Episode Report Card Pamie: C | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Being An Asshole Is Really Expensive
By Pamie | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.01.2004
Lorelai, you are going to be the one reason I get drunk tonight, with your hundreds of outfits. She races down the stairs at the Dragonfly, telling Luke over the phone that he cannot go golfing with Richard. Luke says it's a done deal. He's searching through his apartment for an old book of his dad's about golfing the Arnold Palmer way. In my world, that means playing golf while sipping an iced tea and lemonade. Lorelai beseeches Luke not to go golfing with her father. Luke says it's too late, and that he had no choice. Lorelai reminds him that "no" is a choice. This is similar to a conversation my mom and Stee recently had, when Stee asked Mom why she would own a copy of Boat Trip on DVD. "Well," she said, "I like Cuba Gooding Jr. And I hadn't seen the movie before I bought it. I had no way of knowing it was going to be that bad." "You could have read the back," said Stee. Lorelai asks Luke if he learned nothing from his dinner with Emily. "Apparently not," he says. Lorelai suggests that he call up, cancel, and then hang up really quickly. She says he should explain to Richard that when he called, Luke had just dropped some peyote and he was tripping balls and that's why he accidentally said he'd go golfing. Lorelai asks Luke if he even knows how to golf. Luke took a course one summer but accidentally hit Kent Colida in the head with a driver and was asked to leave. Luke says he knows the basics and promises to fake it well.
Lorelai kind of hangs up on Luke and then calls her father. Richard is practicing his putting in the back yard. Lorelai asks him to cancel the golf game. She asks him why he's doing this. Richard asks how it's any of her business. Lorelai says that Luke's her boyfriend. Richard says that this is his right as her father. He's mostly upset that Luke already met Emily at a "secret dinner" he found out about from his valet. Lorelai tells Richard about Kent Colida's head, and asks Richard if he's ready for a similar fate: "You like your head, huh?" Richard says he's golfing with Luke tomorrow. Lorelai -- really unhappy that she's not getting her way anywhere -- tells Richard to have fun. Richard says that this isn't about fun; it's protocol. Lorelai tells Richard to have a good protocol.
Walking through the fake safari, Logan asks Rory if this is what she expected. Rory says that it wasn't anything like she expected. Logan guesses that Rory was picturing some flashlights, sleeping bags, boxes of Triscuits, Doritos, and a bong. Rory gets her own tent. Inside, a candle has been lit, uncovered and unattended. This is how inns burn down, people. Let's be a little more cautious in our reckless unpredictability. Logan tells her that the festivities start in half an hour. Rory immediately calls Dean (and gives a hairflip. Maybe it's Dean that makes her touch her hair) and says she's canceling on him this time. You got that Dean? SHE'S too busy for YOU. So YOU can go back to your WIFE. Rory leaves the worst message ever on Dean's machine, about how something so unexpected came up that she can't talk about and might not live through it maybe but perhaps she'll see him again if she doesn't die from her mysterious overnight location. Dude, I'd be kicking my boyfriend's ass if he left cryptic shit like that. Not that I have a boyfriend. Totally getting married, everybody. I haven't had a boyfriend since April. Rory then sets to writing in her super-secret notebook about the super-secret society. Yale doesn't assign enough homework.