Previously on 24: DaD and DoDder tried to escape, and suffered dire consequences in the form of yet another threat on DoDder's life. Kiefer held up the Velveteen-Voiced Hostile by holding up the gas station he was at. Potato Face asked Lispy Skip for help (and she gets her own little freeze-frame with her name to it this week, which I think is a first). AIIIEEEE!sha overheard their conversation and planned to blackmail Skip as soon as she could think of something she wanted from him. Potato Face got busted messing with satellites (and she gets her "Whatever, I was going to quit anyway" line replayed over the "Counter Terrorist Unit" freeze-frame. She's so out of here). Kiefer promised Driscoll that VVH was going to lead them to DaD, and then Kiefer got nabbed by the cops. Probably something to do with that holdup he staged. The following takes place between 11:00 AM and 12:00 PM.
At CTU, Driscoll asks if the satellite is still tracking VVH, roughly four minutes after she gave the order to do just that. Needless to say, it is. Driscoll asks Curtis to pull together tactical teams. As Curtis moves to do so, AIIIEEEE!sha offers to do it herself. Curtis neutrally explains that the task "requires a level-three channel. You don't have that kind of clearance." A normal person wouldn't take that personally, especially during her second hour on the job. AIIIEEEE!sha, on the other hand, sits there blinking like she's been slapped. Which, I wish.
Special Agent Breck notifies Driscoll that someone from the Sheriff's Department is on the line. "He says it's important," she adds, which is always enough to get the head of CTU on the line right away. Seriously, it is. ["And -- does anyone call Driscoll, like, just to ask for a recipe or something? She's the head of CTU; it's always important. Shut up, show." -- Sars] In this case, it actually is important, as we see the police sergeant calling from the road where Kiefer was collared. Kiefer, incidentally, has found himself living the opening passages of a particularly lurid fanfic; he's handcuffed and bent over the hood of a police car. The cop explains about Kiefer's holdup and his claim that it was part of a CTU operation. Driscoll is apparently being written by people who like her this week, so she quickly backs Kiefer's story, even the part that's clearly news to her. "It might be nice if you communicated with us a little better," the cop remarks laconically. Driscoll makes noises about national security and apologizes before asking to talk to Kiefer. And just like that, Kiefer's free. Driscoll brings Kiefer up to speed about how they're currently tracking VVH and they know he's headed to the TerrorDome. Kiefer doesn't waste time with an "I told you so" -- not when he can demand to be put in charge of the ground operation instead. Driscoll glances at Curtis, who is listening in on the call. "That's the right move," Curtis says. Driscoll makes an "I remember when I was the boss" face and agrees, although Kiefer is still supposed to "coordinate" through her. Kiefer gives the cop his cell phone back so that Driscoll can tell the sergeant that the guy whose face he was just frying like an omelet on the hood of a police cruiser is now in charge. Kiefer asks to have any APBs on VVH's stolen Screaming Yellow Pickup cancelled, and to have somebody bring his Kiefmobile from the gas station where he left it. Hope he left the keys in it.
VVH decides it's time to make another phone call to home base, less than ten minutes after his last one. That raises a flag on Lispy Skip's computer, and Driscoll orders him to patch it through to Kiefer so he can listen in with everyone else. You'll recall that they didn't even have Kiefer's number last episode, but maybe they hit "redial" on Potato Face's phone during the previouslies or something. As Kiefer listens in, VVH has basically the same conversation with Poor Man's Robert Davi that they had at the end of the last episode. But this time VVH remembers to ask if DaD signed the confession. Poor Man's Robert Davi replies in the affirmative, even though DaD didn't want to and that they "used his daughter." Kiefer does that thing where he switches his phone to the other ear so we know he's listening more intently. "Did you kill her?" VVH asks. PMRD waits for the camera to zoom in on Kiefer. "Not yet," he finally says. Good work. You guys are all mysterious and shit until the authorities are listening, and then your lips start flapping like you're in one of those skydiving simulators. Kiefer stresses at the cop about where his Kiefmobile is. Sure enough, it pulls up with a deputy behind the wheel, less than a minute and a half after Kiefer asked for it. Being out in the sticks has advantages sometimes. And Kiefer's off. It's 11:06:06.
