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With help from Hayes and Buchanan, Chloe evades the CTU dragnet, and sets up in a hotel bar to try to help Kiefer find out which of the passengers on the diplomatic flight is carrying the recording. FLOTUS is having trouble keeping her shit together, and Novick is getting increasingly suspicious (when he's not busy acting as FLOTUS's valet, that is). Slime is also suspicious of some of the moves Hayes is making, but his tattling to Novick gets him nowhere. Kiefer's also getting nowhere; the passenger that Chloe thought had the recording...doesn't. And then Kiefer's cover's blown, and he's put in the position of being taken for a common hijacker. All he can do is try to search all the passengers in the cabin before the crew -- who are safely locked behind the cockpit door -- turn the plane around and land back at Van Nuys. He doesn't really have time for that, but Chloe comes through for him and finds out that Henderson's courier is in fact the co-pilot. With an assist from the captain, Kiefer gains access to the cockpit, possession of the recording, and control of the plane. So what else can Logan do but shoot it down? week, maybe we'll get to see how Kiefer's kung fu skills match up against a Sidewinder missile. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Shout-out to my year-and-a-half-old son, M. Small, who this week protested not being mentioned more often in these recaps by taping Tuesday's American Idol over three-quarters of 24. This recap is brought to you by him, and by Plan B.
At CTU, Hayes is back on the phone with Buchanan again, apparently having dealt with that "threat" that loomed at the end of last hour, which of course turned out to just be an innocuous distraction. Buchanan tells Hayes that before Chloe leaves his house, she's packing up some stuff so she can keep in touch with Kiefer. For Hayes, that raises the question of where Kiefer actually is, and Buchanan comes right out and says that Kiefer stowed away on a diplomatic flight out of Van Nuys Airport because someone on that plane has the Logan/Henderson recording that's been the subject of so much MacGuffining for the past month's worth of episodes. He adds that Chloe's been trying to find out which passenger has the recording. So I guess Hayes is totally in the club now. Just then, Slime bundles into her office with an armload of equipment for Chloe's "remote debrief" (which, to my way of thinking, is probably the best way to do that), saying the team that's picking up Chloe is only a block away from Cabana Buchanan. Hayes rather abruptly shuffles him off to set that up in the Situation Room, and he pissily heads out, wondering why she isn't telling him he's awesome. She gets back to her call and tells Buchanan how close the team is, and that he needs to get Chloe out now. Buchanan realizes he's going to have to give himself up to give Chloe time to get away, and Hayes says he'll be brought in and treated as a suspect. "We never talked," she adds. Buchanan lives on a really long street, because the Homeland Security car isn't pulling up until just now. Before they hang up, Hayes tells Buchanan to have Chloe call on a "dry channel," whatever that is, and gives a couple of extensions which Buchanan writes down and hands to Chloe. He hangs up and shoos her towards the back door. She asks a lot of time-wasting, expository questions, but he manages to get her out of the house with directions to a nearby hotel on Ventura Boulevard. He doesn't tell her to get them a room.
When the knock on the door comes, he takes off his dress shirt (it's funny how he slowly gets more naked as the season progresses, but he's still wearing a T-shirt), tries to muss up his hair (which is fairly unmussable), and answers the door like he just got out of bed. And yes, I would believe he sleeps in his suit pants. The four agents outside aren't like any CTU Tac teams we've seen before; they're all wearing street clothes and not one of them has a weapon in sight. The Department of Homeland Security: now with kinder, gentler stormtroopers. Their leader tries to intimidate Buchanan into letting him search the house. Buchanan demands a warrant, which does him no good at all, and plays dumb when the agent asks where Chloe is. A quick search tells the agents that she's not there, but apparently there's still some kind of file up on Buchanan's computer that only Chloe would have accessed. Is it a Bad Badtz-Maru screensaver? Busted, Buchanan says he'll only talk to Hayes. The lead agent whips out his cell phone.
He quickly gets through to Slime, who's all set up in the CTU Situation Room, and reports that Chloe has been and gone. Hayes comes in as Slime asks for Buchanan, and he tells her, "We lost O'Brian." "Dammit," Hayes Oscar-baits. Slime tries to threaten Buchanan into giving up Chloe's location, but Buchanan mildly says, "From what I understand, Miles, she got out of CTU right under your nose. You're the one who should be concerned, not me." Hayes cuts in to pretend to tell Buchanan to spill, but Buchanan just hands back the agent's phone, saying he's done talking. I'm digging this new, rebellious Buchanan. All that's missing is a pack of Marlboros rolled into the sleeve of his t-shirt. Before hanging up, Hayes tells her field agent to bring Buchanan in to CTU and start searching for Chloe. "She's probably got a car, which means she's about fifteen miles out." Surprisingly, that's not the part that Slime has a problem with. He points out that the agents at Cabana Buchanan can interrogate him right there, and that they're wasting time having Buchanan brought in. Hayes pulls rank and says she'll be in her office, leaving Slime alone to scowl at the conference table.
