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For once, Kiefer is having a great day. I mean, he's not dead, to start with, so it's already better than expected. But on top of that, he's happily bonding with his new granddaughter in New York, and he's looking forward to moving back to L.A. to be with Spawn and the Spawntones. But of course we already know this is all doomed from the get-go, even before one of Kiefer's old snitches shows up at his door warning of a planned assassination attempt. The target: a Middle Eastern president in town to sign a treaty with President Taylor at the U.N. And now it's up to Kiefer to shepherd the informant into CTU custody. This is of course problematic for several reasons, chief among them being that the assassins want Kiefer's informant dead, and have already gotten a good start on getting that done. So of course Kiefer finds himself in a firefight within the first hour, one the bad guys don't survive. But when the bad guys' boss brings in the big guns, neither does the informant.
And that's just the A-plot. As usual, there's a whole lot going on. CTU New York is up and running, under the supervision of Brian Hastings (Mykelti "Bubba" Williamson). His staff includes field ops boss Cole Ortiz (Freddie Prinze, Jr.), Cole's fiancée and floor boss Dana Walsh (Katee Sackhoff, playing an eerily efficient glamazon), hygiene-challenged tech nerd Arlo, and some new chick who doesn't know how anything works yet, name of Chloe O'Brian.
Plus there's the currently single President Taylor and her new Chief of Staff Rob, working with Ethan, who's been promoted to Secretary of State. They're busily negotiating with the aforementioned Middle Eastern leader, President Hassan (Anil Kapoor), who seems to be making this a family business. He's got a hot-headed, long-haired brother who tries to keep him away from an American reporter (Jennifer Westfeldt); a wife who hates him for reasons we don't yet know, and a devoted daughter. So when the dying words of Kiefer's informant are that the assassin is someone on the inside, we're left wondering who it might be. At least until the final scene suggests it might just be that reporter. So far, so good.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Dude, this title sequence is starting to look like a period piece, y'all. But here's a switch: "The following takes place between 4:00 PM and 5:00 PM." Man, these character are going to be tired by this time tomorrow. And then Kiefer adds, with just a trace of a smile in that extra-warm velvet, "Events occur in real time." Yes, we missed you, too, sweetie.
The very thing we see is an aerial shot of Manhattan, looking downtown from somewhere over Central Park. The foreground is dominated by the Chrysler Building, the MetLife Building, the Empire State Building, and the name that kicks off the opening credits, "Kiefer Sutherland." In other words, whatever you think you know about New York City, this is Kiefer's town now. Fugheddaboudit.
Just to really drive home the New York-ness of all of this, a yellow cab pulls up to the curb and a Latino guy in a red hooded sweatshirt steps out. He pauses to raise his hood before looking around furtively, but that doesn't prevent a goateed man in a vacant lot across the street from observing, "It's him." He's apparently on earpiece to a rooftop sniper, who has the new arrival in his scope. But a passing delivery van cuts off the shot while the target ducks inside the building. "Stand by. We'll get him on the way out," the lookout assures the sniper. If they do, this is going to be a very short season.
Inside, the man in the red hoodie climbs the stairs, past strung-out hookers and a freebaser with long blond hair, before letting himself into a dark, grungy apartment and calling for someone named Manny. The only sound is the shower running in the bathroom, and the guy is shocked when he draws the curtain aside to find his roommate dead in the tub with a bloody hole in his forehead. It's either from a bullet or the water pressure in there is a lot more powerful than the surroundings would seem to indicate. He pulls out a gun of his own, then his cell phone. The woman he calls says the guy he wants to talk to is dead -- freshly shot in the head as well, although this one seems to have just gone down in a bodega somewhere. "What the hell is happening?" she asks, and he hangs up before he can wonder why she's spotting a pattern as well. He vacates the apartment, gun at the ready.
The lookout across the street spots a figure in a familiar red-hooded sweatshirt exiting, and calls it up to the sniper. As if that sweatshirt isn't already a matador's flag in the dingy, blue-gray light that is TV-ese for New York. The shooter is about to squeeze the trigger when the alert lookout calls it off -- it's the freebaser, and he has a new sweatshirt. But where's its original owner?