Here's my question: if VVH is so vital to setting up the TerrorServers, what was he doing an hour away in L.A. this morning? And don't tell me he went out to find Witless, because VVH and his never-again-seen partner showed up at Witless's office less than twenty minutes after Witless spotted the evil red computer code. So VVH just happened to be in Los Angeles on the morning of the big terror plan, sitting out the webcast of the initial announcement for some unknown reason? It makes no sense, which means this character will probably be dying soon before we're tempted to think about it too much.
At the TerrorDome, DaD and DoDder have been moved into a more secure cell. It's got actual walls and an iron door with a little sliding observation hatch through which we get a guard's eye view of Team DoD, who are now chained in back-to-back chairs. I wonder what they were saving that cell for? "Oh, let's just put the Secretary of Defense in this chain-link cage. We'll keep the cell empty in case we have a chance to abduct someone important, like Oprah." The guard slides the hatch shut. Inside the cell, DaD is beating himself up over the confession he signed. DoDder reassures him that everyone will know he signed it under duress. DaD is all het up about the embarrassment to his country that the trial represents. DoDder tries to hold out hope, but he says they've got less than an hour before the trial and if they're going to do something they have to do it now. Didn't they do something last hour? That was kind of impressive. But DaD's talking about something else. He's figured out that if he's dead before the trial, the kidnappers' plan to broadcast his trial and execution will go right down the shitter. DoDder sees where this is going and begs him not to give up. But he wants her to try and strangle him with the chain between her handcuffs. He can't do it himself, you see, because in case I didn't make this clear, they're chained to chairs and have very little freedom of movement. DoDder can't do it either; she refuses to help DaD in his plan to bail on her. Although she uses different words and also some tears. Then she notices an exposed gas pipe running along the wall and suggests breaking it. DaD shoots that idea down because if they fill the room with gas she'll die too. DoDder quite rightly points out that her chances for survival aren't any better than his anyway. DaD looks SaD for a while, then agrees to try it. They scoot their chairs over to the gas line. DoDder kicks off her shoes, loops the chain running between her leg irons over the valve, and gives a mighty yank. The Operatic Alto of Main Characters Committing Suicide accompanies the sound of gas hissing into the cell. It's 11:10:25.
11:14:50. Team DoD waits to either suffocate or immolate, Potato Face contemplates her severance package, and Kiefer's still on the road. Curtis asks Special Agent Breck to analyze the voices on the phone call between VVH and Poor Man's Robert Davi, because it's not like she has anything else going on.
AIIIEEEE!sha realizes it's been over ten minutes since she last irritated someone, so she goes to ask Lispy Skip what a "level-three channel" is. Lispy Skip explains without looking at her that it's a log-on that gets you into "everything." "I want it," AIIIEEEE!sha says. "What do you mean?" Lispy Skip asks. "I want clearance for a level-three channel," she reiterates. And I want a harrier jump jet, but I don't expect Lispy Skip to be able to give me one. Fuck off, Veruca Salt. Lispy Skip, to his credit, tells her almost exactly that, explaining that only Driscoll can authorize the clearance. And furthermore, "Just because you overheard that conversation between Potato Face and me? Doesn't mean I'm your bitch." Since he's called her bluff, she calls the boss. AIIIEEEE!sha makes use of the all-too-user-friendly graphic phone menu on the LCD display to dial the DrisCube. It's worth mentioning that while some of the menu entries have the users' photographs to them, the one for the DrisCube has a generic silhouette. It's as if CTU's telecom guys know that the office changes hands five or six times a season, so there's no point bothering to connect someone's face to it. Anyway, when Driscoll answers, AIIIEEEE!sha starts to squeal on Lispy Skip (and the fact that she's calling from his extension would probably be something of a giveaway if we were talking about anyone but Driscoll), but before she mentions his name he puts a hand on her forearm and shakes his head fearfully. AIIIEEEE!sha makes up a cover story about why she called, and Driscoll hangs up, apparently without noticing that AIIIEEEE!sha looked off to the side for no apparent reason in the middle of talking. "You're sick," Lispy Skip says with something like admiration. Oh, don't encourage her. AIIIEEEE!sha tells him to tell Driscoll he's overloaded and needs help, and that he needs AIIIEEEE!sha to have a level-three channel clearance. Which I'm sure she'll be ever so anxious to do on Skip's say-so, given the way AIIIEEEE!sha blackmailed her way in here in the first place.
