Episode Report Card M. Giant: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cultural Ignorant Americans Make Little Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
By M. Giant | Season 13 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.16.2008
Toni and Dallas arrive at the Children's Puppet Theater where they're supposed to pick up their cow costume. There looks to be some kind of performance going on in the auditorium as they make their way backstage to where the person in charge of wardrobe is waiting, in costume herself. "The wardrobe witch!" Toni says, which is a lovely thing to call someone you just met. "We need to be a cow," Dallas tells her. They climb into the costume, which features big furry pants, rubber boots, a spotted hide to drape over both of their backs, and a big pink udder that Dallas calls a bladder. They drape the body over themselves, and Dallas dons the headpiece. "Yes! I get to make my mom be the ass of a cow!" Dallas interviews. They head out onto the sidewalk, and Dallas moos loudly at Ken and Tina as the couple arrives outside. Tina interviews that as the navigator and the more detail-oriented of the two of them, it only made sense for her to be in front. They come out with Ken mooing loudly, to which Tina responds, "If you don't calm down, we'll never get it done. "Oh, relax, lady. You're in a cow. Dignity does not enter into it.
Out in the streets, Dallas is leading his mom along, telling her, "Wag the tail. Be a good ass." They interview about how everyone was staring at them, so he decided to play it up a little, with the mooing. Oh, and it turns out to be easier to get directions in this part of town in a cow costume than in whatever part of town the Frat Boys were trying to get directions in from their crane. Not being the Frat Boys probably helps as well. Ken and Tina just kind of plod along sideways because Ken doesn't seem to want to stay behind Tina. A cow only has one head, dude.
Dan and Andrew have reached the arch, and Andrew is lagging behind as they hike up the path to the Mongol warrior. He wants Dan to walk with him, but Dan doesn't want to go that slowly. It devolves into bitchy arguing. "The race isn't won by walking everywhere," Dan says. "Dude, whatever," Andrew responds. Good one.
Terence and Sarah have taken a more aggressive approach to getting directions: finding a car to follow. "That's my car," Terence says to the driver, pointing to the giant crane truck pulled over up ahead. "You drive, I follow, I pay you." The guy seems to agree to the arrangement, if only to get Terence to stop breathing his sheep-ass-flavored vomit stank into his car window.
Toni and Dallas have reached the corner that has the marked milk stand on it, but since there's no Amazing Flag and only a big easel sign reading with a picture of a milk glass over the Russian word "MOLOKO" (which I assume means "helicopter"), they don't notice it and keep on moooving. When Ken and Tina arrive at the same corner, she does spot the stall. She removes her headpiece and goes up to the window to suck down one of the waiting glasses, which takes her a little while. "It's kind of warm and strong," she reports back to Ken behind her, as she picks curds off her lip. Ew. Toni and Dallas are trotting along, and have decided to go all the way back to their starting point to figure out where they went wrong on their directions, Tina, meanwhile, has finally choked down her milk, and she asks the vendor for a clue. He just sits behind he counter motionless, which leads Tina to conclude that she's got the wrong stall. You know, one of the many other stands throughout Kazakhstan that dispense milk free to anyone who shows up at the front end of a cow costume. They're about to go off in search of the right one when another cow trots into view. Instead of waiting to see what happens, Ken says, "Put your helmet back on, let's roll." So they're gone by the time Dallas downs his glass. He also doesn't get handed a clue, but after checking the text of the clue from the original clue box, he realizes he needs to read the bottom of his glass. Which he does, and then waves over the nearest passerby, who points them in the right direction. As they head off, Dallas reports to us quite seriously that Ken and Tina left without their clue. This valuable analysis is somewhat undercut by the fact that it's coming out of a cow head.