The Samba Sutherland pre-show promo plays. Only this time, it's got a "beat box" soundtrack. Is that what it's called? "Beat box"? I'm so out of step with the kids these days. Also? Blue/black likenesses of Spawn are intercut into the promo too.
24. Blip blip blip blip blip. Previouslys. The debate. The excruciatingly boring Palmer subplot. Chappelle takes over CTU, where everyone is trying to contact Kiefer in the chopper to let him know that Kontagious Kyle is no longer contagious, and that he no longer needs to get Hartmano back to his family to stop the V-I-R-U-S. Kiefer and Hartmano land in L.A. and escape to the designated airstrip by land -- or more specifically, in a stolen car. But once they get there, Kiefer is knocked out by Hartmano's men and taken onto the plane; Spawn watches this all take place from Crystal Gael's spy console. Crystal Gael catches her and holds her at gunpoint. I was in Vegas, so the lovely and talented Heathen took over and wrote the recap. The following takes place between 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM.
CTU. Crystal Gael's Spy Console. Spawn has been thrown down onto a chair with wheels on it, and Crystal Gael is wheeling her madly across the office. He slaps his hand over her mouth and explains to her that his office is soundproof and that screaming will accomplish nothing. So then why does he have his hand over her mouth? Never mind. He takes his hand off of her mouth, and she breathes really really hard. I think I'm going to like this episode. "What are you doing to my father?" she asks. He doesn't answer her, but instead whips out a giant roll of duct tape and proceeds to tape her to the chair. Considering that he just found her at the console a few seconds ago and has been struggling with her ever since, when did he have time to find the duct tape? Or does he carry it around with him? And if he does, where does he hide it? In the pockets of his black rayon trousers? "Hey Gael? Is that a donut in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me and suffering from massive curvature of your penis?" Or does he wear it around his wrist like a really cunning piece of costume jewelry? Inquiring minds want to know. As he tapes her up, he asks her about the Whatever Technology she's been working on with regards to when she'll be expected back on the floor. With a gun at her head, Spawn replies that she'd normally be done in ten minutes. "What are you doing?" she bleats. "This isn't going to work!" Crystal Gael slaps a piece of duct tape over her mouth. I repeat: I think I'm going to like this episode. As Spawn gasps and moans around her duct tape gag, Gael goes over to the computer and deletes all incriminating data from his hard drive. Then, for some reason, a dialogue box pops up on his screen informing him that these deletions will take almost twelve minutes.
Back on the floor, Bitchelle passes by Adam the Woman Hater's desk and tells him that Soul Patch is out of surgery. "Who is going to be in charge while you're gone?" asks Adam TWH. "Gael," says Mrs. Soul Patch. Ooooh! She orders Adam TWH to make Whatever Technology provisions for the transfer of power. Then they have an expository conversation about Kiefer, who is still missing and was last seen by Chase at the subway station. "I think we're going about this wrong way," says Adam TWH. He proceeds to suggest that they "saturate the media" with news that the V-I-R-U-S is no longer a threat and "maybe Kiefer will get the message." "The president made it very clear that he does not want the public to know about the biothreat," says Bitchelle. "We have to find Kiefer and Hartmano ourselves." Her phone rings. It's Gael. He gives her a Whatever Technology excuse for his and Spawn's momentary absence. She tells him to get his ass over to the meeting in the teleconferencing room, where he can be briefed on how to take over for her while she's visiting Soul Patch in the hospital. They hang up, and Crystal Gael turns to Spawn and shows her a handheld video monitor that is recording her every move. "I'm watching you," he says. "So don't try anything." At the sight of the handheld device, Spawn's eyebrows make this inquisitive "V" as if she wants to ask him how a Nintendo Gameboy is going to alert him to her escape plans. As Spawn moans and gasps behind her patch of duct tape, Crystal Gael changes the access code to the door and exits.
