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Veep hands things over to Palmer, and it's like Palmer never left office. He and Poor Man's Hume Cronyn even kiss and make up. As do DoDder and Grayadder (not that she's told Kiefer). But things are little rockier between Bitchelle and Soul Patch, now that she's found out that he's living with someone. Palmer's first challenge comes right away; the hard drive that Potato Face secured last hour leads to a Chinese national named Lee, who's taking refuge inside the Chinese Consulate. Palmer asks the Consul nicely to hand Lee over, but the diplomatic method is going to take too long. So Palmer sends Kiefer into the Consulate undercover to kidnap Lee, which basically amounts to an invasion of Chinese territory. Even that wouldn't be so bad, except that the Consul gets shot and killed during the grab. Oops. Way to come back to the White House in the middle of the night and practically start a war, Palmer. Lee is also shot but not dead yet, so Kiefer rushes him to the CTU clinic, where -- oops again -- the only trauma surgeon on staff is busy saving the life of Grayadder, who suddenly took a turn for the worse. To DoDder's horror, Kiefer hijacks the surgeon at gunpoint to work on Lee instead. We don't know whether to laugh or cry as Kiefer and Curtis labor desperately to save Grayadder themselves. But DoDder faces no such dilemma, especially when Grayadder dies. Dies! Because of Kiefer! Well, that's one way to resolve a love triangle. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
You'll never believe this, but due to some graphic violence, viewer discretion is advised.
Previously on 24: The Veep ordered Kiefer arrested, even though Kiefer was in the middle of trying to nab ImhoTerror. So ImhoTerror got away when the Secret Service waded in. Kiefer was released, but he was still pissed about ImhoTerror's escape. And the Veep felt like a tremendous ass, so Poor Man's Hume Cronyn suggested calling in Palmer. ImhoTerror's Missile Tech had a girlfriend who presented a security risk, so Keith Szhutterupnau sent a hit man to kill Miss Iletech. But it wasn't the hit man's day, because Potato Face was there too and managed to get her hands on an assault rifle. Which she used to shoot the hit man a lot. The following takes place between 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM.
I'm confused by this opening, because first we get an asymmetrical exterior shot of the White House, and then a close-up of feet striding purposefully along a red hallway carpet. I'd think they were inside the White House if they were all talking a mile a minute while walking, but an overcoated Palmer and the two Secret Service agents flanking him aren't saying a word. So I have no idea what building they're in. But then they're met by the former head of Palmer's Secret Service detail, Aaron the Lipless Gnome. I guess they're in the White House after all. Must be a cone of silence over the place or something. Aaron greets Palmer warmly and leads him and his guards into the elevator down to the Bunker. Palmer and Aaron make small talk about Aaron's son on the way down, because Palmer's a man of the people, and he doesn't want Aaron asking whether Theo's still pursuing a freelance career in the defenestrative sciences.
PMHC is pacing nervously outside the elevator doors down below, and he and Palmer shake hands when the former prez emerges. We get the non-update that Keeler is still comatose (and boy, is he gonna be pissed when he wakes up). Before Palmer joins the Veep in the Undal Office's outer lobby, Aaron again shakes Palmer's hand and goes back to the demanding work of guarding the President two hundred feet underground, a hazardous duty that I suspect involves a lot of Freecell. I love how Aaron glommed on to Palmer all the way to the White House, failed to prevent an assassination attempt, and then got to stick around when Palmer left. Quite the careerist, that guy.
Palmer enters the outer lobby of the Undal Office. The Veep rises to greet him, and the episode's director makes him stand reallyreallyclose to Palmer so he has to tip his head way back to talk to him. Palmer cuts to the chase and asks how he can help. The Veep cuts himself no slack in explaining his recent mistake to Palmer. Palmer says he understands the pressure the Veep's under; as the Veep well knows, Palmer has a little experience with this kind of situation. Which is why the Veep wants Palmer there. He invites Palmer to sit down, explaining that the stolen warhead is an extra-powerful one that will "wreak unthinkable devastation." He steals a look at PMHC, standing behind Palmer, but PMHC has nothing to say. "Help me find it," the Veep blurts, as if he lost his wallet. He promises Palmer full authority to act as his proxy, offering to let Buchanan know that CTU will be working directly with Palmer. Palmer agrees. The Veep jumps up gratefully, looking about ready to hug his predecessor. "We will get through this, Mr. President," Palmer says. The Veep says he'll be off working on a morning statement for the press. What a relief that in this time of crisis he's not going to be near anything important. PMHC walks the defeated Veep to the door, promising to keep him up to date on any developments. The Veep thanks him with great feeling, then leaves the area to let the grownups handle the problem.
