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All the people who've died on all the episodes of all the seasons of this show, and we're supposed to care more about DrisKid than almost any of them? Not likely. But it does mean that Soul Patch is in charge of CTU when Driscoll goes home. Which makes for some predictable head-butting between himself and Curtis. Meanwhile, it turns out that ImhoTerror has been an employee of MacGuffin Factories all this time. Kiefer and Grayadder team up (I know!) and head to MF to find out what they can about ImhoTerror's computer activity there. But Mr. MacGuffin doesn't want them to learn anything, so his guys set off an EMP to wipe every electronic file in the place. And then they nab Grayadder. Soul Patch's gig as interim CTU boss doesn't last long, because Division happens to have a more permanent replacement handy to step in at the very last minute of the episode. Of course it's Bitchelle; who else would it be? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
This week: L.A. goes dark really fast. Twice.
Previously on 24: Kiefer tortured the name Harris Barnes out of Grayadder (who, interestingly, gets the first freeze-frame of this week's previouslies), and we get to see almost the whole scene all over again. Thanks a lump for that, especially since the torture aspect isn't going to get mentioned again this week. Special Agent Breck instantly connected the name Harris Barnes to ImhoTerror, and even found out where he was leasing office space under that alias. Efficient! At the office building, Kiefer and Curtis chased ImhoTerror away from the MacGuffin in an office full of workers so diligent that even after five o'clock, the only way to clear them out was by firing off a few rounds of live ammunition. Kiefer failed to catch ImhoTerror due to ImhoTerror's brilliant disguise as a CTU agent. And then ImhoTerror apparently left the building, in a shot that wasn't actually in the episode. Lispy Skip and Curtis shut down the MacGuffin. Driscoll (who also gets a freeze frame with her name) learned that her daughter had offed herself, and a grateful nation breathed its thanks, although Driscoll herself pretended to be devastated. And apparently the TerrorFamily never existed. The following takes place between 6:00 PM and 7:00 PM.
In the lobby of the Rocklyn Building, all sorts of CTU agents are milling about rather than closing the net on ImhoTerror. Lispy Skip calls Curtis with some "new intel": it turns out that ImhoTerror is an employee of MacGuffin Factories under his alias, Harris Barnes. Ooh, that's going to be embarrassing for them. Of course, I'm sure the company did everything it could to make sure ImhoTerror was really who he said he was when they hired him. After all, how long did it take Special Agent Breck to blow his cover last episode, with time left over to look up his secret business address? Almost a minute? Lispy Skip offers to send a team over to the MF headquarters, but Curtis declines; he and Kiefer are regulars, so one of them will go. Or maybe he said "closer" instead of "regulars."
Curtis steps over to pass this along to Kiefer, who decides to go to MF HQ himself. He wants Curtis to take DoDder and Grayadder back to CTU. So DoDder isn't needed at the local DoD office any more, then? If she ever was? Upon hearing that Kiefer's going to want to dig around in MF's computer systems, Grayadder offers to go with him. Everybody jigga-whats at Grayadder as he explains that his company sold MF its IT systems, back when Grayadder was an analyst. Apparently he designed the database himself. So he's a systems guy who worked his way up to tycoon? He's like Bill Gates, if Bill Gates knew how to program. Kiefer says he'll just get the MF guys to help him, but Grayadder insists that he can get the data faster, since he left back doors that MF won't even know about. Kiefer stares hard at the guy he tortured as a terror suspect less than an hour ago, who's now (a) admitting a connection to ImhoTerror's employer, and (b) acting all suspiciously helpful-like. But Kiefer has no choice but to bring his romantic rival along, because the plot demands it. The unlikely threesome -- Kiefer, Grayadder, and Contrivance -- head out.
Driscoll stands in a doorway at the CTU clinic, watching an orderly get ready to zip DrisKid into a body bag. The rest of the clinic staff has wisely made itself scarce. Or maybe Driscoll fired them all. Driscoll tells the orderly to stop, and takes about ten minutes to bid her dead daughter goodbye. Some nice acting here, because she looks devastated, when you know she's really thinking, My life is going to be so much easier now. In fact, whatever I tell you she's thinking for the rest of the recap, keep in mind that she's keeping up a flawlessly sad façade. It's really quite impressive. And please, don't interpret my total lack of sympathy for DrisKid as an indicator of any larger disrespect to the millions of real people who struggle with mental illness, or their families. Because I'm sure that they, unlike DrisKid, are not all assholes.
Out on the floor, Special Agent Breck is on the phone, looking like she just got some bad news. Which is a little confusing, considering what happens . "I'll let everyone here know," she says, before hanging up. "Let everyone know what?" Lispy Skip asks. Special Agent Breck gives him the news about DrisKid. Lispy Skip, like most of us, is confused as to how this could happen: "That doesn't make any sense. She was being watched." It's times like this when I think that certain rivalries among the writing staff come to the fore. Not that I would know the first thing about the specifics of any such rivalries, if in fact any exist. But consider this: 24 by its very nature presents unique opportunities for writers to publicly point out really stupid stuff that happened in the episode. I would normally complain that that's my job, but there's plenty to go around. Speaking of workplace tensions, Special Agent Breck snaps, "I don't know, Skip, I wasn't there." Lispy Skip turns his bloody neck stump back to his monitor, thinking, time someone wants to wrongly torture her, I'm-a let 'em. For a second, it looks like Special Agent Breck is going to apologize, but she's got more important things to think about right now. Like her career. She heads over to the conference room where DaD is sitting alone. Hey, thanks for "letting everyone here know."