Why, he's breaking into a gray, late-model Pontiac sedan and hotwiring it, as any of us would do in this situation. He comes screaming out of the alley, making sure to attract the lookout's attention as he does so, because where's the fun in a clean getaway? The lookout takes to his heels, telling the sniper where their target is. The sniper's able to put a couple of rounds through the windshield, one of which goes through the driver's left shoulder. He skids around a lot, exchanges some gunfire with the lookout as he screeches past, and gets away with little more than some additional cosmetic damage to the car. The shooters have to give up the chase. But before they do, the lookout calls 911 to report a stolen car. And he got the license plates and everything. He's not the lookout for nothing.
So I suppose this is a good time to tell you that as with last season, one of my best Christmas presents came from the Fox Network in the form of an advance screener of these first four episodes. Which means I get to recap each episode before seeing the one rather than waiting for the premiere and churning them out so fast they blur together in my sleep-deprived head. And on my birthday, no less. So this recap and the three come to you totally unspoiled. No promises about number seven, though.
Oh, good, here's an adorable little towheaded girl of about three or four. Hard to see how this could possibly go wrong. Everything's nominal for now, though; she's parked on the black leather sofa of a chic furnished apartment, watching cartoons. She uses the nose of the stuffed polar bear she's holding to nuzzle the cheek of a dozing Kiefer. "Jack?" she says, and laughs as he jerks awake like the grizzled old killer he is, because she'll never know how close she came to losing her entire face just then. Complete with its Kiefer-esque chipmunk cheeks. As if to confirm that this is in fact Kim's daughter Teri, the fabled Spawn of Spawn, Kiefer reminds her to call him Grampa. "You don't look like a grampa," she points out. "Couldn't agree with you more," he grins. Already this is going far too well. She says this cartoon is boring, so he picks up the remote to find her another. On his way, he pauses at Fox News (because his cable operator clusters all the cartoon channels together like mine does) and hears some talking heads discussing a bold new peace initiative. I assume it grabs his attention because bold new peace initiatives are usually ideal times for him to leave the country. But it's not long before the little girl protests, "Grampa, this isn't a cartoon!" Doesn't miss a trick, that one, and it took her less than a minute. Clearly she got her brains from her father. Kiefer finds her a cartoon she likes better, and after a couple of seconds of bonding, during which we can look forward to this little girl one day sneaking out of the house after midnight for furtive dates with terrorist minions, Kiefer's phone rings. It's famous original Spawn, apologizing for her and her husband's lateness in picking up Spawn of Spawn, blaming U.N. traffic, and asking how their visit to the zoo was. Kiefer says it was rather bear-intensive. "She certainly knows what she wants," Kiefer says. "She reminds me of you." Spawn bounces the sentiment back to him and promises to be there soon. After she hangs up, her husband notices she seems thoughtful, and asks what's up, because a thoughtful Spawn is a dangerous Spawn. It seems Spawn broached the subject of Kiefer moving back to L.A. when they first arrived in New York, but he hasn't mentioned it since (even though his "treatment" for the horrible disease that was supposed to have killed him last season ended two weeks ago) and she's afraid to bring it up again. So Steven offers to do it for her. This certainly sounds like a potentially healthy new stage in the father-daughter relationship.
It's 4:06:16, and speaking of the United Nations building, here we are. A reporter from Exposition News is doing a stand-up about an upcoming joint press conference to be held by Presidents Taylor and Hassan within the hour. Hassan is expected to bail on his country's nuclear weapons program, and the reporter claims Hassan is calling the new treaty an historic move for the Middle East. Presumably he lacks the analytical powers to understand what this means in a more immediate geopolitical sense, even though you and I do: by this time tomorrow, the streets will be clotted with blood.
But for now, we join the talks currently in progress. President Allison Taylor and her former Chief of Staff Ethan Kanin, now her Secretary of State, sit across a table from a couple of swarthy dudes. One of them is the aforementioned President Hassan, played by Anil Kapoor from Slumdog Millionaire and his giant pompadour. The other is a younger guy with an awful lot of hair for a high-ranking diplomat, not to mention the little flavor-saver under his lower lip. And of course the whole room is ringed by the kind of people doing the kind of things that people who ring rooms do in these kinds of room-ringing scenes. Taylor wants to talk about verification, so Hassan says he's ready to abandon their nuclear program, "with full International Atomic Energy Agency safeguards." Taylor wants American inspectors, and a moment later, Ethan and Hassan's number two are spiraling into a heated discussion over the point. Hassan interrupts with a quiet "Farhad," and tells Taylor, "Please excuse my brother's passion." Okay, but I'm not sure I'll excuse the clumsy exposition. Taylor says it's cool, but she wants to resolve this in the hour before an upcoming press conference. Hassan reasonably asks, "Madame President, what would your Congress say if my Revolutionary Guard were stationed on your soil?" He reminds her that whatever he agrees to, he has to sell it back home. Taylor suggests an adjournment and they take a break. Which is good, because the delegation from the Middle East looks like it has some pretty demanding grooming requirements.