It's 2:06:16, and a police car is patrolling outside a hotel. It totally misses Chloe, of course, because it doesn't have a rearview mirror or something, and once it's clear she heads inside the building. She quickly makes her way through the L.A. trendoid lobby and into the hotel bar, which is neither as abandoned nor as crowded as you might think at two in the morning. She finds a table and pulls out her laptop, with its Ethernet cable still attached to whatever she's got in her bag. An IOU from the prop department, probably. A guy up at the bar leers at her through his red-wine goggles, and Chloe barely takes notice of him. He should consider that a good thing. He won't. Chloe then gets out her cell phone to call Hayes and have her make sure that nobody looks for her at the hotel. Hayes asks what else Chloe needs, and Chloe requests the passenger manifest for Diplomatic Flight 520. Hayes pulls it up; we learn that the plane is bound for Frankfurt (not that it's going to get there), and Chloe asks her to put all 520-related info on the shared drive so Chloe can access it. Believe it or not, that's not going to send up any red flags in the office. At least not this hour.
Chloe calls Kiefer, who is of course chilling in the dimly-lit cargo hold of Flight 520. I don't know how she's able to get through, because I'm pretty sure they make you turn off your cell phone before the plane takes off. Now that I know that that rule only applies to people in the passenger cabin, I may have to rethink my custom of asking for an exit row. Chloe says it's going to take her some time to cross-check the passenger list against Henderson, but she'll have the deets on the flight's Air Marshal in a couple of minutes. Kiefer asks what's up at CTU. Theoretically, that's where Audrey is, not that she's seen or mentioned this episode, even in the previouslies. Chloe says CTU is still trying to stop Kiefer, although Hayes is on their side now. "Openly?" Kiefer asks, surprised, and Chloe says, "No, but she's letting me help you. If there's proof against Logan, she wants it found." "The proof is on this plane," Kiefer reminds the slower viewers, and hangs up with a reminder for Chloe to get him the Air Marshal's seat number.
It's 2:08:32, and Red Wine Goggles Guy has managed to chase away the woman a few seats away from him at the bar. "You don't have to go all feminist on me," he carps at her as she goes past, then turns to the bartender to whine, "Did you see that? Twenty-first-century woman. We'd better get used to it." Okay, hairline issues or no, that guy was born late enough that he's had his whole adult life to "get used to it." Although I suppose it's possible that he's just visiting. From 1974. Chloe manages to drag her attention away from the minidrama across the room long enough to pull up the info about the Air Marshal on Kiefer's flight and call Kiefer. The Marshal's in seat 7A, name of George Avila, and nobody's sitting to him. Kiefer hangs up, reminding her that her outstanding assignment is to find a passenger with a connection to Henderson. He unslings his man-purse and stands up, reaching for a hatch in the ceiling. He's not going to leave it behind, is he? He turns a handle in the hatch, and the thing you know a panel in floor of the plane's aft galley cracks open. Kiefer peeks out from under it, silently cursing the fact that he was just a second too late to look up a flight attendant's skirt. Unnoticed by anyone, he hops up into the empty galley and shuts the hatch under him. I had no idea it was so easy to get from the luggage compartment to the cabin of an airliner. Now when I fly, in addition to everything else, I'm going to have to worry about the cabin being invaded by angry suitcases. As a woman in row 7 gets up to go to the bathroom, Kiefer comes out into the aisle, trying to look like he's been a legitimate passenger the whole time. Which, considering it's only the first ten minutes of the flight, should be a lot trickier than it seems here. Also, an awful lot of people are already asleep for this early after takeoff. Kiefer makes it to row 7, and asks George Avila -- sitting in a window seat, which doesn't seem like a good idea for an Air Marshal -- if the seat to him is taken. Avila, who doesn't look much like an Air Marshal, and thus probably looks exactly like an Air Marshal, completely fails to become suspicious at this new passenger who's actually asking to sit in a middle seat. Kiefer spins some cock-and-bull story about wanting to change seats to get away from the galley so he could get some rest, as he steals 7C's pillow and tucks it into his lap. After taking a moment to make sure that the whole cabin crew is busy up in First Class, he knocks Avila unconscious with a quick elbow to the face. The great part is that he then tucks 7C's pillow in between Avila's head and the window. Wouldn't want the Air Marshal to wake up with a sore face and a stiff neck, would we? Kiefer takes Avila's badge out, and looks both relieved that he got the right guy and nervous that his habit of knocking out U.S. Marshals has increased to two per day. It's 2:10:28.