First, though, there's a little air-clearing that needs to be done. Especially since we're two hundred feet underground. PMHC brings up his "personal and political betrayal" of Palmer during Season Two, and offers to leave if being around is going to make it hard on Palmer. Palmer looks like the thought had occurred to him, but since PMHC is up to speed and undoubtedly well-intentioned, Palmer's "willing to let bygones be bygones." PMHC smiles as they shake hands over the rising, inspirational music of We're Getting The Band Back Together. At 2:06:22, Palmer shucks his overcoat and marches right into the Undal Office. He sits behind the desk like he belongs there (again), confidently rattling off orders. It's like he's already ten times the president the Veep ever was. PMHC brings him up to speed on the hour's developments: CTU is working on restoring the damaged ImhoTape that they recovered during the abortive attempt to collar ImhoTerror, and Potato Face managed to get a hard drive that could be chock-full of clues to the warhead.
Outside Casa Miss Iletech, cops and paramedics are all over the place, making sure Miss Iletech and Potato Face are uninjured. The latter shoos away the paramedic hovering over her: "I did the shooting," she says, leaving the "and you're " just barely unspoken. He leaves her alone so she can get to work on the hard drive. While she's doing that, she's talking on her hands-free headset to Kiefer back at CTU, who has her on speaker. In a nice touch of continuity, Kiefer is still standing over Lispy Skip's desk, and Curtis is still in the background. They've also been joined by Buchanan during the previouslies. Kiefer tells Potato Face that the hard drive "belongs to someone who has no experience with nucular weapons." Wow, those guys standing in a barn in Iowa with him and the nuke are really brave, then. Kiefer points out that Missile Tech had to have some source for his knowledge. Potato Face technobabbles about the emails she's already decrypting; they all come from the same person, but the source address is shielded. Kiefer asks her to send everything over to CTU so Skip can trace them, and Potato Face adds that whoever sent the emails is in the U.S. Kiefer thanks her and tells her to hold on, then picks up a handset. He Velvets, "Hey. How you holdin' up?" I thought for a second that he had just randomly (and quickly) called DoDder, but then we see Potato Face answering, "I'm not used to the idea that I just killed someone, if that's what you're asking. But I'm doing my job." And then I thought he was going to say, "Oh, I was trying to call DoDder." But I was wrong. I like my version better. "Fair enough," says the guy whose personal body count for the day is pushing triple digits. He tells her to get back to CTU as soon as she can. Not to give anything away, but it's wise of him to be nice to her and keep his options open here.
Of course, this is all the time Lispy Skip needed to trace Missile Tech's emails to a Chinese national named Lee Jong. There's already a photo of a fortysomething Asian man on his screen and everything. Lispy Skip exposits that Lee was a research scientist on China's nuclear weapons program, until he was fired in 2001. Buchanan wonders if this means that the Chinese are backing ImhoTerror, but Kiefer doubts that the Chinese government would use someone so easily traceable. Which means that Lee is working freelance. They all agree that Lee might know where ImhoTerror is, and Buchanan tells Skip to check with the INS to see if Lee is in the country. I love how ImhoTerror is so tricky and slippery, but CTU manages to find someone new who's connected to him just about every hour.
Just then Kiefer's cell phone rings. It's the CTU surgeon, calling to say that Grayadder is well enough to have a brief visit from Kiefer. Kiefer leaves the hunt for the warhead to his colleagues while he trots off to visit his boyfriend. Who knows when he'll get another chance, right? It might be the last chance they have to talk for a while.
At 2:08:42, Grayadder is sitting up in his bed at the CTU clinic. DoDder comes in to tell him that the doctor wants him moved to the Amherst General Spinal Program. It's here that we learn the doctor's name: Besson. I would speculate that that's an homage to Luc Besson, the director of the original French La Femme Nikita, which was the basis for a TV series by the producers of 24. But I don't actually care. Unfortunately for Grayadder, the FAA is still grounding all flights, although DoDder's trying to get an exemption. Grayadder smarmily grins that if anyone can get an exemption, she can. She strokes his arm and says she wants to go with him to Massachusetts. Grayadder loses his smile (and who could blame him?) as he says he doesn't need her charity, but DoDder insists she's going because she wants to. Never mind what Grayadder wants. As if he's reading my mind, he asks, "What about Kiefer?" But he stops before saying, "How will I live without him?" Instead, he reminds her, "You said you were in love with him." "I know," she says. Yeah, she's said lots of things. She sucks.
Whoops, speak of the devil. Kiefer walks in and, upon seeing this tableau, apologizes for interrupting and turns to go. Of course, it's Grayadder who asks him to stay. Kiefer says to DoDder, "Thought you'd be at the DoD briefing." Dammit, DoDder, can't you see you're intruding on these two? Kiefer just can't catch a break. DoDder says the briefing ended early, presumably because nobody knows where the Secretary of Defense is anyway. Grayadder is looking at Kiefer ambiguously while he babbles that he's been trying to visit since Grayadder got out of surgery. Which time? Awkward pause. Kiefer starts again, but Grayadder's like, "You don't have to say anything." Kiefer insists that Grayadder saved his life. Grayadder tries to downplay it, and soon there's nothing left to say and they simply gaze adoringly upon each other. DoDder just looks irritated to be left out. Grayadder abruptly lets out a grunt of pain, just as Buchanan raps on the glass door for Kiefer's attention. Kiefer says he'll check back, and steps outside. Now that he's gone, Grayadder asks DoDder, "Does he know you want to come with me?" Say it with her, everyone: "Not yet." God, she's such an asshole.
