Previouslys. Mason gets too sick to work, so he steps down, leaving Soul Patch in charge of CTU. Spawn claws her way out of the non-B-O-M-B shelter. The Lonnie-bomber gives her a handgun as a parting gift to ward off cougars and rapists. Oops! Getting ahead of myself. Palmer shows Lady Mac the door. Marie goes down and flips her wig. Kiefer finds the second B-O-M-B in an outbuilding at Norton Airfield. Moby says he can't say when it will detonate.
Norton Airfield. A garage door opens. Kiefer and a team of CTU agents pour forth like gang members in Michael Jackson's Bad video. They have the B-O-M-B on this cute little go-cart, and they wheel it into an empty hangar so Moby and his helpers can diffuse it. Wow. According to the credits, there's an actor named Maximillian Martini who just joined the cast. Do you get beaten up in grade school with a name like Maximillian Martini, or do you get laid at an unusually young age? An SUV with a siren blaring pulls up outside. A weak and sweaty Mason emerges from it. Uh, Mason? We can't miss you if you don't leave. We said goodbye to you last week. Tears streamed down our collective cheeks as the clock "plinked" silently. What are you doing back here? Kiefer asks him the same question. Mason answers that he wanted to get a last look at the very thing that killed him. Uh, whatever. If I were dying of lung cancer brought on by exposure to asbestos, I wouldn't be spending my last days on earth at the public junior high school I attended when I was fourteen, would I? Moby reports to Kiefer that the B-O-M-B is tamper-proof. Number one, is anything really "tamper-proof" outside of a movie or TV show? I mean, I'm no physics major, but it seems to me that in order for something to happen (i.e. for a bomb to detonate on a timer), some action has to occur in order to make that happen. So there would have to be something you could do to stop the bomb from exploding if you had a screwdriver and a blowtorch and a team of highly qualified N.E.S.T. agents. Kiefer orders Goodrich to find a fast plane so that the B-O-M-B can be flown somewhere else. There are no jets at this airfield, so Goodrich needs to find the best thing. Goodrich knows of a "rock-solid" Cessna that will do. Kiefer sends him off to get it. Then Sweaty Kiefer and Sweaty Mason exchange an extra long glance as Kiefer pulls out his cell phone and calls Palmer's office. While he waits for the president to pick up, Kiefer asks a techie who looks like Don Cheadle how much time they have. "Fifty-five minutes" is the answer. Oh, how convenient.
Is there any sight more heterosexually delicious to a male predator than that of a Spawn desperate and afraid, walking all alone along a deserted road and clutching a phallic-shaped flashlight while she tries to flag down a ride? Get out of my rape fantasies and into my car! A pair of bikers zooms by to check her out. It's just so Charlene Tilton circa 1979. You know how they say that people can smell fear? Well, someone has to bottle this scent that Spawn is giving off right now. They can call it "Smell of Fear." Wear it and be assailable. For the upcoming holidays, they can offer a Christmas Bonus Pack that contains body lotion and eau de toilette and call it "The Gift of Fear" and have author Gavin De Becker endorse it. Finally a car slows down for Spawn. The male driver seems nice at first, and asks her where she's headed. Hey, whaddya know? He's going to San Jose too. Of course, they've got to stop at a 7-11 for some electrical tape and some latex gloves, but Spawn should be at Aunt Carol's in no time. Spawn is a little freaked that this guy is so enthusiastic to have her in his car, so she changes her mind and decides not to take the ride. Either that or she was skeeved out by how much he looked like Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 when he opened the door and the interior light went on. Skeeve isn't taking no for an answer. He gets out of the car to persuade her to get in, and Spawn draws her gun on him. "You don't know how to use that thing," says Skeeve. Spawn pulls the trigger and takes out his window. The guy drives off, calling her a "bitch," and Spawn continues walking down the highway.
Kiefer finally reaches Palmer on the phone. They discuss where they should fly the B-O-M-B. The President tells Kiefer that they need to analyze their options, and he will get back to him in ten minutes.