At 6:05:46, she approaches DaD, who wants to know where Driscoll is since "the President's about to come on." Jeez, you were just on the phone with him seven minutes ago. I suppose we taxpayers have no choice but to continue paying these exorbitant wireless teleconferencing fees due to our Commander-in-Chief's insatiable appetite for early-episode exposition. Special Agent Breck lies that "something terrible has happened," and breaks the news about DrisKid, saying the suicide happened "about fifteen minutes ago." Which is odd, because DrisKid was still alive twelve minutes ago. Stupid girl can't do anything right. Special Agent Breck would go on, but she trails off when Driscoll appears in the opposite doorway. DaD immediately jumps up to grab Driscoll into a sympathetic hug. Driscoll thanks him, then dismisses Special Agent Breck back to the floor. As Driscoll takes her seat at the conference table, DaD says she doesn't need to be at work. Driscoll insists that she's still needed at CTU (hey, someone has to say it) and she'll be fine until DaD finds a replacement. Ooh, here's a thought: maybe CTU should hire a regular night manager. One who would have already arrived, say, an hour ago. Would that really be so much worse than repeatedly letting national security crises be handled by people who've been awake for two days? ["And why don't they have an overnight team anyway? On non-crisis days, does everyone just…go home at 5 PM? Because terrorists…observe American business hours? Oh, why do I bother." -- Sars] DaD regards Driscoll with confusion and concern as the president's video conference call rings through.
Keeler congratulates Driscoll and DaD, and further exposits that the meltdown at the San Gabriel island plant is now under control. That'll be great news to Lispy Skip's mom, I'm sure. We're reminded that ImhoTerror is still at large, and the two men speculate on whether the villain of the piece is finished for the day or if he's got something else up the sleeve of his mock turtleneck. Driscoll's attention has clearly begun to wander. Hey, now I can drive home tonight without going three blocks out of my way to avoid the McDonald's, she thinks. POTUS asks Driscoll where they are on the search for ImhoTerror, and Driscoll makes reassuring noises with the same lack of affect she always uses when speaking to the President. "ImhoTerror's in Los Angeles and we will find him," she promises, thinking, Heck, I might go look for him myself. On Rodeo Drive.
Right now, ImhoTerror's ditching his stolen CTU uniform in a trash can. Great payoff there with the disguise. Or maybe the writers are fighting again. In the last few moments of sunlight, he hops a passing bus (which is apparently free) and takes a seat, looking around suspiciously. His eyes alight on a young boy sitting across the aisle on his mother's lap and he smiles before turning to face forward. Thanks, 24, for that "Hitler liked dogs" moment.
There's a meeting going on at CTU. Sorry, I guess I should have prepared you a little better for that shock. Lispy Skip exposits to the room that ImhoTerror's most recent work at MacGuffin Factories was on the MacGuffin itself, to the surprise of no one. That does explain his expertise with it. Driscoll asks what else they know about ImhoTerror. Soul Patch says that ImhoTerror went to graduate school in England (at which time, according to the archive photo on the screen, he was being played by Hugh Grant), then worked at a company outside of London. London, Driscoll thinks. I could go to London now. Soul Patch doesn't know when ImhoTerror became radicalized, but he does know that "From the day he arrived in the U.S., everything he did was about today." Driscoll wants to know what else ImhoTerror did at MF. Special Agent Breck is still looking into that, as well as the possibility that he used MF as a base to recruit people for his sleeper cells. Which reminds Soul Patch that it might be a good idea to divert some of the CTU personnel now looking for ImhoTerror towards looking for the other cells that report to him. I could go anywhere now, Driscoll thinks. I can take a vacation someplace without having to pack the straitjacket. Fiji, maybe. Or Greece. Or Iceland. This job's got my circadian rhythms permanently fucked, so I might as well go to some other place that has twenty-four hour days. Soul Patch has been talking this whole time, and he finally has to break Driscoll's reverie by making a suggestion and asking her, "Would that work?" Driscoll quickly agrees, clearly not having heard a word he said. She gets up and walks out of the room before the giggles kick in. Soul Patch starts giving instructions to Lispy Skip about reallocating people, but Special Agent Breck wants to talk about how Driscoll "can't focus. She shouldn't be running this place." Like that's news. Skip wants to give Driscoll more time (which is nice of him, considering Driscoll's reaction to his mother's death). Soul Patch, the one guy in the room who doesn't actually work there, puts a quick end to the discussion and tells everyone to get back to work, rolling right over Special Agent Breck's suggestion that they tell DaD what just happened.
Driscoll, meanwhile, has just gone to find herself a quiet corner to weep with joy.
