands to be danced for, and then obliges.

Tracy and Jenna return from buying... clothes? Somewhere along the way, they forgot about buying soup for the sick crew. Now they must come up with some other form of appreciation. Lemon is on the opposite side of the issue. The crew loves her. She pretends to not have taken the shot and hears them whisper sort of good things about her. "Hey, that Liz Lemon is okay. Why did we hate her guts so much?" Jack tells her how amazing his date was with Elisa, but Lemon is appalled they would drag an old man out with them. He accepts her chastising, and acknowledges he isn't as pure as a woman who risks getting sick before her annual vacation. He also tells her that the flu shot creates a very noticeable rash on your arm after 24 hours. Lemon covers her arm and runs to wardrobe to find a jacket. Kenneth surprises her and notices the arm. He asks if Liz got the flu shot, but she tells him he's having a fever dream. "We're speaking French and I'm your mother." Kenneth begins speaking fluent French to her, and it chases Lemon out of the room.

Elisa meets Jack at the door in a hot dress. Salma Hayek is truly the best spokesperson for cleavage. You know, like the way Matthew McConaughey so eloquently represents beef. They kiss, but then the doorbell rings. Jack hides behind the curtains. Elisa opens the door, and it's Mr. Templeton's son Michael. He walks in and Mr. Templeton grabs him by the arm. "A man comes at night. He comes to the house and takes me. He wears a suit. His hair is thick. He made me watch a giraffe with the legs of a man!" Mr. Templeton's accusations are all true, but they also sound insane. "Dad, there's no man." Elisa manages to walk Michael into another room so that Jack has the chance to tip toe out. He does, literally, but before Jack can make it to the door the old man perks up and starts yelling. Jack quiets him and then explains himself. "I'm just a guy dating your nurse, who took advantage of your condition to be with her. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Jack apologizes in earnest. He's lost too many good things and can't let it happen again with Elisa. "Elisa the Puerto Rican?" asks Mr. Templeton. "Wow that really doesn't sound okay, but yes," answers Jack. The old man promises to not tell his son about their late night escapades, but he also makes it clear that the time they go out he wants to visit the place in New York where he proposed to his wife. "And then, I want to go to a Negro bar."

Lemon walks onto set wearing her jacket. She's taken aback when she sees Tracy and Jenna run on stage dressed as clowns. Tracy announces, "In the grand tradition of Patch Adams prepare yourself for the styling's of Tracy the amazing, and Jenna!" They run on stage and Tracy throws a bucket of confetti onto an unsuspecting, and very ill, member of the crew. Jenna fumbles with two steel rings like how Woody Allen handles physical comedy. Lemon steps on stage and asks "Do you really think this is helping?" Jenna and Tracy hit her with pies. The crew is outraged. They yell to leave her alone. Lemon sees fit to remind Jenna and Tracy that she's well like by everyone on set now, as she takes off her jacket. That's when one of the members of the crew recognizes the rash on Lemon's arm. "She got a flu shot. She lied to us!" yells someone else. This is shaping up like Lemon's High School reunion. They ask for their meat plate back. Lemon is desperate to defend her actions. She explains her need to have a healthy vacation." I work so hard guys. Don't I deserve to sit on a beach?" Kenneth points at her and says something accusatory in French. Lemon can only come back with a justification that she planned to take an island lover on her vacation- a young Pilipino man. The crew walks away in disgust, and the scene transitions into a television screen, followed by Jack, joined in his office by Lemon. He turns off the TV. "I'm so embarrassed," she tells Jack, but he encourages her. By his thinking, the crew should hate upper management. "Embrace your elitism," insists Jack. "Your special. You're different." Lemon stands up confidently, and in agreement. Then there is some kind of belly sound. It is a guttural - how best to put this? - bowel movement noise. "Did that come out of you or me?" asks Jack. He points out that the flu vaccine is a small part of the virus itself. So there is always the chance... then he and Lemon both run furiously towards the nearest bathrooms. They better both have magazines, and, for their sake, I hope they're year-end issues.

