Episode Report Card Demian: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sympathy For The Literary Convention
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.02.2002
Casa Del Pointless Subplot Because The Grimoire Is Buried Deep In The "West Andes." A variety of lesser demonic forces cluster around a conference table as their apparent leader confronts Barbas regarding his purported Wicked Waste Land Mojo. To demonstrate said mojo, Barbas smites the apparent leader with a Flaming Ball Of Death. The lesser demonic forces are suitably impressed. Phoebe astrally projects into the room. Banter. Mockery. Threats. Barbas flings an FBOD at AP Feebs. AP Feebs dodges the Ball, which plows through an entire row of demonic underlings. "It's pretty hard to rule the Underworld if you kill everybody," Phoebe sneers. You should know, hag. AP Feebs dematerializes as Barbas rages in frustration. Romanot counsels caution, worrying that the Glamorous Ladies sent AP Feebs to the Casa to lure Barbas into a trap. He's entirely correct, of course, but Barbas couldn't care less. He smears on out of there.
Manor attic. AP Feebs reunites with Special Ed Feebs, and Reconstituted Feebs scampers over to join Piper and Raige in a semicircle around the Oriental carpet in the center of the room. Conveniently enough, Barbas smears directly into the center of the Mystical Crysticals, which agreeably flare up into a cage around his body. The three Ps recite the Source vanquish, and Barbas howls and moans and wails before erupting into gout of flame. Once the smoke clears, our intrepid gals are horrified to discover that the vanquish served only to destroy the flaring cage. Barbas sneers, "I guess you wanted me." He flings his hands out towards the surrounding walls before continuing, "Well, now you have me." The windows instantly wall themselves up with brick. Barbas smears out, and his disembodied voice croons, "And now I have you." A deafening silence greets the oncoming commercials as the Glamorous Ladies goggle and gawp at each other.
Bridal Boudoir. Phoebe enters to bitch that every window and door in the house has been bricked over as well. Raige refuses to believe they're trapped in their own home, and dissolves into a glowing cloud of orbs. The glowy cloud ricochets between a couple of windows before dumping Raige on her ass in the percolating infant's nursery. I note that Raige is sporting a pair of wicked pink go-go boots that match her tights and her top. And that would be "wicked" in the sense of "morally bad and obnoxious." Piper fruitlessly calls for the Dolt before attempting to break through one of the barriers with her Hands Of Discontent. The explosion simply chars the brick a bit. Raige wonders why Barbas doesn't just kill them. Piper and Phoebe opine that Barbas is more into the death-through-mental-torture thing. Seems to me that Barbas is more like one of those tedious Bond villains who constructs elaborate death traps instead of just shooting the fucker in the head. Then again, that wouldn't make Barbas any different from the other demons we've met on this show, now would it? Raige spots something suspicious in the nursery, and wanders back into the room. Her previously unheard-of claustrophobia kicks in when Barbas besets her with a hallucination of the nursery door slamming shut behind her and the walls slowly close in on her tiny frame. Piper and Phoebe, recognizing the hallucination for what it is, shout words of encouragement before Piper herself falls victim to Barbas. Her previously unheard-of arachnophobia kicks in as a hallucinatory parade of tarantulas skitters across the carpet to her feet. Then Gonzo barges into the Boudoir, spluttering, "I have to tell you the truth," as his eyes flip beetle-black and flare for a bit. "I'm evil, Phoebe," Gonzo confesses. "That's why you're drawn to me." Phoebe decks the loser in his beak. Hooray! The Gonzo hallucination staggers backwards into the hallway before squiggling out. Piper takes a page from Phoebe's playbook and stomps on one of the hallucinatory tarantulas. The entire arachnid parade squiggles away. We return to Raige, who hyperventilates a bit as the far wall appears to press against her nose, but she musters her resolve and the room presently returns to its original state.
Once Raige emerges from the nursery, the Glamorous Ladies knock their heads together to formulate a vanquishing strategy. Raige suggests replicating the New And Improved Demon Be Gone. Piper warns that the crappy CGI power cloud would need a new host. Phoebe offers up the ex-husband. Raige objects, insisting that they can't condemn Cole to that life now that he's evil-free once more. Piper and Phoebe nonchalantly shrug their shoulders all, "You have a better idea, missy?" Missy does not.