Back out on the floor, Bitchelle is making last-minute preparations with various extra-agents to hand the reins over to Gael just as the meeting is starting. Chappelle enters. Everyone takes their seats. "There is no longer an outbreak threat for the city of Los Angeles," says Chappelle. For some reason, everyone except for Bitchelle -- and that includes Adam the Woman Hater -- is shocked by this turn of events, even though it's old news that Kontagious Kyle is no longer Kontagious. I mean, where were these people last week when everyone was debating whether or not to shoot down Kiefer's Kopter because there was no V-I-R-U-S threat? As Chappelle outlines their "top priority" -- namely the prevention of Hartmano's escape from the U.S. -- Crystal Gael enters the room. "If you're taking over for Bitchelle," says Chappelle, "be on time!" Hey, Chappelle? If Bitchelle is in charge, and handing the reins over to Crystal Gael, what are you still doing in the building? Crystal Gael apologizes, and Chappelle brings him up to speed. The meeting continues and functions mainly as exposition to remind viewers of last week's events, namely that Kiefer and Hartmano were last seen in L.A. and are probably headed for the Mexican border. According to Bitchelle, the Mexican government has been alerted. "What about Special Agent Charlie Brown?" asks Chappelle. "I'm assuming that he's coming back here," answers Bitchelle. "Don't assume anything," says Chappelle, neglecting to follow up that statement with the highly anticipated classic, "because when you 'assume,' you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me.'"
The time is 07:06:27 PM. The setting sun is the color of my favorite drink: vodka and cranberry with a splash of orange. The wonderful thing about Cape Codders is that the orange and cranberry have this wonderful way of masking the taste of really cheap vodka. Ahem, or so I've been told. Our view is obscured momentarily by a small plane flying in front of it. We go inside, and the plane is filled with ladies wearing sparkly, revealing outfits and updos. I guess this is what the "Fanta Girls" do as their day job. You know how you walk into a bodega on the Lower East Side or tune into a Spanish-speaking radio station and there's that generic "Latin" pop song playing that, to your ears anyway, is indistinguishable from a plethora of other Latin pop songs? Well, that's the song that's playing in the cabin. A Salazar henchman with a face like a basset hound offers Felipe Hartmano a glass of champagne to celebrate his successful escape, but Hartmano, who appears to be getting his nails buffed by an attentive Fanta girl, isn't up for a fiesta. His attention is elsewhere, namely on Kiefer, who is taking an impact-induced siesta on the floor of the cabin. He grabs an open bottle of champagne -- a fairly good brand, the one that has those white flowers on the bottle that you can peel off -- walks over to Kiefer's unconscious body, and pours some on his face so that he wakes up. "For some reason, Hector wants you alive," says Hartmano as Kiefer twitches on the ground like a freshly-caught fish. "Maybe he wants to kill you heemself. Or maybe he wants to watch me do eet. I'm just not sure I can wait that long." It's official. Hartmano is working my last nerve. We get it, Hartmano. You're Latin. You're evil. You're full of "presence." You're prone to making Bond-villain-style speeches, and you really really want to do Kiefer. We. Get. It. But before Hartmano can have his way -- whatever that "way" might be -- various henchmen, on orders from Hector to keep Kiefer alive, escort him away from Kiefer and back to the Fanta girls.
The time is 07:08:46 PM. Good grief, it's Special Agent Charlie Brown, driving his vehicle through a tunnel. And we all know what tunnels symbolize, don't we? Don't we? Chappelle calls him on his cell phone to ask him what he's doing. "Looking for Kiefer," says Charlie. Chappelle informs Charlie Brown that CTU is working on that very same thing. "I may have a thread," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. He proceeds to explain that he and Kiefer "back-pocketed" some of Hartmano's contacts, and that he's following up with them. Chappelle tells Charlie to hand over the list of contacts so he can put a field team on it. Charlie argues that there's no time for that. "As soon as Kiefer turns Hartmano over to his brother, they're going to kill him," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. Chappelle points out that Kiefer might already be dead, and orders Charlie to get back to CTU. "Why?" asks Charlie. "Because I just found out that Kiefer's been using heroin," says Chappelle. Only he says it in this really nerdy, out-of-touch way like he's just found out that Kiefer listens to bebop, hangs out with Negro jazz musicians, and greases his hair. Charlie Brown lies and claims that he had no idea that Kiefer was riding the white horse. Chappelle doesn't believe him. "I think you've been covering for him all along," says Chappelle, menacingly. "Sir, the only thing that matters right now is finding Kiefer and I can't do that from CTU," says Special Agent Charlie Brown, deftly changing the subject. Chappelle orders Special Agent Charlie Brown to get back to CTU and threatens to fire him if he doesn't. "Do you understand?" asks Chappelle. "Yes," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. They hang up just as Charlie's Brownmobile pulls out of the tunnel.
