Episode Report Card Sara M: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gabon Again
By Sara M | Season 17 | Episode 14 | Aired on 12.14.2008
Probst asks Bob how he's used his experience on the show in the classroom, and Bob says his students have been really supportive in watching their old teacher run around on TV in his underwear and he's used some Survivor challenges as problems on tests, one of which his poor students have to take tomorrow. Tomorrow? What a hard ass! Looks like Bob isn't such a nice guy after all. It takes a certain kind of asshole teacher to assign his kids a test the day after they've all been up past eleven watching him win a million dollars.
Probst turns to the jury and asks them how many of them would have voted for Matty if he made it to the Final Three instead of Bob. All the Kotas and Ken raise their hands. Then I guess we should be thankful that Sugar took Bob to the end instead of Matty, because he would have made for an even blander winner and an incredibly dull end to the season. Probst rubs it in that Matty lost out on a million dollars because he couldn't start a fire, and Matty's smile is bizarre. He's one of the few people in the world who look better when they aren't smiling. He also looked better with the beard. It hides the fact that he doesn't have any lips. Matty says he didn't practice making a fire like Bob did because he never saw a tie coming. He thinks he was too confident. I think it's more like he was too young to assume a father figure role and Sugar's brother, Pepper, didn't die recently. Probst orders everyone at home to practice their fire-making skills if they make it on this show so they don't lose out like Matty did. And if you want to make it on this show in the first place, hang out at Whole Foods and look hot, like Matty did. "I was never very good at homework," Matty says. Heh. And I'm not surprised.
Probst asks Susie how the hell she managed to get to the Final Three and get three votes, the implication being that Susie sucks and didn't deserve to make it three days, let alone thirty-nine. Shut up, Probst. It's not Susie's fault that she got edited out of the show. Susie says she played under the radar, worked hard, tried to be nice, and won two crucial individual immunity challenges. Sounds good to me, but Probst can't quit while he's ahead, so he says he was shocked at the number of votes Susie got and was afraid she might have won the game. The deciding vote was Randy, so Probst asks him why he voted for Bob over Susie. "They kept reminding me it was just a cookie. It was a million dollar cookie," Randy says, looking like a serial killer with his halting delivery and pursed lips. Susie tells her side of the story: Bob wanted to know what happened at the auction when he returned from Exile, so she was telling him and apparently her take on the situation upset Randy. Yeah, plus he was looking for something he could yell at everyone for as part of his crash and burn non-strategy at the time. Probst says a chocolate-chip cookie cost Susie a million dollars, but I really doubt it. Randy wasn't going to vote for Susie no matter what.