Episode Report Card M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Nuclear Family Meltdown
By M. Giant | Season 8 | Episode 8 | Aired on 02.15.2010
At 11:15:52, Hastings is on the phone with Taylor and Rob Weiss, saying they're basically screwed and their only hope is for Kiefer to figure out some way to salvage things from his end. In other words, situation nominal. Rob asks why Hastings thinks Kiefer's even alive. "Only the fact that he wasn't killed at the point of abduction," Hastings admits. Taylor asks for the odds of getting the rods in the next few hours, and all Hastings can say is that the longer they're out of contact with Kiefer, the lower their chances of success. Taylor lets him off the hook with a request for updates every half hour. Because with Hassan bailing on the talks and Ethan still AWOL, it's not like she has anything else going on.
Another uncomfortable phone conversation is going on elsewhere in the city, between Farhad in the back room of Bazhaev's restaurant, and his man at the docks waiting to receive the rods. At least Farhad has apparently dismissed the two Russian hookers, so he isn't being distracted by their blintzes or whatnot. The guy at the docks says their general back home is getting worried, what with all the arrests going on. It's going to be tough to take over and restart the country's nuclear program if Hassan continues squashing the opposition. So Hassan's new measures, as draconian as they are, are actually working? I guess they're only good or bad depending on which storyline we're following at any given moment. They're running out of time, but Farhad assures his man that the uranium should be delivered within the hour. Then he abruptly ends the call as Bazhaev raps on the door and walks in with Josef. It took them that long to get here? How big is this restaurant?
"There is a man downstairs who has shown up to outbid you for the fuel rods," Bazhaev informs Farhad. Farhad denies the possibility that anyone on his side tipped anyone off, but Bazhaev is still holding back delivery. Farhad protests that they're up against the clock with Hassan: "If he manages to purge everyone in the military who opposes him, the uranium is worthless to me." Now, Farhad, don't be such a Gloomy Gus. Come up with a plan B, like starting your own microwave oven or glow-in-the-dark watch company and see if your attitude doesn't improve. Bazhaev doesn't care about Farhad's problems, because of course he's already got his money. Farhad isn't prepared to wait for however long it's going to take to find out the truth from "Meier," because after tonight the season will already be one-third over. Bazhaev promises it won't be long, and turns to go. This is too much for Farhad, who reminds Bazhaev of some other promises he's made, like the assassination of his brother. Farhad is just getting wound up on a real tirade when suddenly he feels the muzzle of Josef's gun at his temple. "Don't speak to my father that way," Josef says coldly. He claims they've honored every agreement (not true) and shed a lot of (radioactive) blood in the process, not to mention keeping Farhad under their roof at their own risk. "Tell him to put the gun down," Farhad tells Bazhaev. Josef refuses, and advises Bazhaev to kick him out. "Let his own people shelter him if he thinks we're such fools. I'll drive him there myself if that's what it takes." Bazhaev tells Farhad that sounds like a good idea, so he'll have to leave, and wait until Bazhaev thinks it's safe. Farhad walks out of the room without even picking up his jacket and tie. "Make sure he gets where he's going," Bazhaev orders his son. Alas, Josef will end up interpreting that command in far too broad a sense.
At 11:19:27, Cole and his away team return to CTU with Walker. He hands her over to Hastings, who favors Walker with a heavy-lidded glare before leading her away. Unaware of the present dynamic, she asks about all the stuff they're doing to try to track Kiefer, and Hastings assures her they're doing everything possible. "Why don't you have any leads?" Walker presses, stupidly. Well, because you killed him, Renee. Hastings rounds on her and says as much, and adds, "I know about your suicide attempt. You should have been honest with me." He parks her into a meeting room with Chloe to take her statement, and instructs the latter to take Walker to Medical for her psych eval when they're done. For once Chloe doesn't argue. She joins Walker and gives her an electronic pad and stylus to write her statement on, because CTU is so goddamn high-tech they don't even allow spiral notebooks in here. Walker sits down and says that Hastings is right to blame her for what happened to Kiefer. Chloe disagrees, but Walker's in a guilt spiral and it's going to take more than what Chloe can offer to pull her out of it. "What they're doing to him right now, it's because of me," Walker says. Chloe tells her to focus on the task at hand: write her statement and she'll check back later. Hopefully before Walker fills up more than one page with longhand, because it's not at all clear what you're supposed to do after that.
Down on the floor, Dana approaches Cole and asks if he can talk. Cole tries to put her off because he's working on something with Arlo, but of course Arlo's all, "No, we're good." He smirks after them as they go off to a semi-private part of the floor, Dana fiddling with her engagement ring the whole way. Cole asks if she's okay, and she says she isn't. She says she has a big problem, which is why she's been acting weird lately. Cole starts to tell her this is the worst possible day to call off their engagement, but Dana is shocked at the very idea that he would think that. Indeed, if he knew her at all, he'd have guessed by now that she's living under an assumed name after having fled a criminal past that has now caught up with her and is blackmailing her into coordinating inside jobs with her CTU security access. I mean, Occam's Razor, you know? She begins, "There are things about my past that I haven't told you." She's got his attention, but is having trouble going on until he encourages her to continue. "I don't want to lose you," she says. He assures her he isn't going anywhere. Well, except he is, because just as Dana's about to start talking, another field agent interrupts to say Hastings wants to see Cole in his office. Cole tries to put it off, but Dana lets him go. "Talking to you has helped," she says. "I think I know what I need to do now." Well, that can't be good. Cole asks if she's sure, and says she can tell him what this is all about later. "Hmm, mm-hmm," she smiles fakely, But as soon as he goes to see Hastings, her eyes go full Starbuck.
Dmitri rips off the bandage covering Kiefer's knife wound and jams his thumb into it. "Who do you work for?" he asks. "Who else knows about the fuel rods?" Kiefer still won't talk. Dmitri vows to find Kiefer's limit, and when he does, he should tell the Chinese secret police. They spent twenty months looking for it. Is it in his armpit? Must not be, because it doesn't jump out when Dmitri sticks the live jumper cable in there. Kiefer maintains that he isn't a cop, but an independent contractor. I couldn't even tell you if I wanted." "We'll see," Dmitri says, and jolts him again. This one leaves Kiefer limp and unresponsive. Which is what I always figured the problem was with Kate from the second season. Dmitri slaps his face to wake him up, with no success. When he turns away to get some smelling salts, Kiefer sneaks a very mean-looking peek at him to let us know he's faking. And when Dmitri returns, Kiefer suddenly grabs the hand holding the jumper cable between his feet and jams it against Dmitri's chest. I don't know how that works without Kiefer getting more of a charge than Dmitri does, but Dmitri's soon flat on his back, unconscious. Now Kiefer's only problem is that he's helplessly hanging by his bound wrists from an exposed water pipe in the basement of a restaurant filled with Russian mobsters. Kiefer looks down the length of the pipe he's suspended from and sees a water leak at the elbow joint, possibly a sign of weakness. So he awkwardly swings his feet up and monkeys over in that direction, trying to kick the pipe loose. So if he can'