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Now that the mysteries have all been solved, there are only two things left to deal with: (1) track down the stolen nerve gas canisters, and (2) get bogged down in a bunch of personal subplots. On the latter front, Logan uses the Walt situation as an opportunity to patch up his marriage, and then Walt kills himself (there is no apparent causal relationship between these two developments). McGill has a junkie sister who looks like just another DrisKid waiting to go off, until her boyfriend mugs McGill in a parking lot. Chloe gets Spencer temporarily reinstated so she can make use of his kung fu, and then breaks up with him via Redshirt, much to Edgar's satisfaction. And Kiefer enlists Audrey's help in figuring out how to tell his daughter he's still alive. Two words, Kiefer: email.
Meanwhile, Yellow Tie and the Yellowtones have garage-jacked a motorcycle mechanic to cut open the canisters, allowing them to get at the guts of the electronic triggers inside. A technician is giving directions over the phone, but CTU intercepts and traces the call, allowing Kiefer and Curtis to bust the tech red-handed in between calls. Kiefer's all ready to torture Yellow Tie's location out of the tech, until McGill orders Kiefer to accept the tech's terms instead. Which bugs Kiefer, because one of those terms is the tech's continued possession of a gratuitously teenaged mail-order sex slave. And then Kiefer's got more than his guilty conscience to deal with when the sex slave takes matters into her own hands and kills the tech dead. How will Kiefer ever find Yellow Tie now? Don't watch the preview for week if you want to be surprised. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
The previouslies and I would like you to know that the terrorist formerly known as Yellow Tie -- who ditched his yellow tie three episodes ago -- will henceforth be known as Ivan Erwich. That is all.
Oh, except for the episode. There's that, I suppose. After the previouslies, we're at Not Camp David with Kiefer, President Logan, and a few Secret Service agents, including Aaron. Walt is also there where we left him, handcuffed and sitting at the conference table while Logan stands over him. Except somebody has thoughtfully undone Walt's top shirt button during the last couple of minutes. Just because Kiefer thumped him silly fifteen minutes ago is no reason to be inconsiderate. Speaking of Kiefer, he's pacing the floor on the other side of the conference table, just waiting for Walt to give him an excuse to start another beatdown. Walt, quite in tune with this dynamic, is being quite forthcoming. As he explains to Logan, he was approached six months ago by The Man, who we now learn is a former CIA agent named James Nathanson. I'm still calling him The Man, so as to avoid confusion. Walt says The Man was "recruiting like-minded individuals for this initiative." So The Man was in on Walt's real agenda. Good to know. Walt reminds Logan, Kiefer, and the viewers that the plan was to release the gas remotely via satellite once it reached the terrorists' base in "Central Asia." Logan is tending to be a little more results-oriented, however, angrily yelling, "You got into bed with these people and now they're threatening to use the gas on American citizens!" Walt acts all wounded and defensive at the implication that this was his plan all along. "What the hell was your goal, Walt?" Logan demands. "Explain it to me." Forgotten already, have we? Unless this is Logan trying to look like a tough guy for Kiefer's benefit. Logan should know by now that Kiefer sets the bar pretty high if he's going to try to be "bad cop." Walt repeats his rationale, but it's starting to seem a little fuzzy even to him. Initially bad ideas that go even further south in the execution are like that sometimes.
Before we can get very far into that, though, Chloe gets patched in from CTU to say that she's set up a phone trace to locate The Man. Kiefer instructs Chloe to dial The Man's number, and tells Walt to keep The Man on the line until the trace is completed. But Chloe quickly discovers that the line has been disconnected. Walt realizes that The Man has "gone dark." Wow, who is The Man's phone company? Because that's service, right there. "Nathanson can't help you, and neither can I," Walt says. "These terrorists are operating on their own." Kiefer gazes into Walt's warped, misguided soul for a long moment and tells Logan that he believes him. Logan tells Aaron to get Walt out of there, and the Secret Service leads the Chief of Staff out of the room to the strains of the tragic "Character's Final Scene" theme. Walt actually still has one scene left, although he doesn't do much in it.
Without waiting to be dismissed, Kiefer starts to head for the other exit. Wow, he never would have dissed Palmer like that. Logan stops him, asking what he should do now. "I need to be debriefed," Kiefer says, although knowing the President, that's probably far more true of Logan after the morning he's had. Kiefer says CTU can take it from here. Uh, what? Not twenty minutes ago, he said he wanted to see this through. But now he hits one obstacle and decides he wants to take his ball and go home? He must really hate being around Logan. But the explanation he gives is that and he wants to disappear before his daughter finds out he's alive. Can't blame him there. "In fairness to her," he clarifies. Oh, right, sure, that too. Logan begs Kiefer to stick around, admitting, "You and I have a complicated history." Kiefer looks away awkwardly as Logan goes on to say that he knows Kiefer must still be motivated by some respect for the President's office and love of country. He makes a personal appeal, promising all the access and support Kiefer needs. He doesn't specifically say he won't order Kiefer's arrest in the middle of a sensitive operation, but I think it's kind of implied. Kiefer turns and looks thoughtfully at the nearest video monitor, which is still displaying a freeze-frame of Erwich, back when he was still wearing his yellow tie and was thus still Yellow Tie. Gosh, I hope this isn't too confusing. Let's hope Kiefer brings him in before we lose all track of who the guy is.