Kiefer's driving along, watching VVH's blip on his dashboard display screen. Over his walkie-talkie, he orders one of the local cops to back off a little so VVH doesn't spot him. I wonder if that was the same cop Kiefer stuck in a cooler less than an hour ago? Kiefer has to take his fun where he can get it, you know. Driscoll rings in with the news that the Marines are on their way. Kiefer tells Driscoll to have Potato Face do something or other with the satellite images, which is when he finds out that Potato Face is all suspended and shit. Kiefer protests, but Driscoll is too pissed at Potato Face. Kiefer reluctantly lets it go. He's got to pick his battles, you know, and sometimes that means leaving a loyal accomplice twisting in the breeze for helping him.
Which reminds Driscoll, at 11:17:38, that she still has Potato Face to deal with. She goes to visit her in the tank. Potato Face knows the score: "Kiefer's indispensable right now and I'm not." Well, of course. That's the first thing they teach you at CTU orientation. Driscoll gives an unrepentant Potato Face grudging props for defying her authority in order to help Kiefer, then offers her a Faustian bargain: Driscoll will get some resignation papers faxed over and Potato Face will sign them. I guess that's not really Faustian. A better word might be "wimpy." Potato Face is surprised at the offer, and its stipulation that she won't be arrested, charged, or otherwise sanctioned. Driscoll does suggest that if Potato Face wants a letter of recommendation she should probably talk to Kiefer instead of her. Potato Face jumps at the offer, which I figure Driscoll is only making because she wants Potato Face out of the building before Kiefer figures out a way to go around Driscoll and get his pet mole reinstated. Or because Mary Lynn Rajskub wants a few weeks off. Either way, Driscoll leaves Potato Face in her cell and goes off to get the paperwork.
There's some fallout at the TerrorHome right about now. Debbie's body is laid out on an oblong area rug. Getting rid of the body would be a lot easier if they'd kept the bag the rug came in. I read somewhere that those are ideal for transporting teenage girls. TerrorMom and TerrorTeen argue about what happened with Deaddie until they hear a car door slamming outside. TerrorMom runs to the window and spots TerrorDad talking to a neighbor and her barking dog, who clearly knows a terrorist when it sees one. I guess his "meeting" is over. TerrorMom locks the door, then runs to grab a throw pillow and the gun that TerrorTeen never shot Deaddie with. TerrorTeen is confused about why his mom is wasting a bullet on a girlfriend she already killed (which, if I had a nickel…), so TerrorMom says that if TerrorDad doesn't see a bullet wound, he'll ask questions. She doesn't want TerrorDad to know that TerrorTeen failed him again. TerrorMom fires through the pillow and puts a bullet in Deaddie's navel. I think TerrorDad is going to have different questions now. TerrorMom desperately thrusts the gun into TerrorTeen's hand, telling him she loves him but she can't let him destroy everything. TerrorTeen is looking a little weepy. Whether it's because his girlfriend is dead or because his mom is such a shitty crime scene tamperer is unclear.
Finally TerrorDad lets himself into the house. Nobody says a word as they all stare at each other. Slowly he walks over to stand to TerrorTeen, who is looking down at Deaddie's body with its inexplicably migrating bullet wound just below the sternum. The feather sticking out of it is a nice touch, though. "I know this was difficult for you," TerrorDad commiserates, "but it was necessary." I only hope I can help my son through times like this when he old enough to date idiots that my wife has to poison. TerrorMom comes up with the plan to dispose of the body and the DeaddieMobile in their driveway, and she and TerrorDad decide to give TerrorTeen and his young lady a little alone time. He kneels over the body and strokes her hair. Suddenly this tinny, crap-ass, totally inappropriate smooth jazz tune invades the scene. TerrorTeen reaches into Deaddie's pants pocket. Wow, that jazz is smooth indeed. Oh, he's just getting her cell phone, which is where the music is coming from. Nice cell phone ring, Deaddie. Way to keep annoying us from beyond the grave. The phone display says the call is from "Mom," and it's a 310 area code, which is odd because that's a coastal number and VVH has been leading Kiefer inland for the past three episodes. According to the boards, the number belongs to someone at the 24 offices or something. Which is fun, I suppose, but the right thing to do would have been to make that person move to the proper area code.