Back at CTU, Potato Face gets a call from Adam the Woman Hater, who asks her where Spawn is. Potato Face has no idea. "Are your logs still lagging behind by six hours?" asks Adam TWH. Potato Face checks her computer and replies that they are. "I thought Spawn was supposed to take care of that," says Adam. "I don't know what Spawn is doing," says Potato Face, childishly minding her own Ps and Qs. "I don't follow her schedule that closely." They hang up just as Crystal Gael zips past Adam's desk. Adam asks Crystal Gael where Spawn is. Crystal Gael replies that Chappelle reassigned her to another task, but promises to send her over as soon as she's free. The paranoia-cam is utilized as Bitchelle pulls Crystal Gael over to her desk and gives him some more last-minute pointers before she leaves for the hospital. While captive at Bitchelle's desk, Gael has no choice but to watch helplessly as Adam makes a phone call to Gael's Spy Console, where Spawn was last known to be.
The phone rings up in the Spy Console. Spawn manages to push the faux-Aeron chair she's strapped to over to the phone, moaning and gasping all the way. Her fingers get thisclose to the phone cord. She moves them up slightly and grabs the phone cord. She pulls on the phone cord and gets the mouthpiece off of the cradle just as Adam gives up and hangs up. Gael heaves a tacit sigh of relief. But his relief is short-lived. As Bitchelle prattles on about matrices and other instances of Whatever Technology, Adam heads for Gael's Spy Console. "Is Soul Patch out of surgery?" asks Gael, subtly reminding Bitchelle to get out of there already. Meanwhile, Adam is outside Gael's Spy Console. He tries to get in, but the code has been changed. He calls Bitchelle at her desk and asks her to ask Gael if he's changed the code. Gael claims not to know why the door won't work. Bitchelle overrides the code and tells Adam that the door will be open in "fifteen" seconds. "Okay, I'm sending everything related to the V-I-R-U-S over to volume A," says Bitchelle to Gael. "Where do you want the Salazar files?" The camera pulls back to reveal that Bitchelle is talking to herself. Back up in the Spy Console, Adam finally has access. Hey, that wasn't fifteen seconds! He walks into the room and hears the moans and gasps of Spawn. He finds her and rips off her duct tape gag. "It was Gael!" exclaims Spawn breathlessly as a split screen reveals Gael walking briskly over to the console. We don't see Adam alert the guards, but they know Gael is a dirty agent and try to capture him as soon as they see him. He tries to escape by knocking out a guard posted at the end of an exit corridor and punching out another one, and ends up running down a corridor that looks eerily like the very same hallway that Nina tried to escape through during the final episode of Season One. Finally he is surrounded by a plethora of guards. Bitchelle arrives and tells him that internal security is already in position. "You're not going anywhere," she says, coming toward him, completely unfazed by the gun he's pointing at her. "You take one step outside," she says, "you know exactly what will happen." He drops the gun and allows the guards to take him into custody. The time is 07:14:12 PM.