Buchanan's update for Kiefer is about Lee, who they've already learned has been hiding out at the Chinese consulate for the past hour. Buchanan says that since it's sovereign territory, it's the one place they can't get to Lee. "But we're going to try." He hands Kiefer a phone, saying, "David Palmer on the line for you." Kiefer's confused, so Buchanan explains that the Veep was in over his head and called Palmer in. "Good," says Kiefer inexplicably, and takes the call. There's PMHC's voice saying, "Please hold for the President." Wow, Palmer really is making himself at home under the White House, isn't he? He and Kiefer greet one another like the old friends they are. Palmer says he's explained the situation about Lee Jong to the Chinese Consul, and he wants Kiefer to personally take Lee into custody. Kiefer asks what to do if the political approach doesn't work. "Whatever it takes, we need this man Lee in custody," Palmer says. "I understand, Mr. President," Kiefer says, and they hang up.
Kiefer asks Buchanan if they have a Chinese interpreter, and because Division really has nothing at all to do besides keep an eye on CTU, Buchanan instantly names Melissa Raab: "She's very good." And she's been sitting at her desk all night long just in case someone needs her, apparently. Kiefer wants her, Curtis, and one of Curtis's agents ready to move on the Consulate. They head out of the clinic. I feel sorry for whoever it is that has to chase down and hang up all these cordless phones that people are always carrying around CTU.
Out on the floor, at 2:11:52, Lispy Skip gets a call saying that the AV people have finished restoring the ImhoTape. Skip requests that the video be sent to his screen, and calls Bitchelle over to watch it with him. The fast-moving Buchanan joins them as well, and there on Skip's monitor is a staticky ImhoTerror, saying, "You wake up today to a different world. One of your own nuclear weapons has been used against you." You know what? He's not as good this time. I think when they shot the scene where he records the tape, the camera he was talking to wasn't running, and then Vosloo had to redo it so we could have this footage of him talking directly to the camera lens. And then they scratched it all up in hopes that we wouldn't be able to tell. But I'm onto you, 24. Speaking as somebody who spends several hours a week watching every episode a few seconds at a time, I…kind of hate myself. As ImhoTerror's second take continues, Buchanan and Bitchelle speculate as to whether they should take ImhoTerror's words literally. Buchanan asks Skip what time sunrise is on the East Coast, and Lispy Skip almost instantly says, "7:02. Less than two hours away." That's interesting. Does this mean that the East Coast in the 24-verse is a straight line? Because I just checked the sunrise times for Lubec, Maine and Jacksonville, Florida, and they have dawns almost an hour and a half apart this time of year. That's not the only thing that's unclear, as staticky ImhoTerror keeps issuing his staticky threats on Lispy Skip's screen. And that's the last we'll see of him this week. It's 2:12:52.
2:17:13. Kiefer, Curtis, and a young Asian woman (who I assume is Melissa Raab, the Chinese interpreter) are riding along in the back of a CTU van; Grayadder wonders how he's going to get away from DoDder if he can't walk; and some guys in Iowa are doing something or other with an American nuclear warhead after it's been fiddled with by a guy who learned everything he knows about atomic weapons via emailed schematics and diagrams of Chinese nukes sent to him by another guy with shadowy motives who doesn't speak English. Those guys are looking braver to me all the time.
Inside the Undal Office, PMHC notifies Palmer that he's got the Chinese Consul in Los Angeles on the line. Palmer takes the call and introduces himself simply as "David Palmer." Inside an ornate building, we see a subtitle that reads "Chinese Consulate." Palmer lies that the reason he's helping out at the White House is because the Veep is occupied with other, "equally important matters," and the Consul extends his sympathies and an offer to help. Palmer says that the Consul actually can help, and explains about Lee Jong. The Consul confirms that Lee is in the house. Palmer asks to take Lee into custody. The Consul says that Lee is proclaiming his innocence, and, what with Lee being a Chinese citizen and the Consulate being Chinese territory, "I can't just hand him over to you without going through channels." Palmer asks the Consul to call the Chinese Premier, and to tell him that "cooperation will be regarded as an extraordinary act of friendship on the part of his nation, and our nation will respond in kind." Could you vague that up a little, mister private citizen who wasn't actually given any authority to negotiate with other governments? The Consul promises to do his best, and they hang up. "How long will it take?" PMHC asks Palmer. Palmer doesn't know. Ah, this is the Palmer I remember.