Right now, Erwich is standing around in a park somewhere to a parked van with his guys. One of his henchmen, who has less of a Russian accent than I do, is explaining that the arming mechanisms on the gas canisters have been tampered with, which means they have no way of using them. Okay, then! Great season! Good night, everybody! "Rossler will have a way," Erwich says. Stupid Erwich. The henchman argues that their real enemy is Russia, and they should be trying to get home (which in his case sounds like it's probably Ohio or something) instead of fucking with the U.S. Erwich responds to this thoughtful input by knocking the guy to the ground and pulling his gun on him. "Question my orders and I will kill you, do you understand?" So I'm sensing that this is more of a top-down organization. He says the ports have been closed and they're all fugitives now. "If we can't use the gas against Russia, we will use it against America." Yeah, I guess we're going with Erwich's plan, then.
McGill's on his way out of his stolen office at CTU when his cell phone rings. It's some skeleton in a blonde wig, calling from a pay phone. The pay phone even has graffiti on it so we know it's in an extra-bad bad neighborhood. McGill is obviously not happy to hear from this mystery woman today of all days -- isn't it always "today of all days" on this show? -- especially when she turns out to be asking for five hundred dollars. She claims to be "clean," and all I can say is it's a good thing she isn't trying to claim that in person, because, damn. She adds that she's trying to put her life back together, and asks if she can come over to CTU. When McGill says no, she snottily asks if he's afraid she'll embarrass him. "Yeah, I am," he duhs. Heh. She starts weeping desperately and threatening to hurt herself if he doesn't help her. Dear McGill: Don't help her. Tough love, M. Giant. She does make herself useful by working in the exposition that she's McGill's sister. Thanks for clearing that up. In regard to her connection with McGill, I had mentally narrowed the possibilities to her being a sibling, an ex-girlfriend, or McGill's boss at Division. McGill agrees to meet her in a parking lot across the street from CTU in twenty minutes. Good plan. Just call him McGullible.
He joins a briefing in the Situation Room, already in progress. At 1:08:02, Buchanan is explaining to the assembled randoms that Walt somehow found a moment to supply a schematic of one of the canisters. So clearly The Man wasn't keeping his operation on a "need-to-know" basis. Buchanan puts the diagram up on the screen and explains that the terrorists have been given invalid detonation codes. "Then these canisters are useless to them," Audrey concludes. That's a wrap! Let's hear it for Season Five, everybody! Buchanan says that's true, unless the terrorists can figure out how to reset the arming devices. Stupid Buchanan. McGill asks how they're doing on tracking the actual canisters, and Chloe says that she pulled Erwich's voiceprint off his call to Cummings, which they can supposedly use to intercept any call that Erwich makes from now on. I'm trying to decide if I have more trouble with the concept of an accurate voiceprint being taken through not one but two speakerphones, or the claim that it's technically (never mind legally) possible to then scan all phone traffic in real time looking for a match to that voiceprint. Since it's a tie, I'm going to just go with it. McGill says he hopes that works, and he takes over the display screen to put up a graphic showing that if the gas is released, each canister's kill zone could end up being one to three square miles. With twenty canisters, "We're talking about potential casualties in the hundreds of thousands. Possibly over a million." So the even worse news for McGill is that if the terrorists confine themselves to L.A., there's only a one in nine chance of one of those casualties being his sister.
Out at the park, Erwich finally gets the call he's been waiting for. "Jacob Rossler," says the voice of Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. "I was asked to call you by a friend in Moscow." Rossler's a gray-haired guy who's calling from the apartment where they shot Billy Idol's "Cradle of Love" video. Let's hope his place is in L.A. for CTU's sake, right? Rossler already knows what Erwich's planning to do, and he's ready to help out: "You need to start by cutting into them." It's a testament to Erwich's dedication and tenacity that this news doesn't immediately cause him to say, "Fuck that in the ear!"