The time is 07:18:25 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer wriggles around on the floor of the Salazar Jet, Gael sits and waits to be interrogated, Palmer's motorcade whines through the streets of L.A., and Special Agent Charlie Brown continues to drive toward one of his and Kiefer's "back-pocketed" sources. Back inside the Palmer limo, Brother Palmer gets off his cell phone and tells Palmer that Kiefer still hasn't been kaptured and his whereabouts are still unknown. Palmer knows that Kiefer isn't still in L.A. "His plan was to take Hartmano back to his brother to prevent the outbreak," says Palmer. "That's what he's going to do, even if it costs him his life." There they go again, trying to dangle Kiefer's death in front of us like a carrot. Stop it. Brother Palmer reminds Palmer that there's nothing they can do about Kiefer. "Our intelligence and military services are working overtime on that front so let them do their job," says Brother Palmer. "We, unfortunately, have other fires to put out." Um, Brother Palmer? Dr. Anne is hardly a "fire." She's more like one of those warm light bulbs that you put inside a Holly Hobbie oven. The motorcade arrives at District. Dr. Anne is out front and full of apologies about her ex-husband. "I don't want to hear it," says Palmer, speaking, it seems, on behalf of just about everyone watching this show right now. Dr. Anne blames herself for advising Palmer to stand up to the allegations. "Maybe you should have just paid him off," she says. "We're not wrong," says Palmer, moving his face closer to Dr. Anne's face. Their intimacy is interrupted by Brother Palmer, who reminds Palmer that he's got a lot of work to do. Palmer puts his thumb on Dr. Anne's chin, grips it lovingly, and then takes off to join his brother as piano music more appropriately suited to an airplane disaster movie soundtrack tinkles in the background.
CTU Interrogation Room. Hey, what ever happened to those Season One and Two interrogation rooms at CTU with the nifty wall hangings and the Emeco Navel chairs? I miss those days. Back when the plots made sense and the furniture didn't. Gael sits alone inside the room while Bitchelle and Chappelle observe him from behind a one-way mirror. "I still can't believe Gael could be a traitor," says Bitchelle. "Has he said anything?" Chappelle replies that they haven't started questioning him yet. "We're sweating him first," he says. Bitchelle tells Chappelle -- for like the ninety-seventh time this episode -- that she's going to the hospital to visit Soul Patch. "I need you here," says Chappelle, who actually has a point since not only have they uncovered a mole, they're also going to need someone to replace Gael. "But you're handling that," says Bitchelle. "And anything that spills over, you can give to Potato Face." "Potato Face is a pain in the ass," says Chappelle. Hee! Bitchelle assures him that Potato Face is capable, and convinces him to let her go see her husband. She exits, and Chappelle enters the interrogation room with an unassuming dumpy-looking white guy. As he asks Gael if he was working alone or with someone else, "Johnson" opens a sinister looking box filled with syringes. "You know Johnson," says Chappelle. "You know what Johnson does. And you know that sooner or later you're going to tell me what you know!" Hey, wait -- I don't know what Johnson does. Okay, maybe I do. But I really really want Chappelle to tell me anyway…in extensive detail. Does that make me a whore? Oh wait, there's more. "The only question," continues Chappelle, "is how hard you want to make this on yourself." I'm not making this up, people. I'm just transcribing the dialogue.
Air Salazar. Wanna Fanta? Doncha wanna? Wanna Fanta? Hartmano dances with one of the Fanta girls. Another Fanta girl cuts in. Hartmano turns his back on Fanta Girl #1 and unzips Fanta Girl #2. Girls? It's called higher education. Look through a college catalog. There are lots of professions that young women can enter into these days. You don't have to loll about on a plane with a bisexual Mexican drug dealer and feign interest in him. Sure, the money's good, but once you hit twenty-six and you've been drinking champagne every night, this kind of work is going to dry up and, with no job skills, life can be a bitch. Just saying. Meanwhile, there's a new Latin pop song playing, and the lyrics seriously sound like someone is singing "mari-mari-juana!" over and over again. Hmmm. Why do I like this song? Nevertheless, the possibility of a threesome just isn't keeping Hartmano's attention. His focus drifts back to the cabin where Kiefer is being held. "What is it, Felipe?" asks one of the henchmen, whose job it is, I guess, to keep Hartmano from having sex with men. "Don't you like the girls?" "Tell me again why Hector wants Kiefer alive?" asks Hartmano, who clearly wants to plunge a long turgid knife into Kiefer's willing flesh, draw it back out, and then plunge it in over and over again from dusk to dawn. The henchman replies that he doesn't know the reason, but that those were his orders. "Every time Kiefer takes a breath, it's an insult to me," says Hartmano. He takes the henchman's gun from his holster and heads into Kiefer's cabin. "Felipe, no!" exclaims the henchman. "Are you giving me an order?" asks Hartmano. The henchman explains that he works for both Hector and Hartmano, and he has his specific orders. "Why don't you honor the one wish of your brother who arranged your escape today?" asks the henchman. "In less than an hour, I'm sure you will get your revenge on Kiefer." "We'll see," says Hartmano, sighing and handing back the gun. "Now, pour me another drink." Bitch!
