Episode Report Card Niki: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Unity of Effect
By Niki | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.30.2001
We open with Grace, Wannabe, and Eli walking down the sidewalk. Each of them is clutching a giant lollipop -- you know, the kind no one ever buys, but television always uses to signify "young" and "fun." And that's what they're going for here, I assume. Grace and Wannabe briefly link arms and skip along, Wannabe laughing like the developmentally challenged simian that she is. Grace tries really hard to be as lighthearted, but she's too smart to totally pull it off; it seems a little forced, somehow. Grace voice-overs: "I mean, I know why it started. It started because we both wanted to spend time with Carla. So now we're all kind of friends." Wannabe twirls and grunts like a baboon, which is her approach to laughter. I have no idea why any of this is so funny. Then again, I have more than eight brain cells. Anyway, Wannabe twirls her way onto the street, much to the horror of Eli and Grace, and much to the soaring hope of your bitter recapper. "Splat!" I yell, wishing as hard as I can. But alas, the television gods are not smiling upon me, and two cars screech to a safe stop just short of knocking the little asshole out of her stupid Jordaches. Yeah, the same ones she's been wearing in practically every freaking episode since we first encountered her. I know she's supposed to be broke, and it's a nice authentic touch on wardrobe's part, but enough already. We know she owns at least two other bottoms -- mix 'em up a little. Wannabe brandishes her giant lollipop at the cars as if it's a stop sign, and moronically giggles her way to the opposite sidewalk with nary a scratch. Goddammit.
We next see the merry band in a card shop, where Eli zooms in on a rack of mushy cards, Grace zeroes in on a rack of seriously bad, outdated sunglasses (they're not even cool in an ironic way), and Wannabe focuses her attention on stuffing her seventies ski jacket with all the candy it'll hold. Grace notices this bit of petty larceny in the sunglass rack's mirror as she tries on a pair of horrifyingly owlish, pink-framed shades. And Wannabe isn't even sneaky about her theft, either. She just stands there, smirking and stuffing cello-wrapped cupcakes or some crap down the front of her coat. The wrappers crinkle so loudly I can't believe no one is noticing. Grace turns around, and suddenly, Wannabe is right behind her. Grace is understandably uncomfortable and wants to skeedaddle.
Out on the sidewalk, the three enjoy the spoils of Wannabe's criminal pursuits. Well, she and Eli do. Grace declines the hot goods. Wannabe affectionately comments that Eli eats just like a little boy. At least he closes his mouth to chew, Monkey Girl, which is more than anyone can say for you. Wannabe holds an unwrapped Hostess cupcake and asks Grace whether she's started "that Edgar Allen Poe thing." Grace says she has, and that Wannabe can read it. "Bless you, my child," Wannabe says, patting Grace's head with the cupcake. She takes a big bite of the confection, then realizes she already has gum in her mouth, thereby confirming that she is, inarguably, dumber than ass. And then she caps it by voiding the contents of her gob into the cupcake wrapper. And Eli will still, inexplicably, want to put his tongue in that mouth. "Where's the trash?" Wannabe asks. I think everyone knows the answer to that one, don't we? She hops off the bench and tosses her wrapper in the general direction of the garbage can. Grace mocks her for stealing but being morally opposed to littering. Wannabe makes some irritating free-spirit remark and starts to stroll away. Grace retrieves her wrapper, which fell way short of the can, and tosses it in.