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Chappelle really is dead, but it turns out he was on the right track after all; heâd found evidence that Saunders has a daughter. Amid much drama and recrimination, Spawn of Kiefer is tapped to swap places with Spawn of Saunders so CTU can question the latter without her dad knowing. Palmer suddenly remembers he has a Cabinet, and while heâs briefing them Saunders demands the names of all covert agents working for the United States. Bill from Hill transmits the V-I-R-U-S to a few fellow citizens before an urgent care center shrink-wraps him, and Special Agent Charlie Brown tries to determine the extent of the mess he made. Believe it or not, Spawn doesnât screw up her mission, but the agents backing her up do. Sheâs safe, but Saunders is going to be on to them very soon. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Due to some graphic violence, viewer discretion is advised. Now I know they're tacking that on every episode.
Previously on 24: Bitchelle told Soul Patch that someone had evaded the lockdown at Inn Fection without ever knowing he'd been exposed. The man in question got a nosebleed. Saunders forced Palmer to order the death of Chappelle. Special Agent Charlie Brown tried and failed to nab Saunders before the 7:00 AM deadline. Kiefer asked Saunders why he was doing this, and Saunders told him he wouldn't understand. Kiefer brought Chappelle to a train yard and shot him point-blank in the melon. The following takes place between 7:00 AM and 8:00 AM.
Kiefer stands over Chappelle's body, looking sad and wondering why his ex-boss's head is so intact. Sorry, Kiefer, it's network TV, and that viewer discretion warning will only let you get away with so much. No brain matter and skull fragments for you. There's not even much blood. Chappelle's definitely dead, though. The black van driven by Saunders's men pulls up, the passenger in the shotgun seat holding a pistol on Kiefer. Worst shotgun rider ever. Kiefer aims his own gun at the armed man. Shotgun gets out of the van, along with two other guys from the back. They're all dressed in black clothes and black ski masks, and so is the driver. Kiefer and Shotgun continue to hold their weapons on each other as the other two henchmen run a tricorder over Chappelle's body. "He's clean; there's no tracker," one announces. They're giving CTU credit for more intelligence than it has. Chappelle's body is bundled into the van. Paul Schulze's name is in the opening credits, by the way, even though he's only in this scene and one other and has no lines in either. Shotgun tells Kiefer that if he tries to follow the van, Saunders will release the V-I-R-U-S. The men in black pile into the van while Kiefer continues to hold his gun at the ready. I don't know why he's bothering; if I'm right about what happened at the end of the last episode, his gun is empty. Plus there are four of them and one of him, so if they decide they want to rock and roll, the odds are not stacked heavily in Kiefer's favor. The van screams off. Kiefer calls Brother Palmer to report. Brother Palmer just says, "Thanks, Jack," and hangs up. Kiefer manages to not blush in the face of Brother Palmer's effusiveness.
Palmer sits at his desk, apparently trying to see the future in its highly polished surface. Brother Palmer comes in to give him the news about Chappelle. Palmer is bummed. He tells Brother Palmer what happened and why -- entirely for our benefit, because Brother Palmer was the one who talked him into agreeing to Saunders's demand in the first place. But Palmer's had enough: "I will not cave in to any more of this terrorist's demands." Nice of him to sack up while Chappelle's skull is still bleeding. It's like, "Okay, I had one of our guys killed, but that's it. I mean it this time. I'm totally serious." Brother Palmer reminds him that Saunders is still calling the shots unless Palmer wants him to kill more people. Palmer thinks this over, and has a sudden brainwave: "Convene the Cabinet." Wow, things really are desperate if Palmer's ready to go so far as to consult his advisors.