2:18:12. Bitchelle and Soul Patch are on the CTU floor, almost literally, as they discuss the lack of progress on the search for the warhead. Lots of eye-fucking going on between these two. Naturally, that's when the nearest phone rings, and Bitchelle answers it. Somebody get this place a fucking switchboard already. A female voice tells Bitchelle she's calling for Soul Patch. Bitchelle identifies herself for no reason and asks who's calling, also for no reason. "The woman he happens to be living with," answers Skank of Soul Patch. Ooh, awkward. Bitchelle's face goes from blank to glacial, although her tone doesn't change as she asks SoSP to hang on. "It's for you," she tells Soul Patch. "Who is it?" asks poor, dumb, doomed Soul Patch. "The woman you're living with?" Bitchelle says casually, and looks at him with an exquisite lack of expression. Soul Patch heroically suppresses his full-body cringe, and takes the call. SoSP says she's been calling all over, wondering where Soul Patch is, and finally figured out that Kiefer brought him back to CTU. Soul Patch tries to deal with SoSP while Bitchelle is standing right there to him this whole time, pretending to work but obviously hearing everything he's saying. "I thought you hated that place," SoSP says, and Soul Patch says things have changed. "Yeah, I guess they have," SoSP snap-catches.
Soul Patch finally gets off the phone, and now he has to deal with Bitchelle. "I'm sorry you had to find out like that," he tries. "It's really none of my business," Bitchelle says emotionlessly, marching away. Soul Patch follows her, telling her he should have told her. She doesn't want to talk about it. But he does, a point he illustrates by grabbing her arm and spinning her around so her back is to the nearest glass wall. Ooh, inappropriate. Soul Patch says his life fell apart when Bitchelle left, and SoSP happened to be there. Bitchelle is on the verge of tears as she asks, "Do you love her?" "No," Soul Patch says. I was wrong. Now she's on the verge of tears. Luckily, Lispy Skip is there to interrupt the moment by calling to her across the floor with some technobabble. Bitchelle extracts herself from Soul Patch, thanking Lispy Skip. You know, something was missing from that scene. Wait, I've got it -- Buchanan watching significantly from across the floor. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this show.
That's when Potato Face comes stomping across the floor back to her computer, scowling toxically at the entire universe. Luckily, she's not holding a gun any more. Even so, Lispy Skip is taking his life in his hands as he carefully approaches her and asks if she's okay. She bitches that she's fine. Matter of opinion. I do think it's nice that he's not cheering her for blowing someone away, at least to her face. He turns to go, and she stops him, saying she appreciates his concern, and managing to share a little: "When I shot that guy, I thought I'd go all fetal position, but the truth is, I didn't feel anything. At all. I hope I'm not some kind of a psychopath," Potato Face says. …What? Why are you looking at me like that? I'm just sitting here, not making any comments on that at all. Lispy Skip says maybe she'll freak out in a few days. "I hope so," she says. Heh.
Palmer's outside the Undal Office, interacting with some extras, when PMHC comes out at 2:22:37 to give him a call from Buchanan. Buchanan tells Palmer about the ImhoTape, and how it leads them to believe that ImhoTerror's going to trigger the nuke by dawn on the East Coast. Palmer thanks him, then hands the phone back to PMHC and tells him to get the Chinese Consul back on the line.
The Consul is surprised to be hearing back from Palmer so soon, but he says that the Chinese Premier is already "considering the situation very carefully." "There's no time for that," Palmer snaps ungraciously, and shares the new timeframe. The Consul says he understands the urgency, and he's optimistic, and he expects to hear from the Premier again in two to three hours. Palmer says that's not soon enough, but the Consul says it's the best he can do. Palmer thanks him and hangs up with a groan. He tells PMHC that they'll probably have Lee in a few hours, which is fast for the Chinese, but not nearly fast enough to stop ImhoTerror. "What do we do?" sighs PMHC. Palmer gets a shifty look on his face.
That's because Kiefer is already in position outside the Consulate. It's 2:24:32, eleven minutes after we last saw him at CTU. The fact that the Chinese Consulate is a real place with an actual address is going to be a big help with my CTU triangulation project, I think. Kiefer's cell phone rings. It's Palmer, asking if Kiefer's at the Consulate yet. Kiefer says he and his team are set up outside, and Palmer says they're out of time. Palmer forcefully asks if Kiefer has any doubt at all that Lee is working with ImhoTerror. Kiefer says just as forcefully that there's no doubt whatsoever. Palmer says they have to get Lee out. "Yes, sir," Kiefer says. Palmer instructs, "No one connected with the government can admit to knowing anything about this. Ever. If you're caught you'll be tried in a Chinese court under Chinese law." Kiefer understands. I don't know why he likes Palmer so much, with all the shitty stuff Palmer's always making him do. Palmer says if it were anyone else, he'd ask if Kiefer were sure, but with Kiefer he already knows. Kiefer just looks at the building, waiting for Palmer to finish his conscience massaging so he can get on with it. "God bless you," Palmer finishes. Kiefer thanks him and hangs up. "We're on. We're going in to get him." Kiefer dials his phone.