2:14:53. Back in the galley of the airplane, which isn't suspicious at all, Kiefer answers his cell phone, which is even less suspicious. It's Chloe, telling him that the guy he wants is Hans Meyer in seat 12D, who is apparently a German national with connections to Omicron International. You'll recall that Omicron is the defense contractor that manufactured the Sentox nerve gas, and is also Henderson's employer (at least until 5:00 this afternoon, when he blew the place up). Kiefer acknowledges and hangs up. Wasting no time, he saunters up to 12D, identifies himself as the Air Marshal, and asks Meyer to come back with him to the galley. "We found something that we think is yours… We'd just like you to come back to the galley and identify it for us so we can properly stow it." Meyer must be wearing nose plugs, because instead of recognizing the pungent smell of bullshit, he agreeably heads aft with Kiefer (dirty!), not even getting suspicious when Kiefer tells him to bring any carry-on items with him. My response to that would be, "Why? Am I not coming back?" Meyer doesn't have any anyway. Kiefer is uncomfortably aware that beverage service has begun, and that the flight attendant is working her way to the back of the plane with her cart. Knowing time is short given all the sleeping passengers she's going to be able to skip, he draws the curtains and socks Meyer in the solar plexus. He then subdues his victim with a sleeper hold and lowers the unconscious fellow down into the luggage compartment. He follows and closes the hatch behind him, just before the flight attendant enters. She glances at the hatch's handle for some reason, but notices nothing amiss. If a hot, angry man is going to pop out of the floor and sweep her away from all this, it's not going to be now.
It's 2:16:33 at Not Camp David, and FLOTUS is ransacking her medicine cabinets. Coming up empty, she goes over to the door and opens it, to find that hulking Secret Service agent standing guard outside in the hallway. She says she needs her meds, but the agent says, "I'm sorry, ma'am, they won't let me give that to you." So basically everyone has switched sides on that issue? FLOTUS tries to goad the agent into showing some reaction, including calling her husband a son of a bitch, but it's like acting in front of a brick wall. Only less bouncy. Finally she pronounces, "You don't have much of a personality, do you?" The agent's continued lack of response shows just how right she is. Without bothering to close the door, she marches over to her phone and calls up Novick on his cell. She asks him to come to her room, and he agrees, because it's not like he's got any Chief of Staff stuff to do or anything. Wait, actually he doesn't. Never mind.
Once he reaches the FLOTUSuite, she tells him that she's been "cut off" from her medication. Novick proves that he's still in at least one loop around here as he protests that her doctor says she has enough crazy pills in her system right now. She acts all stressed, and he tries to find out what's going on. Because it's not like the President will tell him. She tries to insist that "I just want a damn pill," but Novick realizes something else is up. He dismisses the hulking agent (who, surprisingly, leaves without protest), closes the door, and starts picking at the opening he's spotting. FLOTUS is getting weepy, commenting, "None of this is going to go away. I just have to live with it." She quickly realizes she's said too much and shuts down, repeating that she needs her meds. Novick says she's not supposed to leave the room, so she duhs, "Then you can bring it here." Because what is the White House Chief of Staff for, if not a courier service? But he agrees to go get her pills. Himself? Can't he delegate that to someone? Can you imagine C.J. Cregg running over to the CVS on G Street for Abby Bartlet?
It's 2:20:02 as Logan stands there doing nothing. I'm totally serious about him getting his sleep in ten-minute intervals between scenes. His cell phone rings, and it's Graham, wanting to know if Kiefer's dead yet. Funny how that question's been turned around on Logan now. Logan says he's doing everything he can, and asks if there's anything else. There isn't. I'm pretty sure the point of that whole conversation was to give Novick time to get from the FLOTUSuite to the Situation Room, because he's entering now. Logan isn't too happy to see Novick, and he's downright pissed when Novick says he's been asked to bring FLOTUS her meds against doctor's orders. Logan bitterly complains, "That's all I need right now, is to deal with her… No more pills! And she shouldn't be wasting your time with this anyway." Not when Novick has all this being-ignored-by-the-President to do. Novick decides to try to cut through the shit and ask if there's anything he should know about. "Why?" Logan asks guiltily. "What did she say?" Novick says FLOTUS is keeping uncharacteristically mum about what's on her mind. Logan says it's none of his business, but Novick says it is if it concerns national security. Which of course gives Logan an out. He turns away, smells the fart, and turns back to Novick to say that it's about their marriage, which he sadly claims they've now realized is "nothing more than a façade. One that we're going to have to keep up as long as I'm president." Novick apologizes and goes to leave the room, but Logan stops him and says, "Give her what she wants." But didn't Aaron get transferred?
Kiefer's just finished searching Meyer, who's coming around. Kiefer puts his gun in Meyer's face and demands, "Where are you hiding it?" Meyer seems genuinely puzzled, even when Kiefer accuses him of having received something from Christopher Henderson to take out of the country. Meyer admits, "I know Henderson, but I don't know what you're talking about." Kiefer tells him to get up and find his checked luggage.
