Episode Report Card Gustave: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Chip of Fools
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.21.2003
No commercials worth discussing, but I got a ton of email about the Britney Spears dancer that I mentioned crushing on a couple of recaps ago. I was informed that this guy's name is Nick Florez. There are two websites devoted to him, in addition to a Yahoo Group. One of the websites is in French. Apparently every single Britney Spears dancer has their own website. Oh, and speaking of emails I've been getting lately, I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell all of you that no, the fecal phantom was never apprehended.
The time is 03:18:27 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer writhes, PMHC thinks, and Palmer ponders. CTU. Chappelle enters and bumps into Bitchelle. He asks to see Soul Patch, who is attending to a problem in the IT department. Bitchelle also informs him that the phones are down. They discuss Whatever Technology for a while until Soul Patch enters on crutches. Chappelle meets with Soul Patch and commends him on his "good work" in preventing Kiefer from changing their position on the Cyprus audio. Soul Patch tells Chappelle that Kiefer might not be wrong about the Cyprus audio. "I don't want to hear that!" says Chappelle. Soul Patch wants to eliminate all reasonable doubt before they bomb the Middle East to "next Wednesday." Chappelle insists that the Cyprus audio has already been authenticated, and wants CTU to support the White House. "Don't make me the bad guy!" says Chappelle, threatening to remove Soul Patch from his new position. "I want to do what's right," says Soul Patch. "What's right is to follow the chain of command," says Chappelle. He tells Soul Patch to put everyone on "domestic response" -- in other words, stop looking for Kiefer -- and walks off. Exhausted, Soul Patch shares a conspiratorial glance with Bitchelle.
Division. Rolaide starts a fire in a wastebasket with the blowtorch. This sets off a smoke alarm and attracts the attention of her captor, who unlocks the door and enters. Rolaide hits him with a heavy object and runs away. You know, up until now, we've never seen Rolaide do anything strenuous. Unfortunately, the woman runs like a duck. Her hair has also taken on what shampoo commercials refer to as a "flyaway" condition. Her captor rebounds and chases her down the stairs. I guess she's still wearing those stilettos, so he catches her. They struggle, and she falls down the stairwell. It's not a happy sound when she hits the floor. It kinda sounds like a bag of ice cubes being dropped from a table.
Palmer tries to get the Vice President on the phone, but he can't get past PoorMan'sJoeLieberman's secretary. Outside Palmer's office lurks a Secret Service agent. Palmer orders him to come inside and close the door. They establish that SecretServiceAgentwithSpeakingPart has been working with the White House since Reagan's second term. "I haven't been able to establish contact with my vice president in the last half hour," says Palmer. "What do you make of that?" "I wouldn't know how to respond to that, Mr. President," says SSAwSP. Palmer tells him that he's just made an unpopular decision, and now he can't reach his vice president. "Should I draw any conclusions?" After much hesitation and some hemming and hawing, SSAsSP tells Palmer that he has good instincts. "I'd listen to them if I were you," he says, exiting. Palmer thinks about that. A lot.
EvilChrisElliott's Evil apartment. A suit-wearing man enters, escorted by a suit-wearing minion. "Max is very unhappy," he informs EvilChrisElliott. He goes on to tell ECE that the war was called off. EvilChrisElliott assures them that Palmer will respond to pressure from within his administration and from the American people. "You're assuming that Kiefer hasn't already delivered proof to his people that the Cyprus audio was false," says the suit-wearing guy. "Kiefer won't be a problem," insists EvilChrisElliott.
Doc In The Box. Kiefer is gasping for air as Luis asks for the chip. Kiefer still refuses to cooperate. "I'm done playing games with you," says Luis, going crazy on Kiefer and punching him in the face. José and Slam warn Luis that he's being too loud, and someone's going to hear them from the lobby of Doc In The Box. It's about time someone pointed that out. Luis tells Doc In The Box to "double the dosage." While Doc In The Box prepares a syringe, Kiefer promises to tell him where the chip is. Kiefer says something inaudible. When Luis leans in to hear him, Doc In The Box stabs Luis with the Beroglide-filled syringe. Kiefer gets up. He's still naked, but the camera is kept above his waist. He takes Luis's gun from him, pushes him over with his foot, and shoots José and Slam. "How much time does he have?" Kiefer asks Doc In The Box. Luis has fifteen minutes before his lung collapses, according to Doc In The Box. Kiefer puts on pants and points the gun at him. "You tell me who was on the other end of that phone and I'll make it quick." "Evil…Chris…Elliott," says Luis. I hereby announce a new drinking game. Every time someone dies while giving vital information, you drink. Kiefer shoots Luis as promised. The time is 03:27:36 AM.
The time is 03:32:04 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer puts on more clothes, Palmer goes through papers, and Bitchelle looks for Kiefer on her komputer. Division. Palmer has summoned PMHC. "I've been feeling a little disconnected from my people lately," he says, referring to his staff back in Washington and the fact that PoorMan'sJoeLieberman isn't returning his calls. "I think he's avoiding me," says Palmer. PMHC lies and says that PoorJoe's just been busy lately with the B-O-M-B and everything. Palmer insists that since they're still on the brink of war, the Vice President has to take his calls. "I'll get him on the phone right away," says PMHC, getting up to leave. Palmer stops him and refers to his statement. Apparently, Asian Patty went over it and it's still not satisfactory. He asks PMHC to get Rolaide to go over his speech. PMHC takes it as if he's going to give it to her, and goes into a side office. Once his door is shut, he gets on an old-school cell phone with a big-ass antenna and everything and calls Prescott. "Are you going forward or not?" asks PMHC. PoorJoe insists that he is indeed. PMHC tells him to hurry. Palmer is onto them. "You haven't been returning his calls," says PMHC. "I can't keep up the act much longer." Prescott tells him to keep Palmer busy until he can get everyone together, and that it won't be much longer. "Forty-five minutes tops."
Doc In The Box. Kiefer calls Bitchelle while he heads to the parking lot to meet up with PMAA and Cate. The phone lines are still wonky, so it's not much of a phone call. Bitchelle tells Soul Patch about her disjointed call with Kiefer. Soul Patch orders her to put a trace on the call. Chappelle overhears this conversation and wants to know what that's all about. "I don't want Kiefer distracting you or your resources," he warns them. Soul Patch tries to convince him otherwise. "Keep your eye on the ball, Soul Patch," says Chappelle.
Division. Palmer and Prescott are talking on speakerphone while PMHC is there. Palmer asks him about his opposition to his calling off the bombing. Prescott assures him that, although he disagrees privately, he stands behind the president's decision. "My door's always open," says Palmer. "If you have something to say, I expect you to bring it to me first." They hang up. "I still don't trust him," says Palmer. SecretServiceAgentwithSpeakingPart interrupts to tell Palmer about Rolaide's fall down "some stairs." She's in critical condition. PMHC shits his pants. The time is 03:37:45 AM.
Is Kiefer doing the voice-over for every single ad that was produced in the last two months or what?
The time is 03:42:02 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Bitchelle sits at her computer, Kiefer drives somewhere, and some white guy I don't recognize ponders something. CTU. Bi-Carrie-ous enters. Bitchelle gives her the stink-eye. Soul Patch comes over to Bitchelle