Electric Blue Kiefer. Same season recap as last week about the B-O-M-B. "Due to some graphic violence, viewer discretion is advised." This gets me totally revved, because the best episodes are always the ones that have this warning at the beginning. Previouslys. Palmer links Yulin to Rogue Colonel Sanders and subsequently has him tortured for information. Spawn runs into the woods and falls into a trap. Even wild cougars find her unappetizing. Marie is Syed Ali's errand girl. Cate is Kiefer's errand girl. Kiefer finds Syed Ali, but he burst into flames. Or did he? The following takes place between 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM.
Temple El-Kaboom. Ambulances, choppers, and armed government employees swarm the front entrance of this local L.A. Mosque…where lots of Muslims pray each day who aren't terrorists. Stretchers and other medical equipment are brought in frantically. The camera closes in for a significant amount of time on the serpentine design above the front entrance. Meanwhile, inside the Mosque, HotAsianDudeFromAngel is telling Cate to go outside and otherwise get out of the way of their investigation. "Kiefer told me to stay," insists Cate a.k.a. She Of The Magical Recognition Powers. Kiefer, who just happens to be walking by, interrupts and tells HotAsianFromAngel that Cate is an important part of the investigation. He reminds HAFA that Cate has to make the final identification of Ali. I'm getting the feeling that every episode…I mean, "hour" for the few weeks is going to begin with a justification of Cate's presence. And then I'm thinking that in four or five episodes the lost boys of CTU will grudgingly admit that they've developed a fondness for the lace doilies and tea settings that Cate decorated the clubhouse with, and they let Cate join their gang. Her role will be to dispense moral boosting advice along with cups of strong Darjeeling, sing the occasional heartwarming song when someone really needs inspiration, and cook, clean, and tuck everyone in by nine.
Anyway, HAFA shows Kiefer a Ziploc bag containing the sooty remains of a piece of paper found on the guy who was dressed up like Ali and set on fire, whose nickname from here on out shall be Shish-Ke-Bob. Kiefer tells HAFA to send the scrap of paper to CTU and have them analyze it. , he makes his way over to the imam of Temple El-Kaboom, who has been peacefully detained by CTU agents inside the mosque. Kiefer asks the imam if he's trying to protect Syed Ali. The imam -- in a monologue brought to you by the Muslim Anti-Defamation League -- declares that any Muslim who commits terrorist acts is guilty in the eyes of Islam, and that he will help Kiefer as much as he can. "If you find this man," he says, "maybe I can talk to him as you cannot." "Thank you," says Kiefer, enveloping his new pal, the Muslim Holy Man Who Is Not A Terrorist, in a coat of Sutherland velvet. Their conversation is interrupted by a CTU Stormtrooper -- I don't know what he is, but he's in a really big helmet -- who shows Kiefer a trapdoor in the mosque that hadn't been mentioned in CTU's copy of the floor plans. Kiefer opens the trap door and goes down solo, explaining to the stormtrooper that Ali could kill himself if he saw a bunch of CTU stormtroopers coming his way. In the basement, Kiefer finds a labyrinth of hallways.
Meanwhile, Syed Ali is indeed in that basement. While trying to avoid discovery, he calls Raggedy Marie, who is cruising down some freeway in her Blondemobile, on his cell phone. "There has been change of plans," says Ali, gesturing with his gun. He tells her that he might not make it to the "rendezvous point" in time, so if he doesn't show up, Marie will know what to do. "Do you remember what I said yesterday?" asks Ali. "I remember," says Raggedy Marie. They hang up, and Ali wanders around the basement. Kiefer finds him, sneaks up behind him, grabs him, keeps his mouth open, and yells for backup. Backup comes -- pretty fast, considering that Kiefer made them all stay upstairs. Cate shows up as well and IDs him. "That's him," says Cate. "That is Syed Ali. That is Syed Ali!" Kiefer asks that Cate be removed from the room in an unintentionally funny moment. After a bloody struggle -- one that reminds me of the struggle I have to endure every time I have to brush my dogs' teeth -- Kiefer removes the cyanide capsule from Ali's mouth. Whose blood is that? I have no idea. They also find Syed's cell phone, and Kiefer asks HAFA to find out who he just called.
