Episode Report Card Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT My Troubles Are Legion
By Omar G | Season 8 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.15.2009
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.While surveying the barn wreckage left by Doomsday at Chloe's wedding, Clark is attacked by some suit-of-armor-wearing bad guy named The Persuader. Most persuasive thing about him? The axe he chops into Clark's side. Three saviors suddenly appear to give Clark a hand and send Persuader back where he came. They're from the future, members of the Legion of Super-Heroes sent to assist Clark and not say or do anything that'll mess up the future. (But, of course, they say and do all kinds of things that'll probably mess up the future.) They are Cosmic Boy (played by Poor Man's Legolas), Lightning Lad (little Ron Weasley) and Saturn Girl (telepathic, yet completely forgettable). They tell Clark that they are actually aliens with superpowers and that in the future, Clark is a legend throughout the galaxy. But hey, man, no pressure! Just keep doing what you're doing. As they go all fanboy on Clark, they also reveal that Brainiac isn't dead and Clark is supposed to destroy the robot once and for all very soon. They also figure out that Chloe's body is the host for Brainiac and that they should probably kill her to save billions of people. Also, they've never heard of Chloe in the future, but they've heard of Lana, Lois and even Jimmy Olsen. Wow, the future kind of sucks. Clark has a major problem with killing Chloe and won't go along with the plan, insisting there must be another way.
Meanwhile, up at the Fortress, Davis wakes up, shirtless, and is surprised to find that an evil, emotionless Chloe (with very pale skin and dark eye makeup) is telling him he's a monster sent to Earth to destroy. David doesn't want to believe it, but Brainiac-as-Chloe makes a pretty convincing case. You can't help but think Davis is still a little turned on by that. He's told he'll have to marinate in the Fortress for a few days, like a turkey in foil, before turning into Doomsday.
Lana, meanwhile, tries to help find Chloe by doing some research at the Isis Foundation. She's told by Saturn Girl that she'll one day be known for things other than being in a relationship with Clark. Saturn Girl also knows the reason why Lana went away for seven months, but says the secret is safe. We don't get to find out the reason, but if you're a young, fertile woman and you leave town for seven months... well... good luck with that.
Chloe/Brainiac shows up at The Daily Planet to begin stealing the world's knowledge [Im in ur computr, stealin ur knowledge! - Z], but is interrupted by the Legion members. They subdue Brainiac, and they end up doing a kind of Brainiac exorcism at Clark's urging. You'd think they would have seen that coming. Brainiac emerges from Chloe's body as a 7-pound black bowling ball. Chloe is fine and, surprise, has remembered Clark's secret. It counter-acts Clark's previous dick move to try to keep her from knowing about his powers. Chloe plans to go see Jimmy in Star City. Apparently, he's making a full recovery. Chloe makes Clark promise to take her out if it's ever a choice between her life and all of humanity. Lana and Clark try to figure out where to go from here. The Legion go back to the future, but give Clark a Legion ring that would allow him to hit them up in their own time if he needs help. And, lastly, Doomsday emerges from his ice cocoon ready to cause some grief.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Welcome back from winter hiatus! Hey, remember that one time when Chloe's wedding got all ruined? Whatever happened with that?
I guess Lana Lang is wondering the same thing. We open on a very faraway shot of the Kent Rural-Industrial Complex at night. Closer to the barn, we can see a sign from the Smallville High Alumni Banner Council that reads, "To the Future - Chloe and Jimmy." It's hanging outside. Unfortunately, the future kind of sucks right now. Inside the barn, we can see debris and papers strewn about. Lana wanders around listlessly, the only person there. Wouldn't some police investigators still be hanging around to figure out what happened? Lana stands, tiny, in the background. In the foreground, we see a lantern lying tilted on the floor. Uh, you wanna get that, Lana, before this whole place goes up in flames? No? Just gonna stand there and try to remember how to suppress your urge to act for this show? Fair enough. Lana actually gives a tiny, tiny shrug. Did she think we weren't looking? She pulls aside a tablecloth and finds Chloe's wedding bouquet. There's blood on it. Lana's eyes fill with tears. We hear a familiar whoosh. Clark, wearing a white dress shirt, calls out, "Lana!" Dude. She's right there. Clark says there's nothing more he can do. He's already searched three time zones for Chloe and the creature who took her. Does he think that's how many time zones there are total?
Lana, standing completely in place, asks what that thing was. Clark says that he was warned by Jarnelle that an Ultimate Destroyer was coming from Krypton. But he figured, "Meh, whatever, old man. I'll deal with it when I'm old and lame like you." Lana, who appears to be wearing a thick, oatmeal-like wig, gulps. Clark wishes the creature had gone after him instead of Chloe. Lana whines that this was supposed to be the happiest day of Chloe's life. Clark tells Lana that she should get some rest. Oh, don't worry. She's gotten plenty of that just standing around doing nothing. Lana says, instead, that she's going to the Isis Foundation. She thinks she might find some information there. Clark offers to go. Lana thinks she can help and that she's a different person from the person who left seven months ago. A person not tied down to a CW series. She says that Chloe needs both of them. It's not a brush-off, though. She and Clark hug tightly. She says she'll call Clark if she finds anything. Clark watches her go.