At CTU, the techs have finished what Chappelle was working on, and have found out that Saunders has been transferring $10,000 a month to someone we never knew existed until now: his daughter, Jane Saunders. They've pulled her driver's license, and Spawn has an enlargement of Spawn of Saunders -- or, as we'll be calling her, "Spawnders" -- up on her screen. She seems to be marveling at the technology that makes this possible. I'm just wondering who cleans all the Wite-Out off of her monitor after she goes home every day. The photo of Spawnders shows a young woman who looks a tiny bit like Spawn, but with longer, brown hair and a pointier chin. This will be significant later. They've already learned that Spawnders is nineteen, and she lives and goes to college in Santa Barbara. Soul Patch gives the order to have the Santa Barbara police put on standby to pick her up. Just then, Kiefer calls with the news about Chappelle. He sounds a little weepy. Soul Patch tells Kiefer about Spawnders and how he was planning to have her picked up, but Kiefer puts the kibosh on that. Having someone to order around improves Kiefer's mood immediately. He figures Saunders has someone watching his daughter, so they're going to have to switch her with one of their agents to keep Saunders in the dark about what's going on. Ladies, doesn't Kiefer fill out those Bad Idea jeans nicely? Soul Patch points out that it's going to be tough to pull this off in the half-hour (and where he got that deadline I'm not at all sure), but agrees. Soul Patch goes to Potato Face and has her do some search to find CTU agents who physically resemble Spawnders. Where could this possibly be going? Potato Face complains about having to actually work quickly here at the Counter Terrorism Unit, so Soul Patch tells her -- wait for it -- "just do it." There are a couple of words before and after that, but that's the message. That Potato Face. She's like a highly localized, walking Nike target demo. ["Nike makes vests?" -- Sars]
, Soul Patch calls up Bitchelle at Inn Fection to ask about her test results. Guess what? Even though she said it would be another hour at around six, and it's now 7:07:21, it's going to be yet another hour. Bitchelle explains that the results couldn't be interpreted on location, so they had to send them back to the lab. Whatever. They're obviously just putting off the resolution of this until they can spend a decent amount of time on it. That's fine, but when it comes it had better be good. Bitchelle says that National Health Services has things under control, so she needs more to do. Soul Patch says he'll have Adam the Woman Hater send her some of his work as Bitchelle watches a hazmatician wheel a covered corpse past her on a gurney. The body's right hand is peeking out from under the sheet, and it looks like it's been deep fried. Bitchelle rings off.
Back at CTU, Soul Patch asks Adam to send Michelle part of his work, and he agrees readily. I guess it's fine if the order is coming from a guy. Adam also updates Soul Patch on Bill from Hill. They've talked to Mrs. Bill from Hill and they know he's been home, but he's left again and they don't know where he is. NHS is going to do their containment thing, and Special Agent Charlie Brown is being sent to talk to her. What about the failed Saunders raid? Doesn't he need to be debriefed? Ew, I can't believe I said that.
As Kiefer choppers back to the office, Palmer calls him up with some questions about Saunders. Kiefer gives him the bullet, but Palmer wants analysis. Kiefer advises Palmer to keep agreeing to Saunders's demands. Palmer thanks him and hangs up. It's 7:09:46.
Potato Face comes into Soul Patch's office and hands over a list of the ten agents who most resemble Spawnders, complete with photos. Soul Patch isn't thrilled to see that the closest one is in San Francisco. He asks for eleven though twenty, and Potato Face hands over another list. Soul Patch looks surprised, and not a little apprehensive. He confirms the results with Potato Face, and looks down through his glass office wall at Spawn, who looks like she's just become aware of the mysterious correlation between what she does with the keyboard and what shows up on the screen. Soul Patch calls her up to his office and dismisses Potato Face, along with the concerns she voices. As Spawn and Potato Face pass on the stairs leading to Soul Patch's office, Potato Face jerks her head around to look at Spawn as though something's about to pop out of her cleavage. Which, going by the view from this angle, could be just about anything. When Spawn arrives, Soul Patch sits to her on his casting couch and gives her the sitch. He's not going to order her to do it, but he promises her that it "shouldn't be too dangerous." Spawn ignores the giant red neon sign that that has just appeared over Soul Patch's head and is flashing the word "JINX." She calmly agrees. It's 7:11:59.