Back at CTU, Papa Crew is now emotionally ready to deal with the fact that his youngest daughter -- previously thought to be merely a spoiled little anemic bitch -- is in fact a terrorist and a cold-blooded killer. Mason asks him to help CTU understand her connection to Syed Ali, the man behind the B-O-M-B, or at least give them any information about her that might be useful. Papa Crew tells Mason about how Marie ran away from home after her mother died for three to four weeks. The Crew family was living in London, where Marie was going to college. The Crew family called the police, but they eventually got a letter from her saying that she was fine. She was traveling and just needed some space. "When she came back," says Papa Crew, "I was just so grateful to see her that I stopped asking questions." When Mason asks if she was different in any way after the "trip," Papa Crew responds that she was "less politically inclined" after she got back. Before, she was one of those students who "flirted with causes…respectable causes." Mason explains that such a change is typical of someone who's been "radicalized." "Handlers train you to stop talking about anything," explains Mason. "Marie had handlers?" muses Papa Crew. What a fucked-up family: Dad's a secret CIA agent, sis is a terrorist. What happened to fathers with secret families on the side or eating disorders?
The meeting is interrupted by Bitchelle, who has a scan of the paper fragment found in Shish-Ke-Bob's coat on that jazzy laptop of hers that's all monitor. She zooms in on the "lower left-hand quadrant" with the tip of a ballpoint pen and points out that there appears to be a number written on the slip of paper that's barely visible amidst the soot. Fortunately, the San Diego office has lent them a fiber expert named Murdoch. Murdoch is wearing a porkpie hat. Okay, remember how in high school there was that guy who wasn't a stoner, wasn't a jock, and wasn't a geek? He was that guy who always wore the fedora or the porkpie hat? Sometimes he'd even wear a tie or a Mr. Rogers cardigan. You had a little crush on him because he kind of reminded you of one of the members of The Specials, and he always seemed so mysterious. He never spoke up in class, and you wondered who he hung out with because you never saw him at lunch or at parties -- probably older people who went to college.
One day you talked to him, and he wasn't that intimidating. In fact, he invited you over to his house after school to listen to some albums. But when you got there it turned out that he was obsessed -- not with Chet Baker as you'd fantasized -- but with Steely Dan. That's right. Steely Dan. He rhapsodized about how he always wanted to have a huge party where all he played was Steely Dan and how it would be the perfect party where no one got hurt emotionally or had to use drugs or anything. Then he made you listen to every single album that Steely Dan ever recorded on his headphones while he studied your reactions and played with his pet ferret. You snuck a peek at his medicine cabinet and it became clear to you that this guy was a loner, not because he was too brilliant and sensitive for the other high school kids, but because he was just crazy and his mother brought him old man's clothing from TJ Maxx. It was tough breaking off your friendship with him, but it just had to be done. Yet every time you'd hear the "Aja" album, you'd get this twinge of guilt. Anyway, Murdoch is Fedora Guy from high school. He's still visually ironic, but he's been working out, and he and his doctor found a meds combination that works for him. Mason and Bitchelle walk over to his work station. Panama Hack (tm Bataille) removes his hat with a flourish and explains that his computer is super-powerful and that if there's any writing on that scrap of paper, he'll find it.
Back at NSA, Yulin is doing an homage to Linda Lavin by soaking his tired feet in a bucket of water after a hard day of waitressing, just like Linda does in the opening credits of Alice. Oh, wait, he's got his feet in that bucket because he's being tortured with defibrillator paddles. Simmons enters after a well-deserved torture break and resumes the questioning. This interrogation is still being observed by Palmer on his laptop from the safety of his office. Poor Man's Hume Cronyn enters Palmer's office and informs Palmer that Kiefer has found Syed Ali and is interrogating him. Palmer tells PMHC to make whatever resources Kiefer needs available to Kiefer. Then they both watch Simmons zap Yulin with those defibrillator paddles like they're taking an internet porn break. For the benefit of those of us who might be squeamish at the sight of an old man being tortured, Palmer mentions that Yulin has had extensive training in "interrogation resistance." "But everyone breaks eventually," says Palmer, dreamily watching the monitor. The time is 07:10:12 PM.
