Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Holy War, Part II
By Cate | Season 6 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.19.2002
It's the morning of the wedding, and Annie is telling Eric what all the family members are up to. It cracks me up that Dopey is allegedly packing up his stuff today. But then, doesn't everybody wait until the last possible minute to do things around here? I'd imagine that after he packs up his stuff, Matt will be calling the airlines to get some expensive last-minute airline tickets for his honeymoon. Eric still hasn't changed his mind about attending the wedding, and quite frankly, I don't know why Annie's expending so much energy in trying to change his mind. I'm sure everyone will have a much better time without his sulky ass at the reception.
Over at the Glass house, Rosina has managed to get another rabbi to perform the wedding ceremony. You know, none of this would be necessary if the young couple would simply own up to the fact that they're already married. We could all skip this sham of a wedding and just knock back some drinks at the reception. But no, someone felt the need to drag out this miserable excuse for a plot, so we are forced to see Richard calling up Rabbi Silverman to see if Rosina really did get him to agree to perform the ceremony. Then we have to listen to him drone on and on about how he thinks this is all part of a plan Rosina has to make him upset so that he will change his mind and perform the wedding ceremony. Mercifully, Rosina cuts him off to say that she and Plot Contrivance are leaving to get their hair and make-up done. She also lets him know that she's sending his parents around so that he can tell them himself that he won't be attending PC's wedding. Richard looks pained to hear that, but since he always looks kind of pained anyway, I wouldn't take much notice of that.
Dopey really is spending his wedding day packing up his stuff. Great planning. When Simon comes in, Dopey tries to explain why he didn't ask his brother to be his best man. He says that Simon views the role of best man as "some sort of passing of the older-brother baton," and that he doesn't think Simon is ready to take on the position of older brother. Yes, Simon will be the oldest male sibling in the household after Dopey leaves, but there's really nothing Dopey can do about that, unless he's got some really weird time-shifting superpowers we don't know about. Of course, Simon will only be an older brother to Ruthie and the twins, which is exactly what he is now anyway, so I'm not sure how his status will really change once his brother departs. I'm going to ignore the fact that Dopey seems to feel that possessing a penis entitles him to tell his siblings what to do. That idea is just a little too offensive for my taste. Dopey goes on to explain that, by asking Robbie to be his best man, he was hoping to establish Robbie as a role model Simon could look up to. Hey, I never realized Matt actually put any thought into who would be his best man. Didn't he just offhandedly ask Robbie the day before, and only because Simon reminded him he didn't have a best man already? Way to go, writers. Not only have you totally thrown out any of the genuine, heartwarming reasons people pick their honor attendants -- such as wanting to have a close friend be an important part of a wedding -- but now you've turned it into this patriarchal, offensive bullshit? Ugh. Dopey tries to soften the blow with some twaddle about how Simon has always been his "best man." It's totally ridiculous, but Simon falls for it anyway.
Up in the Treehouse, it's time for this week's obligatory pointless appearance by the twins. Ruthie has brought them up there so Robbie can help her take care of them, but he's busy writing his best man speech, so he kicks Ruthie out. He says the twins can stay, though. I'm sure he doesn't really want them to stay, but he's obviously trying to teach Ruthie a lesson. He asks if Ruthie is ready to apologize to him yet, but she is not. She takes off, leaving the twins behind. Robbie rolls his eyes at them in irritation, in much the same way that the majority of viewers do, no doubt.