At 7:16:28, Saunders thinks, Palmer thinks, Kiefer pilots, and Spawn and Soul Patch come down from his office together. Kiefer's going to be pissed when he gets back; that's almost four and a half minutes they were up there unaccounted for. Spawn stops by her desk before leaving, and Potato Face wants to give her a whole spiel about how she doesn't think Spawn should go, and field work isn't "learn-as-you-go" (which might be news to Special Agent Charlie Brown), but she's behind Spawn a hundred and ten percent and she hopes nothing bad happens to her. Spawn, irritated, snaps at Potato Face to get to work on prepping for the mission that she's going to be coordinating. Potato Face says, "I like your energy, Spawn. Use it." Hee! God help me, I might be starting to enjoy her. Spawn breaks stride as she's walking away, but doesn't dignify Potato Face's advice with a response. Potato Face asks Adam the Woman Hater to send her the info she needs to get ready, but Adam is too busy eavesdropping on Special Agent Charlie Brown out in the field. It's 7:17:37. I don't know why it's so important for Adam to do this, other than to create a smooth transition into the scene.
Which is Special Agent Charlie Brown asking Mrs. Bill from Hill whether he was showing any symptoms earlier in the morning. Somehow Special Agent Charlie Brown got back to CTU, changed his clothes, scored himself a full-head respirator mask, and got himself to Bill from Hill's house in thirty minutes. No full hazmat suit for Charlie Brown, though; it's not like he's covered with fresh wounds or anything. Mrs. Bill from Hill is confused as to why Special Agent Charlie Brown and the two similarly-attired agents behind him think Bill from Hill is sick, and Charlie Brown has to explain about how Bill from Hill was at Inn Fection earlier that morning. Awkward. Mrs. Bill from Hill finally picks up the clue phone that's been ringing right in her ear for the past forty-five minutes: "He did it again, didn't he?" Oh, boy. "I hope he did get something. I hope that he dies." Mrs. Bill from Hill starts to freak while Charlie Brown tries to calm her down and his sidekicks prevent her from leaving. Before she can get good and wound up, though, a hazmatician appears with a bloody facial tissue that he found in the bathroom wastebasket. The blood is tacky, which means it's fresh, which means that even Special Agent Charlie Brown is able to conclude that Bill from Hill is now Ill Bill (tm Roachford). Special Agent Charlie Brown gives one of his men an order to contact every ER and urgent care center in a thirty-mile radius. Considering how fast Ill Bill moves, I'd think the guy could just step outside the front door and holler for him.
Ill Bill, meanwhile, is ransacking the shelves at the pharmacy, ruining another handkerchief, and getting his death-cooties all over everything. He asks the pharmacist what he should take to stop an hour-long nosebleed, and the pharmacist can only suggest he go to an ER to have it cauterized. On his way out he bumps into a middle-aged lady, who looks annoyed at his rudeness. She doesn't know the half of it.
In a conference room at CTU, Spawn is getting briefed on her upcoming mission. She's working very hard to display her intelligence and alertness by way of impeccable posture. It's 7:19:27. A de-flak-jacketed Kiefer blows into the office looking for Soul Patch, and Potato Face directs him to the conference room where he's meeting with Spawn. But she manages to do it in a way that turns Kiefer's entire face into one big red flag. Soul Patch glances through the conference room's glass wall, sees Kiefer coming, and steps out onto the floor to head him off. Kiefer wants to know what's up with Soul Patch and Spawn. Okay, first of all, Kiefer, he's her boss, and secondly, where were you while they were spending the whole commercial break on his couch? Soul Patch explains about Spawn turning up as the best available match for Spawnders. Kiefer gives this sort of dangerous chuckle, if you can imagine such a thing, and says, "My Spawn?" I'd say he's against it, but saying that would be like saying he didn't care for Nina. Tension between the two men escalates rapidly, while the subject of their disagreement glances out at them. I wonder what they could be talking about, she thinks. And the blond one looks kind of familiar. Kiefer tries to charge past Soul Patch, but Soul Patch stops him with a hand on his chest. In the second, there is shoving and pushing and Soul Patch's neck bandage pops off and he bleeds out in about ten seconds. Well, except for that last part, but wouldn't Kiefer feel like a jerk if that happened? Soul Patch yells that Spawn works for him, not Kiefer. Kiefer just points a finger at him and says, "Don't..." Man, I hate it when people don't finish their sentences. It just makes me…