NSA. All of the usual uniformed extras are at the big table. PoorMan'sHumeCronyn announces that he and Rolaide will do a "point/counterpoint" on the merits of flying the plane over the Pacific Ocean versus flying it over the Mojave Desert, with PMHC taking the ocean while Rolaide takes the desert. You know, if it weren't for the fact that they're discussing where to detonate a nuclear warhead, I'd say their little debate was cute in a Model UN sort of way. PMHC breaks down the disaster impact of flying the B-O-M-B over the Pacific Ocean: destruction of marine life, biodiversity, and the food chain, and the possibility of sea-faring casualties. Lynne does the same for the Mojave Desert, and concludes that, due to the desert's innate uninhabitability, there would be far less destruction of wildlife and/or people. "So it looks like the desert is our best option," says Palmer.
There is one big problem with the desert option, though, according to Rolaide. While the sea option could be carried out by an autopilot, the land option requires that the B-O-M-B detonate in a depression surrounded by mountains to prevent the radiation from spreading. Therefore, it must be flown to a precise location by a human pilot who'd have to basically go down with the plane. "It's essentially a suicide mission," says PMHC. Palmer asks why they can't just push the B-O-M-B out of the plane and keep flying. Rolaide replies that it's "too imprecise." "One man dies to insure the safety of millions," says PMHC. I'm sensing a theme here, but I can't be too sure. Palmer calls Kiefer with the news that they're going with the desert option, and that it will be a suicide mission. Kiefer says that he and the folks at CTU had come to the same conclusion. He tells the president that they already have several volunteers to pilot the plane. "Whoever it is, tell him he has the undying gratitude of every citizen of this entire country," says Palmer. "And tell him we will take care of whatever family he leaves behind." Then he asks Kiefer to call him back when the plane is in the air.
"I don't see any volunteers," says Mason, who has overheard Kiefer's konversation with Palmer and konkluded that Kiefer is taking it upon himself to fly the plane, despite being somewhat of an inexperienced pilot. Mason offers up himself for the flight. "I'm current, I'm instrument-rated and I'm going to be dead by the end of the day anyway," says Mason. Kiefer brushes off his offer, since Mason isn't in great mental shape due to his illness. A lot of people could die if Mason blacks out before he got to the target, Kiefer argues. So what? Just give him that drug they gave Darlene to keep him super-awake and let him on the plane. Nevertheless, Kiefer gets on his radio and orders Goodrich to load up the plane. "We are a go!" he shouts in his gravelly velvet Sutherland fashion. The time is 10:12:51 PM. Wow, looks like Kiefer's really going to die mid-second-season. And there's only about forty minutes left in the episode. There's no way there'll be a plot twist to insure Kiefer's survival. No, this is it, folks -- Kiefer's really going to die. They have one-upped Buffy's fifth season. Kiefer is going to die -- I repeat, Kiefer is going to die! Whatever.
The time is 10:17:04 PM. Klockwise from the top left, the B-O-M-B is being loaded onto the plane, Kiefer mounts the plane, and Spawn walks down that lonely road. At CTU, Bitchelle looks on longingly as Soul Patch receives a suitcase containing Syed Ali's personal effects from a guest CTU agent who has no charisma whatsoever. "Who's he?" asks Soul Patch of the brooding guy accompanying the charisma-free agent who has this Armand Assante thing going on. PoorMan'sArmandAssante is a visiting intelligence agent from Fauxraqistan. According to the charisma free agent, Fauxraqi intelligence supplied them the whereabouts of Syed Ali's safe house, so they couldn't refuse to bring him along when they brought him to CTU. Yeah, I'm so sure they'd invite a visiting intelligence agent from another country -- a country we're considering going to war with, mind you -- for a tour of our counterterrorism intelligence unit. The charisma-free guest agent tells Soul Patch that he's not sure they should trust the guy. Uh, Guest Agent? Maybe you should have decided how trustworthy he was before you brought him along as your plus one, no? Soul Patch is also suspicious, but he acts hospitable toward the brooding foreign agent, making small talk about his flight from Fauxraqistan. However, PMAA is humorless and angry and just wants to "get back to work." Apparently, there's analysis left to do on Syed's personal effects. Soul Patch checks with Bitchelle, who tells him that the lab is ready for "encryption." Soul Patch tells Bitchelle, who is working closely beside Lesbo-Carrie, that he doesn't trust the foreigner, and asks her to assign PMAA a handler.