His call goes right through to the CTU phone that Soul Patch happens to be standing to. I really don't know how the phones work in that place. Kiefer says he needs real-time infrared satellite coverage of the Consulate. Soul Patch is on it, but he asks what's going on. Kiefer explains his mission. "Who knows about this?" Soul Patch asks suspiciously. "We have authorization from the White House," Kiefer hedges. But Soul Patch is the only one at CTU who can know about this, and Kiefer wants him to clear the satellite records afterward so there's no evidence that it ever happened. Wow, Kiefer sure called the right guy, didn't he? Soul Patch agrees to Kiefer's instructions and hangs up. "Let's suit up," says Kiefer, and the loud ticking of the act-out clock showing 2:26:07 doesn't come close to drowning the indignant howls of millions of Kieferettes still hoping for an onscreen costume change.
2:30:33. The Chinese Consul wonders why he doesn't have an office or a bedroom and instead has to wander around the building in his suit all night; Palmer waits for his abuse of non-authority to catch up with him; and DoDder is still inflicting herself on poor, paralyzed Grayadder. In the van outside the Chinese Consulate, Kiefer's on the phone with Soul Patch, who's updating Kiefer's GameBoy with the schematics to the Chinese Consulate. Um, is that something we're supposed to have? I can't imagine the Chinese would be too keen on that. Especially if they're easily accessible to someone with only a level three security clearance. Soul Patch has also got the plans up on an overhead monitor at CTU, and he's talking in a normal voice in the middle of the floor, which isn't really consistent with the Mole Patch we've seen in the past. To be fair, Kiefer did instruct him to make sure that his workstation wasn't being monitored, and what better way to do that than put everything on a screen that can be seen from fifty feet away? Who's going to care about his dinky little monitor then? He's got the infrared satellite view overlaid on the 3-D schematic, so they quickly establish that most people inside the building are asleep, and that one of the few moving people gathered in a certain area is probably Lee. They hang up. Curtis asks how Kiefer wants to deploy, and Kiefer announces that he's going in alone. Curtis starts to object, but Kiefer says he has to make the mission "completely deniable." Raab is to stay in the van until she's needed, while Curtis and the other agent are instructed to "cover the perimeter," only engaging after Kiefer leaves the Consulate. "Masks on, non-lethal force." Curtis agrees. But what happens when Curtis gets killed? Kiefer pulls down his own ski mask and exits the van. It's 2:31:56.
Kiefer scampers across the lawn and climbs over the fence surrounding the building without incident. He reaches the back door and runs a scanner along the jamb to determine what kind of alarm system he's dealing with. We don't get a good look at the scanner, but I'd like to think it's stamped with the words "MADE IN CHINA." He jams the system, picks the lock, and he's quickly inside the Consulate's courtyard. Soul Patch's voice is in his earpiece, warning him clear of patrolling guards. It's a little like The Matrix (if The Matrix had more sneaking) with Soul Patch acting as Kiefer's Operator. Soul Patch is of course "staying covert" by using his outdoor voice on the CTU floor. Lots of first-person sneaker video game moves going on, while a bamboo flute trills on the soundtrack. Kiefer draws his current weapon of choice, a tranquilizer pistol. He's now inside the building's main hall, on the first floor, where he can see Lee pacing around on the second-floor mezzanine. Another man in a suit is up there with him. Since stairs are for wusses (and also too exposed and well-lit), Kiefer stays in the shadows and climbs straight up the support column to the second level. There's a moment where he's pretty vulnerable clambering over the handrail, since it takes both hands, but he regains his feet and redraws his weapon without someone walking up and booting him in the chops. He silently moves along the mezzanine. He takes down two uniformed Chinese guards with tranquilizer darts, then bursts into the room with Lee and the other man, where he knocks them both unconscious with an elbow to the chin and a roundhouse punch, respectively. He sweeps Lee up into a fireman's carry, saying, "I got him." "Roger that," Soul Patch answers. But Kiefer's been spotted by another guard, who sounds the alarm. I suppose the armed, black-clad man in a ski-mask forcibly carrying a human being out of a secure building at 2:30 in the morning isn't likely to be mistaken for a member of the maintenance crew. And any hope that nobody else will understand the guard because he's yelling in Chinese is quickly dispelled as more guards come running.
"People moving towards you on both floors," Soul Patch obviouses. Kiefer orders the van brought to the exit, and Curtis relays the order. The van screeches up to the curb and Curtis throws the back doors open. Kiefer's already outside the building and in the courtyard by the time the guards start shooting. The Consul runs outside, hollering in Chinese, and stupidly runs in front of the guards who are shooting. Naturally, they can't hit Kiefer, but the boss takes one in the back right away. We don't get to hear the Mandarin word for "D'oh!" Curtis and the other agent rush into the courtyard and engage some guards hand-to-hand. Why the guards don't just shoot them, I don't know. One of the guards manages to briefly unmask the other agent, who quickly uses his unprotected face to head-butt his assailant unconscious before remasking. It's 2:35:43 when Kiefer makes it back to the van, clearly grateful that it's the Chinese Consulate he just invaded and that Palmer didn't send him to kidnap a Samoan. He tells Raab that Lee's been hit, and demands the medical bag. Curtis and the other agent jump back in the van, and they're away safely. Well, except the guy they came to get, who's got a bullet in him.
