Episode Report Card Kim: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Try to Do A Waltz And I Stumble
By Kim | Season 9 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.22.2009
Next up is my pre-season prediction for trainwreck, Macy Gray and Jonathan. Poor Jonathan. Why does he always get the crazies? Macy is a freaking weirdo. She's like eight feet tall with two feet hair. Jonathan nicely calls her "eccentric." I notice that she's practicing in sneakers instead of heels, too. Plus, they had to go to Europe for Macy's tour and practice there. They just got back to the States three days ago. Damn.
So was I right with my trainwreck prediction? Well. Hmm. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, at least at first. She's not as graceless as I had assumed. I mean, she's flat-footed and clompy, but at least she's wearing heels. She's got a bizarre look on her face that is like a five-year-old trying to make a grown-up lady face. I think they're actually lucky that they had the waltz first because Jonathan can keep her in hold most of the time (which he does) and kind of steer her around. Her height helps, too. I mean, when she finished, I didn't go, "What the fuck was that?" but I also wasn't impressed. I can't even imagine what she will do with the Latin round, though. I can't see her being precise about anything.
Carrie Ann calls it "fascinating," which is a good word. Carrie Ann can't say much about the technique, but she thinks Macy is genuine and pure, which is bizarre. Len also liked her vulnerability and charm, and thinks Macy will do well with home viewers. Bruno thinks she's endearing, like a child, and he imitates a little kid being confused, but advises her to work on her technique. They were actually quite kind, but maybe they were as baffled as I was. It's like, you know it wasn't good, but it was eminently watchable. Backstage, Macy says something about how she busted her cherry, which gets bleeped out and everyone out front is dying laughing. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 4, and Bruno 5 for a total of 15.
Joanna Krupa and Derek are up next. Did you guys watch Superstars? Sadly, I did, because it was summer and I am a sucker for any show with an obstacle course. I can't help it. It's my childhood spent watching Battle of the Network Stars. Anyway, she was paired with Terrell Owens, and came off as a stone cold bitch. I get that he's difficult, but man, was she awful. So let's see how she does with Derek. They seem to get along just fine, with lots of laughs during rehearsals. Derek makes a lot of jokes about how hot she is, and how he's going to give her massages. Hmm, he did just break up with Shannon Elizabeth. This is how rumors get started.