Mazda is the sponsor of tonight's episode. [cough] Car brand slut [cough]. Looks like Kurt Russell has a new movie coming out…in the spring. Now that Denzel won an Oscar for playing a cop in a older cop vs. younger cop drama, every male actor of a certain age is finding a piece of chicken to pair up with. In this case, it's that blond guy from Felicity that everyone totally forgot about. Why is Kurt Russell still starring in movies and getting above title credit? Is being married to Goldie Hawn that prestigious? Did Uncle Walt molest him during his tenure as a child star for Disney and give him a lifelong career to shut him up? Kurt Russell is the Fanta of actors. You know how you never see Fanta and you'd just assume that the factory closed back in the seventies but then you take a road trip somewhere and when you stop at a Subway franchise, there are cans of Fanta in the cooler. Why are they still making Fanta?
The time is 07:14:39 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Soul Patch is working the phones behind an opaque "topo map," Raggedy Marie is still cruising in the Blondemobile, and Syed Ali is bound to a chair. Behind the topo map, it becomes apparent that Soul Patch is checking up on a rescue team who is looking for Spawn in the forest. Mason gets word of this and asks Soul Patch what he's doing. Soul Patch reminds Mason that he promised Kiefer to do anything in his power to protect his daughter. Mason reminds Soul Patch that, although Spawn is lost, she is outside of the blast radius and doesn't need Soul Patch's attention as much as, say, the city of Los Angeles. "Stay focused on the bomb," yells Mason. "That goes for everybody." He then sneaks up to the Kiefer Kube to have a cough or two. Now that Mason is out of earshot, Soul Patch goes back to his search for Spawn.
Meanwhile, the forest is getting darker and darker. The rising moon looks like an origami cut-out against the navy blue sky. Spawn blows on her hands for warmth. Apparently the cougar still hasn't bothered to eat her. She hears some rustling in the distance and hides behind a rock, prepared for the worst. Fortunately, it's not the return of the cougar, but a hunky stranger with a rifle. He asks her what she's doing in the forest. Spawn explains that she was in a car accident and started panicking. The thing she knew, she was lost and snared in the trap. "Why were you running from the highway in the first place?" asks hunky stranger. Spawn doesn't answer. He releases her from the trap. And by the way, it looked really easy to get her out of that trap.
Back at Temple El-Kaboom, CTU agents lay down what looks like fiber optic cable while crowds of onlookers gather. Cate and the imam watch the cable installation and wonder what Kiefer has in store for Syed Ali. Meanwhile, down in the basement, Kiefer puts his lips really close to Syed's and demands to know where the B-O-M-B is. Then he just starts hitting him a lot. Oh, yeah. Pain, pleasure, and restraints. This isn't gay at all. Syed Ali refuses to answer and informs Kiefer that he's ready to die. "I can make you die with more pain than you ever imagined," whispers Kiefer velvetily into Ali's ear as he grabs his crotch. "Then I will have that much more pleasure in paradise," says Ali. Oh, please -- like Syed isn't getting a little taste of paradise now.
Back in the forest, Hunky Stranger is wrapping Spawn's ankle with an ace bandage that I guess he pulled out of his pants. He wants to take her to the nearest ranger station, but Spawn wants no such thing. Now, if I meet some bloody girl in the woods who seems to be on the run and bristles at the mention of any law enforcement personnel, I'm probably going to keep my distance. However, Hunky Stranger isn't me. He invites her back to his cabin, which just happens to be nearby. Again, I just have to say that it must be nice to have a vagina.
Back at Temple El-Kaboom, it's the imam's turn to try to get information out of Syed Ali. I'm thinking that this is the Muslim equivalent of getting your local Episcopalian minister to talk some sense into those Operation Rescue freaks before they bomb another abortion clinic. In yet another dialogue brought to you by the Arab Anti-Defamation League, the imam tries to convince Syed that terrorism is against the teachings of Allah and that the Koran forbids the killing of innocents. "We have different interpretations of the Koran," answers Syed dryly. "The murder of one innocent, let alone millions, will not get you into paradise," says the imam. "We will continue this debate when I see you there," says Syed Ali. I take it that's the Muslim equivalent of "see you in hell!" Stunned, the imam walks back to Kiefer, who is busy doing something with those fiber optic cables. The imam informs Kiefer that he doesn't think he can reach Syed, but he'd like to keep trying. Kiefer explains that they don't have time. "You can't be involved with what is going to happen ," says Kiefer, ordering someone to escort the imam upstairs and out of the way. HAFA enters and informs Kiefer that they "recovered" the last number dialed on Syed Ali's cell phone. Oh, like this involved some major intelligence gathering. It's called the redial button. Look into it! HAFA tells Kiefer the number. Cate overhears their conversation and realizes that the phone number they are taking about is Marie's. She demands to know what's going on. Kiefer explains to her that Marie is the prime suspect in the shooting of Reza and two CTU officers. They have her on tape leaving the building and everything. "She was probably trying to escape," suggests Cate, grasping at straws. Kiefer dares her to prove her sister's innocence by giving her a call. Cate agrees. Kiefer has HAFA rig a phone so that Cate's number will appear on Marie's caller ID when she calls. The time is 07:24:14 PM.