It's 2:23:12, and Chloe's hunched over her laptop in that hotel bar. The lech from earlier has finally gathered up the courage to approach her. Or so he thinks. He actually has no idea how much courage this is going to take. Even when Chloe says to him, "Could you leave me alone? I can't talk right now." He thinks she's "freaked out because of the curfew," and she impatiently plays along to get him to go away. "When you come up for air," the guy says with an expansive gesture, "I'm buyin'." Great. By then he'll be able to access his 401(k). Chloe picks up her phone to talk to someone official about the flight's passenger list. And although she may be a fugitive, her CTU clearance code still works just fine.
Up on Flight 520, the "fasten seatbelt" sign dings on. Sue the flight attendant makes the announcement that turbulence is expected, and that everyone needs to, like the sign says, fasten their seatbelts. Although Kiefer doesn't know it yet, this is bad news for him because it means a seat-check of the whole cabin. I notice that the still-unconscious Marshal Avila is now slumped forward in his seat instead of against the bulkhead. Jeez, Kiefer tries to do something nice for someone and what happens? Or maybe 7C just stole her pillow back. As the plane seems to go over a couple of deep potholes, Sue tells her male colleague to go to the forward lavatory and shoo out the passenger in 12D, who, she figures, must be taking the worst crap of his life in the midst of all the shaking that's going on. But of course, the other attendant has already checked and found that the lavatories are empty. Another lurch spills the limp body of Marshal Avila straight to the floor, and I can't help thinking that it might be worth getting knocked unconscious on a plane if you get enough legroom for that to happen. Avila's seatmate runs screaming down the aisle in panic. The flight attendant helps the groggy Marshal back into his seat, then tells the male attendant in urgent but quiet tones, "Call the captain and tell him the Air Marshal's down and a passenger's missing." The steward rushes to comply as Sue tries to keep the other passengers calm. If basically saying "Sit! Now!" in a tone normally used for law enforcement can be said to have a calming effect.
Up in the cockpit, the pilot looks familiar. I think for a second that he might almost pass for '80s/'90-era Hey! It's That Guy Richard Gilliland, but he's far too old. And then upon rewatching I see Gilliland's name in the credits, and I remember seeing him on TV twenty years ago, when he was as old as I am now, and I get very depressed. Anyway, he seems rightly alarmed to learn over the cockpit phone that the Marshal's been assaulted and that one of his passengers is missing. "Assaulted?" he repeats in surprise, causing the copilot's ears to prick up as well. He tells the flight attendants to "secure the cabin" and hangs up. The copilot asks what's wrong, and the captain fills him in on the Air Marshal's situation. He tells him to make sure the cockpit door is secure (which the copilot does, without getting out of his seat). And since people can't seem to behave themselves back there, they're turning this plane around and going home right now.
Back in the cabin, the Air Marshal has recovered enough to say that they need to find the guy who was sitting to him. And it gets worse as Avila reaches for his holster and discovers, "He's got my gun." It's 2:25:28.
2:29:54. Novick returns to the FLOTUSuite with a payload of sweet, sweet drugs for the First Lady. He tries to play pharmacist (or TV commercial) with his little disclaimers, but she just snatches the bottle out of his hand and tries to blow him off, washing down a fistful with a big swig of red wine. Is that a good idea? Seems like while the pills will make her feel less crazy, the downside is that the red wine will cause her to be irresistibly attracted to Chloe. Novick watches disapprovingly, and she turns back to him, asking if there's anything else. She's actually less subtle than Mr. Subliminal as her tone indicates that there'd better fucking not be. Novick tries again to get her to tell him what's wrong, but she's a little more in control of herself now that the alcohol and crazy pills are working their "real-time" magic. Novick says he suspects that the Logans are covering something up, and FLOTUS gets off a good line when she points out, "You know, Mike, I'm the one around here that's supposed to be paranoid, not you." Novick makes the mistake of saying that Logan pleaded "marital difficulties," which even I know that if you're trying to catch two people in a lie, you don't tell one what the other is telling you, because they'll run with it. And that's just what FLOTUS does. Novick gives up. For now. Just as well, because he sucks at this.
At 2:31:52, up in the plane, Meyer is getting a little shirty with Kiefer as Kiefer rifles through Meyer's shirts. By the way, Kiefer, I believe it's considered etiquette to repack when you're finished. Meyer is still insisting that he's innocent, and that witnesses can confirm he was brought directly to the airport from the German Consulate in Los Angeles. I'm inclined to believe Meyer, but let's hope for the German Consul's sake that they don't send Kiefer to corroborate his story. And even Kiefer begins to suspect that he's made a huge mistake when Chloe calls him up and says, "I don't think Hans Meyer is our guy." She reports that Meyer was in customs for three hours before the flight, which means he couldn't have met up with Henderson to receive the recording. Three hours? Damn, what is that guy carrying into Germany? Hasselhoff DNA? Before Kiefer can do more than huff frustratedly at his mortifying faux pas, the plane goes into a sharp bank. He quickly realizes that this means the aircraft is turning around, which in turn means that the crew knows they've got an unauthorized passenger. He hangs up, telling Chloe to keep looking. He returns to the hatch in the ceiling, probably planning to return to the cabin so he can start dragging passengers down there with him at random. But the hatch is now just as immovable as it really should have been to begin with.
