Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Absolutely Cab-ulous
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.30.2010
Writers' room. Pete asks Lemon to head down to the editors' room to get the finished opening title sequence. He moans about how much power they hold over the other staffers, so Lemon promises to take care of it with her newfound charm and Julia Roberts laugh.
Before that, she steps inside her office, where Jack has taken her "old dad" theory to heart and is doing some mental math. As he describes all the important moments in his son's life that he might miss, he resolves he must find some way to cheat death and guide his son from the grave. Not that Lemon's listening, because she's pulling down a cowboy hat she bought at a radio station concert and is ready to test-drive now that she's a sexy lady in a relationship. The non-versation is cut short when the fire alarm sounds. Jack abhors "standing around in a crowd like a bunch of Italians," so he sends Lemon down by herself. Along the way, she runs into Pete and wonders who's taken over the fire marshal responsibilities now that Kenneth is gone. As they head downstairs, a mysterious and Muppet-like caped figure appears behind them, whooshing through the writers' room -- well, save for a little collision with a file cabinet.
Down the hall, Tracy stresses about leaving his dressing room before Angie goes into labor. Dot Com assures him that everything will be okay if he just stays "with a grown-up," so Tracy dutifully grabs hold of Grizz's green Polo shirt and follows the big people outside. Once downstairs, he starts a stream-of-consciousness, toddler-like ramble on various topics, including: "I don't get brunch. What's the benefit of combining break dancing and lunch?" Somehow in the midst of this, Grizz and Dot Com lose track of him. Tracy stops his riff some time later and realizes he's gotten hold of the wrong big black man in a green Polo. Now he's on the bus heading who-knows-where. At that very moment, Angie calls from the hospital to ask where Tracy is because she's in labor. Dot Com panics and reverts to French, pretending to be a Nigerian immigrant. As you do. On the other end of the line, Dr. Spaceman greets Angie with a smile and a general air of befuddlement.
Back at 30 Rock, Jack takes on a creepily earnest tone as he tapes the life advice video for his son, which is to be used on the occasion that he dies or succumbs to the grip of insanity. Probably even odds at this point. Jack runs down the highlights of the Donaghy family and his own life: "The Donaghys originally come from Ireland's little-known County Steve, where historically we were whiskey testers and goblins. I was raised in Sandchester, Massachusetts. I won the Avery Blaine Handsomeness Scholarship to Princeton and then attended Harvard Business School, where I was voted 'Most.' I once hit a stand-up triple off Fidel Castro. I was the first person ever to say 'I need a vacation from this vacation.' The song 'You're So Vain' was, in fact, written by me." Having dispensed of those facts, Jack starts spinning scenarios in which his son might one day need his guidance. The first? Hiking in the Japanese Highlands, stalked by a pair of snow leopards, with his only weapon frozen in its scabbard. Likely for a Donaghy, I'm sure.