Back in the Kiefer Kabin, Kiefer begs "Pedro," the guy who is guarding him, to let him tell Hartmano an important piece of information, but Pedro is not moved by the Sutherland Velvet. At least not yet. "I risked my life to get Felipe out of prison," says Kiefer. "You put him een preeson," retorts Pedro. Kiefer arranges his chains in a dazzling way, assumes his most alluring yet submissive pose, and begs Pedro to let him talk to Hartmano before he gets too drunk. "You know how he gets," whispers Kiefer. In that all men are just a few drinks away from a homosexual experience? Yeah, I knew that. Sorta. Pedro warns Kiefer that Hartmano once got so drunk he "threw" a guy off a plane. Pedro, are you sure that he "threw" the guy off the plane? Maybe your English isn't so good and you're thinking of another word that rhymes with "threw." Kiefer continues to beg. "I'm not talking to you," says Pedro, turning his back on him. "You're a dead man." Kiefer starts to fake a drug withdrawal attack. When Pedro comes over to examine him further, Kiefer knocks him down with his feet and wraps his legs around his neck, choking him. I'm still not making this up. Now that Pedro is either dead or unconscious, Kiefer takes his gun and the keys to his handcuffs and sets himself free. Meanwhile, back in the main cabin, we're are now seeing Hartmano's man-boob; Hartmano is dancing and making out with the Fanta girls, who have managed to partially disrobe him. Aw, isn't it cute how they just assume that Hartmano hasn't had any sex since he was arrested? Kiefer, now free, approaches the cabin door with his gun drawn. The time is 07:26:04 PM.
The time is 07:30:16 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer kocks his gun, Hartmano's henchmen watch Hartmano, and Crystal Gael's torture begins. Meanwhile, at District, Brother Palmer and Palmer meet with some quasi-Karl-Rove-type campaign strategist who is helping Palmer with damage control after he pulled out of the debate. Faux Rove maintains that they can spin the national security issue that pulled Palmer offstage, but his relationship with Dr. Anne will be harder to explain to the public. Yeah, right. Palmer argues that it shouldn't be difficult to prove that Dr. Anne's ex-husband was lying. "I know," says Faux Rove. "But this is dirty laundry and the public wants to hear it." Dirty laundry? Nineteen-year-old interns giving blow jobs to married presidents is "dirty laundry." Middle-aged physicians with vague associations to corporate scandals having heterosexual relations with a single president isn't dirty laundry. It's laundry that's been washed and dried but not folded properly. It's not even a dirty lint screen. Needless to say, Palmer rejects this advice. Also needless to say, Brother Palmer urges him to break up with Dr. Anne again. Rinse and repeat. But don't forget to add one of those Bounce softener sheets to the dryer or the whole country will be gossiping about it for years to come. Not. Meanwhile Dr. Anne's cell phone rings. It's Ted, her ex-husband, who is calling her from a room full of unpacked boxes. ["You might recognize The Former Mr. Dr. Anne as Colonel McNamara of the Initiative on Buffy. He also popped up recently as a corrupt fire chief on Joan of Arcadia." -- Sars] She's outraged that he's calling her, but he assures her that he only wants to make things right. "How can you possibly undo the damage you've done?" asks Dr. Anne. Ted promises Dr. Anne that he has documents that will prove her innocence and she can have them if he meets her alone in his office. God, I hope this is a ruse to get her alone, kill her, and then end this awful subplot.
