Episode Report Card Niki: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT If You Love Something, Let It Run Free
By Niki | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.03.2001
The camera pans down a chapel's peaked ceiling over the pews, to where Lily is standing, arms folded, surveying the scene. The door at the far end of the aisle clangs open, and Lily spins in its direction, arms still crossed. Judy races up the aisle, sputtering apologies. "Judy, they have to lock up!" Lily bitches, waving her arms. Judy apologizes again, saying the shipment was two hours late. "Fine, I'll get the lady," Lily grates, moving away. Judy asks her to let her catch her breath first. Lily waves her arms at her some more, angrily flapping at the wall of stained glass behind the altar, and gripes, "Y-y-y-you know what? The light is gone. You can't even see the stained glass!" She sounds like she might cry. What a fucking baby. Judy looks at her watch and says, "Because I'm fifteen minutes late?" Lily snaps, her voice choked, "No, 'cause you're half an hour late." She stomps her foot. I swear. Judy shrills that she's "twenty-two minutes late." Lily glares at her and says, icily, "Fine. You know, you shouldn't have come at all." Judy rolls her eyes and asks what that's supposed to mean. "You had plenty of time to help Grace with her book fair and hang out with you new friend Karen." "Oh, please!" Judy says, echoing my sentiments exactly. Did I mention that Lily's being a baby? Lily just stares at Judy, too angry to speak. She points and waves her hands and huffs out a couple false starts and then finally says, all condescending, "I'm sorry Judy. I, I know I'm getting married for the second time. This is not an easy thing." Judy sucks in her cheeks, insulted, and nods her head sardonically. "You really think this way, don't you?" she asks. "I mean, whatever anyone's problem is, they must be jealous!" Lily denies it vehemently. "You wanna know what my problem is?" Judy hisses. "What?" Lily asks. Judy stops herself, saying that she doesn't even want to "go there." Lily snaps, "No, you're there, Judy. What?" "The groom!" Judy blurts. "Oh!" Lily gasps, throwing her arms wide. She paces a few steps, turning from Judy, and finally mutters, "I knew it." Judy gets all squealy, shrilly asking why Lily made her say it, then. "What do you have against Rick?" Lily grits, getting ready to kick Judy's ass in defense of her man.
Judy takes a deep breath, jerks her hands around a bit like she's trying to get hold of the words, and then says, "First of all, you never gave me a chance to have my own reaction to him, okay? 'Isn't he wonderful, isn't he --'" Lily protests, "I have done nothing but tell you my doubts since the beginning!" Judy's been ranting on in her imitation of Lily, and we cut back to her saying, mockingly, "'I'm so scared to be with someone so wonderful!'" Lily tells her she's "so hateful!" "And you are just blind sometimes!" Judy spits. "You don't like Rick because I like him too much?" Lily says, clutching her chest and looking stunned. Judy says that's not it; it's that "he's distant and preoccupied and he's...he's repressed." "How would you know that?" Lily demands, adding, "What, you get to decide what qualities I should fall in love with?" Judy rolls her eyes and says, with exaggerated patience, "I know it is none of my business, but I don't trust him. Okay? I don't think he knows himself. I don't think he's at all clear on who he is, or who he's going to be." Ahem, Will Gluck, anyone? And also, project much? God knows I love Judy, but she's not exactly the most together person, either. Lily just glares at her, shaking her head very slightly, and sticking her tongue in the corner of her mouth. Finally, she says, "You're right. You should not come with me to find a chapel. And you should not come to this wedding." You know, I haven't said something like that since I was, oh, six years old, and my cousin and I got in some stupid fight so I uninvited her from my birthday party. And then an hour later, I re-invited her. And, can I just point out, Lily, you asked for Judy's opinion. You pushed her to do this with you. And you did behave as though Judy has nothing better to do than make all your wedding-day dreams come true. So suck it up. Don't ask a question if you don't think you want the answer. Lily flounces off down the aisle and Judy grovels after her, pleading with her to believe that things didn't come out right. She says she "didn't want to say any of this." Lily stops, spins around, and hisses, "Too late!" before sailing out of there like the fucking queen she is.