Back at CTU, AIIIEEEE!sha is busily working away at her computer. She must be feverish. Lispy Skip also notices the anomaly, and asks if they're even now that Driscoll gave AIIIEEEE!sha her level-three clearance. That's a scene I would have liked to see. AIIIEEEE!sha doesn't answer. Across the floor, Curtis notices Lispy Skip standing over her chair with his hand on her seat back and figures something's up. Smart man, Curtis. That might explain why he's lived this long. Lispy Skip, on the other hand, hasn't realized that now that AIIIEEEE!sha has conspicuously foregone a chance to rat him out to the boss, she can't exactly go back to Driscoll with her story now without Driscoll asking why she didn't mention it before. Skip asks AIIIEEEE!sha why she needs the clearance anyway. She says, "You may be happy tapping away at a keyboard for the rest of your life, but I'm not." Hey! AIIIEEEE!sha sees an opportunity to get ahead and she plans to use it. By pissing everyone off? Apparently the writers learned everything they need to know about African-American women by watching The Apprentice.
As Lispy Skip wanders off, he notices Potato Face being escorted back onto the floor by a Redshirt at 11:22:28. Another Redshirt packs Potato Face's effects into a bag as she watches. That quickly gets boring, though, and she excuses herself when she sees Special Agent Breck walking past. Potato Face flags her down. "I'm more insulted that you thought I wouldn't notice than by the fact that you were spying on me," she says. Special Agent Breck says she was just following orders. Potato Face explains how to monitor a system so "the subject doesn't see red lights flashing everywhere." Special Agent Breck is all, Awkward. Potato Face turns to say "Bye" to Lispy Skip, and heads for the door. Lispy Skip asks Special Agent Breck to cover for him for a minute. Man, she even gets work dumped on her by people who are below her. Girlfriend needs to learn to say "no." Lispy Skip catches up with Potato Face and the Redshirts walking her out, and asks for a private moment. They don't seem to have a problem with it. I'm thinking the Redshirts are all operated by remote control this season. Lispy Skip makes what he thinks are sympathetic noises, but Potato Face knows he's mainly worried about his own ass. She reassures him on that score (and it's a very high score indeed), and then says, "You're a geek, Skip, but you're a nice guy. Stay that way." Anything else to say that wouldn't be more appropriate for a yearbook inscription? "Good luck today. You're going to need it." And with one last bitchface, Potato Face is escorted out of the building in humiliation. It's 11:23:55. Whatever. She was going to quit anyway.
11:28:20. Team DoD is looking a little woozy, VVH is looking a little gay in his Screaming Yellow Pickup, and Kiefer is looking for VVH's destination. At CTU, Driscoll asks Special Agent Breck to project potential areas for VVH's destination, assuming he "keeps driving west." I think that's rather a dangerous assumption, since he's only driving west on the satellite screen while simultaneously driving east on the electronic map display. And these are the people who protect us from terrorists. Special Agent Breck points to the map on her screen and says that there are four residential and two industrial areas that VVH could be headed for. Driscoll tells her to get off her lazy ass and data mine them for any suspicious activity in the past six months.
Skip, who's been monitoring the Screaming Yellow Pickup on the satellite screen, interrupts to tell Kiefer that VVH is stopping at an intersection. And indeed, VVH pulls up behind a Family Truckster at a stop sign. Kiefer pulls off the road into a handy parking area to watch VVH unobserved, just as another car pulls in behind the Screaming Yellow Pickup. The car in front of VVH doesn't move. VVH, who's had just about enough of this kind of thing today, lays on the horn. Immediately, three very large, angry, racially diverse men get out of the car and surround the Screaming Yellow Pickup. VVH makes an "oh, shit" face and looks around behind himself to see that he's boxed in. And perhaps to wonder how far he would have to drive back in order to get his gun back from Kiefer. The racially diverse group begins harassing VVH, with the African-American leader of the group calling VVH "Mohammed." This would probably be a bad time to bring up Malcolm X. VVH says he's just trying to get home, which is a perfect opening for a "be nice if all y'all go home" crack from the Hispanic dude. Basically it's a Benetton ad from hell. Can you believe this? They're treating poor VVH like he's a terrorist or something.