At the doorway, Ethan reminds her, "You are aware he was a salesman before entering politics? Household appliances." Taylor instructs Ethan to give Hassan what he wants, calling Hassan a "once-in-a-lifetime leader," and saying they can't expect many more concessions from him. After all, he's renounced support for terrorists, backed a two-state solution, and is an elected leader who also has a Revolutionary Guard. It's almost as though he's the president of several Middle Eastern countries at the same time!
Kiefer and Spawn of Spawn step off the elevator in his building's lobby at 4:09:23, she still clutching her little bear. Carrying her little backpack that rather clashes with the black leather hoodlum jacket he's wearing, Kiefer squats down and asks if her bear has a name yet. It's "Bear," of course, because kids this age suck at naming things. Hence my cat, Excavator. She runs to hug her parents as they arrive, catching them up on all the developments of the day. Kiefer hands off Teri's stuff and tells Spawn, "I've been thinking a lot about what we talked about." He's decided to move back to Los Angeles with them. He even has a friend who will hire him as a security consultant and rent him a place. That's certainly convenient. Especially since I thought he didn't have any friends left that weren't either dead, or in prison, or Chloe. But somehow the stars have aligned and he's going back with them this very night! Oh, it's all so perfect! Everyone's so happy! They're all fucked! Kiefer walks them out and waves them goodbye, promising to see them in an hour, but I think we all know better. Even if we didn't see that dude who got shot up at the top of the hour, watching Kiefer from where he's parked his stolen car across the street. He reaches down and grabs a wad of newspaper to stuff into his sleeve to staunch his bleeding, revealing a cascade of loose diamonds and a gun on the seat. The latter of which he tucks into his pants before getting out of the car. It's 4:11:26.
4:17:22. At the front of the press briefing area at the UN right outside the Council Chamber, Taylor's Chief of Staff, a youngish guy named Rob Weiss, takes the podium to explain to the assembled reporters how this is going to work, and to let us all know that security is tight. "So unless you've been dying to know what a chokehold feels like, keep your credentials visible at all times, all right?" I think a more urgent question is why Taylor doesn't seem to have a press secretary any more, because this seems more like it would be that person's job. Or maybe she just has too much trouble keeping the position filled, given their tendency to get themselves shot.
Speaking of press credentials, here's a set of them now. But the woman attached to them -- played by Jennifer Westfeldt from Kissing Jessica Stein -- isn't having any luck getting through the security checkpoint with it. Apparently her clearance has been revoked, and that's all the guard knows. And he's kind of pissy about it, too.
Hassan's brother Farhad approaches him in a conference room to tell him that Ethan has agreed to IAEA inspectors, as long as the head inspector is an American. Hassan's fine with that, but his brother is less so. "We've already surrendered too much in the name of peace," Farhad whines. Hassan points out that their nuclear program wasn't doing anything but making their country broke anyway, plus now Taylor is revoking sanctions against their country and offering a huge aid package, so they're getting everything they want. "As long as it's not a trick," Farhad sulks. Hassan's cell phone rings, and it's that reporter who was just turned away outside. Apparently she's on good enough terms with Hassan that she doesn't even have to identify herself when she calls, let alone do much to convince him to get her credentials taken care of. He says he'll still have time for their planned interview after the press conference, and they hang up. Hassan tells Farhad to get "Ms. Reed" back in. Farhad starts to explain why he tried to shut her out in the first place, and says that people are starting to talk. Hassan, possibly naively, says being "friendly" with her won't hurt anything, but Farhad says it could kill Hassan back home. "The mullahs will say that you've been corrupted by the West." Or by the Westfeldt, as the case may be. Farhad admits he doesn't agree with the mullahs on that score, but reminds Hassan that he's married. "Dalia hasn't been a wife to me for a long time," Hassan says, which is probably the worst argument possible. He insists he's done nothing "reckless," and once again, that this Reed chick get her credentials back.