It's 6:10:52 as DoDder and Curtis walk in to CTU. So they got there from the Rocklyn Building downtown in less than ten minutes? This throws something of a wrench into my ongoing project to triangulate the exact location of CTU, but I remain undaunted. Even if it forces me to conclude that the office is several miles wide. DoDder's cell phone rings -- it's Kiefer, suggesting she go back to the hotel and get some rest, but she declines, saying, "My father still needs me." I thought he needed you at the local DoD office, though. No? Am I the only one who remembers that? Besides, as you'll recall from the season premiere, the hotel is even closer to CTU than the Rocklyn building. Hell, it's closer to CTU than parts of CTU are. DoDder wants to ask Kiefer a favor: "Take care of Grayadder. He's not like you." Well, of course he's not. I thought that was the whole point. Kiefer's reluctant to do it, but he can't really give his reasons, because the guy he's supposed to "take care of" is sitting right to him. Finally he grudgingly agrees, just to get her off the phone. And then he hangs up, takes out his gun, and puts a bullet through Grayadder's head. Because that's what "take care of" means on this show, right? No, that's not what happens. Despite the ambiguity of DoDder's request, Kiefer apparently prefers to give Grayadder the benefit of the doubt by sitting there and sulking. There's not much light coming in through the Kiefmobile windows, so for the first minute or so of this scene, I thought they were driving through a tunnel. And then I thought they were driving through a really long tunnel, like maybe to Catalina. But then I realized that it's gone full dark outside already. Damn, that was fast. The sun must have set so hard that I'm surprised we didn't hear it. Grayadder breaks the silence by saying, "Look, uh, I don't resent you." "For torturing me," he doesn't elaborate. "I wouldn't blame you if you did," Kiefer responds. "I did torture you, after all," he fails to add. Because it turns out that they're actually talking about DoDder. Who, after all, is really just another form of torture. Grayadder admits that although he and DoDder separated before Kiefer came on the scene, he doesn't plan to let Kiefer "take her from me." Kiefer rightly points out that that's not really up to either Grayadder or himself, but Grayadder announces his intentions to try to win DoDder back. "You're gonna have to do what you gotta do," Kiefer says, which is more polite than "whatever," but less pussy than his usual "Yeah." Progress! It's 6:12:22. I guess they'll talk about that torture thing during the commercials.
6:16:46. Grayadder passenges, DoDder sits down at a CTU computer, ImhoTerror is back on foot after not paying his bus fare, and Driscoll is looking at the first day of her life as a free woman. She's in an office that looks like CTU's version of a living room, with leather couches and a coffee table, but also the normal etched-glass walls. It's about as homey as it sounds. Soul Patch and DaD are there with her, and the former says they have to assume that ImhoTerror is going to try to activate some of his sleeper cells. DaD agrees. Because it's not like they can decide it's over and they can all go home with half the season left. At least once every season, I'm reminded of how much better this show might be if it were called 12.
Driscoll, who's been mentally going through a list of grown-up movies to add to her Netflix queue, excuses herself and gets up to leave the room, but she doesn't get more than a couple of steps before she thinks Sex! I can have sex again! and her knees buckle. Soul Patch catches her before she hits the floor. He helps her back into her chair while DaD pours her a glass of water. Soul Patch calls for medical assistance, but Driscoll tries to decline. Too bad, because a medic in street clothes and latex gloves walks in exactly ten seconds later. Oh, sure, now they're in a hurry. Not that I'm complaining. Driscoll tries to send the medic away, but DaD suggests that they go get Driscoll something to eat. Driscoll, agrees, thinking, Food! That reminds me, now I can take all of those shitty paintings off my fridge, and leaves with the medic.
After she's gone, DaD says sadly, "She's going to need to be relieved." Jeez, how much more relieved can she get? "Of duty," Dad finishes. Oh. Never mind. DaD further instructs Soul Patch to have Division send a replacement. Soul Patch sees an opportunity to make his move: "I ran this office for two years. I could take over for Erin on a provisional basis." DaD smirks at him and says, "Forget for the moment that you technically don't even work here." Okay, but just for a moment. He continues, "You've been away quite a while. You're not fluent in our new systems." Soul Patch tells DaD that CTU needs a decision-maker, not a programmer. DaD says, "Fine. Effective immediately, you're the interim director of CTU Los Angeles under my authority." I guess DaD forgot about that other thing for more than a moment. And time you think you're doing well at work, consider Soul Patch, who went from unemployed drunkard to unauthorized field agent to office guy to boss in about four hours. DaD still wants to have Division send someone over on a more permanent basis. Soul Patch says he understands, and leaves DaD alone in the office at 6:19:06. So, meeting over, then?
Out on the floor, Curtis, looking snappy in a new shirt and suit, is learning all about ImhoTerror's work at MacGuffin Factories from Special Agent Breck. ImhoTerror, the chief engineer on the MacGuffin project, had full security access. No one else on the project was on a watch list. So Curtis sums it up for us: A terrorist had full access to a defense contractor's classified work. Special Agent Breck, whose lipstick is oddly orange this week, says it's even worse than that, since MF also trains its clients to use the weapons it manufactures -- clients all over the world. "Several countries in the Balkans, Asia, and the Middle East," she says. This is accompanied by a geographical map on her screen of the entire eastern hemisphere, with three blinking red boxes approximately over those three regions. Gee, thanks for that incredibly explicatory visual aid, art department. Special Agent Breck obviouses that once Kiefer gets to MF, he's going to need to find out "exactly who ImhoTerror dealt with." Curtis is the first to recognize that this is going to be embarrassing for MF, and they're not going to be too eager to give up the goods, even if ImhoTerror is the only terrorist on their payroll.