The jokes.

The Worst Springsteen Song Eva
Crew Member: "At night I have to drive around Newark looking for my runaway daughter."

Technically Tempura
Jack: "Have you ever had sushi?"
Elisa: "I once had a very undercooked fish sandwich at a parade."

The Talking Big Head
Elisa: "I have another patient on my off days. He's a sweet old man with advanced dementia. Totally disconnected from reality."
Jack: "That reminds me. I owe Lou Dobbs a call."

That Is Mr. Sully to You
Lemon: "I should be going to the Caribbean. Instead I'm stuck here with you and a bunch of guys named Sully."

Spaceman, Jack, and Liz
Jack: "Lemon there you are. Leo's giving out flu shots."
Spaceman: "Not my favorite part of the medical profession. My favorite part is attending executions." Jack: (to Liz) "May I ask you a question as a woman?"
Spaceman: "You may Jack. Are you going to alter your voice or dress up in anyway?"
Jack: "Liz."
(at Liz) "I don't know what to do about Elisa. She works all the time. You know she's second generation Puerto Rican."
Lemon: "Jack you can't call her that!"

We Deserve the Same Quality of Health Care as Charlie Sheen
Jack: "Yes Lemon, important people get better health care. They also get better restaurant reservations, bigger seats in planes..."
Spaceman: "A more refined class of prostitute. For me it's really about the companionship."

Al Bundy, MD
Spaceman: "When is modern science going to find a cure for a woman's mouth?" My Thoughts Don't Lie
Tracy: "They said it was a flu shot, but I know it's really a truth serum."
Lemon: "It's not a truth serum."
Tracy: "Then why am I telling you, you look like Tootsie today?"

In Need of an Inaugural Ball
Jack: "Kenneth I am considering giving you one of the remaining flu shots."
Kenneth: "No need sir. It would be an honor to die at my post and be given the traditional burial of a Parcel man. Wrapped in a Confederate flag, fried, and fed to dogs."

Foot Race to the "Most Depressing Movie" Finish Line
Lemon: "In Cuba everyone gets free health care."
Jack: "What a surprise. You've seen the Michael Moore movie."
Lemon: "Think again Jack. I saw the trailer when I went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks."

Some Thoughts Require a Helmet

Tracy: "But then I had a brainstorm. It was a bad one. Jenna had to put my tongue guard in."

Kenneth's Great Expectations
Kenneth: "You could get your wallet..."
Tracy: "My what?"
Kenneth: "And go downstairs to the basement."
Tracy: "No!"
Kenneth: "Then you go to the soup place and bring the soup back up here."
Tracy: "With what, my arms?"
Kenneth: "Make sure to take your IDs with you."
Tracy: "That would be the worst part!"

The Brangelina Nuptials
Jenna: "Without the crew we'd just be two amazing people succeeding in a vacuum."

Because It's Not the Set of He's Just Not Into You
Elisa: "Why can't I have fun like an upper-middle class person?"

Juno linguistics
Cerie: "Happy November 4. Letter U."

Silent Comedy Award
Spaceman: "If you want a shot, you're going to have to dance for it."
Lemon dances, busting out a series of moves.
Spaceman: "Very nice."

The Id and the Ego
Jenna: "Tracy, I got it!"
Tracy: "Give it to me! It's mine!"

How to Make a Conversation Mistake
Jenna: "These people are sick, and what's the best medicine?"
Tracy: "Medicine?"
Jenna: "Laughter. Do you see where I'm going with this?"
Tracy: "No!"

A Sex Tour Vacation?
Lemon: "Not just any vacation. This one has beach socks, and ice cream, and sandwich turtles."

No-Prize Award Winner
Dr. Leo Spaceman wins the funny award this week, and in possibly the fewest scenes ever. The scene between he, and Jack, and Liz, was a grand, loopy, comic escapade. It felt like improv -- GOOD improv.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vlogger Sean Crespo thinks 30 Rock is headed for Cheers territory in No Prior Knowledge!