Kiefer heads into the conference room like a lion into the Roman Coliseum. Spawn tries to throw a leash over him, but he's not having it; he all but picks up the guy who's been briefing Spawn and hurls him out the door. I guess I underestimated Chappelle. Discipline really breaks down around here in the absence of his iron fist. Soul Patch, who has followed Kiefer into the room, tells the two Bauers he'll wait outside while they have it out. And that's exactly what happens. They yell at each other until Kiefer grabs Spawn and pushes her up against the wall. Okay, I can see he's mad, but that's kind of inappropriate. He yells in her face: "The reason why you've got this job -- the reason why I gave you this job -- is so that I could be sure you'd be safe!" What? She got the job because of Kiefer? Who'da thunk it? And by the way, Kiefer, outstanding plan there. Remind me, what did you just get back from doing? Was that a field operative's skull you ventilated not a half hour ago? When you found yourself in a van full of bad guys and explosives last season, where did y'all end up? And where was your wife killed? Was it miles from here, or just down the hall? Spawn doesn't bring any of that up, but she's still not backing down: "This is my job. Better yet, my duty." I just can't not laugh at her, because "duty" is accompanied by this four-year-old-playing-mommy finger waggle. Also, "doody." She insists she's doing it. Kiefer looks defeated, and he stares at the floor, thinking, She used to be so small, so helpless, and now my little girl has grown even stupider. It's 7:22:16.
7:26:41. Victims mill about in Inn Fection's quarantine area, Soul Patch broods, more victims mill, and Palmer tries to move his desk with his mind. Kiefer and Spawn come out onto the roof of CTU, the latter having changed into a kicky yet official CTU tracksuit. The helicopter's ready to go. They're getting a lot of miles on that thing this season, aren't they? Kiefer tells Spawn, "As soon as we get there, they're going to deal with your hair and makeup." Hey, as long as I know the hair is going to be dealt with some time, I can be patient. Kiefer reminds her that her disguise isn't going to fool anyone at close range, and they're going to put her where Saunders's people can only see her from a distance. I'm calling bullshit. They're assuming an awful lot here. Kiefer has no way of knowing that Spawnders doesn't have a Secret Service-style envelope around her at all times. The fact that he later turns out to be right doesn't excuse the sloppiness. Kiefer gives Spawn a handgun and tells her not to hesitate if she has to use it. Oh, man. I know he's her father, and he wants her to be safe, but never give Spawn a gun before you get on a helicopter with her, all right? That's just common sense. They climb into the back seat of the chopper, and it lifts off. It's 7:27:42.
The Brothers Palmer step into a conference room where the Cabinet has assembled, some in person and some on video monitors. I guess I missed the reason why most of the Cabinet is in California with Palmer. Maybe he insists on really high-level debate advisors. In any case, Brother Palmer announces that the V-I-R-U-S has been released at Inn Fection, and that they know Saunders is behind the attacks and he'll continue the attacks unless his demands are met. VP Prescott asks what those demands are. Brother Palmer explains about "the sky is falling" and the demand to have Chappelle ki-- I'm sorry, I need to stop and back up here. Vice President Prescott? Why the hell is that guy still Vice President? Was Palmer like, "Whoa ho ho, Veepster, you got me a good one there. I'll be keeping my eye on you from now on, you betcha"? Whatever. So Brother Palmer says that Saunders ordered Chappelle killed. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs asks, "What was his response when you didn't comply?" There's a false premise in there, Chairman. The Brothers Palmer look at each other the way they did that time when Mom got home early and the coffee table was on fire. Palmer admits that he had no choice but to comply. While everyone is still reacting to this news with varying degrees of shock and horror, Palmer orders them to throw their departments' doors open to CTU.