Up top, Sue and Avila are crouched over the hatch, which they've locked from above. Avila's confident that Kiefer's down there: "There's nowhere else he can be," he says. I don't know, have you checked the overhead bins? Kiefer's pretty little. Maybe the seat pockets? But Avila says, "Tell the pilot he can do it." The flight attendant protests that Kiefer has a hostage down there who could die. "There's over fifty passengers up here," Avila insists. "Call him now!" Shakily, Sue picks up the phone to the cockpit, telling the captain to "begin." Wow, you can jettison luggage from a passenger liner? If so, Kiefer and Meyer had better grab onto a cargo net.
But no, Avila's plan isn't nearly as hardcore, as we're about to find out. Down below, air starts hissing loudly. "Air's coming in," says the always-helpful Meyer, but Kiefer quickly corrects him. "They're depressurizing this area," Kiefer says, rapidly dialing his cell phone. "If we don't get into the main cabin, we're going to lose consciousness." "I guess we'll see how you like it," Meyer doesn't say.
Chloe's laptop screen has a bulletin window on it right now, referring to a situation on Flight 520. When she answers Kiefer's call, she mentions it to him and asks him what's going on. Kiefer just tells her to patch him through to the pilot of the plane. When she balks at how tricky that might be, he tells her they're running out of air. Chloe agrees, then hangs up and switches to a hands-free headset to dial Hayes at CTU. Hayes looks pretty irritated when Chloe relays Kiefer's request to her, but she says she'll do her best. There's some technobabble and dialing and talking, and Hayes is on the case.
At 2:34:06, Chloe's admirer is back. Spotting her headset, he tries to suck up in her language, but all the words he appears to know are "voice-over IP" and "bandwidth." Amazingly, that appears to be enough to win Chloe over. In fact, I thought the network had switched the feed on me for a second here, but I was merely thrown by the unfamiliar spectacle of Chloe smiling. She invites him to sit down, and he does, celebrating like it's third base. He admires Chloe's laptop, running a slimy finger along the edge of it and saying, "I've never seen one of these before. What is that?" Chloe answers, "It's a CTU Series 4." But not before she whips out a taser and zaps the guy in the arm, leaving him slumped unconscious on the table. He really should have gone for a remote debrief.
Meanwhile, Hayes has gotten through to the pilot, and she patches Chloe through. Chloe in turn patches Kiefer through. I can't even do a conference call at work without having to hang up on everyone and start over half the time. Once Kiefer gets the pilot on the line, he introduces himself: "Captain, my name is Jack Bauer, I'm with the Counter Terrorist Unit in Los Angeles, and I'm the man in your baggage hold." On the other hand, once I do get a conference call set up, I never have to say things like that. Kiefer says he'll explain what he's up to in a minute, but first he demands that his air pressure be restored. "Sir, I remind you that I am a Federal agent," he intimidates, which isn't all that intimidating coming from a guy you've trapped in a soon-to-be-airless crawlspace like a fly in a jar. Captain Cotter asks the reasonable question, "What kind of Federal agent knocks out an Air Marshal? I don't believe you." Captain Cotter? Meet Jack Bauer. He's a one-man anti-Marshal campaign. And I'm not even talking about what he did to the last guy he met who was actually named Marshall. Kiefer points out that he was patched through on a secure CTU line, which any old Joe Hijacker wouldn't have been able to do. The captain points out that Kiefer's got a gun and has breached airplane security, which Kiefer sees and raises by playing the national security card. "Now open the damn hatch!" he concludes.
Cotter puts Kiefer on mute to consult with the copilot, who says, "There's no point in taking a chance. In a few minutes he'll pass out, and from there the Air Marshal can handle it." Unless he gets knocked out again. Keep up, First Officer. Kiefer again insists on being let out. After a pause, Cotter says, "I can't do that." "Okay, you son of a bitch," Kiefer whispers under his breath, and moves forward to inspect the ceiling. Switching his phone to speaker mode, he puts it down on a nearby suitcase and then uses his knife to cut out a section of the ceiling like it's a piece of acoustic tile. He's going to hack his way into the cabin? The long, straight wires he reveals by removing the panel are going to make that difficult. It looks like the inside of a grand piano up there. And God knows what'll happen to the plane if he tries to cut through them. But I quickly figure out his actual plan, as he loops his belt over some of the cables and hauls down on the ends of it, hard.