When Soul Patch exits, Bitchelle decides to be PMAA's handler herself, and tells Lesbo-Carrie that she's leaving her to work by herself; she gives LC the number of another agent who can help her if she has any questions. Lesbo-Carrie is all, "But Soul Patch told you to assign someone to watch PMAA." Bitchelle replies that she "assigned" herself. "You're still not comfortable working with me, are you?" says Lesbo-Carrie. "Just do your job," says Bitchelle, removing Lesbo-Carrie's metaphorical hand from her ass and exiting. Meanwhile, in an examination room, Soul Patch and Charisma-Free Agent unpack Syed's stuff. One of these items is an encrypted hard drive. Allah forbid you should be able to plug the thing in and read the contents. No. The hard drive has been encrypted to allow for more minutes of Whatever Technology and suspense.
Norton Airfield. As CTU agents load the B-O-M-B onto the Cessna, Kiefer is on the phone with Soul Patch, asking about Spawn's whereabouts. Soul Patch explains that they've had their hands full lately with the B-O-M-B, and once the plane takes off, they can devote more time to looking for her. "Soul Patch, I'm flying that plane," says Kiefer, explaining that he needs to speak to his daughter because it's the last time they'll ever speak. "There's gotta be somebody else who could fly that plane. Someone who doesn't have kids…" says Soul Patch. "I can't order anyone else to do this," says Kiefer. What? Um, isn't that the point of being in charge? The option to ask people to do shit you don't want to do? I mean, if you're heading up a team of CTU agents and you don't think you can order them around, aren't you in the wrong industry? Isn't that like saying, "Oh, I couldn't possibly ask my secretary to type up any letter that I couldn't type with my own hands!" or "Oh, I couldn't possibly expect that prostitute to sleep with me if I don't intend to marry her!"? thing you know, five-star generals will be digging ditches while the GIs lounge around their barracks. No no. Kiefer must almost die this episode, and the drama must be all about Kiefer. No one else will fly that plane. Soul Patch agrees to find Spawn as fast as he can. "One other thing," says Kiefer, and shares the whereabouts of a safe in his apartment that contains a will and a final letter to Spawn. Wow, they're going through with it. He's going to almost die. Kiefer's almost going to bite it.
The time is 10:20:55 PM. Spawn is still hitchhiking along the road. An SUV looms in the distance and slows down. Spawn reaches instinctively to check that she has her handgun in the waistband of her pants. The car pulls up and stops. Behind the wheel is the cougar! Heh, just kidding. It's a sensible-looking woman in her thirties who wants to know if Spawn needs help. Spawn heaves a sign of relief. "I could use a ride," says Spawn, explaining that she was on a date that went sour. The Good Samaritan tells her to get in. Then the soundtrack makes this heaving building chord like we're just all so relieved that a woman picked up Spawn and nothing fucked up is going to happen with a woman. Like a lesbian predator wouldn't stop for Spawn. Then again, there's a lesbian predator working at CTU this "hour," so I can't really argue that there's an under-representation of predatory lesbians on tonight's episode. The Good Samaritan is curious as to why Spawn would be visiting an aunt in San Jose because a date went bad. Spawn explains that it's just too long a story to go into, and asks if she can make a phone call on TGS's cell phone. She wants to call her father.
Kiefer makes his way over to the plane. Moby informs him that he's connected a timer to the B-O-M-B, so Kiefer will know exactly how much time he has left. Kiefer klimbs aboard. Indeed, that clock is ticking. Only thirty-five minutes left until Kiefer almost dies. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, "dies." Meanwhile, the Hot Asian Dude from Angel is babysitting Cate, who wants to know all about the "autopilot" she presumes will be aboard the desert-bound plane. HAFA basically tells her that a human will be aboard the plane to get it to the precise location, after which he will go down with the plane. Cate asks him who is manning the plane. HAFA informs her that Kiefer is the pilot of Flight 86. Over HAFA's head, she can see Kiefer getting aboard the KieferKraft and strapping himself in. Cate runs up to one of those baker's racks you see in the Hold Everything catalog and shouts Kiefer's name through the cyclone fencing standing between her and the runway. Kiefer's attention is kaptured by Cate's kall. They make eye kontact. But there are no words. Nothing to say. He kloses the kockpit door and starts down the runway. Flight 86 takes off. Flight 86 is in the sky. Sad Cate gets a klose-up. The time is 10:24:31 PM.
