In the spring, we were "treated" to the long-awaited All-Star edition, which was an utter and total failure, owing in part to the early elimination of almost every likable team they cast (Jill and John Vito, Kevin and a physically run-down Drew) and the presence of seriously obnoxious uber-team and imaginary dating couple Eric and Danielle. Throw in an irritatingly long run by notoriously self-righteous and annoying Mirna and Charla, and by the end, we were reduced to rooting for Dustin and Kandice -- in their second appearance in a row. When Eric and Danielle actually won the thing, the triumph of suck was complete. -- Miss Alli
American Idol
Okay, we swear we're not being contrarians here. Honest. But as it happens, this season of American Idol -- the one that was derided all year for its boring contestants, lack of buzz-worthy moments, and the show's first ever (however slight) ratings backslide -- was probably our favorite so far. Sure, the Dread Specter of Sanjaya hovered over much of the middle part of the season, which was either train-wreck awesome or nails-on-chalkboard irritating depending on who you voted for, but once he was eliminated, he left a Top Six that was legitimately the strongest, pound-for-pound, this show's seen. And if viewers cared to look beyond their weekly Sanjaya Hair Updates (that ponyhawk, we'll admit, was kind of the defining image of the season), they might have found a lot to enjoy in Jordin Sparks's capital "E" Emotional balladeering, Blake Lewis's tricked-up beeping, Phil Stacey and LaKisha Jones coming into their own as belters, and the round-faced wicked hotness that was Chris Richardson. Then there was Melinda Doolittle, the best voice this show's heard since Kelly Clarkson, who managed to thoroughly outclass her competition right up until her predictable Top Three ouster. There was also something about a charity concert and Ryan and Simon crying in Africa and Celine Dion duetting with an undead Elvis, but we're not 100 percent sure any of that really happened. -- Joe R
America's Top Model
Tyra Banks and her juggernaut of jugs just keep going, folks. Season 7 was truly fierce and Fabio-lous, as we enjoyed guest stars ranging from Dita Von Teese to, well, Fabio. The most memorable characters included Michelle and Amanda, our first installment of twins, one of whom doubled our pleasure by coming out as bisexual. We also met Monique, who stuck it to her nemeses by variously pretending to pee on, or wiping her dirty underwear all over, their beds. After Monique was booted, old hag at 23 Melrose stepped up to claim the bitch mantle, and inexplicably landed in the final two. Her background in the fashion industry, however, was not enough to trump the mojo of former psoriasis-sufferer Caridee as the two faced off as ghost brides in their final runway show. In contrast to Caridee's blond bombshell looks, Season 8 found us a winner in Jaslene, who was admittedly raised by a pack of wild drag queens. Along the way she bested not one but two plus-sized models; crying Brittany, whose freak-outs escalated as the season progressed; Jael, who was quite possibly from another planet and really made 50 Cent mad; Wholahay, nee Dionne; and pain in the ass mom Renee. It seemed for a moment that plucky Russian mail-order bride Natasha might triumph, but her booty tooch came up short, and thus we were treated to our first Latina winner ever. -- Potes
By The TWoP Staff
In the spring, we were "treated" to the long-awaited All-Star edition, which was an utter and total failure, owing in part to the early elimination of almost every likable team they cast (Jill and John Vito, Kevin and a physically run-down Drew) and the presence of seriously obnoxious uber-team and imaginary dating couple Eric and Danielle. Throw in an irritatingly long run by notoriously self-righteous and annoying Mirna and Charla, and by the end, we were reduced to rooting for Dustin and Kandice -- in their second appearance in a row. When Eric and Danielle actually won the thing, the triumph of suck was complete. -- Miss Alli
American Idol
Okay, we swear we're not being contrarians here. Honest. But as it happens, this season of American Idol -- the one that was derided all year for its boring contestants, lack of buzz-worthy moments, and the show's first ever (however slight) ratings backslide -- was probably our favorite so far. Sure, the Dread Specter of Sanjaya hovered over much of the middle part of the season, which was either train-wreck awesome or nails-on-chalkboard irritating depending on who you voted for, but once he was eliminated, he left a Top Six that was legitimately the strongest, pound-for-pound, this show's seen. And if viewers cared to look beyond their weekly Sanjaya Hair Updates (that ponyhawk, we'll admit, was kind of the defining image of the season), they might have found a lot to enjoy in Jordin Sparks's capital "E" Emotional balladeering, Blake Lewis's tricked-up beeping, Phil Stacey and LaKisha Jones coming into their own as belters, and the round-faced wicked hotness that was Chris Richardson. Then there was Melinda Doolittle, the best voice this show's heard since Kelly Clarkson, who managed to thoroughly outclass her competition right up until her predictable Top Three ouster. There was also something about a charity concert and Ryan and Simon crying in Africa and Celine Dion duetting with an undead Elvis, but we're not 100 percent sure any of that really happened. -- Joe R
America's Top Model
Tyra Banks and her juggernaut of jugs just keep going, folks. Season 7 was truly fierce and Fabio-lous, as we enjoyed guest stars ranging from Dita Von Teese to, well, Fabio. The most memorable characters included Michelle and Amanda, our first installment of twins, one of whom doubled our pleasure by coming out as bisexual. We also met Monique, who stuck it to her nemeses by variously pretending to pee on, or wiping her dirty underwear all over, their beds. After Monique was booted, old hag at 23 Melrose stepped up to claim the bitch mantle, and inexplicably landed in the final two. Her background in the fashion industry, however, was not enough to trump the mojo of former psoriasis-sufferer Caridee as the two faced off as ghost brides in their final runway show. In contrast to Caridee's blond bombshell looks, Season 8 found us a winner in Jaslene, who was admittedly raised by a pack of wild drag queens. Along the way she bested not one but two plus-sized models; crying Brittany, whose freak-outs escalated as the season progressed; Jael, who was quite possibly from another planet and really made 50 Cent mad; Wholahay, nee Dionne; and pain in the ass mom Renee. It seemed for a moment that plucky Russian mail-order bride Natasha might triumph, but her booty tooch came up short, and thus we were treated to our first Latina winner ever. -- Potes