The time is 07:28:27 PM. Klockwise from the top left, CTU agents continue to explore the mosque, Syed waits to see what's in store for him in the basement, Yulin continues to get zapped, and Spawn and Hunky Stranger walk back to his place. Meanwhile, a phone has been set up for Cate. They explain yet again that Cate's number will appear on Marie's caller ID, and that she is to keep Marie on the phone long enough to get a trace. And as we know from last year's attempts to do the same thing, this isn't going to work. Cate dials, and Marie answers from the Blondemobile. They make small talk. And even though this would be a great time to bring up the fact that there are probably hundreds of confused wedding guests wandering the grounds of Chez Crew, they don't mention it. Cate suggests that they meet at the house and "grab a bite." "They've found Reza, haven't they?" says Marie. Cate bursts into tears and begs Marie to tell her what happened. "You wouldn't understand," says Marie. "Sometimes people have to die for things to change." Cate tries to question her further, but Marie soon realizes that their call is being traced, so she ends the call by throwing the phone out the window. Kiefer and Ko. have managed to trace the call to a ten-block radius within Sylmar. "You don't know who she was with!" shrieks Cate from a fetal position on the floor of the mosque. "They could have been forcing her!" "I'm sorry," says Kiefer.
Back at CTU, Panama Hack gives Bitchelle and Soul Patch a twenty-minute lecture on the nature of paper pulp, fiber patterns, and computer imaging. The end result is that the phrase "N34" has been found on the charred bit of paper. Thanks, Milo 2.0! The results are sent to Kiefer. Soul Patch has Bitchelle check out any possible links connected to that phrase like license plate numbers, shipping codes, et cetera.
Back at the mosque, Kiefer gets the results from Panama Hack. He bursts into Syed's interrogation room and demands to know the significance of "N34." "Either tell me now or I make you suffer!" growls Kiefer. Syed insists again that he's not afraid to die. Kiefer promises that the only way that Syed is going to die today is by Kiefer's hand, because they are going to stop the bomb, come what may. HAFA enters and tells Kiefer that they "have a live feed." Kiefer tells him to patch it through and then turns on a bank of video monitors. Hey, whaddya know? Somehow, in the last few minutes, they managed to find Syed Ali's family in Fauxraqistan, tie them up in their home, set up video cameras to record the whole thing, and link it to Kiefer and Syed via satellite. All I can think about right now is how, if I were the CTU agent in charge of rounding up Syed Ali's family, I'd probably go to the wrong house. So when they turned on the monitors, Syed Ali would be all, "Uh, that's not my family, I've never seen these people before in my life." I'd never live it down. For the rest of my CIA career, it would be, "Hey Ehrlich, remember '03 when you captured the wrong family? We can laugh about that now but sheesh!" And I'd be all, "Hey, give me a break! Do you have any idea how many 'Ali families' there are in Fauxraquistan? I might as well be looking for the Smiths in Minnesota." Judging by Syed Ali's reaction, though, they do have the right family. "For the last time," says Kiefer. "Where is the B-O-M-B?" Syed grunts and struggles. The time is 07:34:44 PM.
