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Episode Report Card M. Giant: A- | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Cleanup on Aisle Five

By M. Giant | Season 7 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.17.2011

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Michael's finally ready to screen all of Threat Level Midnight for the office. Pam goes out of her way to make sure nobody laughs this time, but she forgot to tell Holly how much it means to Michael. Which, to be fair, so did Michael. When she doesn't love it as much as everyone else pretends to, he's so hurt he stops the screening, is mean to her, and then watches the rest with everyone else but her.

As for the movie itself, it's not as bad as you might think. Michael managed to get access to some pretty decent equipment, as it turns out. Maybe he knows some documentary filmmakers who owe him a favor or something. Anyway, Secret Agent Michael Scarn (Michael, who else) and his robot butler Samuel (Dwight) are called out of retirement by the President of the United States (Darryl) to foil an evil plot by Goldenface (Jim), who plans to blow up the NHL All-Star Game. Scarn learns to play hockey from a mysterious guru (Creed) and goes on the ice undercover, preventing the explosion and saving most of the hostages (except for the one played by Toby, obviously). There are also cameos by Jan, Roy, Karen, Packer and Pam's mom Helene, as well as an actual dance number. Soon we will all be "Doing the Scarn."

In the end, Holly apologizes, and Michael realizes his movie's at Threat Level Midshite, but he's so cool with it he even laughs along with everyone else. Yeah, don't be messing things up with Holly this close to the finish line, dude.

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The first odd thing is that Michael's in his office, busily typing at his computer. A delivery guy comes in with an overnight envelope -- inside of which is a rather large hand-cannon. Oh, no! Is this how Steve Carell leaves the show? The delivery guy starts shooting (while noisy, the gun has neither recoil nor muzzle flash), but Michael's too fast; he literally dodges the bullets until the revolver is empty. The music swells, Michael draws a pair of automatics and opens fire, and the (now unarmed) delivery guy goes limp against the doorway --although there's not a drop of blood on him until after we cut away and cut back to him. Michael regards the body and quietly says, "Cleanup on aisle five."

THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT!

And if you don't know what Threat Level Midnight is, I'm not sure why you're reading this, but maybe first you should read this. Back in the real world, Michael THs, "After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of reshooting, and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level Midnight." Aww, yeah.

After the credits, Erin "drags" Michael into the bullpen to announce that he's finished his movie and might just let everyone watch it if they really, really want to. Reactions vary, from excited to really excited, with Jim and Pam at the latter end of the spectrum. There's a flashback to a previous rough-cut screening in the conference room, which Michael shut down when everyone laughed. Well, you know, they thought it was a comedy. As Michael goes to invite Holly, Pam stands up and reminds everyone to behave this time. "Thanks, Mom," Creed says sincerely.

Holly's all excited, holding the hand-drawn movie poster Michael made. Oddly, this is the first she's heard of Michael's opus. "I can't wait," she says. Maybe it would have been better if she'd had to.

Cut to the conference room, where Michael starts the movie and everyone applauds. Michael's in the back row with Holly so he can see everyone's reactions. We open on "Scarn Manor" (actually a stock photo of a mansion), where a scrapbook's worth of clippings is hung on a wall, describing Michael Scarn saving the NFL, MLB, and NBA all star games, and his tragic marriage to Catherine Zeta-Jones (complete with Photoshopped pictures of the Michael and CZJ together, if by "Photoshopped" you mean "nail scissors and Scotch tape). Stanley's voice narrates that Scarn's is an interesting story, as we see one last newspaper clipping announcing that Michael Scarn is to retire and become a mild-mannered paper salesman.

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