The time is 07:32:45 PM. Special Agent Charlie Brown parks in front of a quaint and slightly palatial ivy-covered home with one of those cutesy faux-gas lamps illuminating the front lawn. They must be short on footage for this episode because it takes him, like, five minutes to approach the front door and ring the doorbell. This guy answers who looks like a poor man's version of Steven Bauer's character -- the drug lord who was married to Catherine Zeta-Jones -- in Traffic. ["He was also the sidekick in Scarface." -- Sars] PoorMan'sStevenBauer explains that he's in the middle of dinner right now and can't talk, so Special Agent Charlie Brown forces his way in and knocks him around for a few minutes. Jeez, you'd think the accountant of a drug lord would have better security or something. Charlie demands to know where Hector is hiding. PoorMan'sStevenBauer swears he doesn't know. Charlie insists. "I don't know where Hector Salazar is now," says PMSB, his resolve fading. "He left Colombia over two weeks ago." Charlie makes him go through his books and trace Hector's whereabouts through his money flow.
Back on SalazAir, the party is winding down. A glass of champagne can be seen to a gun, and one of the Fanta girls seems to be really disappointed about something. Felipe grabs the gun and heads for the Kiefer Kabin. Again. The Salazar henchman tries to stop him. Again. But this time, Felipe reaches the cabin and goes inside. Kiefer is waiting for him. He grabs Hartmano and holds him hostage while demanding that the other henchmen drop their guns. Henchman #1 orders the other henchmen to shoot Kiefer, but Kiefer warns him about what Hector's reaction will be when the plane lands and Kiefer and/or Hartmano are dead. "There's no way out of this," says the henchman. "He's right," says Hartmano. "My brother has an army waiting." "I'll worry about that," says Kiefer. "Hey ladies," says Hartmano. "Don't worry, the party will continue once we're on the ground." What party? Nevertheless, Hartmano continues to taunt Kiefer about his chances of survival on the ground. "Shut up," snaps a sweaty Kiefer.
Meanwhile, at Rancho Narcotico, Hector is gathering his men to go meet Hartmano's plane. "Rapido! Rapido!" he shouts. This means "fast." I know this because I have been drinking Tequila Rapidos ever since this show started to suck in the second season. PoorMan'sAngelinaJolie continues to annoy as she peppers Hector with questions about why he's meeting the flight with so many armed men. Hector explains that he's trying to prepare for the worst since he hasn't heard from Gael in a while. "Why don't you call the plane?" asks PMAJ. "It's too risky," says Hector. "The Americans are checking everything." America? Mexico is part of America. Central America, to be exact. I only say this because I have this Mexican ex-boyfriend who I'm still friends with who goes insane every time I mistakenly call the U.S. "America." But then I asked him once what the hell I'm supposed to call myself. People from Canada are Canadians. People from Mexico are Mexicans. They're both Americans, but what am I? A United Statesian? He couldn't answer that and just told me to refer to myself as a "person from the United States." Whatever.
CTU. Remember the first two seasons and how they were all about towels? Ah. Memories. Well, this season is all about needles. Needles deliver pleasure. They deliver pain. In this particular instance, they are delivering pain. I don't know what "Johnson" -- hee! -- is injecting into the back of Gael's neck, but it's making him cry like a little girl. Truth serum, I've heard, is quite pleasurable, so this must be something else. Meanwhile, Chappelle is offering to cut Gael a deal if he'll rat out the other moles at CTU. Gael still refuses to talk. Gael's cell phone rings. Assuming that it's Hector, Chappelle runs out into the hall and orders Adam to trace the call. Adam and Spawn -- who has barely had time to wash the adhesive from her face -- run over with their laptops. Unfortunately, Spawn is holding her laptop in front of her chest so we can't see it bounce. They work quickly to attach some Whatever Technology to Gael's cell phone. Chappelle orders Gael to answer his phone. "Where have you been?" asks Hector. Gael manages to tell Hector that he's busy and hasn't had time to call. But he does assure him that Hartmano is safe and on his way to Hector's hiding place. Hector asks about Kiefer. Gael replies that he doesn't know. "What do you mean you don't know?" shouts Hector. "They're watching me," replies Gael. "Call me when you have something," says Hector, slamming down his phone. "Did you get it?" asks Chappelle, referring to the call trace. Spawn and Adam don't have a trace. Chappelle throws down his earpiece in frustration. The time is 07:39:07 PM.