The whole plane jerks violently, as if some psychopath in its belly is yanking on its control cables because he's not getting his way. Up in the cockpit, the pilot reports, "Aileron conduit's been breached." The copilot reacts like this is very bad news indeed, and considering what just happened, I would have to agree. Cotter tells Kiefer he's going to crash the plane, and Kiefer again orders, "Open the hatch." Cotter declines to cut Kiefer loose in the cabin, which is weird considering what a reasonable guy Kiefer is turning out to be. "Then you'll be responsible for everything that happens," Kiefer replies, throwing the plane into another pas de deux. Cotter gives in and calls back to the galley, telling Sue the flight attendant to let Kiefer out of the hold. Sue gives a crisp "Yes, Captain," hangs up, and takes the time to throw Avila's back a dirty look. Avila sees what she's doing and tries to stop her, but she insists, "The captain ordered me to open the hatch." When it comes open, Kiefer is of course right there, his gun pointed up at them. He forces them against the wall and climbs out, preceded by his man-purse. It's 2:37:34 as Kiefer orders Avila down into the baggage hold. Unhappily, Avila complies. He's just going to be right back up when he starts hauling on the cables his own self, Kiefer. Meyer is still down there with him, and it's too bad we don't get to see the scene where Avila tries to convince the gun-shy passenger that unlike the last guy, he really is Air Marshal George Avila.
Speaking of Air Marshals, that phrase is beginning to lose all meaning for me. One could almost imagine that an "Air Marshal" is like "air guitar" or "air drums." And then it's easy to picture Kiefer spending his downtime keeping in shape not by shadowboxing, but by beating up air Marshals.
Sorry, back to the show. On Kiefer's orders, Sue locks down the hatch. He sticks his gun in her back and orders her to take him to the forward galley. What, is he afraid he'll get lost if he goes by himself? As they enter the main cabin, one passenger stands to ask what's going on. "Sit down!" Kiefer roars, brandishing his weapon. "He's got a gun!" hollers the curious passenger, triggering screams throughout the cabin. As Kiefer heads forward with Sue, he gives a standard hijacker spiel: "Do what I tell you and no one will get hurt. If you don't, people will start to die." I don't think he's going to kill anyone, but his statement is true in an existential sense. Once he and Sue reach the front of the cabin, he tells her to get the captain on the cockpit phone. She does, and before handing Kiefer the handset, she bullets to the pilot, "Sir, he's in the main cabin; he has a gun." Taking the phone, he dispatches her to herd the first-class passengers into the main cabin. Surprisingly, they all head aft quickly without demanding any extra miles or meal vouchers or anything. Now that Kiefer's on the phone, he tells the captain that he doesn't plan to hurt anyone, but he wants the plane to stay in a holding pattern to give him time to search the passengers for an item that's a "matter of national security." Cotter says that if Kiefer is really a Federal agent, then he knows that they have to land the plane. "And that is what I'm going to do." He hangs up, leaving Kiefer to awkwardly latch the phone back to the front bulkhead while still holding his gun on the main cabin. Everyone looks back at him. Kiefer has a moment to wonder whether he and Logan are really so different from one another. They're both trying to do what's best for the country, after all. And in the process, they've made mistakes, resorted to desperate measures, hurt innocent people, committed crimes. Sure, Logan has more potential to wreak havoc by virtue of his office and its nearly infinite resources and a network of conscience-free independent contractors, but who's to say President Kiefer wouldn't end up doing the same? Does either man have a line he won't cross if pushed hard enough? These are the troubling thoughts that fill Kiefer's tormented mind at moments like this. Or maybe he's just thinking, Awkward. It's 2:39:05.
2:43:32. Logan is getting briefed by speakerphone about the situation on the plane. Right here is where I predict that he's going to haul off and have the plane shot down. I am wrong. For now. He says he wants constant updates, and hangs up. And then he pulls out his cell phone to make a sneaky call to Graham. Graham wonders about the relevance of this news -- in fact, he says, "So what?" which you don't often get to hear people say to the President on TV, and Logan says, "Jack Bauer's the hijacker." He explains to Graham that Kiefer's after the recording. "Then you shouldn't be wasting time talking to me," Graham duhs. "Order the plane down and grab Bauer before he can hurt us." With an insolent flick of his Bluetooth, Graham disconnects the call. Do they really click like that? I'd imagine that would be really loud right in your ear.
Chloe's on the phone with Hayes, explaining that Kiefer isn't technically committing a hijacking: "He has control of the cabin. The pilot is landing the plane." So really, all he's doing is kidnapping people who can't leave anyway. Aside from the gun, it's not really so different from that time Northwest made me sit and stew on the tarmac at Minneapolis-St. Paul International for an hour and a half. Hayes asks about the recording, and Chloe says, "There's no guarantee he'll find it before the plane lands." Hayes assesses that if Kiefer runs out of time, that's the ball game: "The President will have his people arrest Jack at the airport and isolate him." Actually, I'd say that's an optimistic prediction. Through the glass wall of her office, Hayes notices that its former occupant is being brought onto the CTU floor in handcuffs. She rings off, telling Chloe to keep helping Kiefer, and heads out to the floor.