7:29:24, CTU. Potato Face is complaining to Soul Patch about not being able to get at some Defense Department files. Jeez, Potato Face, keep your hair on. The president just gave the order, like, five seconds ago. Oh, wait, she's just asking when Chappelle is going to be back to authorize it. Soul Patch has to tell her he's not coming back. It's just Soul Patch's Awkward Conversation Hour this week, isn't it? He calls out to everyone on the floor and announces that "Ryan Chappelle was killed in the line of duty about a half hour ago." He doesn't give any more details, but he'll be assuming Chappelle's duties for the moment. "There'll be an opportunity to pay our respects to Ryan, but now's not the time." Before anyone can say, "No, we're good, actually," Adam the Woman Hater cuts in with the news that Special Agent Charlie Brown is calling in. Charlie Brown, now unmasked, tells Soul Patch that Ill Bill is symptomatic. He's not calling until now? What's he been doing? It's been ten minutes since they found that bloody snotrag. Ill Bill could be as much as half a block further away by now! Special Agent Charlie Brown wants to talk to Spawn now, but Soul Patch has to tell him she's on assignment. Mrs. Ill Bill gets carted out of her house on a gurney in a plastic bubble as Charlie Brown takes the news of Spawn's mission not much better than Kiefer did. Soul Patch, of course, just had this argument with Kiefer about ten minutes ago, and he's not about to have it again with Kiefer's Mini-Me. Charlie Brown seethes.
Up in the helicopter, Kiefer apologizes to Spawn about grabbing her. "But I want you to understand something: in the field, I am in command, do you understand that? You do what I tell you to do." Well, there's a first time for everything. Spawn agrees.
7:32:03. We're at an urgent care center, where the waiting room television is running one of those only-on-TV plot-advancing news bulletins. Ill Bill shambles in and tells the admitting nurse about his hour-old nosebleed. She gives him some forms to fill out and he sits down right to another waiting patient, even though there are other empty seats. The other patient reacts about the way I would. Before Ill Bill can even put pen to paper, the news bulletin attracts his attention. The reporter names Inn Fection and talks about body bags, and Ill Bill looks at the bloody handkerchief in his hand. He puts two and two together and comes up with the inescapable answer: "Fucked." Ill Bill scampers right back to the front desk and demands immediate attention. The nurse he first talked to says, "Oh my God -- you're him!" The camera pans over to where someone has tacked up a photocopied flyer that features the words "MEDICAL ALERT" and Ill Bill's blown-up driver's license photo. Excellent touch: the photo is spectacularly unflattering. The nurse flags down a doctor. "The man we're supposed to isolate? He's here!" Ill Bill could not look more surprised if you dropped a safe on his head. Or even a bank vault. It's 7:33:02, and I'll still be laughing at the look on his face until at least 7:35:38.
Commercials. Whose idea was it to make that "There she goes again" ditty the theme song for birth control medication? That just seems to come off a little judgmental, if you ask me.
7:37:30. Saunders shows off his sideburns, Ill Bill looks clueless, the Brothers Palmer stare at the Cabinet, and the van that picked up Chappelle's body is parked somewhere nondescript. Saunders gets a call from Shotgun, who has confirmed the identity of Chappelle's body by matching fingerprints. That's the second time this hour Saunders has seen the need to block ruses that it never even occurred to CTU to try. Always two steps ahead, that guy. Too bad they're mincing ones. Saunders tells his assistant, Fauxbayashi (tm silentbob), that Chappelle is dead, but CTU is still going to be trying to figure out what he was working on, and someone named "Lennox" should not let Spawnders out of his sight for one second. Fauxbayashi makes the call, and we see the man on the other end of the line (can you use that expression when it's a cell phone call? Discuss) observing Spawnders leaving for work in a late-model SUV. Sure, she's getting $10,000 a month from Dad, but she needs to work to have a little "walking around money." We only see the lower part of the other man's face in profile, which will be handy later when the show tries a little misdirection. Spawnders's watcher pulls out onto the road and falls in behind his charge.