The time is 07:43:33 PM. Klockwise from the top left, PoorMan'sStevenBauer and Special Agent Charlie Brown trace Hector's money flow, Palmer wonders privately what he did to deserve such a lame subplot, Soul Patch recovers from surgery, and Hartmano remains Kiefer's hostage. Bitchelle arrives at the hospital to find Soul Patch just beginning to wake up. They kiss tenderly, and Bitchelle is all, "You scared the hell out of me." Bitchelle asks the doctor, who is trying to ignore their slurpy reunion, how Soul Patch is doing. The doctor says that Soul Patch can probably go home tomorrow and should be back on his feet in a few days. Soul Patch asks the doctor to leave the room. "Did the President let Hartmano out of prison?" he asks. Bitchelle replies that he didn't, but Kiefer broke him out of prison. "I have to talk to Gael right away," says Soul Patch, getting out of bed. Bitchelle tells Soul Patch that that Gael has been working for the Salazars, and recaps how he was using CTU's technology to monitor Hartmano's escape and how he tried to run when that was discovered. "Where is he now?" asks Soul Patch. "He's still at CTU," replies Bitchelle. "Chappelle and Johnson are questioning him." Soul Patch starts to get up from his sick bed. "You have to get me over there right now," he says. Bitchelle panics and calls for the doctor. They try to restrain him, but Soul Patch insists on going back to the office. "If you're worried about liability," says Soul Patch, "my wife can sign me out." Whatever that means. He tells Bitchelle that he needs her to trust him. Badly.
The time is 07:45:41 PM. PoorMan'sStevenBauer is showing Special Agent Charlie Brown Hector's bank statements from Colombia. "They stopped two weeks ago," says PMSB. "Follow the money," says Special Agent Charlie Brown, trying to get his very own catchphrase. After some frantic clacking on his keyboard, PMSB finds an account he's never seen before in Las Nieves, Mexico. The Whatever Quicken software even provides Special Agent Charlie Brown with a map of Las Nieves so he can see how close it is to the California border. "You have a private plane, don't you?" asks Special Agent Charlie Brown. PMSB replies that he does. Um, whatever. "Clear it for take off," says Special Agent Charlie Brown.
CTU. Ladies' restroom. Spawn is washing her hands and otherwise recovering from her ordeal earlier in the "hour" when Potato Face bursts in. "Did he hurt you?" asks Potato Face. "Gael, I mean." Spawn shakes her head no. "It's crazy," says Potato Face. "He's been here -- what? -- two years and the CIA five before that? How does someone like that end up a terrorist?" Spawn replies that she doesn't know. Potato Face proceeds to apologize for the whole "your dad does heroin" thing. Spawn tries to cut the conversation short by assuring Potato Face that it's okay. Potato Face smiles like she's anticipating her therapist's approval at her ability to seek forgiveness. "There, I said it!" says Potato Face, and exits. Oh, how much do I love Mary Lynn Rajskub? Spawn's cell phone rings. It's Special Agent Charlie Brown. "Are you alone?" he asks. With uncharacteristic wisdom, Spawn checks the stalls for eavesdroppers -- something Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, and Dolly Parton failed to do in Nine to Five -- and assures Charlie that she's indeed alone. Charlie informs Spawn that he's not coming back to CTU until he finds Kiefer. "How are you going to do that?" asks Spawn. Charlie tells her about the discovery at Las Nieves. "I'm sure Kiefer's taking Hartmano there now," says Charlie. "No," says Spawn. "It's the other way around." She explains how she saw the video in Gael's Spy Console that showed Hartmano taking Kiefer aboard SalazAir. When asked for further explanation, Spawn explains how Crystal Gael was the mole. Charlie concludes that, with CTU compromised, he needs to keep his latest findings just between him and Spawn, and tells her not to tell anyone else. "What about Chappelle?" asks Spawn. "Especially Chappelle," replies Charlie. Spawn advises him not to act alone. Charlie promises to call for backup "when the time is right," and asks Spawn to promise him not to blow his cover. Spawn refuses to promise either way. "Be careful," she tells him. They hang up.