Meanwhile, at CTU, the few words Erwich has said into his phone have already proven sufficient for the call to be flagged and tapped into in real time. Still going with it. Chloe gets to work pulling the call up on her computer. Audrey walks by, apparently chattering on her cell phone to some mass of ruffled feathers at the DoD, and Buchanan flags her down to gently break the news that Logan's talked Kiefer into sticking around until the nerve gas is recovered. Before Audrey can wonder why no one is talking her into sticking around, and therefore why she's still there, Chloe crosses over to another nearby computer and activates live audio of the call currently transpiring between Erwich and Rossler. Rossler is explaining that he'll need the seven-digit code found on the inside of each casing, and then he'll be able to program a new trigger chip. It's 1:10:05 as Buchanan hits a button on the nearest phone and barks, "Put me through to Jack Bauer." I think it would be funny if Erwich and Rossler said, "Who?" but apparently the listening only goes one way and they continue their conversation, oblivious to their eavesdroppers. Probably because any such eavesdropping is technically (never mind legally) impossible, but it's still rather sloppy of them. Edgar says that Erwich's on an untraceable satellite phone, but he's traced the other end of the call to a land line downtown. Kiefer, who's a passenger in a helicopter that he presumably didn't have to steal, is now on the line with CTU. Buchanan updates him on the news that Erwich is talking with the occupant of a penthouse at 22 North Figueroa. And it don't rock easily, it's true. They make the astounding deductive leap that Erwich is trying to get help in reconfiguring the triggers on the gas canisters, while Chloe looks up the fact that the owner of the penthouse is, as we already know, Jacob Rossler. Apparently the guy's been indicted on a number of computer-related crimes, but was never convicted. Kiefer says the guy's probably clean, then, so they should start looking for other leads. Not really. He instructs, "We're going to need to go in covertly. Have Curtis meet me at the location with a small team of four, but tell him to stay out of sight until I get there." The phrase "a small team of four" seems unnecessarily redundant, unless Kiefer means that Curtis should round up some of McGill's Hobbit buddies.
Back at CTU, Chloe has a request for Buchanan: she wants Spencer temporarily reinstated to help them hack into the security system of Rossler's building. Apparently Chloe thinks Spencer can do it faster than herself and Edgar put together. Buchanan's completely against the idea, as is, unsolicited, Edgar. Chloe points out that Spencer's polygraph tests proved that he didn't know Walt was guilty. I'm fine with those tests having happened off-screen, especially since a "polygraph" at CTU probably only uses one electrode inserted straight into the brain through the cornea. Edgar doesn't care about Spencer's polygraph, but Chloe doesn't care that Edgar doesn't care. She lays it out for Buchanan: "If you don't let Spencer help us do this, we're not going to get it done in time." Buchanan reluctantly decides to allow it, but only with tight security on Spencer the whole time. Chloe "fine"s and stomps off to get her sort-of-ex-boyfriend.
Audrey's tapping away at her laptop when the cell phone on the desk to her goes off. It's Kiefer, saying he's back in play. Audrey walks off somewhere to fret at Kiefer that he'll be exposed. "Yes, please!" say the forum posters. She adds that CTU can handle this without him. Kiefer changes the subject to a favor he needs to ask of Audrey: "Kim doesn't know I'm alive yet," he says. "I don't want her to find out the wrong way." Well, if memory serves, Spawn of Kiefer only finds things out one way: over the course of several hours while we all wait for her to catch up. So I don't know what the "wrong way" would entail. Audrey offers to tell her, but Kiefer just wants Spawn brought into CTU for now, where she should wait until he gets back. Or until the building gets blown up, one of the two.
At 1:12:46, the terrorists' truck pulls into the driveway of a motorcycle repair shop. Just as the one mechanic in the garage is getting off the phone, Erwich walks in and asks the guy, "Do you have some kind of precision tool for cutting metal?" The mechanic gestures at the exotic equipment surrounding him and says, "Sure." Erwich asks where everyone else is, and when the mechanic answers, "Lunch," Erwich pulls out his gun and points it at the mechanic. "I need you to do some work for us and we need it done fast," he says. "You do it, you'll live." Dammit, why didn't I think of that when my transmission blew up? It's 1:13:32.
1:17:53. You know what, I'm done recapping the act-in splitscreens. Nothing ever happens during them, and I ran out of new ways to say "X sits and does nothing" about thirty-five recaps ago. If anything relevant goes on in one, I'll let you know. Like this one, where the terrorists are hauling the canisters into the garage from the truck. See? I told you I'd tell you.
Logan's having another one of his patented micromanager freak-outs, demanding an update on the search for the nerve gas. It's all just a setup so he can look up from the phone and see his wife standing there in the room, looking at him inscrutably. "How are you feeling?" Logan asks guiltily. "Remarkably well," FLOTUS says, "for someone whose husband tried to have her committed without so much as a goodbye." Logan starts to shut down, but she quickly apologizes, saying she didn't come to fight. "You have every right to," Logan grovels. She reminisces about when he used to come to her for advice, and says he's going to need her help today. "I don't know what to say," Logan says in a way that he thinks is sweet. And then FLOTUS hauls off and smacks him one across the face. "Don't you ever do that to me again," she orders while the Secret Service fails to rush into the room and wrestle her to the ground.