Kiefer watches and reports to CTU. As they all try to figure out how to keep their only lead from getting Arab-bashed right in front of them, a cop car pulls up with a toot of its siren and instructions for "you three" to stay where they are. Kiefer's all pissy, because now he can't do something ridiculous to save the day, and because he ordered the APB on the stolen truck cancelled. Assuming the Screaming Yellow Pickup's driver reported the truck stolen immediately, despite being unconscious, in the middle of nowhere, and phoneless, that APB existed in the first place for all of six minutes, you'll recall. But Driscoll figures that maybe all the local branches didn't get the cancellation call. Kiefer tells them to get on that as the cops pull in behind the car behind VVH and the driver strolls up to the scene. Don't ask me why the driver of the car behind VVH hasn't left already, because I don't know. Other than the fact that if he did, VVH could leave and we wouldn't have this scene and the ensuing developments that change the whole course of the five minutes. Anyway, the cop asks that driver to move his car as he approaches the three dudes surrounding VVH. He asks VVH to hop out of his Screaming Yellow Pickup. VVH complies, looking quite wee among his harassers. The dudes are all, "We just workin' some things out." The cop asks the dudes to stand by their car while he quietly asks what's going on. VVH says, "There's really no problem, officer. They're just upset about what happened this morning." Assuming they've heard the news about DaD, of course. They might just be kind of defensive about the fact that their fly hooptie is a Vista Cruiser. VVH asks if he can go. The cop asks him to hang tight for one minute while he radios to his partner in the car to "call this in." The partner types the license plate of the Screaming Yellow Pickup into the dashboard computer. Are they going to run the plates on the Grocery Getter as well? What if it was involved in a hit-and-run at a soccer field parking lot?
Special Agent Breck patches CHP dispatch through to Kiefer, because between the two of them they have to do everything. Kiefer tells the dispatcher to have VVH cut loose toot-sweet. Which is right when the blinking "VEHICLE REPORTED STOLEN" text pops up on the cops car's dashboard computer. The cop's partner gets out of the car and starts walking toward an increasingly nervous VVH, hand on gun. But he's still several yards away when his radio squawks. "We're all clear," the partner says, and VVH is on his way. The cops move on to the Benetton Posse and Kiefer is back in pursuit. Almost immediately, Lispy Skip sees that VVH is making another cell phone call. Again, the call is patched through to Kiefer.
It's 11:33:20, and Poor Man's Robert Davi supervises the Terror AV Club as they set up cameras in the TerrorDome. His phone beeps. It's VVH, with the news about what just happened to him. He's figured out that he's "getting help from people who want to make sure I get where I'm going." PMRD is in denial at first, but VVH insists that they can't take chances. Kiefer, listening in, decides it's time to grab VVH: "Our only chance is to bring him in and try to break him," he says. Plus it's been over three hours since he last maimed someone. Because I'm stupid, I figure that VVH has just decided to drive around randomly to confuse whoever's following him, but in the time it's taken for Kiefer to order a roadblock set up and get close enough to spot the Screaming Yellow Pickup, VVH's conversation has taken on a distinctly final aspect. The terrorists exchange "Allahu akbar"s and hang up. The Vaguely Arabic Music of Terrorist Martyrs rises as VVH locks his eyes on an oncoming cement mixer. Just before the vehicles pass each other, he whips into the oncoming lane. If by "just before" you mean "a full seven seconds, plenty of time for the driver of the truck to do more than blare his horn." But VVH manages to collide with him anyway. Oddly enough, there's no explosion upon impact. There's just this sad, metallic crump and the sound of breaking glass as the Screaming Yellow Pickup bounces off the truck's grille and comes to a crunchy halt. You grow up watching cars blow up on TV every time they hit something bigger than a shopping cart, and it's kind of anticlimactic when it doesn't happen. The Screaming Yellow Pickup's front end is pretty well destroyed, though. Skip tells Driscoll and Curtis what just happened, as if they weren't watching it over his shoulder. "That was our only lead," Curtis says, as if we haven't been watching too. Kiefer stops, jumps out, and starts running toward the Screaming Yellow Wreck to see if VVH is still alive. And then it blows up. Well, better late than never. It's 11:35:33.
