Episode Report Card Keckler: B+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Stormship Troopers
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 12.17.2002
Engineering. The Storm Troopers fiddle with systems and are ready to initialize the warp reactor. On the Bridge, Head Storm Trooper asks if they have helm control yet. His technician answers in the negative; he thinks the navigational relays have been rerouted. "How much longer?" Head Storm Trooper demands. The technician has no idea, so Head Storm Trooper orders the warp core brought online.
Catwalk. T'Pol tells Quantum that they may outnumber the Storm Troopers, but they only have three EV suits. That was stupider than George The Stupid playing stupid games with his cousin, the village idiot! Why on earth would they have left with fewer EV suits than senior bridge qrewmembers -- much less EV suits for every qrewmember? What if those copper suits were needed for added protection if there was a hull breach from the storm or something? Plot Device clears his throat to remind me that he's still in the room. Oh, right. As Quantum discusses the issues, the lights above them flash to signal that the warp core is warming up. Trip says they have twenty minutes before the coils are fully charged. They rush off to form a cunning plan.
T'Pol, Reed, and Quantum suit up in EV suits as Trip gives them directions. "I really oughta be the wun doin' this, Cap'n. The doc said I was only out there for thirteen minutes," Trip wheedles. Quantum shuts him down as he adjusts T'Pol's visor, and Hoshi reports that she's isolated their comm frequencies so that the Storm Troopers won't hear a thing. Quantum orders Hoshi to tell May-Backfire to wait for his signal.
The Storm Trooper aliens continue to try for helm control, and I realize that the second-in-command Storm Trooper looks a lot like Lt. Rowcliff from Nero Wolfe. I miss that show -- stupid A&E. Storm Trooper Rowcliff tells Head Storm Trooper that they could lose their ship if they continue to diddle around, "We should take what we can and leave!" Head Storm Trooper is too greedy to agree to that.
Quantum, T'Pol, and Reed split up. "I'll see you back at the catwalk -- don't be late!" Quantum orders. Quantum runs though the galley and opens up a comm center. In a corridor, T'Pol and Reed open up an access panel. From the Storm Bridge, Trip gives Reed and T'Pol instructions.
Bridge. Storm Trooper Rowcliff announces that they're being hailed. "Another ship?" Head Storm Trooper barks. Storm Trooper Rowcliff determines that the transmission is coming from within the ship. Eerie music that only I can hear plays. "Answer it!" Head Storm Trooper orders. Quantum's EV-suited face comes onto the viewscreen. "You're in my chair!" he groans. "Captain Archer -- I didn't realize you're still aboard. Where's the rest of your crew?" Head Storm Trooper asks calmly. Quantum tells him they're all dead, Head Storm Trooper says insincerely that he's sorry, and Quantum thanks him for his condolences. Also insincerely. "Now, why don't you get the hell off my ship," Quantum grunts. I guess all this constipation he's smearing across the screen is to make the Storm Trooper Aliens think he's close to death. And you know what? It's working -- I sure wish he were dead in this scene. Head Storm Trooper tells him that's a no-can-do, because they found the ship belonging to the fugitives in their launchbay. Busted. Quantum moans that he's been watching them; he knows they're trying to take Enterprise and he's just not going to let that happen. Not on his watch. "You're in no position to do anything about it," Head Storm Trooper tells him. Head Storm Trooper informs him that he's in command of the Bridge, he's impounding the ship under the authority of the Takret militia, and Quantum will be charged with some conspiracy theory when they get home. AND Quantum has to go to bed without any supper. Quantum strains that he doesn't recognize their authority, and that he has standing orders from Starfleet to use whatever means necessary to keep his vessel out of grimy enemy hands. I have a standing order with Starfleet for Peking ravioli every other Tuesday. Head Storm Trooper growls that he has people searching all decks and Quantum will soon be apprehended. "You're leaving me [pant, pant] no choice. I'll destroy Enterprise," Quantum grunts. Well, now let me double-check with UPN, but I think Bermaga's done that already. "Earth's first warp five starship? Your father's engine? I've been reading about you, Captain. I doubt very much you'll do anything to damage this vessel," Head Storm Trooper gloats. "You'd be surprised," Quantum grunts, and hangs up. Head Storm Trooper orders an underling to trace the signal and beat the bushes until they find Quantum.
Desert Storm Bridge. Quantum beeps in and tells May-Backslide to head for a plasma eddy. "Try to keep us in one piece -- I'm on my way back," Quantum finishes. As he walks back through the galley, a few Storm Troopers fire at him. Quantum fires back. There goes Chef's Reman endive.