Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Girl Troubles
By M. Giant | Season 8 | Episode 5 | Aired on 01.25.2010
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Kevin is still leaning on Dana to pay attention to him instead of the international crisis she's working on. Worse, he's blackmailing her into using her CTU access to help him pull off a big score. He promises he'll leave her alone after this, but I think we all know better.
In the wake of Farhad's attempted coup against Hassan, the president is ordering nationwide crackdowns back home. Taylor worries that this might threaten her peace process, but Hassan won't budge. And nor will his wife in her insistence on leaving him.
Bazhaev's son Josef insists on taking his brother -- the one dying of radiation sickness -- to a clinic in defiance of their father's orders. And he short-circuits a whole national debate by showing that health care is easy to get if you're willing to point a gun at a doctor and threaten his family.
But enough of the B, C and D plots. Kiefer decides to go along with Walker, even though she's now demonstrated herself to be a witness-mutilating psycho. And said mutilee is willing to take her to Vladimir, with Kiefer following behind and using her hidden earpiece to feed her the info she needs for their cover story. Vladimir turns out to be a pretty dangerous guy who has a violent history with Walker. Her first contact with him goes okay, until she and Ziya are stuffed in the trunk of a car, cutting her off from Kiefer. He thinks it's all over and has Hastings get ready to call in the cavalry on the car he's following, only to learn it's a decoy. Vladimir's just about ready to execute Walker, but doesn't -- because she tells him to. Chalk up one more failed suicide attempt for Renee Walker. But at least the con is still on, and Kiefer still has a chance to find the uranium in the four hours before Farhad gets his hands on it.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Tonight's previouslies focus on Farhad Hassan, President Omar Hassan, Sergei Bazhaev, Renee Walker, and Jack Bauer. Some of those people might even get more than five minutes of screen time tonight.
Hey, it's daytime, even though the following takes place between 8:00 PM and 9:00 PM! Maybe the medieval domes and minarets and the subtitle reading "Islamic Republic of Kamistan" might have something to do with that. And with the exotic Arabian Nights music on the soundtrack. This isn't the first time the name Kamistan has appeared onscreen -- it showed up in a previous episode on a TV news channel's subtitle -- but this is the first time it's been so clearly communicated. And is it a coincidence that the initials of Hassan's fractious home country are IRK?
In an apartment somewhere, some dude in a well-worn military uniform is watching Not Al Jazeera, which is reporting in subtitled Arabic that "forces loyal to President Hassan initiated a series of arrests against traitors attempting to overthrow the government. Suspects have been identified in all branches of the government." Someone's been a busy boy, from halfway around the world, no less. An underling brings the watcher a satellite phone. It's Farhad on the other end, saying he's still a free man and with Bazhaev. But the general -- I can tell he's a general by the insignia on his uniform and because Farhad addresses him as "general" -- says Bazhaev ruined everything, and their guys are getting rounded up all over the country. Farhad assures the general that the Americans will put a stop to that, for the sake of the peace talks. What are they going to do, invade? Anything for peace, I guess. "Once we have the uranium, my brother will become irrelevant anyway," he adds, which sounds like kind of a leap. He says he needs the money wired to Bazhaev's account.
Bazhaev and his elder son Josef are currently ministering to the youngest Bazhaev, who you'll recall is busy dying of radiation poisoning in the pantry of the restaurant. They feed him some water and leave him to get back to it. But out in the dining room, Josef floats the idea of bringing his younger brother, Oleg, to a doctor he found in Mount Vernon. Josef says he knows the doctor's family and where they live, so they can keep him quiet. Bazhaev says it's too risky; with the Americans looking for weapons-grade uranium, the last thing they need is for a Bazhaev to turn up at a hospital with signs of exposure to just that. In short, Bazhaev's prepared to let his youngest die. Josef protests the conditions under which Oleg is currently doing that, and after staring stone-faced into Josef's big puppy-dog eyes for a long moment, Bazhaev agrees to let him take Oleg to the country house. He doesn't need Josef for anything else right now? Because these hours usually seem pretty busy for everyone. Josef turns gratefully to comply, just as one of Bazhaev's goons reports that Farhad wants to talk to him now.
Bazhaev goes and finds Farhad waiting in a back room. They confirm that the money is being wired and Farhad will have the rods in five hours. "I'll help you pass the time," Bazhaev offers, and calls out, "Irina, Svetlana, davai, davai." Out come a couple of Russian prostitutes. Now that's customer service. Bazhaev asks Farhad which one he prefers, and since Farhad doesn't care (both of them look to have about an equal number of miles on them), Bazhaev leaves both of them for Farhad to play with. Farhad certainly drives a hard bargain. And that won't be the only hard thing he'll be driving.
Back at the auto shop, Walker is struggling to tie a tourniquet around Ziya's arm. And although I'd thought she'd taken his whole hand off, the only part that looks to be missing is the thumb. I guess that'll teach me to not look closely at horrible power-tool-inflicted mutilations in the future. But how much would it suck for Ziya if she hadn't cut off quite enough to clear the bracelet? "Sorry, just have to take off another half-inch here." BZZZZT! "Oh, so close! Hang on a second..." Kiefer comes up with something to cauterize the wound, and he pours it over the raw, bloody flesh that we really didn't need a close-up of. That done, he whips out his cell phone to call Hastings, because he still thinks this needs to be shut down. Walker protests that this was the only move they had and insists that Ziya will still cooperate. "How do you figure?" Kiefer snits sarcastically. Renee explains, "The only thing Ziya likes more than 13-year-old girls is money. He'd have butchered himself for a score like this." That's nice. It's good how whenever our heroes mutilate someone to get undercover, that person is also a sex offender in addition to whatever else they're into. Kiefer insists that Hastings needs to know that Walker is "unstable." Whoa, the last thing you want to call an unstable person is unstable. He steps off, and in a more conciliatory tone, says that he gets it after all she's been through. She claims she came out on the other side, which is a bold statement for someone who just permanently destroyed half of a guy's hitchhiking equipment. Kiefer agrees with me, but she insists that she's the only one who can get the uranium. Her voice cold but her eyes wet, she asks if he's making the phone call. As Ziya begins to stir, he gives in and tells her to keep at it. "And don't forget, I'm listening." Thanks for the tip, Frasier.
Just as he leaves the shop, Ziya's eyes flutter open. They go to his wrecked hand and he starts in screaming like a preschooler. "You crazy bitch, you cut off thumb!" As preschoolers often scream. He's crying like she took the finger he uses to diddle middle-schoolers or something. She wisely avoids the kind of clichés one would use in dealing with a hysterical person, because telling him to get a grip or to pull himself together would be counterproductive at best under the circumstances. Instead, she claims that his share of the deal she's working on could net him millions. He's still complaining and she gets up to leave, but he tells her to wait, saying he knows where Vladimir might be. And he'll even take her there. Walker says she'll drive his truck, and helps him to his feet. Should she maybe stick that thumb in a Thermos full of ice or something before they go?