7:38:35. Back in the Cabinet meeting, the most evil-looking of Palmer's secretaries observes that they've started down a slippery slope. Palmer interrupts and tells him to cut the euphemisms. That wasn't a euphemism, Palmer. It was a metaphor. Worst president ever. Palmer points out that he's aware of the moral ambiguity of his decision, but he did it to buy more time to find Saunders and delay the deaths of millions. "I did it for their future. Not mine." His SaundersPhone rings before he can pontificate further, thank God. Palmer blandly tells the United States Cabinet, "I have to take this." It's good to see that just because Palmer is dealing with a terrorist, he's not being rude to his administration. He steps outside the conference room to talk to Saunders. After Saunders mentions that he's confirmed Chappelle's identity, Palmer says that Saunders's identity has also been confirmed. He tries to drop a little threat of his own in there, but Saunders doesn't seem too intimidated. Could be because Palmer sucks at threats. Palmer asks what Saunders wants, and Saunders starts in about how he wants to make America clean again. The world hates America, he says, and zzzzzzzzzzzzz…I'm sorry, this motivation is so hackneyed and boring that I can only hope it's a front. Let's skip ahead to the demands. Saunders wants the names of every covert foreign national working for the United States in the Middle East and Asia sent to him via a website called Sylvia Imports Dot Com. I went there to enter in names like "Ben Dover" and "Xavier Onassis," but it didn't work. Palmer has 45 minutes to comply, or Saunders will preempt Late Night with Conan O'Brien with his own wedding video. Okay, not really. I'm just so tired of typing "release the V-I-R-U-S" all the time. I'm too new at this to be so jaded. Saunders disconnects.
7:41:03. The CTU helicopter carrying Kiefer and Spawn sets down behind what looks like a warehouse in Santa Barbara. Okay, I know helicopters are faster than cars, but if memory serves, L.A. to Santa Barbara is over an hour's drive up the 101. Yahoo! Maps confirms that it's 95.3 miles from city center to city center. So by my calculations, that helicopter had an average airspeed of 428 miles per hour. Okay. Moving on. The Bauers are greeted by Agent Rachel Forrester, who explains that they have a staging area set up near the library where Spawnders works. Everyone scrambles into a police van. Damn, they put this operation together fast.
Maybe they could give some tips to Special Agent Charlie Brown, who is conferring with his people out on the street and just now getting around to having them notify Ill Bill's neighbors that they should stay inside. Soul Patch calls to dispatch Charlie Brown to the urgent care center where Ill Bill fetched up. You know, maybe CTU could hire a few more people so they don't have the same six or eight suckers doing all the work all the time. As Charlie Brown climbs into his Ford Behemoth, he asks Soul Patch whether Spawn is "in play" yet. The answer's no, but I think they're just putting off the end of the scene so we can see Special Agent Charlie Brown reaching across his body to pull his car door closed with his good hand. He hits the road.
7:42:42. The Bauer motorcade is rolling through suburban Santa Barbara, if that phrase isn't too redundant. In the back of the van, Spawn is getting fitted for a long brunette wig. Meanwhile, Forrester briefs Kiefer on Spawnders's current situation. She's working behind the reference desk at the UC-Santa Barbara library, and Forrester's people are monitoring the place, having tapped into the library's surveillance cameras. There are ten or twenty people in there, and Kiefer says that one of them is working for Saunders. See, there he goes again. How does he know that? How does he know there aren't two, or eight, or none? In any case, Forrester figures that Saunders's guy is probably one of five people they've spotted. If it were up to me, I'd look for the one who seems least likely to live another twenty minutes, but I don't have government training. Kiefer asks to see Spawn's new look, and she turns to face him. BWAH! She looks like a character in the comic book version of a Russ Meyer film. Kiefer reminds her that she's not going to fool anyone close up, and she's going to need to keep her head down and stay at least ten feet behind the desk. Kiefer throws stress at Agent Hair and Makeup about the color of Spawn's wig. It's 7:43:37.
7:48:02. A V-I-R-U-S victim gets zipped into a body bag, the Brothers Palmer stare at the Cabinet, and Potato Face pouts with a phone wedged under her chin. She, Adam the Woman Hater, and Soul Patch are listening in to Special Agent Charlie Brown's conversation with Ill Bill. The latter man has been sealed into a room behind a glass door, along with everyone he came in contact with at the hospital. A hazmatician is in there too, doing hazmatician stuff. Special Agent Charlie Brown is talking to Ill Bill through the door, pumping him for info on everyone he's come near since he left home. Ill Bill doesn't quite seem to have it together. Perhaps he's hoping that the V-I-R-U-S will kill him slowly and painfully before his wife has a chance to. Special Agent Charlie Brown thumps the glass and snaps, "Think!"