The time is 10:28:45 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Flight 86 ascends into the night sky, Kiefer is shown in a moody little close-up, Palmer reads some memo at the big table, and Spawn is on the phone. At NSA, PMHC gets off the phone and announces to Palmer and Rolaide that the plane is three thousand feet in the air and just about the clear city limits. "They'll clear the main population centers in ten minutes, " says PMHC. Which main population centers? L.A. or the Mojave Desert? And how the hell are they going to evacuate either of those locations in ten minutes? I give up. Palmer orders them to prepare Air Force One for a trip to Los Angeles. PMHC and Rolaide are all, "What what WHAT?" PMHC tries to talk him out of a trip to L.A., calling such a move "a little too hands-on." Rolaide agrees with PMHC, and warns him of the civil unrest that will greet him in L.A. once word gets out that the B-O-M-B went off. "The whole country will be traumatized at the news of this B-O-M-B," says Palmer. "I'm going to do everything in my power to assure them that everything is under control." Rolaide is all, "Yes, sir," and makes the call to prepare Air Force One. Oh, by the way, Palmer wants to know who's flying the plane. PMHC tells him that Kiefer is flying the plane. "I'd have told you sooner but I figured you had enough on your mind already," says PMHC. Palmer has nothing to say. He stomps out of his office, presumably to go cry unmanly tears in private.
Flight 86. Kiefer is in radio kontact with the air traffic controller, who tells him to begin his ascent to ten thousand feet. Kiefer komplies. A call is patched through over the radio from Soul Patch, who tells him that he's finally found Spawn. I don't think Soul Patch found Spawn so much as Spawn finally got in touch, but let's just let Soul Patch allow Kiefer to believe that he found Spawn through sheer doggedness on his part. Soul Patch patches Spawn through, and Kiefer is finally able to talk to his daughter. Kiefer is relieved to hear that Spawn is okay. And Good Samaritan Lady gets a warm fuzzy expression on her face at the sound of Spawn reuniting with her father. But it becomes obvious to her that the reunion is anything but happy. Kiefer tells Spawn that he's in a plane. They weren't able to stop the B-O-M-B in time, so someone has to fly it into the desert, and that someone is Kiefer. "How are you getting off the plane?" says Spawn, still not getting it. "I'm not, sweetheart," says Kiefer, explaining about how the bomb has to be dropped in a precise spot. Spawn's bosoms heave as she becomes upset and starts to cry. Good Samaritan looks over all concerned. "You can't do this to me! There has to be somebody else!" bleats Spawn, and for once I have to agree. He can't do this to her. He got her other parent killed last season; he owes it to her to stick around and ask someone else to fly the plane. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," says Spawn, apologizing for being so mean these past few months. Kiefer assures her that nothing was her fault. "I love you just the way you are," he says. "I don't ever want you to change." He tells her to live her life and be happy and all this other self-actualizing shit about making her mom proud. Spawn tells Kiefer that she's proud of him and that she loves him. Tears all around. They get off the phone. Wow, it really looks like Kiefer is just going to die midseason. What will they do with the rest of the "day"? Plan his funeral? Not. The time is 10:35:07 PM.
The time is 10:39:25 PM. Klockwise from the top left, the plane ascends further, Soul Patch mans the phones at CTU, and Spawn reacts to Kiefer's news in the passenger seat of the Good Samaritan's SUV. "I'm sorry, honey," says the Good Samaritan, pulling over by the side of the road. "What do you want to do?" A tear-soaked Spawn takes off her seatbelt and starts to get out of the car. "I was supposed to get out of Los Angeles but it doesn't matter anymore," Spawn says, thankfully stopping short of actually telling Good Samaritan about the B-O-M-B. Good Samaritan is concerned. She offers Spawn her cell phone to call someone else, but Spawn says she just wants to be alone. Spawn gets out of the SUV and runs off into the night. She doesn't even thank the Good Samaritan or anything. Of course, I forgot that Spawn reserves all of her manners and affection for those who are fucking with her. Since this woman didn't have an agenda, there was no point in Spawn being nice to her.