Okay, so back in episode six, I talked about the guy at MacGuffin Factories who explained about the MacGuffin in the first place. Turns out he's just the company's Chief Technology Officer. When I gave that guy the nickname Mr. MacGuffin, how was I to know that six episodes later we'd meet the CEO of the company, who actually does bear its name? Obviously the CEO is the real Mr. MacGuffin. He's being played by Bill Smitrovich, who you may recall as the dad on the late-'80s/early-'90s My Brother Has Down's Syndrome, My Boyfriend Has AIDS, My Sister Got Recast, And Worst Of All I'm Being Played By Kellie Martin drama Life Goes On on ABC. His hairline has receded even further over the years, but his eyebrows are heroically taking up the slack. As for the guy I called Mr. MacGuffin, I'm going to have to rename him "Young MFer." He's in Mr. MacGuffin's office right now, saying that they need to talk before CTU arrives. He quickly explains how it's not a coincidence that the MacGuffin was used in the day's attacks. Mr. MacGuffin, unsurprisingly, does not react well to the news that one of the chief engineers on the MacGuffin project was none other than ImhoTerror, who was using the company as a base for his terror operation. Man, this is the slackest defense contractor ever. I know people who got fired from a retirement services business for playing fantasy football on the company's email system. "Who else knows about this?" Mr. MacGuffin demands. Young MFer says, "Just you and me. And…"
…Old MFer, the company's head of internal security. He meets Kiefer and Grayadder in the building's lobby, saying that Mr. MacGuffin's busy, but he, Old MFer, can help them with whatever they need. "Maybe my office didn't make itself clear," Kiefer growls, which is one of my favorite ways of saying "You're being very stupid." Kiefer insists on talking to the CEO now. Old MFer, duly chastened, scampers off. "What the matter?" Grayadder asks, once he's alone with Kiefer. "Something's not right," Kiefer says. Grayadder attempts a savvy, knowing nod, with hilarious results. Starting to dig that guy in kind of a twisted way.
Meanwhile, Mr. MacGuffin is unhappily but wisely telling Young MFer that they have to come clean with the government. Young MFer insists that if they do that, it'll be the end of the company. Mr. MacGuffin asks if he's suggesting they lie to the government. Young MFer defensives, "Look, if I knew 24 hours ago what I know now, I would have done whatever it took to prevent today's attacks." Like, what, not putting the MacGuffin on a commuter train? But now, says Young MFer, all they can do is protect themselves. And screw national security, I guess. It's not like a defense contractor should be in the business of actually defending the country or anything. Mr. MacGuffin argues that CTU will find out the truth anyway when they subpoena the files. But Young MFer promises that he and Old MFer can keep CTU from finding out anything. "I don't like the sound of this," Mr. MacGuffin grumbles, symbolically turning to look out his window into the blackness outside. What, a half-baked cover-up plan that two of your guys came up with in a minute or so, when you have no idea how much CTU already knows or what they can find out through other means? What's not to like? Young MFer reiterates, "We implicitly violated national security procedures. This could mean prison time. We've got to protect ourselves."
Old MFer is leading Kiefer and Grayadder through the building at 6:23:13. Grayadder somewhat belligerently asks what version of the security system they're on. Old MFer tells them 3.5. "Will that work for you?" Grayadder gives him a little tough-guy nod and looks at Kiefer like, "Did you see me punk that guy?" Kiefer just looks bored. Heh.
As they enter Mr. MacGuffin's office, Young MFer introduces himself to Kiefer. Kiefer is nice enough to remember Young MFer from earlier, which spares me from going back and checking my tape of episode six. Thanks, Kiefer. Mr. MacGuffin introduces himself and asks what he can do to help. Kiefer explains about ImhoTerror (again) and asks them to take their IT systems offline so Grayadder can root around in ImhoTerror's computer files. Mr. MacGuffin quickly agrees, with a significant look at Young MFer, who practically skips happily through the door as he leads an increasingly suspicious Kiefer and Grayadder out of the office. Mr. MacGuffin and old MFer stare at each other. It's 6:24:27. I'm thinking that Mr. MacGuffin isn't the strongest leader around here.
