Episode Report Card Joe R: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Free Goat
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 08.14.2005
At Heylia's, Nancy apologizes for being light after having to pay Shane's hospital bill out of the money she owes. Heylia says she's sorry to hear that, but she also wants her money, and if Nancy wants more product, she's leaving the ring this time. Nancy protests but Heylia won't hear it. Nancy then changes the subject and asks what Heylia's front is. Heylia says she is the proud owner of a housecleaning business, and Conrad, Vaneeta, and Keeyon are her employees. Nancy asks what happens if anyone calls who really needs cleaning, and Heylia says she refers those to her cousin Zondra. "She don't make shit, but she's found the Lord so she don't care." I want Heylia James to tell me about things at various intervals throughout the day. Her sass is comforting. I'm not sure what it is about Heylia's cousin Zondra that convinces Nancy to take off her ring and leave it, but so she does. Heylia hands her a big ol' bag full and goes to admire the ring. Vaneeta asks how much she thinks they could get for it, and Heylia snaps at her they they won't be selling it. "She'll be back."
Back in Agrestic, Celia has managed to track down Dean's tennis pro, who at least has the grace to look scared out of her mind. "We need to go somewhere where we can get very, very drunk," she suggests. Celia assures her that she's a mean drunk. Cut to the bar, where Celia's proving herself to be truthful. Tennis Pro (that seems to be how they're crediting her) doesn't seem all that wary about describing hers and Dean's sex life in detail, though. Don't make the mistake of thinking Celia's reflexes are dulled, girlie. Celia calls him a "piece of shit," but says she won't divorce him, mostly for status-maintaining reasons that now sound similar to Nancy's. She then laments what Tennis Pro could have done that she didn't do; she did it all -- role playing, costumes, "I bought a fucking swing, okay?" Right, but you did see the video, right Celia? I think the places this girl went that you didn't were spelled out pretty clearly, no? Then there's some talk about Men and Why They Cheat, and that bores me a little. It's better when Celia just calls Dean a "Mid-Level Asshole" and herself "Mrs. Mid-Level Asshole." The she calls Tennis Pro a big whore to her face, but follows it up by saying she's a good listener. Celia orders another round.
Nancy's driving the hoopty home from Heylia's when Celia pulls up next to her at the red light. Celia is fuckin' tanked, swooning in her seat with her shades on the tip of her nose. She calls to Nancy and asks where her ring is. No mention of the Range Rover. Nancy says the ring is in the shop, and Celia says she hopes they can fix it.