As Logan is still absorbing this, there's a knock on the exterior door. It's Novick, whom Logan invites in. It's not clear how long he's been standing outside the glass door, and he's not about to tell them. Novick enters at 1:19:32 and greets the Logans. Logan tells him, "Mike, I owe you a profound apology." Oh, come on. Novick's lucky he didn't get tortured. Not because of anything he did or knew, of course, but just by virtue of what show he's on. Novick tries to shrug it off, but Logan insists that he panicked, done Novick wrong, and now wants to make it right. Will it involve ice cream? "I would like you to resume your duties," he tells Novick. What, no promotion to Chief of Staff? Isn't there a recent vacancy in that position? Logan wants to get right to work, saying they have to deal with the Walt situation. Okay, so I'm using the word "work" a little loosely. Novick cuts his eyes to FLOTUS, like he's surprised they're going to suddenly start talking business with the crazy lady in the room. She just shoots a glare right back at him. None of this goes unnoticed by Logan, who says he wants FLOTUS's input. Novick nods, suddenly wishing he could go back to being locked up. Logan points out that they can't detain Walt forever, but Novick says, "We can keep him out of sight long enough to for us to construct a credible narrative." FLOTUS knows the code for "cover-up" when she hears it, and she thinks it's a bad idea. She and Novick squabble for a bit about "the credibility of this office" -- which Novick wants to protect by lying, of course -- and Logan just stands there looking miserable about the immediate failure of his little experiment. FLOTUS finally turns to him and makes her case, concluding with, "I think you should issue a statement to the press. The sooner the better." Novick just stands there like he always does, letting someone else get the last word. Logan quietly agrees with his wife, and asks FLOTUS to help him draft the statement. Novick just stands there disgustedly, like, get a room, you two. And, I'd like to add, maybe a speechwriter or something.
At CTU, a couple of Redshirts are escorting Spencer back onto the floor. He tries to thank Chloe for getting him reinstated, but she snots that she merely needs his help: "[It's] not because I forgive you, because I don't." She orders him to get to work. As he sits down at the station to hers, he tries again to explain himself, but Chloe, being even more Chloic than usual, has no interest in his excuses. In fact, it might be a negative amount of interest.
It's 1:22:13 as Kiefer's helicopter comes in for a landing atop a Downtown L.A. skyscraper. This is not Rossler's building, by the way, but one nearby. Curtis is waiting for him to the helipad, not technically out of sight but at least not conspicuous in his civvies. Or, I should say, no more conspicuous than any other seven-foot-tall fashion model. He meets Kiefer and hands him a comm earpiece, which Kiefer quickly installs, and which puts him in touch with Chloe. He's briefly pissed to hear that Spencer's back on the floor, but as he and Curtis go inside to catch the elevator from the roof, he lets it go and has Spencer provide the intel he needs: Rossler's inside the penthouse; there are two guards in the penthouse lobby and one in position on the ground floor lobby, along with three security cameras. Kiefer tells Spencer to be ready to remotely disable those cameras, and Spencer warns Kiefer that he's only going to have sixty seconds to do his thing before the cameras "reboot" automatically. Kiefer orders Curtis's backup units -- who are so out of sight they haven't even shown up to work yet -- to stay in a holding position while he and Curtis cross the street to get to Rossler's building. The elevator dings, and they're going down.
At the motorcycle garage, Erwich's once again on the phone to Rossler, who's looking at that popular schematic of the canisters and telling him to cut "precisely ten centimeters from the bottom of the casing." The casings are five millimeters thick, he says, and Erwich should call him with the ID numbers when he's done. Erwich ends the call. The canisters sit on the garage floor looking malevolent. That biohazard symbol's intimidating and all, but the containers would be even scarier if they were somehow spring-loaded so that one would just randomly hop straight up and go "Boo!" every once in a while.
At 1:24:13, Kiefer and Curtis go past the armored (and normal-sized) CTU agent hidden in the back entrance of Rossler's building and take up positions right outside the inner door to the front lobby of Rossler's building. And yes, I do get paid by the preposition. Over his earpiece, Kiefer signals Spencer that they're ready. Spencer does his thing, the relevant security camera screens go all snowy. While the lone guard at ground level is still reacting to that, Kiefer and Curtis burst into the lobby, guns leveled. Kiefer identifies himself as a federal agent and orders the guard to raise his hands, while Curtis crosses to the penthouse elevator and demands the entry code. The guard gives it right up, and Curtis punches it in. Meanwhile, the incredibly alert guards on the penthouse level call down to ask what's up with the cameras. Kiefer hears the call on the intercom and tells the guard to say he doesn't know, but everything's fine. The guard's all everybody's fine, we're all fine, how are you? Kiefer leads the guard over to the elevator, which is taking its sweet time to arrive. It's got two floors to go, and Chloe lies that they've only got ten seconds before the cameras reboot, although it's twenty-two seconds by my VCR counter. The elevator arrives and all three men pile on, the door closing behind them with what should be eleven seconds to spare, but is actually only one. Sloppy work, Spencer. Didn't anyone tell you that the concept of "real time" can have remarkable plasticity at tense moments like this?