But Slime meets Buchanan first. Flanked by agents and back in his dress shirt (untucked) and suit jacket (also untucked, because otherwise it would be weird), Buchanan faces Slime defiantly. Slime demands to know what Kiefer's doing on the plane, and Buchanan says, "You have no idea what you're dealing with, you little ass-kisser." Dude, Buchanan needs a nap. Hayes appears at Slime's side, saying, "You don't talk to my people like that, Bill. Take him to Holding." Buchanan is taken to Holding. Slime grumbles to Hayes, "No wonder CTU fell apart under that guy," making sure he says it loud enough for Buchanan to hear. Hayes tells Slime that she'll take it from here, and heads off toward Holding her own self.
At 2:45:28, Slime pissily goes off into a hallway, dialing his cell phone. When an operator answers, he gives his name and passcode, and asks to be put through to Novick.
Over at Not Camp David, Novick answers his cell phone. Slime tells a bored and irritated Novick the whole story of Buchanan's recent misdeeds and Hayes's response to them. Tattletale. Novick cares nothing for what Slime has to say. In fact, he seems to care a negative amount. "Your concern is duly noted, Miles," Novick lies. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see the President." He hangs up on Slime, who stands there looking pissy. I may regret not recapping this apparent filler scene in more detail later on. I'll worry about it when the time comes. If it does. Slime goes back to his workstation and puts on a headset.
Back in Holding, Buchanan is ready to start talking. "Karen --" he says, only to be harshly told, "Shut up, Bill." Wow, that's totally the opposite of what usually goes on in here. Hayes turns and does something on the computer in the room, and a moment later we see that Slime's monitor -- which until now was showing an image of the holding room -- goes blank. Thwarted again!
Hayes tells Buchanan that they're offline. Even so, they argue a little bit before getting down to business. Hayes, her hair starting to come loose, says she's talked to Chloe, and that Kiefer is busy searching the passengers on board the plane, which he's only got fifteen minutes to accomplish before landing. Buchanan says it's impossible to search over fifty passengers in that amount of time. But before Hayes can respond, she's got to answer a phone call from Logan and Novick.
It's 2:48:12 in the Not Camp David Situation Room. Logan asks what's up with Kiefer. Hayes lies that they don't know much yet, and Logan insists that Kiefer's seeking safe passage out of the country, now that he's a Federal fugitive and all. "We need to take him down now, dead or alive." Novick is looking at his boss like he's lost his damn mind, again, some more. Logan yells down the speakerphone, "When [the plane] lands, I want my Secret Service detail to take him into custody, is that clear?" Hayes gives Buchanan a horrified look; it's just as she predicted. But she acknowledges the order and hangs up. In the silence, Buchanan tells her, "The President has had knowledge of everything that's happened today." He says they have to buy Kiefer more time. Hayes says her hands are tied.
Back at Not Camp David, Novick confesses to Logan that he's still confused: "Jack Bauer has been on the right side of everything that's happened today, right up until now." Both men drink, then Logan points out that Kiefer has hijacked an airplane. "This man is not stupid. He's appeared to do the right thing. But right now, he's backed into a corner. He's desperate. Bauer's lied to us all day. He's played us all for fools." Um, are we still talking about Kiefer? It's 2:49:47.
2:54:13. At the hotel bar, Chloe's unconscious admirer is starting to come around. Slowly, he lifts his head off the table and looks around in confusion. Before he says anything, Chloe zaps him again, and once again skull strikes wood. Now that's just gratuitous. And therefore hilarious. Of course, what the guy doesn't know is that right now he's having the best date with Chloe that anyone's ever going to have. She, meanwhile, is back on the line with the flight operations call center, asking why the copilot, Donald Faginson (somebody on the 24staff a Steely Dan fan?), never checked in before boarding. The operator explains that that's because Faginson didn't board. He was replaced at the last minute by a new copilot named Scott Evans. Chloe instantly pulls up a record on Evans, and there's a chilling factoid: Evans used to be a pilot for a charter air service that just happens to be the exclusive carrier for Omicron International. Well, the good news is that now Kiefer can stop searching the passengers.
He's just finished rifling someone's purse (returning it to her intact, of course) when Chloe calls to tell him just that, being sure to tell him about the copilot's connection to Henderson's employer. She adds that Evans flew Henderson around for more than a year. That's certainly a valid connection, but I assume they landed occasionally to refuel. Kiefer tells Chloe to patch him back in to the captain on the pilot-only channel so Evans can't hear him. While Kiefer has been thus distracted, one of the burlier passengers has decided that this is an opportune "let's roll" moment, and tries to rush Kiefer. He doesn't even get close before Kiefer pulls his gun on him, roars at him to sit down, and reminds everyone to stay in their seats. The hero complies, and no one else looks inclined to try anything either. Sometimes this show is so post-9/11, with its Department of Homeland Security and its locked cockpit doors and its disregard for due process. This was not one of those times.