Kiefer's packing his bags in his apartment when a soft knock comes at the door at 4:21:14. He turns, his expression troubled. He doesn't know the half of it. Don't answer it, Kiefer. Just go over that railing in front of you and right out the giant circular window. I don't care what floor you're on. But instead, he looks through the peephole and worse, opens the door. "Victor," he says, finally giving our shot-up fugitive a name. He asks how Victor found him. "I was always resourceful, Jack, that's what you liked about me," Victor says, which isn't any kind of answer at all. Kiefer drags him inside and locks the door. He sees that Victor needs an ambulance, but Victor says the people after him will be listening to emergency channels so Kiefer can't call. He's ready to offer up some information, but Kiefer isn't interested. "I'm out. I don't work for the government any more." Victor says this will interest him: "You're the guy who always does the right thing." Kiefer accepts the flattery as his due, and Victor tells him that President Hassan is going to be hit today at the U.N., "Before he can sign this thing with Taylor." Victor was right -- Kiefer is interested. The reason Victor knows about this assassination is because he's been helping set it up. "And then he tried to take you out," Kiefer says, non-judgmentally. Victor wants Kiefer to call CTU and vouch for him so he can make a deal. Kiefer demands Victor's weapon, and as soon as Victor hands it over, holds it against his neck, and demands the name of the hitter. All Victor knows is that he's "Russian or something," and refuses to say more until his deal is in place. Kiefer glares at him before grunting, "You're lucky I'm retired." Doesn't he mean still retired? I wish he would at least dress more grandfatherly. When shit starts going down, it would be fun to see him in chinos, a powder-blue Oxford, and an argyle sw
eater-vest.
Okay, check this out. We're in a security tunnel with a glass entrance and a security guard posted outside. A paved roadway stretches out as far as we can see. This is the new, reconstituted CTU, which has apparently been brought back up and running since the death of the U.S. Senator who shut it down last season. A big, black SUV -- a CTUmobile, no less -- pulls up at 4:23:13 and out gets Freddie Prinze, Jr., of all people. While walking into the facility, he says into his cell phone, "This is Cole Ortiz." Thank you for that remarkably efficient introduction, Cole. He gives instructions for redeploying his guys and hangs up. Which is when he's met by, again of all people, Katee Sackhoff, playing a character named Dana Walsh. Except you almost don't recognize her at first, because she's wearing a trim sleeveless dress and her long hair hangs sleekly over one shoulder. In fact, she looks more like a particularly twisted Gaius Baltar Six fantasy than the Starbuck we used to know and get so frustrated with. Plus it's always fun spotting the rookies every season. What's the over-under on when she ends up in a ponytail and yoga pants? Anyway, she relays him some instructions from someone named Hastings about extending the security perimeter around the U.N. building. Cole says his guys are spread thin as it is, and she smoothly turns away to go dump it on the NYPD. But before she does, he says his sister has been leaving her messages about bridesmaid dresses. So these two are getting married? I suppose there's no reason CTU would have any kind of policy about coworkers getting married, considering how stellar that whole thing with Tony Almeida and Michelle Dessler went. That only ended up killing a thousand or so people, all told.
Somewhere on the floor, a fist pounds frustratedly on a keyboard. Its owner? Chloe O'Brian, who's running into some trouble. Dana walks over, trying to make with some friendly banter about "percussive maintenance" and offering to help. Chloe says she can't do her facial recognition for the revised attendee list at the U.N. in time, and Dana patiently shows her how to do it in batches. Chloe looks like she just swallowed a Brillo pad as Dana kindly says, "Like I said, there's no reason to be shy about asking for help, okay? Don't worry, you'll catch up. You're doing great." Dude, this chick is efficient, patient, helpful, confident and exceedingly well-groomed. Even her posture is different. She's like the anti-Starbuck. And of course you know that having someone be patient with her is just killing Chloe. Instead of stabbing Dana in the face like she clearly wants to, Chloe answers her ringing desk phone.
