As we begin, Lemon sees Jenna in the hallway and kindly returns to her the lipstick she found in her apartment. Jenna says it couldn't be hers because she wears "Tiger Orgasm" not "Sunset Blush." Liz has a patented flashback to her apartment upon discovering the lipstick, which is laid on the floor of her apartment right to a couch with a pop tart under it. Guess where the pop tart goes? (Her mouth.) Back to the present, and Pete whistles by. He's still separated from his wife, still rooming with Liz at her place. He walks by, rocking that "Justin Timberlake hat," as Jenna puts it, and has a sunny demeanor. Jenna suspects he's cheating on the wife none of us has seen yet -- we haven't seen her yet right? It's one of those Norm from Cheers things? Jenna is positive that he's having an affair because "men only take care of themselves when they are getting someone to have sex with them." Otherwise "they stay covered in their own filth." I pause the show and take a sexy Toni Braxton shower. Lemon asks Pete if he's having an affair on Paula and his kids, then catches Pete having a three-way with his wife and a pop tart when she returns home one day unexpectedly. Pete begs Lemon to let him stay at her apartment so that he and his wife can continue having sex of ill-repute.
It's in the main plot thread where we get treated to Jack's first appearance on the show; it's the first episode since his brilliant, scene-stealing 5-person impersonation of slightly racist '70s sitcom characters in the episode. Liz asks him about the odd superhero costume that has just walked by her in the hall and Jack lets her in on NBC's corporate-wide "green" initiative. Of course, this is a real initiative at NBC, so what we get to experience here is commonly known as synergy. On Friday, Deal or No Deal models are wearing recyclable suits! See? Synergy. Anyway, Jack introduces Lemon to Greenzo: "Saving the earth while maintaining profitability!" Lemon chuckles nerdily. Greenzo, real name Jarrett, is played by David Schwimmer. You might otherwise know him as one of the breast men from Breastmen or as one of the pallbearers from...I forget the name. It's yet another "Must See Thursday" alum for 30 Rock. But Schwimmer, unlike Jerry Seinfeld, gets to not play himself. Also unlike Jerry, Ross seems to slide unforced into Rock's kinetic pacing. Say what you will, I always felt those kids from Friends had good timing...and they were cute. Greenzo is an environmental superhero with oversized mitts for hands and a yellow cape against a green body suit. He believes in the cause of the environment, but not in that pinko liberal agenda type of way. "The free market will solve global warming, if that even exists" he says.
Jarrett's last real "gig" was in an attack ad for Rick Lazio's ill-fated Senate campaign, but things are different now, Jack tells Lemon. As NBC's environmental mascot Greenzo will be releasing an endangered falcon at halftime of the Knicks game and (as if that weren't enough) he's been booked onto The Today Show. His appearance goes swimmingly. He does the Greenzo dance for the kids, and when Meredith Viera tells him that he's saving the world, Greenzo slowly looks up as if realizing only for the first time how special he must be. Given the success of Greenzo's Today Show appearance, Jack asks Lemon to write some punchy material on the heels of Greenzo's smashing success.
Tina Fey ain't writing shit for you, Silverman! She's gonna fight for fair royalties and then maybe even go out with me!
Drunk on his crusade now, Greenzo begins policing the office for environmental infractions and tries to guilt-trip the staff for the sake of a better tomorrow. Greenzo kicks back in Lemon's office. She left her computer on because it takes a long time to reboot. "You know what else does?" Greenzo harangues. "Building a new earth." He's impassioned and lectures Lemon about environmental consciousness. Lemon, fed up, threatens to tell Jack. He reaches for the Styrofoam cup Lemon's holding and its contents, regrettably, spill all over Lemon's eight year old new blouse. Is this a bad time to point out that the NBC cafeteria is littered with Styrofoam? I swear I see seagulls in there sometimes. Greenzo is back on The Today Show, but now he wants to raise taxes on the super rich in order to end global warming in five years. GE's lost control of Greenzo. Back at Jack's office, Greenzo is reminded that the message is "non-judgmental business friendly" but Greenzo is unmoved by the corporate dog and pony act. Jack fires Greenzo who laughs, cape blowing in the suddenly present breeze, and asks rhetorically ,"Can you fire the wind? Can you fire a hurricane?" You can.
Jack has a solution though, now that he's ditched Greenzo -- a bigger guest star. In walks Academy Award- and Nobel Peace Prize-winning, former V.P. Al Gore, looking as handsomely starched as any ex-politician could hope to. Despite his rep as a mannequin, I've always thought Al had a nice, dry wit. For me, he scored in his Saturday Night Live appearance. He's not quite that on the mark here, but at least he's not Kerry. He's happy to be helping NBC out with their exciting new car that runs on trash. When he finds out it's all under false pretenses, he lectures Jack very wonkishly and then...superhero pause...he takes his leave after hearing the silent alarm of a whale in trouble. Greenzo shows up uninvited, ready to fulfill his civic duty to the environment, but while tussling with Jack, a beach ball in the form of the globe catches on fire in the middle of the stage. The earth is burning! The earth burns.