When the cameras come back up on the penthouse level, the guards up there quickly notice that there's no one in the lobby and call the lobby guard on his walkie-talkie to see where he is. Kiefer slams the poor guy against the wall of the elevator and orders him to say he's on his way to the men's room. What an inspired solution from a guy who probably hasn't seen porcelain for six and a half hours. The guard complies, and then Kiefer knocks him out and drags him into the far corner of the elevator car. Kids, I hope you've all learned an important lesson about complying with federal agents.
But it's all for naught, because the penthouse guys are clearly not buying. One of them picks up a phone and dials Rossler's apartment to warn him to stay inside for now: "We have a situation." Chloe and Spencer, who are still hacked live into the building's cameras, warn Kiefer not only that the guards are clued in, but that one of them has an automatic weapon. Too bad for them they don't have the ability to stop the elevator between floors and trap the invaders like rats in a cage. Instead, said cage reaches the top floor with a pleasant ding. The doors open and Kiefer jumps out, yelling, "Federal agent!" He's greeted by a completely inaccurate burst of machine gun fire, which he terminates by killing the offending guard. What part of "federal agent" do these guys not understand? Do they work for an evil security firm or something? Kiefer also gets the other guard, but not before Curtis takes a bullet in the chest and goes down. Don't worry; it went off his bulletproof vest. Thanks, CTU, for finally instituting a color-blind policy for body armor issuance. And at this point it looks like Kiefer might have done the other guard a favor by making sure he stayed out of play. You can't be too careful where Handsome Black Security Guards are concerned.
Inside the Cradle of Love penthouse, Rossler grabs a gun out of a drawer. Spencer can tell the target is moving from his readings off the building's motion sensors (like, wow, I really can't think who would want that much security), and gives Kiefer Rossler's exact location so that Kiefer can kick the door open and start right into shooting. Which he does. Rossler's hit but not dead, flat on the ground, and he throws away his gun when Kiefer tells him to. Kiefer handcuffs the guy as he announces to his comm unit, "Rossler's in custody." He orders the backup teams to move in and calls for a medic. You know, to fix the guy he just shot up. I hope Curtis remembered to bring a small medic. Chloe then informs Kiefer that there's someone else in the apartment -- specifically, the bedroom. Kiefer kicks open the bedroom door and roars at the figure crouched behind the bed, "Let me see your hands!" And last week's preview implied that this moment would be some kind of dramatic reveal, like it would be Naked Mandy or David Palmer or Aaron or somebody, but we've never seen the skinny, frightened girl who slowly rises to her feet with her hands in the air. She introduces herself as Inessa, and Kiefer asks, "Who did that to you?" He's referring, it seems, to a collection of visible bruises. There may be more that are not visible, but given the size of the dress she's wearing, probably not many more. "He is holding me here," Inessa tells Kiefer in a thick Russian accent. Ah, so the rebel took a little child bride. "I want to go home," she Natashas. Kiefer's face is flooded with compassion, which would be a lot more convincing if he would quit pointing his gun at her. It's 1:27:54.
It's 1:32:22, and in the act-in splitscreen, absolutely nothing of interest happens. I mean, seriously, the most exciting thing going on is in the upper left-hand corner, where some gray-haired dude is delivering a folder to Audrey in the Situation Room. And then we follow him walking away, and holy crap, it's Senator John McCain. Stupid splitscreens.
At the garage, the mechanic is getting ready to start cutting open the first canister under Erwich's supervision. "You cannot puncture the inner lining," Erwich warns, although he leaves off the popular intensifier, "if it's the last thing you do." The mechanic wants to know what this is all about. And that's Erwich's cue to begin Story Time. He explains that his wife has been in prison for seven years, for "supporting me while I fought for my country." Oh, would that be the country of "Central Asia"? So sad, what's going on there. He adds that his son lives in a state-run facility and doesn't even know what Erwich looks like. Maybe Erwich should send him the yellow tie. He concludes, "It's about justice. It's about ending tyranny." It's about how the bad guys on this show can never shut their fucking yaps and get on with it already. He promises the mechanic, whose name is Cal, that when he's done, they'll leave him unhurt. "You have my word," Erwich assures him with a comforting pat on the shoulder. Cal puts his goggles in place and turns on the saw, which starts cutting into the first canister with an almighty racket. Not to tell anyone how to do their jobs, but maybe time the manufacturers could encase their crazy-deadly nerve gases in titanium or something.