It's Kiefer, calling from his apartment and asking to talk to the director. So it seems like for once, Kiefer and Chloe have been keeping in touch between seasons, to the point where Kiefer has her direct line and Chloe already knew about Kiefer's plans to move back to L.A. before Spawn did. Chloe says "Mr. Hastings" doesn't like to be interrupted, so Kiefer tells her, "It's about a plot to assassinate President Hassan. See if that gets his attention." Chloe drops her headset and crosses the floor, which is when we get our first really good look at CTU NY. Unsurprisingly, it looks like a combination of a design studio and Minority Report, with glass everywhere, brown wood paneling where the concrete used to be at CTU LA, and glowing glass cube-walls.
But of course the boss's office is still an upper-level fishbowl, and in it, Brian Hastings (played by Mykelti Williamson, the original "Bubba" in the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company although slightly less mentally challenged in this role) is on his Bluetooth going over images of security measures for the conference. He's not thrilled to see Chloe enter his space (no one ever is), but he gets off his phone call when she tells him what's up. A moment later, he's on the line with Kiefer for the first time. Kiefer says he's with an informant who's telling him about a hit on Hassan planned for today. He goes on to say that the snitch is Victor Aruz, who Kiefer worked with on the "Salazar op." Funny, I don't remember him from Season Three, but then I probably wouldn't, since I missed most of it. Chloe gets to work pulling up Victor's file on Hastings' computer while Kiefer adds that Victor wants CTU protection and immunity in exchange for the info. Hastings is uncertain, and Kiefer asks if they've pulled Victor's file yet. "No," Hastings says with a sour look at Chloe. Heh. Hastings tries to blow Kiefer off, saying he's got it covered. "CTU isn't the organization you knew," he adds. One would hope not. But Kiefer gets snotty, threatening to call President Taylor if anything happens to Hassan. Hastings bitches impatiently at Chloe for the file, and Kiefer presses him to make up his mind already. Hastings wants to talk to Victor. Kiefer puts his phone on speaker, and we see that he's bandaged Victor's arm as Hastings asks Victor for corroboration. Victor names his two dead confederates and Hastings agrees to check with the cops. So that's a done deal. Hastings asks for Kiefer's address. "1145 West 18th," Kiefer says, which is going to be a little tricky to find, seeing as it sounds like it's either in a part of Chelsea that's so trendy it doesn't actually exist or in the middle of the Hudson River, but Hastings says he'll send a helicopter. Show-off. He asks Kiefer if they can get to the 12th Precinct, five blocks away. Kiefer says he can, and Hastings says the chopper will be there in twenty minutes. Doesn't all of this seem a lot more risky than just calling a car service? Before hanging up, Kiefer warns Hastings not to use official channels. The call ends, and both parties get into motion.
Out on the CTU floor, a tech nerd with a scruffy beard that's going to be a continuity nightmare is monitoring aerial video of the city that's being transmitted by remote-controlled camera drones. Either that, or he's watching a rerun of Without a Trace. Oh, except it's one that features a bikini chick sunbathing on a roof, so he can zoom in and ogle her creepily. Cole comes up to him, calling him Arlo, and tells him that Hastings just called an emergency briefing. "And if he ever catches you doing that, you'll be out of a job," he adds, as though Arlo's giant monitor isn't visible from the entire floor. Arlo is creepy some more, then hands off control of the drones to some other operator before following Cole. Let's hope whoever is controlling the drones now will fly them with both hands.
At 4:28:22, Hastings meets his employees -- the ones with speaking parts, that is -- and gives them the sitch. "How good is the intel?" Dana wonders. "According to Jack Bauer, very," Hastings name-drops. "Who is Jack Bauer?" Arlo wonders. Everyone looks at him like he just asked, "What's a Jonas Brother?" but no one bothers to answer. Hastings tells Cole to take a small team along, and declines to give him a second team to help him secure the landing site, instead having Arlo deploy a drone, which I'm sure will work out just splendidly. Hastings instructs Arlo to send an aerial drone to cover it. They all split up to their respective jobs.
