Episode Report Card Deborah: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.07.2005
Joan asks what happened. He says she dumped him over the summer: "She said I didn't act my age. Can you go now? My mom's gonna be home soon." Joan thinks aloud: "So you guys had an actual relationship…" He continues: "My hair was too long. She didn't like the earring. She had a list. They always have a list." Well, if you actually revered this woman like you say…you couldn't cut two inches off your hair? I mean, I'm not saying he shouldn't be able to wear his hair how he wants, but if he was in her slavish thrall to the degree he implies…why wouldn't he just cut it? Joan thinks the point is that Ms. Lischak can vouch for the fact that he's not into hitting on students: "I mean, you're obviously into older women, right? What is she, like twenty years older than you?" PMJS: "Five. You really have no sense of chronology, do you?" Not to mention: most people's preferences aren't written in stone. Joan thinks maybe they can get her to testify on his behalf. Yeah. I'll bet she'd love to talk to Price about her relationship with another staff member. PMJS thinks they should leave it alone. He clearly he has no idea who he's talking to. Joan has never been able to leave anything alone. She argues that the mess will only get bigger. PMJS: "Okay, I'll do all the advising around here." And you've done a bang-up job of it so far. He adds, "I know what you all think about me. You think I'm a loser. You think I've abandoned all my promise and my dreams and I'm just slumming it, acting like a kid because I'm too afraid to fit into the adult world? Well, you know what? You're absolutely right. And what you're witnessing is the natural conclusion to a misspent life. It's over." Joan: "How can you say that? You're only 30." PMJS: "Twenty-nine." Joan insists, "Mr. Tuchman, there is no such thing as a stain that can't be removed!" Chah, whatever, Jane. I've got some paint-stained clothes you're free to work miracles on. Suddenly we hear his mother come in and start nagging him off-screen about bringing in the trash cans. He asks Joan to slip out the back. Joan argues with him quietly, asking him to please think about her plan. Now his mother's going on about the stove being left on. Joan escapes out the back door as his mother yatters about having left his cereal bowl in the sink again. He drops down in the chair in exasperation. Try moving out and living on your own, buddy. It works wonders for most people.
Helen's slicing the heck out of a banana in the kitchen. Will stands off to one side, drinking coffee and venturing, "Are you mad at me?" She claims she's not. He starts to say that it feels like she is, but she snaps at him and cuts him off to insist she's not. He says, "O-kay," and wanders toward her, and she goes back to slicing. He tries again: "But if you were, what would you be mad about?" Kevin wheels in at that point: "Good morning." He asks if he's interrupting; both his parents claim he's not. He announces jovially that he's kind of low on laundry. Helen, unimpressed: "Really?" Kevin shows her he's wearing pink socks. Which are…Joan's? Helen: "Well, pink is the new black." Kevin's growing less jovial and says, "Seriously, I've got a business meeting tomorrow." Helen: "What do you suppose other people do when they run out of clean clothes?" Kevin: "I suppose they do their laundry, which I've always volunteered to do, but --" He doesn't get to finish his sentence, so I will: "But you're a control freak that won't let any of her children do laundry." Not to mention: they've got a top-loading machine. He might be able to get the clothes and soap in there, but I don't know how the hell he'd get them out. She turns to him and says, "I don't mind doing it. I'm trying to illustrate a point. It's just something you're not accustomed to doing for yourself." Kevin gets it and says, "Look, I don't know how you found out, but you don't have to worry, because I'm not moving out. I thought about it, and I decided against it. So you'll have a gimp in your house for a long time to come." Helen's expression changes from indignant to…slightly less indignant. He adds, "I'll just buy some socks," as he turns and wheels out. Helen whirls back around to her cutting board looking slightly troubled, slightly relieved. Will has been sitting at the kitchen table the whole time, without saying a word.