Back at the Cradle of Love, Kiefer's finally put his gun down and is gently leading Inessa into the living room, now with a robe over her shoulders. Kiefer makes vague reassuring noises at her at 1:34:04 as he parks her in a chair with her back to Rossler. He tells the nearest agent to have a medic look at her, and to have CTU run a background check. As for Rossler, he generously says, "I don't mind that they've dressed his wound, but be sure they don't give him anything for the pain." The agent takes the two steps necessary to relay this information. Kiefer tells Curtis to put Rossler in a chair, and Curtis complies by having his guys do it. Never let it be said that Curtis can't delegate.
Kiefer sits across from Rossler and demands to know what Erwich wants, as if he and CTU don't already know. We even see Audrey and the CTU bosses listening in from the Situation Room on the comm channel right now. Rossler, not realizing what show he's on, asks for his lawyer. Kiefer shocks me by agreeing, but then he adds the condition that Rossler gives him what he wants. He explains, "Mr. Erwich is in possession of twenty canisters of Sentox-VX nerve gas, which he has threatened to deploy here in the United States." "I guess you have a problem," Rossler smirks. Kiefer walks around behind Rossler and assures him that the problem is his: "You're conspiring with and aiding a known terrorist, which means that I get to hold you for as long as I want." Rossler still isn't talking for the whole time it takes for Kiefer to circle back around to in front of him, so Kiefer wearily says, "Trust me. You don't want to go down this road with me." Rossler? Trust him. "Go to hell," Rossler suggests. Kiefer responds with a backhand across the face. "You like hurting girls?" he hisses in Rossler's ear, which is a bit off topic, but I can understand why Kiefer's pissed. I won't even ask if Kiefer likes hurting old men. Kiefer says Curtis's name, and Curtis responds by pressing a foot against Rossler's wounded leg. Curtis is done delegating, I guess.
It's 1:36:06 as we see Audrey and McGill standing with Buchanan in the CTU Sit Room, trying to look hardcore about what's going on. Curtis releases Rossler, and Kiefer repeats his demand as to Erwich's whereabouts. Through his agony, Rossler manages to dictate the following. "I want full immunity. Unfreezing of all my assets. And transport to a foreign country of my choosing." "No," Kiefer says. And then, as if he thinks he's getting any leverage, Rossler wants to throw in Inessa. We see Inessa possibly react, even though it's not clear how much of the following discussions she will have heard from twenty feet away. "We're not making a deal," Kiefer clarifies, and sics Curtis on Rossler again. There are a few more seconds of agonized groaning from Rossler before McGill cuts in on Kiefer's earpiece, calling a halt to the fun. "We don't have the luxury to engage in brinksmanship," McGill says. Kiefer growls, "He's going to tell us what we want to know." Hey, did you hear that? That was the sound of Kiefer stepping off his oft-stated position that he only tortures people when there's no other choice, and that he doesn't secretly kind of dig it. Secret's out, tough guy. McGill snaps, "Accept the deal. That's an order." "It's your call," Kiefer grumbles. McGill ends the call and leaves the Situation Room, saying he'll be back in a few minutes. Buchanan and Audrey look at each other unhappily, like McGill just ruined all their fun, too. Plus now they're going to have to wait until he gets back before they can order lunch.
Back at the Cradle of Love, Kiefer takes his sweet time telling Rossler that he's been instructed to accept the deal. Rossler pushes his luck, demanding "a certified agreement, signed by the Attorney General... And remember, I want Inessa." Inessa doesn't look like she thinks it's nice to be wanted at all. It's 1:38:56.
We come back at 1:43:02, as Kiefer comes into the room to say Rossler's immunity agreement is being drawn up. Good thing the Attorney General wasn't doing anything else. Now Kiefer wants to know where Erwich is. Rossler, who has recovered rather well in the past few minutes, calmly answers, "I have no idea. I don't know the man. Not even what he looks like. I first spoke with him thirty minutes ago. We were put in contact through a mutual associate in Russia." Kiefer's a lot less pissed than I would be at getting so little for so much as he asks who the associate is. Rossler drops the name "Sergei Voronov," which I'm pretty sure is a name from at least one video game. He confirms that Erwich does indeed want him to program a new trigger chip for the canisters, and will be calling back with the necessary ID numbers within the hour. He adds that he was planning on delivering the chip himself. "I want that chip," Kiefer growls, and Rossler says he'll show it to Kiefer once he sees the papers he's asked for. Kiefer scowls at Rossler, then steps aside to whisper to Curtis, "I want you to be ready to fit that chip with a transponder so we can track it." "Track it"? Disable the fucker! Step on it! Throw it away! I swear, Kiefer just likes to make things harder for himself sometimes. He whips out his cell phone and dials.