An NYPD patrol car pulls up to the shot-up car Victor stole earlier, which is still parked outside Kiefer's building. Damn their efficiency! Of course we've all heard the horror stories about New Yorkers' stolen cars turning up within a half hour of being ganked. Meanwhile, Kiefer makes sure the alley outside the back entrance is clear and leads Victor out. Neither of them is aware that the uniformed officer is calling in the stolen car, and that the call is being monitored inside a bad-guy hideout, telling them right where Victor's car is. The scanner is being operated by the guy who played creepy bile-creature Eugene Toombs on The X-Files, with all of that actor's usual charm and magnetism. The two failed assassins from earlier listen to where they need to go and promise, "We'll take care of it." Unimpressed, Toombs demands in a vague East-European accent, "When am I going to have to step in? Now would be the time to tell me." They make more promises, grab a couple of machine guns, and stomp out, leaving Toombs to contemplate his wall of Hassan photos. It's 4:30:27.
4:36:22. At the U.N., Ethan reports to Taylor that Hassan is going along with their counterproposal, which means they're not far from a signed agreement. "It's an extraordinary accomplishment, Allison," he says. Familiar, much? She sinks into a chair with relief and satisfaction, but Ethan can tell something's wrong. "I was thinking about Henry," she admits. "Achieving a comprehensive peace agreement with the Islamic Republic was something that he and I talked about years ago." Seriously? What a couple of dorks! Ethan's surprised she's missing him now, because apparently he was kind of a dick during the divorce. Fortunately, before this can get much more boring, the Chief of Staff suddenly bursts in with news of the threat against Hassan. He also name-drops Kiefer, and Taylor's surprised that he's involved. She should really know better. It'll take more to get Kiefer out of action than retirement preceded by a brush with a fatal disease after giving himself up in Sangala, where he originally went to avoid prosecution for crimes committed before he was turned over to a terrorist who insisted on getting him released by the Chinese government who had been holding him after learning that he wasn't dead like they thought...do I have to go on? Weiss says he just raised the security level, but they need to let Hassan know right away. Ethan is aghast at the very idea. "He might scuttle everything. Out of concern for his own safety." Rob argues that Hassan isn't afraid of risks. "Plus if Hassan finds out we knew about this and didn't tell him, all the trust we built up over the last year goes out the window." All Taylor says is she'll think about it, but it seems like a no-brainer to me. Ethan leaves her to it, Rob makes his case again, and Taylor dismisses him. How is this a difficult decision? If only Kiefer were here to tell her what to do.
Out in the hall at 4:39:03, Ethan pops a pill from a prescription vial. He makes no attempt to hide it as Rob comes up to apologize for maybe coming on so strong inside the meeting room. Ethan assures him it's all good: "Don't worry, kid. I ain't dead yet," he assures Rob with an avuncular smile. On this show? Is he trying to get himself killed?
Leading Victor down the street, Kiefer calls Spawn on his cell phone and understates, predictably, "Something came up." He says he'll be a little late, and offers to meet her at the airport instead. Spawn's
a little worried, but he assures her it's fine. "Teri is so excited that you're coming back with us," she guilt-trips. "Just let me know when you're on your way." If this were anyone other than Spawn, I'd say she's totally onto him, but I think she's just bored. After Kiefer hangs up, he tells Victor they have two blocks to go and leads him into an alley to cut through. Solid plan. Isn't there an underground parking garage they could visit on the way as well?
Chloe finally delivers Victor's file to Hastings in his office, making the excuse that it was in a proprietary database. Hastings says she was still too slow, and exposits that she's been here a month. "Almost a month," Chloe protests, "and I've had to relearn the interface on every major system here. Everything's changed." That's kind of awesome -- the one interesting and believable thing they could to do this character is throw her into a new environment where she isn't Queen Shit of Turd Mountain any more. See how that mouth helps her when she doesn't have the skills to back it up. Hastings gets that she's having trouble adapting, but doesn't blame her intelligence. "Thanks," Chloe spits. Hastings thinks it's more like ambivalence. "I know the only reason you took this job was because your husband was downsized. Am I wrong?" Aw, poor Morris. Chloe unconvincingly says he is, and asks for more time. Hastings agrees. "But I'm all about efficiency, so if your performance doesn't improve, you may want to rethink working here. I trust this has been clarifying." Oh, who talks like that? As if reading my mind, Chloe says before leaving, "If you really wanted to be more efficient, why don't you just say if I don't catch up soon I'm going to be fired?" She leaves him shaking his head, as so many CTU bosses have done before him.
