Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT It Gets Better, Then It Gets Worse
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.10.2011
Seems Ian moved all his stuff out of storage and into their house... While he and Melissa are gone on their mysterious honeymoon that might be taking place somewhere in Rosewood. Which is double rude, and also what barns are for, but more importantly it's what condos are for, and they are fixing it up just so that he will have a place, essentially, to put his boxes of stuff and the stuff they contain. Ian takes some liberties, I've noticed.
Spencer and Mom agree that their elopement was pretty retarded and that they shouldn't really even be getting married, but Spence gets her pragmatism from her mom, who's just like, "What's done is done and long engagements lead to divorce just as easily." Melissa sends them a text of him and Ian standing outside "that mall near dad's office," which: Why would you document that? Perhaps it is a clue. Anyway, Spencer thinks the whole thing is just dumb and stupid -- "trading in her princess gown and pink champagne for a food court Slurpee?" -- and Mom points out that this is the one thing in Melissa's life that Spencer hasn't slept with, besides the barn, so just chill.
Spencer: Chillin' out. Imagine it. Even in this Jordan Baker business-flapper outfit she's wearing in all-matching maroon. From a distance I thought she was Aria and I feel so bad about that that I am confessing to you now. But before she can even try, who's that coming out of the jailhouse looking like a free man? Toby Cavanaugh. She feels the Yoplait rage rising from her solar plexus and thinks about going over to beat him up, because even if she's convinced Noel did it -- whatever it is, it's now Noel that did it -- she still gets to hate Toby the most. Mom chimes in that Toby's out on bail and tells her to stop staring, and they head off down the quaint street.
At school they all chat and snigger about the hysterical unlikelihood of Hanna really doing her homework, which they are bringing her, because I guess she is the stupid one. Just goes to show how many definitions of stupid there are. But no, actually they probably say the same about Aria when she's not around. Girls are the best.
Maya comes up and asks what she should wear to the big dinner, and Emily tries to be cool for like five seconds before blurting out, "A dress! Stop saying words like 'butch' and never wear jeans and put on a goddamn dress and don't act so gay all the time!" Aria gets the funk on up out of there (with a so-so exit line about ironing your jeans if you do decide to wear them chez Fields), because an anxious lesbian is the most unpredictable kind.