6:28:52. Soul Patch is back in his old office; Driscoll is just sitting somewhere, presumably with a full stomach; and Mr. MacGuffin is tensely watching Old MFer run a computer. DaD enters the room where Driscoll is cooling her heels. It's a big room, with not much in it besides Driscoll, the couch she's sitting on, and now DaD. I can finally get some nice furniture like we have here in the office, she's thinking. DaD kindly suggests that Driscoll go home. "I'm afraid to," she says. I don't blame her. Converting DrisKid's bedroom into a pottery studio is going to be a big project. DaD launches into a long story about how when his wife died, he tried to not deal with it until it hit him hard a few weeks later. Time was I'd think that speech was too long and slow, but now that I'm a recapper, I'm all in favor of speeches that I can encapsulate in less time than it takes the actor to deliver them. Moral? He says Driscoll "can't keep it all inside. You cry, you blame God, you blame yourself, and then you cry some more." He forgot the CTU clinic staff. He's got his arm around her now, and I think she's secretly pinching the inside of her wrist to make some tears come out. Right then DoDder barges in and stands there awkwardly like she just walked in on them having sex. Actually, let me amend that: she stands there awkwardly like a TV character who just walked in on them having sex. Who freezes like that in real life? I walk in on a personal or embarrassing tableau, I'm going to haul ass out of the room immediately, preferably before I'm even recognized. But whatever. DoDder stutters that she just wanted to let DaD know she was back. Twenty minutes later? Thanks for the update. DaD signals her out of the room and mouths, "I'll be right there," and DoDder finally leaves the room. Driscoll never even looked at her, which I find kind of awesome. She's probably thinking, "Poor DaD. His loser daughter is still around." She tells DaD she will go home, and twists the nonexistent knife in her own heart by adding, "You should go and make sure your daughter's okay." DaD goes back out to the floor.
Where he's immediately waylaid by Curtis, who's not happy about being passed over for a promotion, even a temporary one, in favor of the likes of Soul Patch. DaD reminds Curtis about Soul Patch's two years in Driscoll's job. Also, Soul Patch hasn't been knocked unconscious in the past two hours, and is therefore not walking around with a concussion, not that DaD knows that about Curtis. "For the record," Curtis says, "I don't like it." DaD acknowledges this with a nod as Curtis stomps off. For the record, I think DaD is lucky there's not a support pillar nearby. I forgot to mention that Soul Patch is standing right there throughout the entire exchange, making that great "I'm standing right here" face he's been perfecting. DaD asks him about Kiefer, and Soul Patch says that Kiefer just arrived at MacGuffin Factories HQ and will call with any updates.
It's 6:32:04 as Young MFer leads Kiefer and Grayadder to ImhoTerror's desk. It may or may not be significant that Young MFer is smoothly referring to ImhoTerror by his real name instead of his alias, which he supposedly just learned is an alias within the last half hour. Make of that what you will. Young MFer gets Grayadder logged in to ImhoTerror's work computer while Kiefer takes note of the security cameras overhead. Hey, where were those cameras while ImhoTerror was launching his TerrorYahoo!Group, or whatever? They're working now, in any case, as Mr. MacGuffin and Old MFer are now watching real-time video of grouchy Kiefer from Mr. MacGuffin's office. Young MFer leaves Grayadder to it. Back in his office, Mr. MacGuffin frets that Grayadder "knows his way around our system." Old MFer, sitting at Mr. MacGuffin's computer, assures the "boss" that Grayadder won't find anything.
At ImhoTerror's desk, Grayadder's first discovery is that "ImhoTerror purged a lot of files." Kiefer asks when, and when Grayadder says the system isn't saying, Kiefer says that means they could have been deleted today. "ImhoTerror wasn't here today," Grayadder obviouses. "He was at Rocklyn with the MacGuffin." And before that he was hanging out in some smoky restaurant back room, but never mind. Kiefer taps a few keys and brings up a new window for Grayadder, who is supposed to be the expert here. He promises to see what he can find. Kiefer peers up at the cameras some more.
On his way back up to Mr. MacGuffin's office, Young MFer calls Old MFer to say he "had to open up a socket." Old MFer says, "As long as I can see where he's looking and stay ahead of him, I should be able to delete the incriminating files." Mr. MacGuffin wants to know what happens if that doesn't work. Old MFer calmly says they'll "set off an EMP." Must be nice to have one of those lying around. Mr. MacGuffin freaks that that'll "destroy every piece of hardware in the building. It'll cripple us electronically." I like how the show is giving its audience credit for pretty much already knowing what an EMP is. Old MFer fixes the boss with a glare. "That's the point," he says. Eyes on the road, there, buddy. It's 6:34:14.
Thanks to the new Star Wars movie, I just watched a commercial for a commercial.
6:38:39. The lights of Downtown Los Angeles struggle heroically against the Stygian blackness of twenty minutes after sunset, Grayadder is still at work, and Driscoll is basically not any more. Specifically, she's handing the DrisCube over to Soul Patch. "If any of my personal stuff gets in your way, just have someone box it and put it into storage." Wow, how long is she planning to be gone? I suppose at this point, any absence of more than twelve and a half hours might as well be permanent for our purposes. She picks up a picture of DrisKid holding a kitten and stands there looking sad for about ten minutes while Soul Patch watches uncomfortably. Aw, poor Driscoll. I bet she really misses that kitten. She sticks the picture in her purse and tells Soul Patch to ask Curtis for anything he needs, and to feel free to call her at home if necessary. Soul Patch thanks her and watches her leave the former DrisCube. Doesn't walk her out, though. I guess he's got W-4 forms to fill out. ["My kingdom for a split-screen right here of Agent Castle at Tony's house, retrieving the Cubs mug." -- Sars]
Out on the floor, all work stops as everyone watches Driscoll walk across the floor in silence. It's not an overwhelming show of support, but at least no one trips her. She manages to make it out the door before breaking into a little dance. The second she's gone, Soul Patch takes the floor for an announcement at 6:40:26. Looking pretty un-boss-like in his jeans, long-sleeved t-shirt, and stubble that must be a continuity nightmare, he says that he's not changing any protocols, but wants "updates from department heads every fifteen minutes. Other than that, I'm just here to support you." His stop is at Lispy Skip's desk, where he tells that gentleman, "Before Erin left, she told me the one person I should rely on is you." Lispy Skip is surprised to hear it. It's news to us, too, Skip. Special Agent Breck looks pissy. Or maybe she's wondering if she's still going to get her raise. This office really needs a white-noise generator so people can't overhear conversations from sixty feet away. Soul Patch wants Lispy Skip to bring anything important directly to him. Swelling with pride, Lispy Skip agrees.