Once he's on the discrete phone line to the pilot, Kiefer tells Cotter that the guy with the evidence he needs is in the cockpit. "He's your copilot, Scott Evans." "That's ridiculous," the pilot says. Kiefer says he knows that Evans was a last-minute replacement. "Can you explain to me why you're not flying with your regular copilot, Don Faginson?" I don't know, Kiefer, can you explain to me how you know the name of a copilot that Chloe never gave you? The captain says, "Long, uncertain pause." Kiefer pushes, "Scott Evans has been connected to a known terrorist. You need to open the door." "This conversation is over," Cotter finally pronounces, disconnecting the call. Oh, well, nice try, Kiefer. Better luck time.
Up in the cockpit, Evans asks Cotter what that was all about. "He's desperate," Cotter says. "Wants to land." Evans observes that "This is messed up." Cotter agrees and faux-casually observes, "Bad luck for you, huh?" Ostensibly meaning that his copilot wasn't even supposed to be on this flight, but also gauging Evans's reaction, which is a bit telling. Evans claims not to know what happened to the regular guy: "I got the call, so I'm here." Cotter seems to accept that at face value, and Evans looks shifty. After a way-too-short pause, the captain fakes a leg cramp and moves to get out of his chair. Evans, in turn, fakes concern and reaches for the heavy flashlight clipped to the side of his seat where Cotter can't see it. They both pretend like nothing's going on, but when Cotter dives for the door, things happen very fast. Evans unhooks his seat harness, gets up, and clubs his captain over the head with the Maglite. Given the close quarters and the dim lighting, it's not immediately clear which crewman succeeded in his objective, but when Kiefer hears the commotion on the other side of the door he finds that he's able to enter. He does so, gun leveled at Evans's face. Don't ask me how Kiefer knows he's facing Evans and not Cotter, having never met either of them. He probably figures that either way, the unconscious guy on the floor isn't a threat. "I'm the only one who can fly this plane!" Evans cries down Kiefer's gun barrel. Unimpressed, Kiefer smacks Evans to the deck. Okay, so maybe Evans has a name tag that I can't see. Kiefer threatens, "You don't strike me as a man who's willing to die for Christopher Henderson." Which is certainly a demographic that Kiefer's learned a lot about in the past few hours. He demands the recording, and the music swells heroically as Evans hands it over the little digital device. Mission accomplished! Now if they can just get back on the ground. Kiefer forces Evans to resume his seat, and takes the empty seat behind him, the gun still aimed at Evans's head. It's probably wise to let Evans take care of the landing. Sure, we've seen Kiefer pilot helicopters and a small airplane, but just because I can paddle a canoe doesn't mean I'm going to try docking my dad's cabin cruiser. With his free hand, Kiefer calls Chloe. "Advise CTU I have the recording," he says. "I'll be on the ground in less than fifteen minutes." Relieved, Chloe says, "Got it." Why does Kiefer keep forgetting that aside from Hayes, CTU is directly wired to Logan? Does he realize that he's just told the President he's got him by the balls? When technically he doesn't yet?
These are questions we can ponder during the split-screen. Hayes paces around at CTU. Flight 502 is still above the cloud cover, while inside, the passengers sit in their seats looking nervous, although they don't have to have their hands on their heads any more. Buchanan paces his holding room, still handcuffed, and FLOTUS is sitting to her empty wine glass as she calls someone on her phone. You suppose she's trying to win concert tickets from the local radio station?
Nope; at 2:58:36, Logan's desk phone rings. It's FLOTUS, of course, sounding nine kinds of drugged as she says that he's going to have to help her understand. She speaks haltingly, mumbling that she knows he's a good man, but doesn't understand why he didn't come to her before getting himself into this mess. Logan hops to his feet and bitches, "For God's sake, Martha, for the last three years you've been one click away from a nervous breakdown, every single day. And I'm gonna come to you for advice?" Okay, how stupid is he to talk to her like that given what she can hold over his head? Say something soothing or calming, like maybe, "Just hold on for a few more hours until Evelyn comes to work in the morning." No, I guess that would be bad as well. Logan's cell phone rings, and he hangs up on her, ignoring her pleas not to. One click away, he said. And judging by her reaction, the sound of his desk phone disconnecting was that very click.
Logan answers his cell phone, and Graham announces, "Bauer's got the evidence. He is in control of the plane." Which he knows from overhearing a call from Chloe to Hayes. So much for their "dry channel." Logan asks what to do , as if I hadn't predicted it seventeen minutes ago. Graham flatly states, "You are going to have to shoot down that plane, Mr. President." Logan is too thunderstruck to even protest, "Me? What am I, Bill Pullman in Independence Day?" Graham insists, "Otherwise you go to prison for treason and murder." Logan hangs up without a word, so he can call Graham right back during hour's previouslies. But that will have to wait, because now it's 3:00:00.