CTU. Soul Patch is sitting at his new desk at the Kiefer Kube, wallowing in sadness. Bitchelle passes by -- what does she just "happen" to be doing up there? -- and stops. "Are you okay?" asks Bitchelle. Soul Patch informs her that he just found Spawn. "Did Kiefer have a chance to say goodbye?" asks Bitchelle. Soul Patch is all, "Yeah," and then it's time to change the subject real fast to the latest information gleaned from the analysis of Syed Ali's things. According to Bitchelle, they de-encrypted the hard drive and found a recording of a conversation that took place months ago in Cyprus. "Conversation between who?" asks Soul Patch. "Syed Ali and high-ranking government officials from these three countries," says Bitchelle, pointing to her papers so that we, the viewers, can't see what "countries" they're talking about. Okay, it was cute at first not to name the country that has suspected connections with the Second Wave. But now that there are more unnamed countries with connections to the Second Wave being brought into the mix, it's time for them to name the countries already. Either just have it be Iran, Iraq, and Afghanistan, or make up some country name like they did on The West Wing. But don't be just pointing to your notes, Bitchelle. We need a name. Plus I'm too lazy to come up with more two names even half as good as Fauxraqistan. Soul Patch looks at the report that Bitchelle is holding, and reads the names of the two other countries to himself. "So what we're saying is that 'these three countries' not only knew about the B-O-M-B," says Soul Patch, "but they bought it and supplied it to Syed Ali?" Bitchelle nods. Soul Patch asks her if she's sure about the translation. Bitchelle vouches for the translation's authenticity for the most part. Soul Patch exhales through a pair of pursed lips and orders more Whatever Technology tests done on the tapes to confirm the identities of the four men. Bitchelle is on it.
Well, Soul Patch has been the director of CTU for less than one hour, and already he's using speed dial to call the president. A female secretary answers the phone and puts Soul Patch on hold for a few seconds when he asks to speak to Palmer. However, according to the closed captioning, "Novick" is speaking the secretary's lines. While Soul Patch is on hold, he looks down at the floor and sees Bitchelle and Lesbo-Carrie having a discussion. They seem friendly enough, but Bitchelle is making these horizontal slicing motions with her hands as if she's saying, "Hey, I thought I told you not to play with my breasts while we're at work." It's all coming together for Soul Patch right now. He's got his own office, the president takes his calls, and he's on the verge of a potential threesome.
Palmer gets on the line, and Soul Patch tells him that they've got a tape of three Middle Eastern leaders talking to Syed Ali. Palmer asks Soul Patch who else knows. Soul Patch assures him that only CTU and Division know anything about this. "They have ties to the other agencies, including the Pentagon, which means everybody knows," says Palmer. Soul Patch says that they will have confirmation of the Whatever Technology Voice Recognition in an hour. "Why would Syed Ali record a conversation like this in the first place?" asks Palmer. "Half the time these people don't trust each other any more than they trust us," explains Soul Patch. "Maybe Ali wanted some ammunition to protect himself." This still doesn't sit well with Palmer. "There's evidence that three Middle Eastern Countries are behind this B-O-M-B," says Palmer to PMHC. Name the countries already! Palmer mulls over the fact that they might be at war soon -- first with the three Middle Eastern countries and then with the entire unnamed Arab world. Then it gets all deep and literary with Palmer quoting Abraham Lincoln and everything. "Once this B-O-M-B goes off," says Palmer, "my options will narrow very, very quickly."