At 4:41:34, Dana accompanies Cole and his team to the helipad exit, giving him an efficient briefing until she notices that he's looking at her like she's on a microscope slide. Hey, maybe he's just afraid that if he turns away, when he looks back she won't be there any more. She assures him nothing's wrong, and finally he heads outside to the lawn right there on the riverbank, where the chopper is spun up and waiting. As Cole and his sidekick jog over, the sidekick makes a crack about Dana's cold feet, and Cole good-naturedly tells him to shut up and do his job. Dana watches the helicopter lift off and head out over the river.
Nice choice of alley, Kiefer -- Victor has picked this moment to start fading. He collapses into a pile of trash bags, his wound reopened. Kiefer rips off the soaked bandage and goes to cut up a handy abandoned mattress for a new one. Welcome to New York! He's unaware that a parking guy is watching and has just quietly dialed 911. Again, welcome to New York. It's 4:43:36.
4:50:24. A striking woman who one assumes is Mrs. Hassan finishes her makeup while listening to more of these omnipresent news reports about the upcoming peace agreement. In comes her grown daughter, politely muting the TV and saying it's time to go. "Tell your father I'll be right there," says the wife. The daughter says she'll wait. "He doesn't trust me to be on time," the wife says, but the daughter earnestly says he does. "When did you become such a good liar?" her mom asks, regarding her in the makeup mirror. She adds, "You don't have to defend your father, darling. He can take care of himself." It's all very civil yet tense, not that we have any idea what's going on with this family. They go to meet up with Hassan in the room. Husband and wife exchange compliments on how good they look, but when he goes to take her hand, she snatches it away and coldly says, "Let's not pretend any more than we have to." She's keeping it real, all right. She walks out, leaving Hassan to tell his daughter, "I'm sorry you had to see that." "It's not your fault," she says. He caresses her face, and they head out to the elevator, the women covering their hair as they go. It's 4:52:34. Well, that was all very fraught, wasn't it?
Down in the lobby, Meredith Reed, Girl Reporter sees Farhad come out of the elevator with a new set of credentials for her, hand them to the security guard, and instruct him, "Let her through." Once she's in and has thanked him, all Farhad says to her is, "I will tell you the same thing I told him. Unless you want to destroy everything that he's worked for, stay away from him." Well, fuck you very much.
Rob enters the council chamber to tell Taylor that Hassan is on his way, and he can tell from her abashed demeanor that she's not planning to bring him into the loop. Rob tries to push it, but Taylor is adamant, for reasons that are unclear, probably because they make no sense and are completely at odds with her character. Before they can discuss it further, Hassan and his family enter. Everyone greets each other politely. Rob waits for Taylor to do the right thing, but when its clear that it isn't going to happen, he does his job and starts telling them the plan for the upcoming press conference. Clearly Rob is a team player.
Kiefer's still doing field surgery on a screaming Victor, and as he finishes and drags him to his feet, suddenly their path out of the alley is blocked by a couple of uniformed cops with their weapons drawn, and a squad car that they pulled into position without a sound. Must have a Prius engine in there. "Got a call that you two were havin' a problem down here. What's up?" the speaking cop says in the best New York accent ever. Kiefer, his hands spread wide, tries to explain, and the speaking cop tells his partner to call it in. But how can he do that if he doesn't have any lines? As he goes, Kiefer warns that the bad guys are monitoring the emergency frequencies. "Shut up and get against the dumpster, now!" the speaking cop insists. Kiefer asks to be taken into the precinct so they can sort it out there, and that's when he sees the bad guys walking into the alley, drawing their guns. He drags Victor behind the dumpster as the bad guys open fire. Kiefer helps the cops return fire from behind the Dumpster, and it's three against two, until the bad guys kill both of the badly outgunned cops. Seeing that this is rapidly becoming a hostile work environment, Kiefer aims his gun across the alley and pops the padlock off a door. He tells Victor to run for it while he covers them, and they dash across and inside. "Keep moving. I'm out of bullets," Kiefer tells Victor. I'm stunned that he went out so lightly armed, and with his granddaughter to the zoo, no less.