Kiefer reports the situation to Soul Patch, who promises to have CTU Medical ready when they arrive. Kiefer estimates they're fifteen minutes out. So it's eleven minutes if they're not in a hurry, but fifteen when there's a dying guy in the back who can lead them to ImhoTerror? That's going to add another degree of difficulty to my CTU triangulation project. Especially now that I have to assume that CTU is closer to the Consulate than Cedars-Sinai is. Kiefer tries to give Lee first aid, but he's not the most cooperative patient, even with Raab translating Kiefer's benign intentions toward him. Raab manages to get him to hold still long enough for Kiefer to administer a painkiller injection. Up front, the Briefly Unmasked Agent is now permanently unmasked and gingerly touching a scrape near his sideburn. Not sure what that's about, unless it means that the guard who unmasked him now has CTU DNA under his fingernails that will be used to prove the culpability of the U.S. government in the raid. Just a theory. I wouldn't have mentioned it, but I'm subbing for Sobell on CSI this week, so I figured I should warm up somehow.
Speaking of CTU Medical, DoDder is still there with Grayadder and is just getting off the phone, having secured an FAA exemption for them to fly to Massachusetts. She breaks the news that they're leaving at 8:00, and that Dr. Besson will be joining them. Does Bitchelle know that her one trauma surgeon plans to just walk off the job in a few hours? Grayadder says that's great. DoDder says once they get Grayadder settled in, she'll start looking for an apartment. Hey, maybe the terrorists' real plan is to get every single employee of the United States Department of Defense to just wander off the job. It's working a treat so far. Grayadder doesn't know what to say. "I'm gonna get through this," he jinxes. Famous last words. DoDder's cell phone rings. Someone on the other end is talking about further flight details, and she turns her back on Grayadder to take notes, when Grayadder's monitors start beeping. She doesn't notice at first, but when she finally looks up, Grayadder is gasping for breath behind her. She hangs up the phone (politely taking the time to say she'll call back) and hollers for help. Dr. Besson comes in on the run. He quickly diagnoses a "cardiac tamponade" (which is nowhere near as popular as the olive variety), and says they have to get Grayadder back into surgery right away. Well, maybe the third time will be the charm, right? Hang in there, Doc, you'll get it right eventually. Grayadder is still awake, hearing his dire prognosis and wheezing into the oxygen mask that's been put on his face. DoDder strokes her husband's hair and generally fails to get out of the way of the people who are trying to save his life. It's 2:38:45.
2:43:12. Lee is riding in the worst ambulance ever, Palmer paces the Undal Office lobby, and Soul Patch apparently hasn't gotten around to notifying Medical of Lee's impending arrival because he's busy chatting with people somewhere. Through Raab, Kiefer tells Lee that they need his help finding ImhoTerror. Lee doesn't bother denying his involvement, and is willing to tell them where ImhoTerror is in exchange for a guarantee of protection, both from ImhoTerror and the U.S. government. The chick playing Raab is waaaay too excited about being on 24. I hope her Mandarin is really good, because I sure as hell didn't order this much ham. Kiefer promises that if Lee gets them to ImhoTerror, he'll be immune from prosecution and Kiefer will take him "back to the Chinese Consulate or wherever he wants to go." I'm sure Kiefer's going to be real keen about going back to where soldiers were just shooting at him. Lee wants a written guarantee from the President. Kiefer gives his word that he'll get it, but he needs the info now. Lee's still holding out. All this translating is really slowing down the scene, which, speaking as a recapper, is my favorite thing ever. All is forgiven, Raab!
They're interrupted when Kiefer's cell phone rings, and in an amusing moment, he claps it to his ear, saying, "This is Bau--" and then he realizes he's still got his earpiece in. He yanks it out and answers the phone properly. Hee. I wonder if that was intentional. If not, I'm glad they kept it. It's a nice touch. His caller is Palmer, who's already gotten word from Buchanan that Lee is wounded but in custody. Kiefer relays Lee's terms. Palmer asks, "Can you force him to talk immediately?" Kiefer says the fastest way to get Lee's info is to give him what he wants. Well, he's already shot, so it's not like Kiefer is going to be able to inflict more pain on him than he's already having. Palmer promises to get the guarantee from the Veep and have it ready at CTU when they arrive. Kiefer thanks him. End of call.
PMHC comes out of the Undal Office to tell Palmer that the Deputy Chinese Consul is on the line: "What should I tell him?" Palmer says he'll take the call himself. Off PMHC's uncertain look, Palmer says, "We have to start fencing with them sooner or later. Might as well be now." Sure, since you don't have anything else going on and you're not actually the President. He instructs PMHC to get Lee's guarantee from the Veep, and heads into the Undal Office to take the call at 2:46:02.