Back on SalazAir, Hartmano continues to annoy both Kiefer and the viewing audience by teasing Kiefer about his chances on the ground against Hector's army. "Tell the girls!" he urges Kiefer. The girls, meanwhile, look like they've had enough. "You think you're going to land the plane and arrest Hector?" he continues. "Even the great Kiefer can't take fifty men by himself." "Shut up," says Kiefer. The time is 07:49:28 PM.
The time is 07:54:01 PM. SalazAir hits the runway in Las Nieves. An plethora of jeeps and SUVs pulls up to the landing strip to greet the plane. By the time the plane is taxiing, Hector's men are ready and waiting.
CTU. Adam and Spawn are shocked to see Soul Patch walking onto the main floor without need of a crutch or cane. He asks Adam where Gael is, and Adam can barely respond that Gael is in "interrogation room 820." Meanwhile, in room 820 -- which guess is twice the fun of room 420 -- Gael is getting more painful injections from Johnson. Johnson must have a big needle. Okay, okay, I'm sorry, but I just had to throw that in, all right? Meanwhile, Chappelle is all, "Talk to me, you son of a bitch." Hey, this reminds me of the weirdest thing that anyone ever said to me in bed: "Wow, man, if you were a spy and I had government secrets, I totally would have told you them by now!" Soul Patch stops the interrogation and gets Johnson out of the room. He tries to dismiss Chappelle, but Chappelle refuses to leave.
Meanwhile, on the tarmac, the army is ready as the jet's hatch opens. No one comes out. Hector yells for his brother to come out. Nothing. All of a sudden, everyone aboard the plane except Kiefer and Hartmano (and dead Pedro, for that matter) exits the plane really fast. Hector knows something's up, because the Fanta girls have stopped dancing and everything. Just as Hector is pulling a gun on Henchman #1, demanding to know where his brother is, Kiefer emerges from SalazAir with Hartmano as his hostage. Hartmano cries out for someone to kill Kiefer. "What are you doing?" asks Hector. "Your brother tried to kill me," shouts Kiefer. "What are all these guys doing here? This is not what we talked about!" Hector orders his men to stand down. "I was worried," says Hector, with a surprising amount of intimacy toward Kiefer. "I wasn't sure who would be on de plane." That's right. He actually said "de plane" a la Herve Villechaize. Kiefer pushes Hartmano over to his brother. They hug for a homoerotically long time. "What's going on?" asks Hartmano. Hector promises to reveal all in a few minutes. Hartmano watches in confusion as Hector approaches Kiefer and commends him on a job well done. Kiefer hands over his gun, and the men embrace. "Come," says Hector. "We have a lot of work to do." The screen splits. Palmer and Brother Palmer argue about something. Dr. Anne's ex-husband loads a gun. Yay! Dr. Anne drives to her ex-husband's office. Special Agent Charlie Brown boards a private plane. Kiefer pulls up his sleeve to reveal his undercover tattoo, and pushes a button on his watch. Back at CTU, Gael's handheld device beeps in response. "He's there," says Gael to Soul Patch. "What are you talking about?" asks Chappelle. "Gael and I have been working with Kiefer," says Soul Patch. "We've been trying to get him back undercover with the Salazars. That signal means he's back in." Chappelle still doesn't understand. Soul Patch demands that they call the President. The time is 07:59:58…07:59:59…08:00:00 PM.