University of California, Santa Barbara. Hey, if you want to see some thinking done, maybe you should go there. It's 7:49:05, and there's a trailer set up in the trees behind the massive university library. It's full of computers and flat screen monitors which are patched in to campus security, barely a half hour after this scheme was hatched. Shit, man, it took me two hours to hook up my DVD player. Kiefer watches on the monitors as Spawnders goes about her library business. She ventures out from behind the desk with an armload of magazines, and Agent Hair and Makeup runs into her and spills something on her pants. Agent Hair and Makeup pretends she didn't do it on purpose and books (geddit? In the library? Oh, never mind), while Spawnders heads to the bathroom to clean up. A balding guy in a red shirt, who has been lurking near a bookshelf, leans out conspicuously to watch her. Kiefer spots him and orders the surveillance crew to watch him closely.
Meanwhile, Spawnders goes into the bathroom to try to dry off her wet jeans, but there are no paper towels in the dispenser. Fortunately for Spawnders, a custodian was just about to replace them, and she hands Spawnders a stack. Unfortunately for Spawnders, the custodian is an undercover CTU agent who only wants to chloroform Spawnders into unconsciousness. Agent Hair and Makeup comes in to help, and in seconds Spawnders is insensible on the floor. Good thing a custodian just cleaned in he-- oh, wait. Never mind. Agent Custodian says, "Clear," and Spawn Xenas hilariously out of a bathroom stall.
In the AV trailer, Kiefer waits for Spawn to come back out of the bathroom. I don't know who decided that this would be more interesting for the viewing audience than watching Spawn change into Spawnders's clothes, but there you go. Finally Spawn comes out dressed as Spawnders, keeping her head turned away from the guy in the red shirt as she passes by him. He stares after her skeptically. Spawn goes behind the reference desk as though she belongs there, and sits down at Spawnders's computer. I don't know what's going on, but she's had, like, six opportunities to screw this up already, and yet she hasn't. Kiefer warns her through her earpiece about the guy in the red shirt. It's a nice shirt, but it's not really your primary red. It has a touch of maroon in it, or perhaps fuchsia. So technically, it's not exactly red-red…more of a herring-colored red. Oops, did I give something away? Red Herring, meanwhile, is making a show-stopping effort at being casual.
At CTU, Soul Patch is leading a little meeting on the CTU floor, bringing everyone up to speed on Ill Bill's movements before he was isolated. Special Agent Charlie Brown apparently hit pay dirt in his interrogation of Ill Bill, and he did it in time for Adam the Woman Hater to put together a whole PowerPoint presentation, complete with photographs. The bad news: at the drugstore in Burbank, Ill Bill came in contact with the pharmacist, a person whose name and address are known, and two other customers who are unknown and are now out spreading the disease. Plus there are six people who left the urgent care center after Ill Bill arrived, but before the quarantine was put in place. What? He was there for less than a minute before they recognized him. I guess National Health Services should have been a little more specific with their instructions. In any case, Adam and Soul Patch figure that up to seventy-five people may have been exposed by now, and if any of them are in a mall or supermarket when they become symptomatic, we'll be in The Stand territory. Soul Patch orders a quarantine of two whole neighborhoods and puts everyone to work. Then he turns and stares at the last slide of Adam's PowerPoint presentation, looking profoundly unhappy. I guess he hates that color scheme.