Palmer asks whether the Consul has managed to get clearance to free Lee yet. Standing out in the Consulate's courtyard, the Deputy Chinese Consul hisses, "The Consul is dead." "What?" Palmer asks hilariously. The DCC is seriously pissed off for a guy who just got promoted to Chinese Consul. Or maybe he's sore from getting knocked unconscious but not abducted by Kiefer. He says the Consul was shot when armed men took Lee by force, although he doesn't say who did the shooting. Palmer is stunned at how quickly his illegal second term has gone south, but he just pretends to be shocked and deeply saddened. "I'm shocked and deeply saddened," he says. The DCC comes right out and asks if the U.S. government knows anything about what just happened, and whether Palmer expects him to believe that this is all just a coincidence. Palmer plays dumb -- even dumber than deciding to abduct a guy by force after asking nicely for him and then thinking nobody will catch on -- and the DCC talks about the political ramifications if Palmer's wrong. Palmer talks about the political ramifications of unfounded accusations. "No accusations have been made," the DCC gotchas, but he promises there will be an investigation. Palmer lies that he'll give his complete cooperation. The DCC hangs up, saying they'll talk again very soon. But not in a friendly way. Palmer firmly puts down the phone and rejoins PMHC outside the Undal Office.
PMHC reports that the Veep will give Lee his guarantee as long as it stays covert. Palmer, of course, has other things on his mind. He tells PMHC what happened, and he figures that the Consul was killed by friendly fire, although that doesn't matter. "If they're able to find proof that we were involved, in the long run the repercussions will be as serious as those we're facing with the terrorists." Okay, but the raid was ordered by a guy who doesn't work at the White House, and it was carried out and remotely coordinated by a couple of guys who don't work at CTU. That's some deniability right there, I'm thinking. As long as Palmer doesn't mind going to jail himself. But of course, last season he conspired to commit burglary and then allowed himself to be blackmailed out of office to avoid an obstruction of justice rap, so I guess we know how he feels about that.
It's 2:48:24 as Buchanan accosts Soul Patch in a CTU hallway, saying he just heard that a perforated Lee is on his way. So supposedly Buchanan told Palmer, but who told Buchanan? Somebody must be keeping on top of things at the Exposition Call Center in Bangalore. Soul Patch explains about the Lee-grabbing mission, and Buchanan wants to know upon whose authority Kiefer went into the Consulate. "The White House," Soul Patch says. Buchanan's pretty pissed that this is the first he's heard of it, and Soul Patch explains how it was supposed to be kept off the record. "But you knew about it," Buchanan protests. And now Buchanan does, too. Soul Patch isn't doing too good a job of keeping this quiet, is he? He admits that he ran tactical. Buchanan yells that his being out of the loop is unacceptable. Soul Patch provokes, "That's the way Kiefer wanted to play it." Buchanan hollers, "You don't work for Kiefer! You work for me!" And on that topic, Buchanan shares that he thought reinstating Soul Patch was a mistake in the first place. Soul Patch coolly says, "I think this is about something else." Buchanan is nearly weeping with rage as he tells Soul Patch he's wrong, and "WAY out of line!" He stomps off to have himself a good pout. Leaving aside the fact that Buchanan totally volunteered information that would facilitate Soul Patch's eventual reconciliation with Bitchelle hours ago, I don't know why he doesn't fire Soul Patch right there, or even have him arrested. Sure, reinstating him was DaD's idea, but what's DaD going to do about it? Come back?
In the van, Kiefer gets off his phone and tells Lee (through Raab) that medical assistance and his guarantee are waiting at CTU, and they're almost there. Lee tries to respond, but his voice is faint and Raab can't understand what he's saying, except that he's cold. Uh-oh, that sounds bad. Kiefer realizes that Lee must have severe internal bleeding. A quick listen to his chest further tells Kiefer that Lee's lungs are filling with fluid. Kiefer makes one more desperate bid to get the info, but Lee's eyes are rolling back in his head. Looks like he's checking out. Kiefer rips Lee's shirt open and begins TV chest compressions. You know, the kind without any force behind them that don't hurt the actor undergoing them, and wouldn't do a lick of good in actual CPR. Jeez, 24, buy a dummy or something. Curtis is already on the phone with CTU, saying, "Stand by with a gurney. We're coming in hot." "I'll say," agree the world's Kiefer and Curtis fans. Lee is of course not getting any mouth-to-mouth, because Lee? Not hot. It's 2:50:46.
