Episode Report Card Demian: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT In the Arms of the Phoebeast
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.24.2002
Phoebe hems and haws.
Lengthy pause.
Phoebe stutters and stammers.
Lengthy pause.
My grandmother crochets a sampler that reads "I'M PREGNANT," claws her way out of her grave in Brooklyn, hails a cab to La Guardia, boards a red-eye to San Francisco, crosses the continent courtesy of United Airlines, disembarks with her handiwork to jog over to the Brocklebank Apartments from the airport, trots up thirty-three flights of stairs, jimmies the lock on the penthouse door, pauses for a little nosh with some bagels and coffee in the kitchen because those cheap SOBs at the airlines only serve you peanuts nowadays, wanders into the living room, and staples the sampler to Phoebe's forehead for Raige and Pippihontas to read. Pippihontas gapes. Raige blurts in horror, "From Cole?" My grandmother plants herself in Cole's Barcalounger with a can of Tab to catch up on Erica Kane as Phoebe glares.
Down in Hell, The Sole swings a broadsword around, and a silhouette image cast against the granite wall presents him "beheading" the chief Mongoloid. The "head" rolls across the floor to wobble around at the feet of the horde's Caucasian second in command. I'd go to greater lengths describing how lousy this effect is, but I need to show Grandma how to work the remote. The Sole makes with the threats and strides out into the credits.
Back from the break, Phoebe paces around the table, explaining that she has no clue how she got knocked up after all the preventative measures she took. Pippihontas asks if she's told The Sole about their impending little stranger. Phoebe concedes she hasn't, mainly because she hasn't quite processed through the idea of a little stranger herself. Wow. Phoebe's wearing white patent leather boots and a moss-green prairie skirt under the above-detailed hideousness. From the waist down, she's Tanya Tucker. Alyssa Milano had to have pissed somebody off. Well, somebody who still works on this show, at any rate. As Phoebe and Pippihontas natter on endlessly about unplanned pregnancies and such, Raige peppers the conversation with barely-concealed references to The Sole's lately-revealed demonic tendencies. Just as Phoebe's about to call her on this, the elevator whirs, heralding the arrival of the demon in question. Phoebe shoos her sisters out of the apartment, claiming that for some reason The Sole can't know she let them in on her secret before she told him. Right before the elevator doors slide open, Raige and Pippihontas orb out.
The Sole trudges in with his head down, laden with a briefcase and a couple of carry-out containers. He's surprised to see her up and about, and asks if she's feeling better. She nervously claims she is, then darts across the room to gather up her belongings to head to work. The Sole gazes quizzically at her, then calls out, "What's wrong?" Phoebe's all, "Wrong? There's nothing wrong! Why do you ask?" as she repeatedly jabs at the call button. He claims that when Phoebe lies, he "can see [her] wisdom teeth." I defy anyone to explain what the hell that means. I think The Sole's been snorting a little too much incense down there in the Underworld, and something tells me the Underworld's incense of choice is crack. Phoebe attempts to brush him off as she steps into the car. The Sole persists. Lengthy pause. Phoebe nervously averts her eyes from his. Lengthy pause. Grandma yells, "SHE'S PREGNANT, you yutz!" The elevator doors close as The Sole gulps, "You're what?" "PREGNANT, Schmucky Greene! Now SHUT UP! I'm watching my stories!" The Sole giggles, "I'm gonna be a daddy!" Grandma nails him in the head with the remote from across the room and pops open another Tab.