Soul Patch is barely ten feet away before Curtis swoops in to give Skip another assignment. Lispy Skip says he'll have to check with Soul Patch, but Curtis tells him not to worry about it. Soul Patch sees what's going on, and comes over to engage Curtis. The specifics aren't important, obviously; we've got a theme to convey here. Soul Patch and Curtis stand on either side of Lispy Skip's chair as they argue, while the subject of their disagreement silently looks back and forth between them, thinking, Could you guys just please take your dicks off of my keyboard? Curtis says, "We can't afford one analyst on this?" Soul Patch says yeah, but not Lispy Skip, and Curtis should find someone else. Soul Patch starts to walk away, but Curtis chases him down. "Are we trying to accomplish the same thing here, or is this about you establishing position?" Soul Patch says, "I don't need to establish position. I've already got it." Burn! Soul Patch sends Curtis on his way, then stops him: "Don't worry. I'm going to be out of here as soon as this crisis is over. In the meantime, I want the same thing you do. I want to find ImhoTerror." Curtis leaves without another word.
Hey, guys, I found him! He's standing in some dark alley somewhere when a car pulls in to meet him at 6:43:06. The driver, someone we've never seen before, gets out and says, "I heard you had a problem." Boy, this guy's in the loop, isn't he? ImhoTerror tells the dude that CTU got to the MacGuffin before the other plants melted down. "Well, at least you're safe," the other man bright-sides. "For now, ImhoTerror says, but now they know who he is and "they'll be tracking me with everything they've got." Other guy asks how that affects "our schedule," but ImhoTerror says it doesn't. "Make sure everything is ready at the Air Force base when I give the order." Hmmm. Air Force base. DaD was supposed to go to Vandenburg today, wasn't he? Obviously that never happened. Other guy says he checked in with everyone ten minutes ago: "We're going to make this thing happen," he promises. So keep watching, everyone! ImhoTerror reminds Other Guy to get in touch with someone who can get him out of the country afterward. "What about you?" Other Guy says. ImhoTerror says nothing, the better to let us hear the Plaintive, Vaguely Arabic Music of Martyrs to the Jihad. Other guy looks devastated. ImhoTerror embraces him, then sends him driving off on his sad way while walking in the opposite direction. What, he couldn't offer his boss a ride?
It's 6:44:35, and Kiefer's pacing around ImhoTerror's old work area, starting to look a little tired. What, he's only been going at a dead run for eleven hours. Suck it up. He watches what looks like a whole shift's worth of MF employees walking past before Grayadder gets his attention. Apparently he's managed to pull off some successful technobabble and the screen is filling up with gibberish.
Back in Mr. MacGuffin's office, Old MFer curses that Grayadder is trying to rebuild some deleted files using a feature that's "not a documented function of the system. He must have used some hook left in the design." Good thing Kiefer brought Grayadder along, no? Mr. MacGuffin says, "They're going to find evidence we sold arms to terrorists." Say what? Isn't there a big difference between that and unknowingly employing one? Or is there something else we don't know? In any case, Old MFer says that they have to use the EMP now. The three men exchange glances, and without Mr. MacGuffin saying anything, Young MFer grabs the phone on the desk. A guy in a research lab elsewhere in the building answers, and Young MFer snaps, "Set it off… Open up the safety chamber and set it off now." The tech's like, "All righty, then!" and Young MFer hangs up. Mr. MacGuffin points out, a little late, that the EMP will signal to Kiefer that the company has something to hide. He's so not in charge. Young MFer says that Kiefer will just blame ImhoTerror, and Old MFer says that wiping out their electronic infrastructure is better than destroying the entire company. Okay. I'm sure that there's an untapped niche market for a defense contractor that uses abacuses. But maybe we should poll the other businesses in the neighborhood to see how they'd feel about having all their electronic equipment and data getting trashed. No? You sure?
Down in the lab, a giant steel door slides back on a ceiling-mounted track, revealing an inner chamber that contains something that looks like a pair of giant bathroom ceiling fans. The tech leaves the room as the device starts to charge up, then calls Young MFer to tell him it's done. Young MFer tells the others that "it'll take ten minutes to charge up before its release." Wow, I bet it gets tons of dates. We see it pulsing sinisterly in its chamber, evil green light blinking out of it while it makes an dastardly breathing noise like the hellmouth in Poltergeist. Kids, never play with EMPs. It's 6:46:54.