While the bad guys run after them, Kiefer gets Chloe on his cell phone to ask where their helicopter is already. He does not ask why they couldn't have just sent a goddamn car service. Chloe tells him it'll be two minutes and asks what's wrong. Kiefer has her patch him through to the unit's leader. "That's Agent Ortiz, he's the head of field ops," Chloe tells him. Dana materializes at Chloe's elbow to ask what's up, and when Chloe tells her something's wrong, she's immediately on her headset, calmly saying, "Mr. Hastings, we have a situation with the pickup." And we already know that Hastings loves situations.
Kiefer sends Victor on up the stairwell, telling him to not stop until he reaches the roof. Then he's on the line with Cole, telling him where they are. Cole says they're on their way now, looking for another pickup point. Kiefer follows Victor up the stairs. The bad guys with their big guns aren't far behind.
On the CTU floor, Dana operates a handheld device that pulls up a big-screen image of the building Kiefer and Victor are in. She asks Chloe to zoom in, but as Chloe's waiting for her satellite to refresh, Arlo pulls up an image from one of his drones, and he has not only an exit point for Kiefer but a nearby landing site for Cole's helicopter while Chloe's still sitting there with her thumb up her ass. Cole passes the rendezvous directions on to Kiefer, who asks how far they are. "Ninety seconds," Cole says. "Copy that. Don't be late," Kiefer says, hanging up. The bad guys are closing in from below, and Kiefer
pauses to try to get Victor to tell him what he knows, "So I can call it in, in case we don't make it." Victor's still holding out for his deal. "You always were a son of a bitch. Come on," Kiefer spits, dragging him along and leaving a bloody smudge on the wall. At 4:56:23, the bad guys are still coming, with the lookout in the lead. He sees the smudge Victor left on the wall, and happens to look further on to see something missing from its spot on the wall. What might it be? Might it be the fire axe, which is in Kiefer's hands as he jumps around the corner and buries it in the lookout's chest? I think it is! As far as the lookout goes, however, maybe I need to rethink that name. As for the other guy, he's so close behind that Kiefer is able to use the lookout's body to send him toppling over the railing down the narrow stairwell, clanking noisily against every railing on his way down. It's a pretty nifty stunt. Kiefer finishes dispatching the lookout, takes up his machine gun, and leads a rapidly weakening Victor to a window. He breaks it and pushes Victor through and onto the adjoining roof just as the CTU chopper is landing, because what Victor really needs is some new lacerations so that he can lose blood more efficiently. Cole and his men jump out of the helicopter and fan out across the roof, Cole and his sidekick running to meet Kiefer and Victor. The sidekick starts helping Victor to the chopper as Kiefer tells Cole the hostiles are dead. Cole introduces himself, thanking Kiefer and saying it's an honor to meet him before adding that Hastings wants to debrief Kiefer at CTU. Kiefer refuses. "I delivered him, I'm done. I've got a flight to catch." And there's no paperwork after killing two guys? As he's walking away, an annoyed Cole asks, "That's it?"
Well, no. That's because Kiefer suddenly sights, from a rooftop a block or more away, a rocket-powered grenade that's just been launched right at them. "Get down!" he hollers at Cole, pulling him to the roof, because Cole's the only one close enough to grab and he's got to save someone. The RPG hits the helicopter, blowing it all to shit and sending Victor and Cole's sidekick flying. And the person who launched it lowers the bazooka, revealing himself to be none other than Toombs. Looks like he decided to step in after all. He ditches the weapon and beats feet.
Back at CTU, the big screen is dominated by the burning helicopter, and nobody is answering their hails from Hastings or Chloe. Kiefer and Cole get up off the roof, and Cole goes to his dead partner while Kiefer rolls the mortally wounded Victor over onto his back, desperately trying to keep him conscious. "You don't want to die like this," he tells Victor. "Do the right thing. Tell me what you know." Suddenly cooperative, Victor grunts, "The hitter has someone on the inside. Close to Hassan." Well, that could be anyone. Kiefer demands a name, but unless that name is "[dies]," Victor doesn't give him one.
How long will we have to wait for a name? Well, here's Reed on her cell phone, telling someone that her clearance was revoked and then reinstated. "I know I'm behind schedule," she tells the person on her phone. "But it'll get done." She takes another look at Hassan's smiling face on a giant news monitor, hangs up, and goes off to do whatever thing she needs to do. Which I'm sure is related only to being a reporter and nothing else.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.