11:39:58. AIIIEEEE!sha wonders why the hell she doesn't have Driscoll's job yet, Lispy Skip shakes his head at his computer monitor, and Team DoD is having a gas. Curtis announces that they're going to "switch gears" now that VVH has done blowed himself up. Neutral is a gear, I suppose. Special Agent Breck says they've got ten to fifteen minutes before the TerrorCast begins. The CTU gang gets a call from Kiefer at the crash scene. Peering into the Smoldering Black Pickup, he reminds everyone that VVH said he was thirty minutes from his destination twenty minutes before he stopped, so they're looking at a ten-minute radius from here. Which, given how quickly people normally drive on this show, could put the target anyplace between Tijuana and Elko, Nevada. Curtis offers to have the area surveyed by aircraft, but Kiefer says that'll take too long and he wants them to use satellites for a thermal scan. Lispy Skip says that won't work because all the electrical power transmitters in the area will camouflage the heat from the TerrorServers. Kiefer says that since the transmitters have been there for years, all they have to do is compare new images to old ones and find new activity. Good thing Kiefer's back to tell everyone how to do their jobs. Curtis promises to get right on it. That's when a stumpy little guy comes up to tell Driscoll that the DrisKid has arrived at the CTU clinic. They couldn't have Special Agent Breck do that? What's she so busy with, anyway? Driscoll excuses herself. Curtis tells everyone to "reset your systems." As Driscoll leaves amid the clatter of hundreds of "CTRL-ALT-DEL"s, Curtis asks if everything's okay with the DrisKid, but Driscoll doesn't really want to talk about it. That's a good instinct. Go with it, writers. Driscoll asks Curtis to check in with Division.
But Curtis has other things to take care of first: namely, the fact that AIIIEEEE!sha is sitting with her back to her computer and staring at Lispy Skip for no apparent reason. Curtis approaches her and asks why she's always talking to Skip. "Just trying to learn the ropes, Curtis," she says, her expression adding, you big, dumb doofus. Curtis walks around and turns her chair to face him, leaning over her dangerously. "Today is not the day to make career moves on people," he growls. "The only think you should be thinking about is how to help us stop DaD from being publicly executed." AIIIEEEE!sha starts to protest, but Curtis knows how she thinks. "Just leave everybody alone and help us get through today." Go, Curtis! You'll notice that Curtis is doing a lot less dying than usual in this recap. That's because I've figured out that he's not actually a Handsome Black Agent; he's this season's Palmer. He's the morally upright black man in power who finds himself saddled with a nutty ex. But Curtis is superior to Palmer in that he realized the woman in his life was a grasping psycho before he married and raised two equally fucked-up kids with her. Props to Curtis. Sadly, as he leaves, AIIIEEEE!sha whirls around and buries an axe in his back.
Driscoll arrives at the CTU clinic, and the way she talks to the psychiatrist there makes it sound like they're basically going to admit DrisKid indefinitely as an inpatient. Oh, joy. Seriously, the doctor in charge of the clinic seems way too cheery about having a new nutbar to do stuff to. Driscoll goes in to see her daughter. What you need to know: DrisKid is sad and crazy, Driscoll is sad and frustrated, they hug, nobody cares. Let's just pretend that we don't know DrisKid only exists so she can a) humanize Driscoll, b) throw a wobbler and get loose on the CTU floor during the final minute of some future episode, or c) act as a love interest for DiCK, who, after a few more hours of sitting forgotten in an interrogation room hooked up to the mind-melter, will probably be an ideal mental and emotional match for her.
TerrorDad takes a call from Poor Man's Robert Davi telling him that VVH "martyred himself. Without hesitation." TerrorDad is so broken up at the news that he asks about the TerrorServers. PMRD says they're doing okay. TerrorDad offers to come in and help out, but PMRD declines, saying it's too risky. "If the servers don't work correctly, we're in trouble," TerrorDad says. "This trial is only the beginning." Just in case you thought the season finale was week. After they hang up, PMRD turns to address a Caucasian man who has been examining the contents of the Briefcase (again, we can't see inside). He kind of stands out amid all of these Hispanic actors playing Middle-Easterners. TerrorGringo assures PMRD that the Briefcase and its contents survived the train crash just fine. Lucky, that. PMRD tells him to "get started." It's 11:45:10.
Suddenly PMRD smells gas and connects it with DaD. He and the head of the kidnapping crew run down the hall. His reaction when he opens the observation hatch suggests that either the smell of gas in the cell is very strong or DaD totally let one rip. Guards rush in and untie the unconscious Team DoD from their chairs and drag them out into the hallway, where a door to the outside is thrown open to let in fresh air. TerrorGringo watches nervously as the men try to revive DaD. Finally, they succeed. Poor DaD. Still alive. DoDder wakes up too, and her first words upon regaining consciousness and spotting TerrorGringo are, "I know you." Good move. TerrorGringo freaks and tells PMRD that she has to be killed. PMRD assures him (quietly, but not all that quietly) that she will be and that TerrorGringo should go "do" his "job."