A minute and a half into the act, it's somehow now only 1:43:37 as Buchanan answers Kiefer's call while walking through CTU. Kiefer's calling for an update on Rossler's agreement, which Buchanan tells him should be coming through in a few minutes. Kiefer's item of business is whether they've learned anything about Inessa. I've learned that she's very good at sitting still and being quiet. To that information, Buchanan adds that Inessa went missing from Kiev nineteen months ago, presumably nabbed by "traffickers in the sex slave trade. She's fifteen, Jack." Just what Kiefer needs to hear under the circumstances. What's he supposed to do with that info, anyway, Buchanan? "Fifteen?" he repeats incredulously, as if the poor girl isn't five feet away from him. Not that she turns to him to reveal her reaction. Once off the phone, Kiefer crosses to Rossler, who's sitting there grinning smugly. Kiefer sits across from him and launches into a heartfelt if tuneless rendition of the Tim McGraw classic, "Don't Take the Girl." Rossler says Inessa's all he cares about; no girl, no deal. Kiefer feels all kinds of shitty about what he's going to have to do.
And we're back at CTU, where I think Chloe only feels two or three kinds of shitty over what she's about to do. She takes a deep breath and marches over to where Spencer is still working. "Whatever you have, port it over to Edgar's station," Chloe says. "He'll be finishing that task." Spencer, not getting it, again tries to explain himself, but Chloe cuts him off with a pinched "I know." Spencer's sort of relieved, until Chloe blurts, "You don't work here anymore, Spencer." She drops the bomb that his reinstatement was only temporary, and now the Redshirts will be escorting him out. And then she stomps off to stand over Edgar and chew her nails in his ear. Lucky, lucky Edgar. As Spencer is led away, Edgar offers, "I know that was hard, but you did the right thing." We all know what Chloe's going to have to say to that, which only leaves open the question of exactly how loud her "Shut up, Edgar" is going to be. As it turns out, she goes with a not-very-forceful stage whisper. And then she storms off. Edgar grins like she just kissed him. Which, in Chlo-ese, she practically did.
In Logan's office, FLOTUS reads off the draft of the statement they've come up with. Logan smiles at his wife indulgently, saying he has to run it by Novick, "but I think it works." FLOTUS says she thinks it's the right move. Hey, you know what I think would be the right move? HIRE A DAMN STAFF. I don't expect to see a full Cabinet meeting every week, but come on. This Logan guy lives in a smaller bubble than the real President. With Walt out of the picture, he's got one, count 'im, one advisor on his payroll. My eyes roll so hard that the digital readout of 1:46:42 nearly escapes my attention entirely. They're all happy about having made up, until Logan's desk phone rings. It's Novick on the other end, telling the President to meet him in the west hallway. It's abundantly apparent from his tone and manner what he's just discovered, but he's not saying. Worried, the Prez says he's on his way.
At the garage, Cal the mechanic has finished slicing off the top of the first canister. Erwich carefully lifts off the precision-lid and looks inside, where there's a digital readout in red LEDs, like these things have batteries that last forever. I suppose I should be relieved that they aren't the numbers from Lost, though. "Good," Erwich says. "Good"? That took fifteen minutes. At this rate it's going to take until Episode 12 to get them all open.
The Logans have reached the west hallway, and from the shocked and apprehensive looks on their faces, the only question is this: Tie or belt? When the camera comes around the corner, bringing into the view the body of Walt suspended by the neck from a light fixture, the people who put their money on "belt" are the big winners. "Cut him down," Novick tells the Secret Service guys, like, thanks for preserving the scene in its full horror until the boss and his wife showed up. We'll be sure to include that in your annual review. It's 1:48:16.
Commercials. Buy a Nissan Xterra, which is your only mode of transportation to all sorts of ways to nearly kill yourself.
We're back at 1:52:42, and McGill is just now arriving in a disreputable-looking parking lot. You can tell because it has high walls and dumpsters. He looks at his watch, like, nice nod to the fact that you're nearly a half hour late. His sister pops into view and asks, "You got the money?" McGill says he's not giving her any money; instead, he's brought the name of a doctor. McSibling is disappointed nearly to the point of panic, and soon we see why, as a guy jumps out of nowhere behind McGill and beats the crap out of him. McGill's down in less time than it takes for his sister to say, "Oh my God, don't hurt him" (as if anyone's listening). The grungy leather-jacketed thug rifles through McGill's pockets and takes his wallet, including his cash and what might be his CTU access card. Which I'm sure he'll drop in the mail at his very first opportunity. McSibling apologizes to McGill, and then she and her charming boyfriend leave him lying on the ground to the Dumpsters. Bleeding, McGill hauls himself to his feet to the sound of a motorcycle revving in the background. He's clearly not looking on the bright side, which is that when McSibling and her boyfriend get married, he's going to have a great story for his Best Man toast.