The time is 07:38:59 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Palmer does something presidential, Syed watches his family on television, and Syed Jr. struggles with his restraints. At NSA, PMHC catches up to Palmer in the hall and informs Palmer that Kiefer has kaptured Syed Ali's family and is threatening their lives. Palmer is shocked. PMHC goes on to explain that they've had Syed Ali's family in custody for quite some time, which -- thankfully -- explains how they got them tied up so fast, and that Kiefer plans to kill each family member one by one until Syed discloses the location of the B-O-M-B. "Can we let this happen?" asks Palmer. "Condone the murder of innocent children?" PMHC tries to argue that it's a necessary evil of war -- like bombing a chemical factory that happens to be located near a hospital. "A few people may have to die to save millions," says PMHC. "How could it have come to this?" asks Palmer, aghast. Hey, Palmer? Could you sit down? You're blocking our view of that former employee of yours being TORTURED. Thanks. ["And can I just ask what kinds of decisions he thought he'd be making as the president? I know that the show has to have someone on-screen express moral outrage at this turn of events, but Palmer's naïveté in that regard is ridiculous. As usual." -- Sars]
Back at Temple El-Kaboom, Ali continues to watch his family suffer via satellite. As they moan pitifully, Kiefer explains that Syed's wife writes him letters every day but doesn't know where to send them. "Your son Asad wants to grow up to be just like you," says Kiefer. "He turns twelve week. I don't think he's going to make it." What is this? Some fucked-up version of those Sally Struthers Save The Children ads? Syed remains silent, safe in the belief that he is doing "Allah's work." HAFA enters with a call from the president. Palmer tells Kiefer that he won't allow him to kill Syed Ali's family. Kiefer agrees to follow Palmer's orders, but after Palmer hangs up, he continues to "talk" on the phone for Syed's benefit and make it sound like Palmer has given him the okay to kill the Ali family. Syed is horrified.
Back at NSA, Rolaide catches up with PMHC to tell him that she doesn't trust Lady Mac. PMHC tells Rolaide that this is no time for a catfight, but Rolaide insists that this isn't just a turf war. "Someone has approached me with evidence of a flurry of communications between Yulin and Lady Mac," says Rolaide, explaining that she was waiting for the right time to talk to someone about this. "Yulin said he met her today for the first time!" gasps PMHC. "Lady Mac is a lot of things but a traitor to this country? I don't believe that." Rolaide says that she has a meeting with her unnamed source in ten minutes and will know more then. PMHC decides not to tell Palmer just then. He warns Rolaide to be careful and asks her to give him details of the meeting as soon as she can.
Back at the mosque, Kiefer tells someone on his cell phone to "start with the older son Asad." He enters Syed's interrogation room and tells Syed he's not waiting any longer. "Tell me where the B-O-M-B is or I'll kill your son." Syed doesn't answer so Kiefer is all, "Kill him," into his cell phone. CTU agents in Fauxraqistan knock down Asad's chair and gun him down. Syed is horrified. Syed's wife is horrified. Cate is horrified. Hey, who let Cate in the room? Haven't they learned after last year's debacle to keep Kiefer's chicks out of the way? Syed still refuses to disclose the location of the B-O-M-B. The time is 07:46:58 PM.
Lynne pulls up to an abandoned building somewhere outside of the NSA compound and gets out of her car. Is she being watched? Is she in danger? The "click click click" of her spike heels and the "tinkle tinkle tinkle" of the piano certainly want us to think that. She finally reaches her meeting place. Lady Mac is waiting for her all tricked out in a pimp-a-licious hat and trench coat. "Your meeting's changed," says Lady Mac. "Now it's with me." Rolaide tries to leave, but Lady Mac doesn't let her. She explains that although Rolaide has linked her to Yulin, it's only misinformation spread by the conspiracy to take control of the presidency. Apparently, Lady Mac is only pretending to be conspiring against Palmer so she can infiltrate the conspiracy, gather evidence, and ultimately save Palmer. Lynne isn't buying it. She "click click click"s back to her car and leaves unharmed.
Back at the mosque, Kiefer is about to kill Syed's remaining son when Syed breaks and reveals that the B-O-M-B is at Norton Airfield. The plan is to put the bomb on a plane and detonate it above the city. Kiefer gets on the phone and tells Mason what he just found out. Bitchelle looks up the airfield and discovers that every place number begins with the letter "N." Mason orders units to the airfield and calls ahead to have the FAA ground all flights from there.
Back at the mosque again, Syed is freaked out that Kiefer killed his son. Cate is none too happy either. Until she sees the real feed, that is. Kiefer had the tape "edited" to make it look like Syed's son was killed. He's really alive. Kiefer asks Cate to accompany him to Norton Airfield for no good reason. They get into the Kiefmobile and drive off.
Norton Airfield. Marie enters the airplane hangar, where Justin Al-Guarini is waiting with the B-O-M-B. She takes out the trigger that she "retrieved" from Ben Kingsley's locker. Justin connects the trigger to the bomb. "Now we pray," says Justin in Fauxraqi. The time is 07:59:58…07:59:59...08:00:00 PM.