7:53:49. Kiefer watches Spawn from the AV trailer. An unconscious Spawnders is being tied to a chair in the room. Kiefer, satisfied, heads over to have a talk with her. He dismisses Agent Custodian and Agent Hair and Makeup, so now he's alone with her, with the door closed. This could get ugly. Kiefer opens a metal briefcase whose contents we can't see. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is going to get ugly. He pulls out a capsule which he pops under Spawnders's nose, and she wakes up. "What's going on?" she sputters. "Who are you?" Oh, Spawnders, I bet you ask someone those questions every morning. Kiefer introduces himself and explains that they need Spawnders's help to find her father. Kiefer says, "You don't know who your father really is." And again, I don't know how he knows that, but he tells Spawnders that her dad killed a few hundred people this morning and is threatening to kill thousands more. "Now I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you to believe, but trust me: you're going to cooperate with us." Spawnders's response? She wants a lawyer. Kiefer says, "Oh, rats. I guess we're done then." No, actually he says, "There's no lawyer. There's just you and me." Oh, Kiefer, I bet you say that to all the girls. Spawnders finally catches a clue and starts talking: "I don't know anything about my father. He comes into town twice a year. I have dinner with him. I don't even know where he lives." Kiefer asks how she contacts him, and she says he calls her. Kiefer's not buying it. He threatens, "You have no idea how far I'm willing to go to acquire your cooperation." Yeah, Spawnders. He's prepared to put you on a live satellite video feed and have somebody pretend to shoot you. Kiefer screams, "Where is your father?" as her panic rises, until Forrester interrupts with the news that Red Herring is moving towards Spawn's position.
Kiefer rushes back out into the monitoring area, where the screens are showing Red Herring leaning over the desk trying to get Spawn's attention as creepily as possible. "I need help…uh…finding a book." How long did you practice that line, Red? As per Kiefer's instructions in her earpiece, Spawn keeps her face turned away from Red Herring. Another librarian is dispatched to answer his "question," but Red Herring keeps directing his slimy gaze at the back of Spawn's head. Kiefer directs Spawn to get up and move away from him towards another set of bookcases. Red Herring watches her go, creepily. It's 7:58:00 as Spawn wanders deeply into the stacks and hides out in clear view of one of the security cameras. She's doing everything right. Have we slipped into a parallel universe?
And then -- oops -- the camera Spawn is standing under pans away from her. Good Lord, this elite counter-terrorism unit had over a half hour to set this up and they're making bonehead mistakes like this? There's low-level panic in the AV trailer as they try to figure out a way to get Spawn back on camera, but all they can do is wait for it to pan back on its own. Meanwhile, Spawn just sticks the books she's carrying on the nearest shelf. Hey, show Spawnders footage of that shit going on and she'll crack in thirty seconds. Spawn wanders around the corner and runs smack into a tall, student-looking guy who looks like Xander Harris with a Jew 'fro. He asks her to help him find "something on this aisle" and she goes along, but the second he's got a gun to her head and is demanding, "Who has Jane Saunders?" Spawn plays dumb, and Jew 'Fro Xander Harris leads her away. I can't believe we had to wait almost nineteen hours for Spawn to get her ass kidnapped again. Poor Red Herring. Kiefer had Spawn's radar all keyed into some harmless, innocent, level-two sex offender.
In the AV trailer, low-level panic turns into full-on panic as the camera pans back to show Spawn missing. And she's not answering on the earpiece either. Kiefer flies out of the trailer and sprints across the campus into a shrinking split screen while Soul Patch sweats, Ill Bill frets, Saunders surfs the 'net, and Palmer Cabinets. JFXH hauls Spawn out of the library, and she disarms him. Holy crap! I thought this was 24 I was watching. She's got her own gun out now, and JFXH is struggling with her while Kiefer runs toward them, trying to get a clear shot. As JFXH and Spawn slap-fight, her gun goes off. Kiefer hollers Spawn's name. JFXH takes his sweet time hitting the ground. Kiefer orders Spawn to step back, and she gets the last line of the episode: "Saunders is going to know we have his daughter." Kiefer looks up at her like that's news. What is going on with her? It must be the brunette wig. It's 8:00:00.
Commercials. Shut up, FCC.
week on 24: Bitchelle gets her test results back, Soul Patch says the V-I-R-U-S is out, Spawnders has a phone number, Los Angeles panics, Palmer grows a pair, and Saunders and Kiefer trade threats while Spawnders looks clueless.