Flight 86. As Kiefer flies to his certain death and checks his coordinates with ground control, he hears a rustling in the back of the plane. Kiefer grabs his gun and turns around. "Don't move!" he yells. It turns out to be Mason sitting in the back seat. Like no one would have seen him back there as the plane was taking off. Kiefer asks him how he got on the plane. Mason replies that it wasn't that hard, seeing as how everyone still thinks he's the head of CTU. He's got something for Kiefer: a parachute. Now that the hardest part of the flight is over, Mason can take over for Kiefer on the suicide flight. "I told you before," says Kiefer. "I'm taking this plane in." "Maybe you want to die," says Mason. Kiefer is all, "What's that supposed to mean?" "You've had a death wish since Bride died," says Mason, suggesting that Kiefer is looking for a heroic way out of his own misery. "You wanna be a real hero?" says Mason. "Here's what you do. You get back down there and put the pieces together." Kiefer listens solemnly and silently agrees. "Are you absolutely sure you can do this?" asks Kiefer. Mason swears he can. Kiefer gives him instructions on where and when to land. "Thank you, George," whispers Kiefer. "Thank you." The time is 10:48:09 PM.
An ad for Bringing Down Da House. Wow, Queen Latifah is really representing the sisters. You know, it used to be that the only way you could release a major motion picture about a black woman of size was to make it about a sassy maid. Well, Bringing Down Da House doesn't stoop like that. Queen Latifah doesn't play a maid. Hell no! Queen Latifah plays an ex-con who goes on a blind date with Steve Martin, moves into his house, cleans up for him, and takes care of his kids for free. That's progress! Oh, and am I the only American who doesn't think that Eugene Levy is that funny when he says, "You've got me straight trippin' boo!"?
The time is 10:52:21 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer and Mason share the cockpit, Spawn walks alone down the highway, and Palmer sits at his desk. Up in Flight 86, Mason reminds Kiefer that it's getting to be time for him to bail on the plane. "Get your chute on and get the hell out of here," he says. Kiefer insists on staying up until four minutes before impact. He calls CTU and has them send a chopper to pick him up in the desert. Soul Patch swings by Bitchelle's desk as she is briefing some visiting agents, explains to her that Mason is taking over Kiefer's suicide mission, and has her send the Kiefer-copter. On his way back to the Kiefer Kube, Soul Patch runs into PoorMan'sArmandAssante, who demands to see the results of the hard drive encryption. Soul Patch tells him that he can't have clearance. PMAA reminds Soul Patch that he's the one who gave them the location of Syed Ali's safe house in the first place. "I'm sorry," says Soul Patch. "But I can't tell you at this time." "You Americans…" says PMAA. "'We Americans' what?" says Soul Patch. "Nothing," says PMAA.
Air Force One is in the air. Rolaide walks into Palmer's in-flight office and introduces "General Bowden." General Bowden is from the Joint Chiefs, is built like a tank, and has a chest full of medals. I'm sensing a "war-like" iconography going on with this character. He's there to discuss retaliation plans against those three unnamed countries. Palmer argues that they don't know for sure if those countries were really behind the B-O-M-B. "But for planning purposes, we should proceed as if they were," says Bowden, asking Palmer to activate the plan to invade these three countries. "'Activate'?" asks Palmer, surprised that there are already plans in effect. Bowden explains that there are plans drawn up for "every conceivable contingency." Palmer gives Bowden the okay to activate the plan, but warns him that the military can not implement the plan without direct authorization from him. Bowden exits. "We may be talking about World War Three," says Palmer to Rolaide.
Flight 86. As Kiefer loads his parachute to prepare to jump, he inquires if there is anything he can do for Mason. Mason says that he got to see his son earlier, but asks Kiefer to look in on "Sandy" after he's gone. Kiefer does the manly "hand on shoulder" non-hug thing. Mason returns the gesture with a "hand on hand on shoulder." They let go, and Kiefer leaps from the plane.
Air Force One. PMHC wakes up the President from a nap and informs him that they will be able to see the detonation from their plane on the eastern horizon. Reluctantly, Palmer approaches the window facing east.
Flight 86 goes down with Mason at the wheel. Kiefer's parachute opens. But because they do a split screen, it seems for a moment that Mason jumped out in a parachute too. Kiefer drifts to the ground, strips himself of his parachute, and takes shelter behind a rock. A bright light engulfs Kiefer as the explosion roars in the distance. Meanwhile, Spawn also watches the explosion from the lonely road. Palmer has also seen the explosion as it forms a mushroom cloud that grows over the desert. The time is 10:59:58…10:59:59…11:00:00 PM.