Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT PreBitched
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 17 | Aired on 03.21.2001
And it's 2K-2 again. Bad Bangs Piper, wearing a hideous knit set in brown and white horizontal stripes over a pair of pants better suited for a Hardee's uniform, opens the front door to find the real Kit howling on the front porch. She wonders why the damn cat keeps hanging around the manor. Actually, so do I, because it was pretty clear that, prior to meeting the gals, Kit belonged to the blonde chippie Jeremy offed in the first two minutes of the premiere. Piper shoos the cat away as Prue exits the manor to join her on the front porch. 2K-2 Prue has a far more tasteful and flattering look than the one 2K1 Prue's been sporting this season. 2K-2 Piper, not so much. Was she really that dumpy in the first season? The two link arms and stomp down the front steps to the sidewalk as Kit perches Sphinx-like on the stone balustrade. They casually saunter up the sidewalk as Prue asks Piper to be her maid of honor. Prue's strutting along the walk like a runway model. Piper's clomping along like a plow horse, and those pants make her ass look huge. Piper blithers about Prue leaving her alone with Grams. Prue reassures her she won't be that far away, should Piper need her. Piper eventually breaks down and reveals that her concerns are a front for her jealousy. Prue's about to embark on a wonderful life with a "great guy," and Piper, never having had the best of luck as far as dating goes, worries that she'll "never find true love." Cue the Dolt, who oh-so-conveniently bumps into Piper's shoulder as he passes them on the sidewalk. Where do you think you're going? You sit right there, because it gets worse. A violin chord strikes the soundtrack as the two exchange A Brief Look Fraught With Significance. Because Piper and the Dolt are SOUL MATES, you see. She was BORN TO LOVE HIM, after all. Do you hear me? BORN TO LOVE HER SOUL MATE. Let's try that again for you folks in the back row: PIPER HALLIWELL WAS BORN TO LOVE LEO WYATT WHO IS HER ONE TRUE LOVE AND SOUL MATE.
PiPeR + LeO = 2gEtHaH 4EvAh N eVaH n EvAh!!!!!!!
O6yn vfr4fv bnjuhy u76t54532wws eeccfcv cdsaaqwserty uiuoikjmjijn b bv vv=-098iokjmn mkl,.;. '[p;[';/'][poiu ytre345321 qwsdxcdv vcxsz fdgytghjnbfrtrfewsdf.
Sorry about that. Had to wipe the vomit off the keyboard. I'm surprised they didn't include a little scene where a 2K-2 Colethazor tempts Phoebe into a life of shiftless shoplifting. Anyway, let's continue, shall we?
Once Piper finally looks away, the Dolt orbs out up over the trees. The camera follows, and the scene shifts again to the present. The camera pulls down from the sky to reveal the Ps relaxing over coffee in an outdoor café, the morning following the last 2K1 scene. Piper tells her sisters she doesn't want to become "one of those married lepers that nobody thinks is fun anymore." Prue: "You have never been fun, Piper." Snicker. Piper begs to differ, calling herself "Mrs. Fun." Shut up, Piper. More blather about the supernatural ramifications of the sisters splitting up, interrupted by the Blob materializing in a chair behind them. The Blob snarks that the Ps "are getting hard to find," and that he was beginning to think [they] were trying to avoid [him]." Prue snarks back, "Wow. Thinking. That's a pretty big task for a warlock." She continues, "I'm sorry. That was awfully catty of me." I'm getting pretty tired of telling these people to shut up. By the way, cat reference the fourth. Blah bling Blobthreats. Piper coolly informs him that the sisters will no longer be offering their services as Blob killers. The Blob grabs a passing woman and natters something about how the Ps shouldn't dance if they don't know the steps. No, it didn't make any sense to me, either. The Blob stabs the woman. Piper freezes the entire café. Phoebe jams a bagel knife into the Blob's chest. Black Blob Spray. Piper unfreezes everyone, and the woman falls to the ground. Prue hollers out an order to call 911, and we cut to commercial.