Episode Report Card Gustave: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spawn, I'm going on a trip...
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.03.2003
Kiefer finally reaches Palmer on the phone. They discuss where they should fly the B-O-M-B. The President tells Kiefer that they need to analyze their options, and he will get back to him in ten minutes.
NSA. All of the usual uniformed extras are at the big table. PoorMan'sHumeCronyn announces that he and Rolaide will do a "point/counterpoint" on the merits of flying the plane over the Pacific Ocean versus flying it over the Mojave Desert, with PMHC taking the ocean while Rolaide takes the desert. You know, if it weren't for the fact that they're discussing where to detonate a nuclear warhead, I'd say their little debate was cute in a Model UN sort of way. PMHC breaks down the disaster impact of flying the B-O-M-B over the Pacific Ocean: destruction of marine life, biodiversity, and the food chain, and the possibility of sea-faring casualties. Lynne does the same for the Mojave Desert, and concludes that, due to the desert's innate uninhabitability, there would be far less destruction of wildlife and/or people. "So it looks like the desert is our best option," says Palmer.
There is one big problem with the desert option, though, according to Rolaide. While the sea option could be carried out by an autopilot, the land option requires that the B-O-M-B detonate in a depression surrounded by mountains to prevent the radiation from spreading. Therefore, it must be flown to a precise location by a human pilot who'd have to basically go down with the plane. "It's essentially a suicide mission," says PMHC. Palmer asks why they can't just push the B-O-M-B out of the plane and keep flying. Rolaide replies that it's "too imprecise." "One man dies to insure the safety of millions," says PMHC. I'm sensing a theme here, but I can't be too sure. Palmer calls Kiefer with the news that they're going with the desert option, and that it will be a suicide mission. Kiefer says that he and the folks at CTU had come to the same conclusion. He tells the president that they already have several volunteers to pilot the plane. "Whoever it is, tell him he has the undying gratitude of every citizen of this entire country," says Palmer. "And tell him we will take care of whatever family he leaves behind." Then he asks Kiefer to call him back when the plane is in the air.
"I don't see any volunteers," says Mason, who has overheard Kiefer's konversation with Palmer and konkluded that Kiefer is taking it upon himself to fly the plane, despite being somewhat of an inexperienced pilot. Mason offers up himself for the flight. "I'm current, I'm instrument-rated and I'm going to be dead by the end of the day anyway," says Mason. Kiefer brushes off his offer, since Mason isn't in great mental shape due to his illness. A lot of people could die if Mason blacks out before he got to the target, Kiefer argues. So what? Just give him that drug they gave Darlene to keep him super-awake and let him on the plane. Nevertheless, Kiefer gets on his radio and orders Goodrich to load up the plane. "We are a go!" he shouts in his gravelly velvet Sutherland fashion. The time is 10:12:51 PM. Wow, looks like Kiefer's really going to die mid-second-season. And there's only about forty minutes left in the episode. There's no way there'll be a plot twist to insure Kiefer's survival. No, this is it, folks -- Kiefer's really going to die. They have one-upped Buffy's fifth season. Kiefer is going to die -- I repeat, Kiefer is going to die! Whatever.
The time is 10:17:04 PM. Klockwise from the top left, the B-O-M-B is being loaded onto the plane, Kiefer mounts the plane, and Spawn walks down that lonely road. At CTU, Bitchelle looks on longingly as Soul Patch receives a suitcase containing Syed Ali's personal effects from a guest CTU agent who has no charisma whatsoever. "Who's he?" asks Soul Patch of the brooding guy accompanying the charisma-free agent who has this Armand Assante thing going on. PoorMan'sArmandAssante is a visiting intelligence agent from Fauxraqistan. According to the charisma free agent, Fauxraqi intelligence supplied them the whereabouts of Syed Ali's safe house, so they couldn't refuse to bring him along when they brought him to CTU. Yeah, I'm so sure they'd invite a visiting intelligence agent from another country -- a country we're considering going to war with, mind you -- for a tour of our counterterrorism intelligence unit. The charisma-free guest agent tells Soul Patch that he's not sure they should trust the guy. Uh, Guest Agent? Maybe you should have decided how trustworthy he was before you brought him along as your plus one, no? Soul Patch is also suspicious, but he acts hospitable toward the brooding foreign agent, making small talk about his flight from Fauxraqistan. However, PMAA is humorless and angry and just wants to "get back to work." Apparently, there's analysis left to do on Syed's personal effects. Soul Patch checks with Bitchelle, who tells him that the lab is ready for "encryption." Soul Patch tells Bitchelle, who is working closely beside Lesbo-Carrie, that he doesn't trust the foreigner, and asks her to assign PMAA a handler.