While still hanging around the aftermath of VVH's carbecue, Kiefer gets the call from CTU that they've located the TerrorDome using the thermal scan technique he gave them. So it looks like VVH's noble sacrifice bought his compatriots an extra twelve minutes or so. He got screwed. They tell Kiefer that he's about three miles from the TerrorDome, and where to find it. Kiefer's off to set up a staging area. Driscoll tells him that the Marines are twenty minutes away, and that the trial starts any minute. Kiefer says he'll call when he gets there, and in the meantime he wants the building schematics sent to his Kiefmobile computer. Lispy Skip takes care of it, because Special Agent Breck is on a break or something, I guess.
Wouldn't it be awesome if Air Force One stayed airborne throughout the entire season? I'm reasonably sure it can refuel in midair. ["Refueling from other planes, Air Force One can stay airborne for up to three days, until the engine quits from lack of oil. Don't ask why I know that." -- Sars] For now, though, Keeler's busy taking a meeting with one of his advisors. It's 11:47:26. The dude is all about how DaD's trial and execution will be a humiliation of the country and all sorts of bad in all sorts of ways. Keeler knows all this, which is why he wants everyone to reallyreallyreally hope that the impending rescue attempt succeeds. It's not like they have a choice, after all. But the guy says they do have a choice: bomb the TerrorDome into a TerrorHole. "Kill our own Secretary of Defense?" Keeler asks. The dude says DaD is going to be killed anyway, and better that it be done by order of the President than by terrorists on the internet. Keeler gets up from the table to gaze through the glass divider with the presidential seal etched into it, and to be glad he gets to be President instead of Secretary of Defense. Keeler says DaD is "a good friend" and "a loyal public servant." The dude says that if DaD were here, he'd endorse the plan himself. Which is not entirely wrong, as we've seen from Team DoD's suicide attempt. But then, if DaD were here, they wouldn't have a problem right now. Keeler looks like he's seriously considering it, but says the public will never go for it. The dude says all anyone has to know is that DaD died during a rescue attempt, which is better than having him be "executed with the whole world watching." Won't the public be curious about a "rescue attempt" that leaves a crater? I hope that dude's not from, like, the Washington Post or something. It's 11:49:25.
11:53:50. DoDder gets thrown back into the cell all by her lonesome, presumably after they shut off the gas to the room; the Terror AV Club makes final adjustments; and the TerrorFamily is still busy wrapping up Deaddie in a plastic tarp, winding duct tape around her ankles. This is so time-consuming. I'm telling you guys, an oblong area rug bag is the way to go. There's the sound of a car door slamming outside. TerrorDad scampers to the window and peeps out. "It's a woman. I don't know her." TerrorTeen does, though; it's Deaddie's mom. TerrorDad urgently motions TerrorMom to come answer the door while he orders TerrorTeen to stay out of sight. TerrorDad hides behind the door as TerrorMom opens it. Deaddie's mom introduces herself, and TerrorMom greets her warmly. Deaddie's mom compliments TerrorTeen's manners to TerrorMom before getting down to business: "I'm looking for Deaddie." So I guess they already got the DeaddieMobile out of the TerrorDriveway. It seems Deaddie's mom's worried because the dermatologist's office (snerk) called about a missed appointment that morning. Deaddie's Mom asks if her daughter is at the TerrorHome. TerrorMom looks a little confused behind her smile. TerrorDad pops out from behind the door, wearing his very best "I wasn't just lurking behind the door" smile. Which is bad enough that I hate to think what the rest of his collection of "I wasn't just lurking behind the door" smiles looks like. They try to blow Deaddie's mom off, while we get another look at the cooling corpse right there in the hallway, where it'll be visible if Deaddie's mom takes so much as one step inside the house. Deaddie's mom asks to see TerrorTeen, but the TerrorFolks say he's studying. "School is very important to him," TerrorMom gushes, managing with her sunny smile and really really wide open eyes not to nonverbally add, Too bad your kid was such a dingbat.