6:51:20. The pulse bomb is still pulsing, the bosses are still stressing, Kiefer and Grayadder are staring at a monitor, and so is Lispy Skip. Special Agent Breck reports to Skip that she's having trouble with the phone taps they've set up at MF. So they can just tap MF's phone lines? I wonder why we never get to meet the judge that CTU must keep on staff to instantly issue all the warrants they need. It doesn't take long for Special Agent Breck and Lispy Skip to discover that MF's power supply is wobbling like Katharine Hepburn on crack. Skip tries to call Kiefer but gets an "out of range" message. Skip tries the main MF switchboard, but that call quickly gets cut off as well. So the EMP emits an interference field while it charges up? I guess I'll go with that, because I don't know any better. Soul Patch notices that something's up and comes over to check it out. Lispy Skip reports that there's a phone blackout around the MF HQ. But Soul Patch knows what to do: Instant Messaging! Special Agent Breck sets it up for him at another computer.
While Grayadder and Kiefer are still staring at their monitor, they're startled by an IM message that pops up over their work: "Kiefer are you there? Soul Patch." Nice work, Special Agent Breck, figuring out exactly which computer Kiefer was using. Kiefer tries to call CTU, but soon learns that none of the phones are working, including his cell. "Something's wrong," he obviouses, and asks Grayadder to send the IM window over to another computer. He gives Grayadder an ethernet address so fake it might as well start with 555. Kiefer responds, "I'm here. Radio frequency is out." I can't believe this is the second IM conversation I'm recapping in a five-month period. I have to say that this one is far more interesting. And similarly free of typos. Soul Patch answers, "Outside your building, too." Grayadder reports that he's almost got the files rebuilt. Kiefer messages Soul Patch with this query: "Fixed Radius?" Soul Patch relays the question to Special Agent Breck, who's just learned from "the phone company" that they're getting complaints from as far away as eight blocks from MF HQ. Soul Patch reports, "No. It's growing." Kiefer asks Grayadder if he's still got a connection. Grayadder points out the fruit of his labor: a whole screen of gibberish. "Son of a bitch, it's encrypted," Kiefer says, and orders Grayadder to "print it out, now!" Just then the overhead lights start flickering.
Old MFer curses, "Dammit, they've got something." He wants to know how much longer they've got. "Any second now, we should be fine," Young MFer says. "We're not fine," Old MFer snaps. "He's printing it." So he can stay ahead of Grayadder and delete files he's not even looked at yet, but can't remotely uninstall a printer? I guess that's what happens when you have the head of Internal Security running the keyboard instead of the Chief Technology Officer. He gets up and runs out. "What are you going to do now?" Mr. MacGuffin says, as if anyone cares what he thinks. "Take care of it," says Old MFer. Uh-oh, there's that phrase again. The lights are still flickering.
Back at the engineers' bullpen, Kiefer somehow uses another computer to pull up an icon that says "EMP armed." I don't know. Kiefer tells Grayadder, "We're dealing with an EMP." He exposits that MF was "leading the way in developing a non-lethal weapon for the military." And now he explains to Grayadder, the computer guy, what an EMP is and how it fries every electrical device in its radius and wipes out all electronic data forever. So I have to take back the credit I gave the show for assuming we know what an EMP is, as well as additional points for making Grayadder -- the software magnate -- the only character who's never heard of it. Are there consumers of pop culture, let alone this show, who still don't know what an EMP is and does, at least in theory? Grayadder asks how long they've got, but Kiefer doesn't know. He gets back on IM with Soul Patch and types, "It's an EMP. We found something and they must be on to us." So much for assuming that ImhoTerror is behind it. Soul Patch responds, "We know. Trying to identify source." Then he asks Special Agent Breck whether they have any helicopters in the area. "Yeah, one," Special Agent Breck says. Soul Patch yells at her to get the chopper out of the area, because it's going to crash if it's in the air when the EMP goes off. He then asks Lispy Skip where the electromagnetic emissions are coming from. Lispy Skip knows it's coming from MF HQ, and he's going to try and get a more precise fix on the location. Meanwhile, Special Agent Breck is trying to reach the doomed helicopter pilot, but of course she can't because of the radio interference.
The printer starts spitting out pages of encrypted gibberish for Grayadder. So someone's going to have to scan it or type it all back into a computer, which could take a while, even for CTU. Indeed, the unencrypted gibberish you're reading right now took me hours to type. Soul Patch messages Kiefer that "EMP is on first floor. Room 12." Kiefer dashes out to try to stop the EMP, telling Grayadder to meet him at the front of the building with the hard copy.
Young MFer walkie-talkies Old MFer to let him know that Kiefer's onto them. Old MFer, in turn, tells his security guys not to let Kiefer anywhere near the EMP, then arrives at ImhoTerror's area, where Grayadder asks him if everything's all right. "As you can see, we're having some problems with the electricity," says Old MFer. Actually, the way the lights are behaving, it looks more like the whole building is slipping into a wormhole, or some unholy beast is being birthed nearby. But then I've seen too many sci-fi and horror movies. Old MFer asks if he can see what Grayadder was printing. "Sure," Grayadder says. "It's just in the printer." Old MFer walks over to the printer to pick up a printout that turns out to be blank pages. Sneaky Grayadder! He reaches for his gun, but while he had his back turned Grayadder got a nice head start running out of the area, presumably with the actual printout secreted somewhere on his person. Whee! I'd just like to point out at this time that I started to like him two whole episodes ago.