The other major plot thread has to do with Kenneth's party. Liz sees Kenneth passing out invitations for it in the hallway. Alarmed, she runs into a dressing room where Tracy stands, petting a snake with absolutely no explanation given. Liz tells him how bad all of Kenneth's parties are and that she is always the only one to show up for them. We're treated to a flashback montage of them, including a Halloween party in which Lemon, dressed as Harry Potter, and Kenneth, dressed as Austin Powers, dance (cleverly) to Tracy's "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" song. Tracy brags to Lemon that he can turn Kenneth's party into an event -- a happening. His plan: embellish party details to the two biggest gossip girls in the building...Grizz and Dot Com. Later, Kenneth corners Lemon and Jack and invites them to his party. Lemon caves in but Jack declines, insisting on a night at home with Schubert and Canadian pornography (must be a Rush marathon on Fuse). Tracy spreads a rumor to Grizz and Dot Com that King of the South rapper T.I. will be at Kenneth's party because they went to school together. They in turn tell Josh, who is not impressed -- not impressed, that is, until they drop the name Fall Out Boy. Josh tells Frank that T.I., T.I.'s dancers, and Fall Out Boy will be at the party, and that there's going to be "Foxy Boxing." Frank tells all of this to Cerie. Cerie thinks it sounds hot but she has her four girl cousins from Holland in town this week that tend to get way too drunk when they go out, if that's okay? Frank connipts. Jenna finds out about the party from Cerie and screams at her publicist on the phone for not getting her in, which is in turn overheard by a guy in the elevator who is network head Don Geiss' social secretary. Jack overhears about the party in a conversation between Geiss' secretary and his own secretary, Jonathan, and suddenly he wants to be there. Phew. Nine people showed up to my birthday last year, by the way. I guess time I won't tell people that Lil' Flip is showing up.
Word about Kenneth's party finally reaches back to Tracy who is joyously excited because he loves foxy boxing. "It combines my two favorite things: Boxing and referees. Get me Harvey Lemmings," he requests to his phone. Lemon reminds him that no one is on the other end of the line and also that all the details of Kenneth's party were made up by him. She tells him to cancel the party. Meanwhile Jack informs Kenneth that he wants to show up to the party after all and what follows is a game of chess where only one person (Jack) thinks there is an actual game. Everyone heads to the party and there are even whispered rumors of the Harlem Globetrotters making an appearance. They all pile into the elevator but Lemon's stressed out. She asks Tracy what happened to canceling the party, but he's not pressed: "This party's about to turn into a Tracy Jordan joint!"
Cut to: Morning -- Jack's Office. His hair is frazzled as if, not unlike Greenzo's resolve, it had been in the wind or a hurricane for too long. He's speaking to the entire staff about last night's party and, in between, we see glimpses of the night before: Frank and Lutz strangling each other, Lemon trying to make out with Grizz, Tracy clawing at his face in the bathroom mirror, Cerie punching out Jack, Lemon throwing up on someone in a wolf costume. Back to Jack's office, now it's Kenneth's turn to speak: "Y'all should be ashamed of yourself," he scolds. Apparently Lutz ate his parrot's medication, Tracy stole his sink, and Lemon, entwined in an intense love triangle with Grizz and Dot Com, made them both cry. She turns to apologize. Kenneth lays down the law to an amassed and humbled staff.
But what about the jokes? Well, on a show dripping with manic comic talent, I was surprised to have noticed so many good Schwimmer moments. A few:
You're watching Haaad Ball
"Hillary Clinton wants an all-homosexual army. How will that affect my family?"
Aggressive-aggressive mother issues and their relation to the very, very conscious
Greenzo: "I just wish my mom were still alive...so I could rub it in her fat face."
A Friends reunion?
Greenzo: "Well kids, you can tell your parents to buy a GE front loading washing machine to save water, because if the earth's not here, where else is Greenzo going to dance?" (Cue the music)
Only to be said while wearing a cape or a duster
Greenzo: "Greenzo out!"
Native-American Beached Whale Hollywood Black List Vindication Cocaine Panty Flash Amuse Brioche
Greenzo: "Are you saying actors can't change the world? I guess nobody bothered to tell Sharon Stone."
And that was just the guest star. As for the regulars:
An honest to God Better Than Ezra party?
Kenneth: "Hope you're ready to party like its 1999, which according to my bible will be in 7 years."
Art Vandelay's lawyer
Tracy: "People are like Lemmings...Harvey Lemmings, my lawyer. He never misses a party."
Lemon: "That's not a real person. You made that up."
There are lies in the pamphlets on churned butter tourism
Lemon: "People are going to show up expecting all this great stuff and they're going to be disappointed and angry."
Tracy: "Just like Colonial Williamsburg."
American Idol minus the clunky America part
Jack: "Look how Greenzo's testing. They love him in every demographic: colored people, broads, fairies, commies...gosh we've got to update these forms."
Tyra wears a fat suit in public
Cerie: "Did he just talk to me like I'm ugly?"
Maybe illegal but not unthought of
Frank: "The girl from Heroes is going to take a shower."
Kenneth wears the shame of a thousand (Meadowlarke) Lemons
Kenneth: "Harlem Globetrotter...does that name mean nothing to you?"