2:55:12. Palmer realizes that as far as screwing things up on an historic level goes, this is a speed record even for him. Remember when I said he was ten times the president the Veep ever was? What's ten times zero? In other splitscreen windows, Grayadder is still under the knife in the soon-to-be-very-crowded CTU surgery, and DoDder watches from outside the OR. Her pensive moment is rudely interrupted when Kiefer, Curtis, and the other agents slam into the hallway behind her, rolling Lee on a gurney. Kiefer's still giving his TV chest compressions as he runs along, ignoring DoDder's demands to know what's going on. They crash into the OR with Lee, and Dr. Besson isn't happy to see them. "This man is dying!" Besson says. Kiefer: "So is he!" The doctor tries to get Kiefer to clear out, and Kiefer says that Lee is "our only connection to a stolen nucular warhead. You've got to save him now." The doc says he will when he's done. Kiefer's insistent. "I already have a patient," the doctor yells without looking up from his work. Kiefer has Curtis take over Lee's chest compressions. He draws his gun, puts it in the doctor's face, and says, "You have a new one." I like how his voice is kind of shaky and not all Dirty Kiefer there. "Are you crazy?" Besson hollers down the barrel through his surgical mask. Get in line, Doc. Kiefer spells it out: "If you don't save [Lee], millions of people will die. Do you understand that? Millions of people! Start working on him now!" DoDder comes into the room, asking what Kiefer's doing. Everyone ignores her. The doc says, "If I walk away from Grayadder now, he will die." I think this is the first time Kiefer realizes who's on the table. It's certainly the first time he shows any signs of caring. But he suppresses his personal feelings, and the gun doesn't waver as he orders Besson to get to work on Lee. "Do it. NOW!"
At 2:56:32, Besson shifts his attention and that of his team to Lee, while Kiefer continues to follow with his gun and DoDder begs Kiefer to stop. She wasn't in the room when Kiefer explained Lee's importance, but I'm not sure that would make much difference to her right now. Besson says Lee's lungs are damaged and he's lost a lot of blood. Kiefer just wants Lee stabilized so he can talk to him. Besson calls a nurse over, who asks, "What about Grayadder?" The doc says to "have one of the agents give him chest compressions if the pressure drops." Curtis steps up. DoDder stares in horror as the last medical professional in the room abandons her dying husband on the operating table in mid-procedure. She yells Kiefer's name. He acknowledges her presence for the first time by yelling, "I have my orders, I'm doing my job!" Sure, now he's all order-followy. "I'm sorry," Kiefer adds. DoDder rushes Kiefer, trying to push his gun arm down. Kiefer orders the other agents to get her away from him, and they obey. Why they don't drag her clear out of the room, I don't know, but given the fact that there's a dramatic need for her to witness what's about to happen, I'll allow it. She's not going quietly, but Raab's not giving her an inch. Go, Raab! Call me!
Things aren't going well with Lee; Besson has his hands full. And now Grayadder's alarms are going off, too. "Starting CPR," Curtis announces. Now that DoDder has finally shut up, Kiefer is beginning to realize the seriousness of the situation. He holsters his weapon, asking Besson, "What can we do for him?" Besson tells him to use the defibrillator. He gels up the paddles while Curtis keeps compressing and exhorting Grayadder, "Come on, buddy." Kiefer yells, "Clear," and zaps Grayadder for the third time today. The lines on the monitor stay flatter. "Hit him again, Kiefer," Besson snaps. Kiefer does. Besson orders a shot of epinephrine for Grayadder, and Curtis and Kiefer fumble for it in the crash cart. There are any number of reasons why I should be finding this ridiculous, but I'm not. Whether it's the tragically symphonic music flooding the scene or the excellent performances (including that by Kim Raver, still a terrific actor despite DoDder's persistent suckitude), I don't really care. Curtis inserts the epi needle in Grayadder's IV while Kiefer resumes compressions. Still, nothing's working. It's Curtis who realizes it's futile. Sure, Grayadder's only been down for a minute or so, but when you combine realistic life-saving procedures with real time, you risk ending up with Shane West yammering about pizza.
Curtis has to tell Kiefer to stop three times before Kiefer finally backs away in horror at what he's done. He seriously looks about ready to throw up. The music has stopped and the room is silent. Grayadder's corpse looks like a ghost under the operating lights. DoDder is the first to break the silence with a ragged sob. She looks back and forth between her men -- the dead one, and the dead-to-her one. She breaks free of the agents holding her back and charges Kiefer, screaming, "You son of a bitch! You killed him! He saved your life!" She girl-hits him furiously and he makes no move to defend himself. "I hate you!" She loves her dead crippled husband! Besson orders her removed, and the other agents drag her out the door, kicking and screaming, before his critical patient count goes up again. Once she's gone, Kiefer manages to pull himself together just enough to step over to where Besson is still working on Lee. "Is he gonna make it?" Kiefer manages. "I'm doing the best I can," bitches Besson. He's pretty pissed too. Grayadder? Still dead. Kiefer stands there with his head down, cutting his eyes around guiltily. Try as I might, I can't put it any better than the poster who said that Kiefer just lost his true love and his girlfriend at the same time. It's 3:00.00.
End-of-episode splitscreen? What end-of-episode splitscreen?
week: The warhead is just about ready for launch, and Sino-American relations look to become about as hostile as Kiefo-DoDder relations. Which is quite hostile indeed.