Suddenly there's the sound of tinny, crap-ass smooth jazz. Whoops. Deaddie's mom recognizes the ring as the sound of Deaddie's phone. "Many, many cell phones sound alike," TerrorDad remarks, which he has to know is completely ridiculous. If he had the courage of his convictions that he expects his son to have, he'd be dragging Deaddie's mom into the house and doing away with her right now. Deaddie's mom recognizes the ring as one that her daughter downloaded specially because it's "one of Deaddie's favorite songs." Figures. She starts to freak out and takes a step forward, but the TerrorFolks are frozen in place inside the door, blocking her path. Suddenly TerrorTeen appears behind them, holding up his phone with a sickly infomercial smile and explaining that it's his phone ringing. He and Deaddie downloaded the same ring when they started going out, he says. So he's not only dumb, he's whipped. Deaddie's mom, while not entirely reassured, apologizes and asks them to call her if they hear from Deaddie. TerrorMom smilingly promises to do so and they close the door. TerrorDad thanks TerrorTeen for saving their bacon by angrily telling him, "I told you not to interfere." TerrorMom rightly points out that TerrorTeen "took care of it." TerrorDad dispatches TerrorMom to follow Deaddie's mom to make sure she doesn't go to the police. I don't know what TerrorMom is supposed to do if Deaddie's mom does go to the cops, but I guess that will have to wait until week. TerrorDad looks at TerrorTeen, and gives him a grudgingly affectionate smile and face-rub before they get back to the interminable project of shrink-wrapping TerrorTeen's dead, dumb girlfriend with the shitty taste in music.
Kiefer talks to Curtis from the Kiefmobile, less than two minutes from the TerrorDome. They discuss rescue scenarios. Kiefer wants to split the rescue team to make sure they can get both DaD and DoDder, but Curtis tells him that the president has already ordered that their priority is to rescue DaD. I doubt DaD will approve of that. Kiefer doesn't either, obviously. Curtis says he doesn't like it any more than Kiefer does (I bet he likes it a little more), but those are the orders. And also, the TerrorCast is about to start.
At 11:58:02, the Terror AV Club is making final adjustments to lights and cameras while DaD is led onto the "set" by masked terrorists. The CTU folks watch on the big screen as a masked Poor Man's Robert Davi begins yammering. I don't know why anybody was worried about this trial embarrassing the U.S., because Poor Man's Robert Davi really isn't embarrassing anybody but himself. It's the typical boring, overblown, megalomaniacal, pseudo-revolutionary crap, and I don't intend to transcribe a single word of it, except for "of" and "it," and I'm even done with that now.
POTUS and his staff are also watching on Air Force One, as the guy from the Washington Post comes up behind Keeler and whispers that a missile is programmed and prepped. Keeler asks how long between his order and impact. WAPO dude says no more than ten minutes for the fighter plane to get into range. Keeler stares into the eyes of his friend on the screen, but even that isn't enough to convince him to stand there listening to PMRD chatter on for more than another couple of seconds. "Do it," he says. He shrinks up into the upper half of the screen while TerrorTeen double-bags Deaddie in the lower half. Keeler is replaced by DoDder. She looks sad, which makes sense. And not dead, which doesn't. Can't think why she's still being kept alive. Driscoll appears in the lower right corner, having just been told something over the phone.
Kiefer's lurking in the woods just outside the TerrorDome and cocking his weapon. That's not a euphemism. The voice of Lispy Skip comes through in his earpiece with the news that Driscoll wants to talk to him. "Kiefer, stand down," Driscoll orders. She keeps telling him to do that, and then he always falls back up again. Kiefer asks her to explain. Driscoll says that since the Marines won't get there in time, the president has ordered a missile strike that's already on its way. "With DaD and DoDder still inside?" Kiefer says. Driscoll confirms it. "Let me speak to the president," Kiefer snaps, as though it's still the Palmer Administration. Driscoll says she's been trying to get through to POTUS herself. Kiefer looks at the TerrorDome's fortified entrance. Hey, what's that expression on his face? Is that…resolve? Driscoll is telling Kiefer to clear the area and not to go in alone. She doesn't know he's banging one of the hostages, of course, but she knows what he's like. Kiefer's done talking in any case. He gets up and starts moving toward the TerrorDome. It's 12:00:00.
week on 24: Kiefer invades the TerrorDome single-handedly. Oops, did I give too much away?