Kiefer's also running through the hallways, but he pulls up short when he hears security walkie-talkies squawking around a nearby corner. He makes a frustrated face at being cut off from his goal.
It's 6:56:34 as Old MFer stalks the otherwise empty hallways with gun and flashlight trained at no one. He steps inside a print room and starts beaming his torch around, and we see that Grayadder is holed up in there. Before Grayadder can be discovered, Old MFer's walkie-talkie goes off and he decides to look somewhere else. Grayadder looks relieved, at least during the moments when the lights are on.
Kiefer tosses a pen down the hallway to distract and misdirect the guards he's trying to get past. They start walking towards the noise, not realizing they're passing his position until he leaps out at them and punches the bald guard so hard in the face that his lips kiss the inside of my picture tube when his head swings around. Despite Kiefer's employing his standard level of brutality in a hand-to-hand engagement, it takes him nearly twelve seconds to take out both armed guards. Getting old. Slowing down. Gun out, he makes it into the lab where the EMP is doing its thing. "My God," he whispers at it. He fairly quickly finds the button on the computer terminal that'll close the shield door, but the door is moving pretty slowly and that EMP is clearly building up to its noisy, messy, sticky climax. He throws his weight behind the door to get it to close faster. He lets out a howl as a flood of light and sound washes over him --
Grayadder looks out the window of his hidey-hole to see the lights of every skyscraper in sight go dark, a few floors at a time. I can't imagine that's how it would actually happen, but it looks kind of cool. Was it good for you?
It's 6:58:32 when Kiefer comes back out to the now-darkened hallway where he took out the two guards. I guess we can safely assume that Kiefer never got a pacemaker after his heart stopped a couple of seasons ago, because otherwise he'd be dead now. Although his cell phone is certainly fried, and he isn't going to be happy about that. He takes one of the guard's flashlights and turns it on; it works. Forum posters who seem to know what they're talking about say that makes sense; there's not a lot of circuitry in a flashlight, and it was off during the pulse anyway. Kiefer runs off, presumably to meet Grayadder.
Who makes it to the front lobby, just as a voice tells him, "You have nowhere to go. Doors are locked." I don't know why there's any light at all, but there is. Grayadder should really be represented as a pair of bobbing, glowing eyeballs in pitch darkness. Old MFer catches up to him and points both flashlight and gun in Grayadder's face, demanding the printout. I wonder if Old MFer turned off his flashlight during the pulse. Grayadder, though clearly frightened, says nothing, and Old MFer hauls him away as the end-of-episode splitscreens start.
ImhoTerror stalks the streets of L.A. on foot, apparently unconcerned about spy satellites, passing law enforcement officers, or muggers. Soul Patch leans over a CTU keyboard. We can't see what he's typing, but Kiefer's AFK anyway so it's not like it matters. Driscoll rides home in silence. I didn't mean to imply that Alberta Watson didn't do a good job this week; it's just that the whole DrisKid story line was, to use Sars's word, horseshit from start to finish and I'm not going to start caring about a cartoonishly obvious plot device just because she's dead now.
Lispy Skip says urgently, "One of our choppers is down." Sure, thanks for cheaping out on us and not letting us see the crash, show. Soul Patch orders medical teams sent to the crash site and all field teams sent to the perimeter of the EMP blast. Then he speed-walks over to DaD's conference room to let him know what just happened. DaD assumes that the EMP was in response to their investigation. Mighty long limb you're out on, there, DaD. Soul Patch says that Kiefer was "able to pull some information before the blast, but we don't know if it was ImhoTerror or somebody else who set it off." Their conversation is interrupted by an intercom call from Special Agent Breck with the news that Driscoll's replacement has arrived. "That was fast," Soul Patch says, not very happily. DaD says, "We got lucky," and despite the communication blackout, Contrivance pricks up its ears from all the way across town. "I'll be there in two seconds!" it says. DaD continues that Division just happened to have "someone on hand with the appropriate qualifications and CTU experience." Gosh, who could that possibly be? Soul Patch tries not to look too brokenhearted as DaD asks him to "stick around and assist Ms. Dessler." Soul Patch does a double take. "Bitchelle Dessler," DaD clarifies. "Do you know her?" Soul Patch turns around just in time to observe the entrance of a power-suited, straight-haired Bitchelle. Bitchelle! Try to contain your shock. She's flanked by a couple of Division suits, because God forbid a boss from Division should ever have to walk into the place alone. In answer to DaD's question, which DaD should already know if he knew Soul Patch's story, Soul Patch says, "I used to be married to her." It's 7:00:00. Halfway home!
week on 24: Soul Patch and Bitchelle don't exactly fall into each other's arms, and MacGuffin Factories sends an entire army after Kiefer and Grayadder. 'Cause, you know, they don't want anyone to find out they did anything wrong.