It's 1:54:05 at the Cradle of Love as Curtis tells Kiefer that Rossler's been given a painkiller and that CTU's ready to track him by air and land when he leaves to meet Erwich. "No one's going anywhere unless Erwich makes that call," Kiefer reminds us. He goes off to make a "private" phone call to Audrey, who says she hasn't reached Kim yet, although she did leave a message. Kiefer asks her to try again, and she agrees, like she doesn't have anything better to do in the middle of a terror threat. But then, she doesn't actually work there. Besides, if they don't get a hold of Kim soon, it's going to be too late to swap her for Inessa.
Speaking of whom, Kiefer's now got to do something he really doesn't want to do. He stands there looking pained for a moment, and then when he turns to find the girl, she's standing directly behind him. Kiefer manages not to startle right into the wall. The poor naïve thing is asking Kiefer when she can contact her family. "I have to explain something to you first," Kiefer euphemizes. He invites her to sit, and then literally gets down on his knees in front of her. "For now," he says as though it's causing him physical pain, "we need you to go with Mr. Rossler." He assures her that agents like him will be following them, and will rescue her as soon as they have what they need. I don't remember Kiefer getting authorization for that, but I have no doubt he plans to do exactly what he's saying. Which, actually, good for him. "I promise you," he says, "I won't let him be alone with you," but Inessa's not buying it. They get to their feet, and it's clear that Kiefer isn't letting her go. "I'm sorry, I can't," he whispers. "Then you are no different than Rossler," she says quietly. Wounded, Kiefer disagrees with that assessment, again promises that nothing will happen to her, and asks her to get dressed. He closes the door to the bedroom with her inside. Alone. This will soon prove to be a bad idea.
At the garage, Cal the motorcycle mechanic has just finished cutting open the last canister. I guess he got the hang of it on the last nineteen there. Erwich puts a hand on Cal's shoulder and tells him, "Good job." And when Cal turns to face him, Erwich plugs him in the chest. Wow, he's not at all like Kiefer about his "word." I guess Erwich's word must be "sucker." At 1:57:02, the henchman that Erwich decked earlier pulls the last canister off the power saw and sets it on the floor to the others, which all have their lids duct-taped back in place. The henchman opens the newest lid, and Erwich punches the last ID number into his BlackBerry with the rest of them. "Load the canisters. Get rid of the body," Erwich orders. While his guys get busy with that, Erwich dials his satellite phone.
The call rings through at the Cradle of Love, where all manner of call-tracing and call-intercepting and call-monitoring equipment is set up. Rossler picks up the phone and hears Erwich say, "We have the identification keys. I'm messaging them to you now." And indeed, a message window pops up on Rossler's computer with the numbers. These guys might know each other better than they let on. Erwich asks how long it'll take to get a new chip programmed and delivered, and Rossler says he'll be ready to deliver it in ten minutes. "You and I need a place where we can meet...unless you have someone who can install and reprogram an encoded binary chip." Kiefer should have shot Rossler in his wise ass. Erwich says he'll call back in five minutes. Once Rossler hangs up, Kiefer tells the nearest agent to hook Rossler up with a transponder and that he's getting Inessa from the other room. Belt or tie?
Actually, it's neither, as Kiefer opens the bedroom door to find the girl standing there in jeans and a cardigan. He leads her out to the living room, making more reassuring noises. The splitscreen is all about her looking nervous while Rossler gazes at her creepily, while back at the garage, Erwich's guys drag Cal's body out of sight. And then the splitscreen is over as Curtis reports to Kiefer that although they couldn't complete the trace, they've narrowed the call's point of origination to a ten-block radius. Which is a distance that can be traversed in twenty seconds flat on this show, so, whoop-de-fuck. Kiefer's cell phone rings, and while he's thus distracted, Inessa, who's standing right behind him, whips out a gun that she had hidden in her cardigan and shoots Rossler twice. See? Bad idea to leave her alone. Kiefer bellows, "No!" and orders the CTU agents to hold their fire. Rossler's already down, and Curtis calls for a medic. Kiefer turns to face Inessa, who's still holding the gun straight out with Kiefer in her line of fire. He quietly asks for the gun. "I know you don't want to hurt anybody else," he says, and she says she couldn't go with Rossler. Kiefer doesn't have a lot of time, though, being Kiefer and all, and he disarms her with a lightning-quick move that nonetheless doesn't seem to hurt her. "Is he going to make it?" Kiefer asks of Rossler. Judging by the way the guy's lifeless eyes are staring up at the ceiling, I'd say no. Curtis agrees, and just in case we need to be reminded why Rossler's death is premature at best, he adds, "Rossler was our only link to those canisters. Erwich's going to call here any minute, and he's going to expect to talk to him." Kiefer tries not to look too embarrassed that a beaten, half-starved fifteen-year-old turned out to be a deadlier shot than he is. It's 2:00:00.